Chapter 2
She stared at him. “Oh, you don’t have to do that. I can just move into the dorm for the DADA professor.” She gave him a small smile. “If I get the job, that is.”
“McGonagall would be an oaf is she didn’t give you the job and besides, you said she’s offered you the position multiple times, so I wouldn’t be worried if I were you. And I know that you can move to the castle, I’m just saying that the guest room is yours, if you want it. Trust me, it’s not as fun living in the castle, now that we’re no longer students.” He grimaced.
“You lived at the castle?” Hermione questioned.
“Yeah, of course I did.” Draco gave her a funny look. “You thought I just moved into this place when I got the job?”
Hermione didn’t react and her cheeks slightly reddened. She did think that.
Draco chuckled. “I’m not as elitist and bigoted as I used to be. I actually really wanted to live in the castle again. It was my safe haven growing up, you know.” He cleared his throat as if he hadn’t meant to say that. “Anyways, it just… it didn’t work. The nightmares combined with the rowdy children at all hours of the day made me look so much like a ghost that people could’ve mistaken me for Peeves.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed.” Hermione felt embarrassed. She just accused him of still being bigoted, which made her the biggest bigot in this scenario. “Let me just meet with the Headmistress and we’ll see from there?” Draco nodded. “Sounds good. Do you want to go now? I could take you if you want, but if you need a little longer, that’s alright too.”
“No, I’d really like to go now, please.” She was anxious to get to McGonagall. She didn’t have anything to go back to, so this was kind of her last resort. She’d already sent out her resignation letter to the Ministry – not the smartest move on her part – and she didn’t have a home, so she really needed this to work out.
“You can still stay here, even if you don’t get it,” he assured her, apparently sensing her anxiety. “It’s a good place to heal,” he whispered.
He apparated them back to the Hogwarts Gates and led her through the trees to the castle. He guided her through the hallways as she eyed the castle with an amazed look. Objectively speaking, not much had changed, but to her it looked like a whole new castle. Still, it felt like coming home. When she turned her gaze to Draco, he was looking at her with a soft smile on his face. “It’s different, isn’t it?”
“Yeah,” she admitted.
They reached the Headmistress’ office and she slowly walked up the turning stairs.
“Hermione!” McGonagall exclaimed. “I just got your letter. Your owl seems to have had a bit of a rough time getting here.” She petted Pigwidgeon on the head. “So, it seems that I finally have myself a new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor.” Hermione nodded. “I’m glad you finally accepted, Hermione, it has been a real struggle since the last professor retired.”
“I thought it was time.” Hermione shrugged. “I already put in my resignation at the Ministry, so I can start whenever you want me to.” She’d prefer it to be sooner rather than later. It would be good to keep herself and mostly her mind busy.
“How about you start next week? That way, you have some time to get settled in and you can prepare the syllabus for the last month. I will provide you with a detailed summary of what has already been taught this year and is expected of you to still cover before the summer holidays.” She rummaged through her desk. “I will give you your key, so you can put your stuff in your dorm. Do you need someone to help you?”
“Actually… Dr- Professor Malfoy offered me a room at his house. Is it permissible for me to live outside the castle?” McGonagall gave her an intrigued look. “It is. I assume that means that no additional housing for Mr Weasley will be necessary?” Hermione shook her head and looked down.
“That is everything for now, Hermione, but I will need to see you tomorrow to sign your contract and to go over a couple of important things.” Hermione nodded. “I will be here first thing in the morning.”
She made her way back down the stairs, to find Draco waiting for her just outside the door. “So?”
“You’re looking at the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, starting next week.” She smiled and he pulled her into a hug. “I’m happy for you, Hermione.” She was slightly surprised, but quickly melted into his arms. When was the last time someone had hugged her?
After a few moments, he pulled back and cleared his throat. “You want to celebrate? I’ve got plenty of orange juice.” She chuckled. “Theo always brings them at the beginning of the month, so I’m pretty stacked up on juice right now.”
“I would love some.” He put his hand on her back and guided her out of the castle, out of the gates and apparated them into his house.
He showed her the guest room – her room - and asked whether she needed any help. She politely declined the offer, needing some time alone to process everything. It felt strange, living in a different place after having lived in the same house for five years. She and Ron had immediately moved in together and had stayed there until… until she didn’t. Most of her stuff were clothes and even that she didn’t have much of. She hung them in her closet and solemnly looked at the few books she put on the shelf on the opposite wall. Ron had made her only borrow her books from the library, so that he ‘wouldn’t have to put up with all that garbage’.
When she turned around, she saw Draco watching her from the doorway. He shook his head and walked away. When he returned, he had both his and Hermione’s coat in his hand. “Let’s go.”
“What?” Was he kicking her out already? Had she done something wrong?
“The store is only open for another hour, so we have to hurry up a bit.” The store? What was he talking about? She didn’t have the energy to ask, however, so she just took her coat and followed him out of the house and towards Hogsmeade. He led her through the village and made his way to Tomes and Scrolls, pushing her inside.
“What are we doing here?” She questioned.
“You have a pathetic book collection and I don’t even want to know why, because I know for a fact that I will not like the answer. So, what you’re going to do is look around and pick out every book you want.” She did not have the money for that. Why would he think th- “My treat.” She turned around to look at him. “What? No.”
“Yes, Granger. Now, move you arse and pick out whatever you want.” She rolled her eyes. Back to last names again, apparently. She knew that he would not budge, so she just strolled around the store. She carefully looked at the books she might want and mentally catalogued every one of them. Along her second walk through she picked out the five books she wanted to have the most and made her way to register.
She turned around and saw Draco shaking his head at her again, as he made his way towards her. “Find everything you like?”
“Yes.” She smiled. Five more books in her collection. It made her happy.
Draco chuckled as he paid. He gave her his key and told her to head back. “I just need to do something.” A little sceptical about what he’d be doing, she returned to his house – their house.
As a thank you, she thought she’d make dinner and was more than surprised to find the refrigerator completely stocked. She briefly wondered whether he had house elves to make him food, but reminded herself that she had to stop assuming everything about him.
“What are you doing?” A deep voice came from beside her when she was just throwing some herbs in the pan. She looked up and saw Draco taking off his coat and hanging it in the hallway wardrobe. “Cooking. As a thank you, for everything.”
Draco shook his head. “You didn’t need to do that. Although it smells delicious.”
“I wanted to.”
She finished cooking, while Draco set up the table. They enjoyed dinner together and it hit Hermione that it had been a long time since she had eaten with someone, peacefully. Draco looked at her. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, sorry. I just-”
“Don’t do that,” he interrupted. “Don’t apologise for your feelings.”
Tears pricked behind her eyes. “Sorry. Fuck, sorry. Okay, I’m just going to stop talking.” She let out a watery laugh.
“He’d usually get mad at dinner. About his day, people he’d encountered, me not cooking the right thing or cooking something the wrong way, anything really. I’m just grateful to have peaceful dinner, with you.” She gave him a small smile.
He reached over the table to wipe away a tear that had fallen and skimmed his thumb over her cheek. “The next time I see him, I’m going to deck him in the face so hard, he won’t know left from right for weeks.” He said it in such a soft, almost comforting way that if you didn’t know what he was saying, you’d never thought that it would be rather violent.
“You get some sleep. You must be exhausted after travelling all night and day. I’ll clean up.” Hermione started to protest. “It’s not up for discussion, Hermione.”
When she walked into her room, she gasped at the sight of her bookshelf. It was completely stocked with books and as she walked past them, she saw that every book she touched in Tomes and Scrolls was there. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes as she looked at the dozens of books. She turned towards the door, only to see Draco already standing there.
“This is too much, Draco,” she whispered.
He shook his head. “No, it’s not. You are the biggest book worm to have ever walked this earth and the fact that he didn’t let you bring your books-”
“I didn’t have any,” she interrupted quietly.
“What?” He asked with a questioning look.
“I wasn’t allowed to have books. I borrowed them from the library. He thought they were a waste of space.” The tears were now spilling down her cheeks.
Draco shook his head again. “What a fucking wanker,” he muttered. “Follow me.” And she did. She’d expected him to take her somewhere outside again, but he walked to the far end of the hallway, opening a door. She shuffled inside, only to be met with a gorgeous library.
“It’s not as big as at the Manor, but at least it’s not at the Manor. That was a big plus for me.”
Hermione slowly made her way along the bookshelves and looked at the astonishing collection. “It’s breathtaking,” she whispered.
“It’s yours.”
“What?” She turned to face him, completely shocked.
“This is your home now too, Hermione. The library is part of the house, which means it’s yours.” She walked up to him and pulled him in for a hug.
The following day, she met with Headmistress McGonagall and went over her contract and the syllabus. She was excited and she hadn’t been excited about her job in a long time. Since the DADA NEWTS were next week, she didn’t have any seventh year classes to teach, but she did have to make sure the third and fifth years were ready for their exams.
The first few weeks, she had ups and downs, but Draco was there time and time again to help her through the downs and to enjoy the highs. Just like she was there for him. Every time either one of them was having a bad day, the other would bring them a glass of orange juice and every time she felt better. It wasn’t even only about staying sober anymore. It was about the knowledge that someone noticed her struggling, acknowledged it and supported her during the hard times. In the beginning, they had gotten some weird looks when one of them brought a glass of juice at any hour of the day, but eventually people stopped caring – or it just became normal. Nobody ever asked and she never felt like sharing it with anyone. It was something between her and Draco.
As the weeks went by, they fell into an easy routine. They had breakfast together, travelled to the castle together, had lunch together, went home together and had dinner together. No matter what, they always had dinner together.
On a Saturday at the end of May, Draco asked her if she wanted to go somewhere with him. He brought her to a patch on the Hogwarts grounds, alongside the forest. She stared as she saw what it was. “They finished it just after the memorial.”
The ground was filled with head stones. Every single head stone had the name of a fallen student, professor or ex-student. Tears filled her eyes and Draco pulled her into a side hug. “You survived,” he whispered into her hair. “You survived and because of you they didn’t need to use every squared meter of the grounds, Hermione. You saved so many lives and I hope you realise that. Ron can blame you for things that weren’t your fault all he wants, but he is wrong. Tell me you understand that.”
“I do,” she whispered.
“You didn’t put those bones in the ground.”
“I didn’t put those bones in the ground,” she whispered tearily. He turned her body and pulled her into a full hug.
“I’m going to kill him for how much he hurt you,” he whispered into her hair.
They stayed like that for a while, his arms around hers while they stared at the lives that were lost. She felt safe with Draco. She felt safe, protected and finally seen. She hadn’t known how much she missed in her relationship with Ron until she experienced it with Draco, and they weren’t even together. There were no expectations of sex or anything else and he was still there for her.
That was the exact reason why she didn’t dare tell him when she started developing romantic feelings for him. She was afraid to lose what they’d built together. This life of peace and solitude. The safety and comfort she felt living with him. She knew she could never tell him how she felt, because he had made no indication that he felt anything for her other than friendship. And she was okay with that. She would accept that if it meant that they could stay like this forever. It was only when their bubble threatened to burst that she had to face her feelings and own up to them.
It was the 5th of June and she’d gotten up at four o’clock in the morning to make Draco a birthday cake. She made sure to silence the kitchen as to not wake him up and had incorporated enough time in her schedule to be able to clean up the mess she made. She had debated between an apple pie or a chocolate cheesecake, which she knew to be one of his favourites. Keeping her gift in mind, she went with the chocolate cheesecake and added some sprinkles on top.
She was just sitting on the floor as she cleaned the cabinets, which had somehow gotten chocolate on them, when she heard the kitchen door open. She quickly stood up, hitting her head on a cabinet door in the process. “Shit, are you okay?” Draco hurried towards her with a worried look on his face. Hermione laughed. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
Suddenly, she was feeling very insecure about the cake and the present that she’d commissioned not long after she moved in. “You baked this for me?” He looked at her with an almost youthful expression.
“Happy Birthday!” She smiled at him.
“I- You remembered.”
“I also got you a present.” She walked to her room and carefully lifted the package, walking it back to the living room, where Draco had already moved to. She put the package on the ground and Draco steadied it with his hand. She gestured for him to tear the wrapping paper off. As he did so, a big painting revealed itself. It was a still-life of a glass of orange juice and a green apple, painted in excruciating detail.
Hermione was fiddling with her hands when Draco looked up at her. “This is… I love it.”
“I know you like green apples and the orange juice symbolises us – together. It was a different take on cookies and milk.” She nervously smiled.
Draco carefully placed the painting against the couch and pulled her in for a hug. “Thank you,” he whispered. “This is the most thoughtful gift anyone has ever gotten me.”
“We should probably wait to eat the cake until teatime, so I also made us some breakfast.” She pulled back and waved at the oven, where the food was nearly done. Draco set the table, while Hermione plated the food and they sat down to eat.
After breakfast, the doorbell rang. “I’ll get it,” Draco said and made his way to the door.
“Draco baby, Happy Birthday!” Someone exclaimed, followed by a loud kissing sound. Baby? Who called him ‘baby’? “Are you ready for our date?” The same voice asked.
“Just give me a second, Pans.” He was dating Pansy? Why didn’t she know about this? She’d caught them hooking up in school, but she thought that they’d split up during sixth year. Apparently, they’d rekindled. When did he have the time to meet her? She and Draco spent so much time together that she didn’t know how that would logistically work, but it really wasn’t her business anyways.
Draco came back into the kitchen with a wary expression on his face and Hermione knew what was coming. “So, you have plans?” She asked a little too enthusiastic. “Yeah, Pansy has-”
“Sounds fun!” She was really bad at this, but she just wanted him to go. She really wasn’t interested in what kind of date they were going on and she needed to be able to lick the wounds of her burst bubble in solitude. She nearly pushed him out the door and waived a quick ‘hello’ to Pansy. “Have fun!” She really needed to stop shouting.
Closing the door, she slumped against it. She heard some muffled sounds that seemed like an irritated passage of words, but she didn’t want to think about it. She just needed to wrap her head around the fact that she couldn’t keep doing this. He would eventually want to move in with Pansy, get married, have children. She needed to move out. She just wasn’t sure if she was strong enough to do so – to survive on her own.
She’d kept busy the whole day. Grading papers, checking homework, redoing her syllabus for next year. 5 times. She’d read a whole book and still she didn’t feel any better. She looked at the grandfather clock in the living room and saw that it was half 9. He’d missed dinner. Not once, since they’d started living together had he missed dinner. This was it then, she thought. The bubble had burst and she needed to move on. He’d showed her that it was okay to move on before, so she could do it again.
She grabbed her coat and made her way to Hogsmeade. She entered the Hog’s Head Inn and took a seat in a dark corner booth. Aberforth made his way towards her. “Hermione! Long time no see," he said with a big smile on his face.
“Hey, Aberforth. Can I get a glass of orange juice, please?” He gave her a strange look. “Sure, I can get you that.”
A couple of moments later, he returned with some orange juice in what looked like a vodka glass. She’d always been more of a whisky drinker, not that it mattered. She sipped her drink until the glass was empty and she was left staring at it.
She looked up as noise came from the bar. “Is she here? Is Hermione here. Someone said they'd seen her walking in here.” A distraught voice inquired. Aberforth pointed him in her direction and he quickly made his way to her booth.
“Hermione, what are you doing here?” He frantically asked. He looked down at the glass in her hand and his eyes went wide. “Hermione, please tell me you didn’t-”
He was interrupted by Aberforth clearing his throat behind him “Everything all right, Hermione?” She gave him a small smile. “Everything’s fine.” Aberforth remained sceptical. “You’re being quite loud, son.” Draco looked at the commotion he was causing. There weren’t a lot of costumers, but everyone that was there, was looking at them. “Let’s go home,” he suggested. Hermione said a quick ‘thank you’ and ‘goodbye’ to Aberforth and followed Draco out of the pub, where he apparated them back to their apartment.
Draco left her standing in the hallway as he walked in the direction of the kitchen. She could hear him rummaging through the cabinets and opening the refrigerator. Hermione took off her coat, hung it in the wardrobe and made her way into the living room. Draco walked in with two glasses of orange juice, placing them both on the coffee table, before kneeling in front of her.
“Did you…” he began. “Was it something I did? I'm really sorry about missing dinner. It won't happen again. Pansy said she'd warn me about the time, but I should've kept track myself." He paused. "It’s… everybody has a setback, healing is not linear. We can work through this.” He took her hands in his. “We will work through it.”
He looked so sincere; it broke her heart. She pulled her hands out of his. “I’m moving out.” She stood up, needing to put space between the two of them. “What?” She could hear the fear in his voice. “What did I do? Why… you’re leaving?” His voice broke on the last word and another piece of her heart broke too.
“I didn’t drink. Well, I did, but it was orange juice.” She turned around to face him. “I need to move forward.” She didn’t know how to put this without revealing her feelings for him, so she paused.
“You feel like I’m holding you back?” His voice was so small and fragile that tears sprung in her eyes.
“No. No. That’s not… I went to the pub to show myself that I was okay on my own. That I could do this on my own. You’ve been great and have in no way been holding me back, but you have a life outside of this.” She waved between them. “You shouldn't have to worry about upsetting me by missing dinner once. You're allowed to have a life, Draco. You’re going to get married and have babies – or not, whatever you want – and I can’t stay here forever.”
Draco sighed and looked at the floor. “You heard.” He looked back up at her and she couldn’t quite decipher the expression on his face. “Hermione, it wasn’t… it wasn’t a date. They – Pansy and Theo - always call our get togethers a 'date'. I was with the snakes. I’m not interested in dating anyone.” Well, that answered all of her questions.
“Oh. Right.” She looked away. “Still, I think it’s best if I move out.” She really didn’t want to have to elaborate, so she walked towards the hallway, but was stopped by him grabbing her arm.
“Wait, that came out wrong. I meant to say that I’m not interested in dating anyone but you.” That made her heart pick up. Draco wasn’t finished yet. “Hermione, I love you. Actually ‘I love you’ doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel about you. People often talk about their loved ones as the sun, but the sun blinds a person when looking at it and you make me see clearer than ever before. You’re like the moon. Guiding me and shining your light whenever I feel like I’m suffocating in darkness.”
She nearly choked. He loved her? He loved her.
After a minute of silence, she spoke up. “The apple on the painting wasn’t just because you love them.” She stared at the floor for a moment before looking up and meeting his gaze again. “According to ancient Chinese culture and Greek and Norse mythology, the apple symbolises-”
“Unconditional love,” he cut in.
Hermione nodded and continued. “I love you so much and I was so afraid that I’d lose what we had if I told you that. That you didn’t feel the same and I would be alone again. I couldn’t lose the one person that has been my steady support, grounding me in times of uncertainty and lifting me up when I falter.”
Draco stared at her with teary eyes, before walking out of the room. A few moments later, he returned with something in his hands. “I actually wanted to give you this for your birthday, but I… here.” He held the book out to her and she saw it was actually an album. She gently took it from his hands and looked at the cover. Forever with you.
The first page contained a picture of her with her parents when she was a newborn. She watched wide-eyed as the picture started to move. She turned to the next page and again there were pictures of her childhood – with her parents – and they were moving. “How did you…?”
“I might have broken into your parents’ house and duplicated their photo albums.” She looked at him, shocked. “You told me that you’d lost your parents the day you obliviated them, but the memories are still there, even if you can’t make new ones. I can’t bring your parents back to you, but I can bring the memories you have of them to life.” She gave him a sad smile.
“You’ll never be alone, Hermione. Everyone you love is in here.” He placed his hand on her heart. “Everyone you lost along the way is here and that doesn’t go away, just because they do. I’m there too, but the difference is, I’m not going anywhere. Because I love you with all that I have and there is no one and will never be anyone who I will love the way I love you.”
She put the book down and wrapped her arms around his neck to pull his mouth on hers.
He’d been there to pick her up when she needed someone. Someone who made her feel okay about being back at Hogwarts again. Who supported her in being sober and brought her orange juice whenever she was struggling. Who did not make her feel like she was the reason for so much pain. Someone who let her feel her own pain and helped her through it. Who showed her that her heart had changed, that her soul had changed. That her life had changed, and this town had changed, and that it was okay for her to have changed as well. That the world had changed and that it wasn’t strange for her to go ahead and carry on.