James was so very happy that Regulus had finally agreed to see him, to actually spend time with him. It had taken all of his efforts, multiple months of bothering him, while still being respectful, for Regulus to agree to see him. There was just a small issue: James may or may not have failed to mention that he had tics. He wasn't too sure what caused them, but whatever it did, they still sucked. The worst type was the vocal ones. Though James knew he couldn't help it, he still felt utterly embarrassed every time he let one slip. He had gotten pretty good at hiding them over the years, but they had the tendency of getting worse when he was nervous, which was the case with Regulus. James couldn't help it, he was in love with him, and he was so scared to fuck things up before they had even started that he was panicking. Yes, Regulus had only agreed to see him for the purpose of studying together and it technically wasn't a date, but James' heart felt otherwise. As Potter entered the library, he could already feel the pull in his hand desperately wanting to hit his leg and it took everything in him to not simply let it go but he was in a library and Reg had already spotted him, so he took a deep breath and sucked it in. Through his nerves James plastered a smile on his face and reached Regulus.
"Hey, Reg how are you?"
"James this is a library. The point for it is to be silent."
James held in yet another tic, he just wanted the sweet release of letting his hand hit his leg, or a whistle, but for Reg's sake he kept it all in. He squeezed his hands so hard he could feel his nails piercing through his skin.
"Right of course. Sorry."
It was quiet after that but not a bad kind of silence. In a way, it was peaceful, or it would've been if James hadn’t felt so uncomfortable from the tics he was suppressing. The duo started going through books, Reggie studying charms, though as smart as he was, he really didn't need to, and James pretending to study potions. The boy really tried to focus, but with Reg besides him and the concentration it took to keep any sound and movement inside of him, pushed down for later was distracting. After about 5 minutes, Regulus spoke up, surprising James.
"What's wrong?"
And well James was totally gone for him, so he absolutely did not appreciate the frown on Reg's face, let alone being the cause for it. He had to fix it.
"I'm fine, why wouldn't I be. Totally fine," He cracked a smile in hopes it was convincing enough. Regulus' gaze came to his hands which were still painfully clenched, and his expression changed just in the slightest.
"C'mon," Regulus made to move for the exit, but James stopped him.
"No, Regulus I'm sorry I didn't mean to, I- I'm sorry please," James stuttered, over which Regulus raised his eyebrows slightly, a mix of surprise and worry etched on his face.
"I'm not mad James, just thought maybe the library isn't the best place for you."
"I- uh- yeah, I mean it's ok. You like the library, it's fine."
Regulus didn't answer to that, but he did stand up and made his way towards the exit, looking at James expectantly. Reg led them to an abandoned classroom with a sofa in it.
James couldn't help but let out a confused laugh. "Why's there a couch here?" Regulus looked down slightly embarrassed, "I transformed the chairs into a sofa so that I would have somewhere to go when it's too much."
"So, this is like your secret space. I get to see your secret space!" In his excitement, James had forgotten to cover his tics, his hand slipping to hit the other, coupled with a soft whistle. Immediately, James stilled, looking horrified. "Shit. Sorry. I don't- I- sorry. I won't do that again," He stammered out, visibly cringing.
Regulus raised an eyebrow, his very own way of showing he cared. "You do know I'm aware that you have tics, and that sometimes you can't control what you say or do, right?" Somehow, that did not appease James, but it did make him look like he would rather be swallowed in the ground and never come back up. Regulus wasn't going to accept that. "Don't look like that James. It’s annoying. I don't care about your tics. I was an ass for suggesting the library. I didn't think it through but it's ok. You don't have to mask them. Not with me."
A smile creeped back onto James’ face. He simply couldn't help it. Regulus was being nice to him. "Thank you, I don't- most people think it's annoying and well- I don't want to annoy you because I like you, " a whistle surprised him. "And you already hate me so I wouldn't want to make you hate me even more but at the same time I get it, it's annoying and it's a distraction and it would…", a clicking sound slipped from him then, “…overall be better if I could just keep it all in but then it hurts so much. It makes me wanna throw up when I don't let it out and then it comes back…" his neck moved in an uncomfortable way, but he carried on, “…again later anyways, stronger even, and then I end up getting attacks and I can't do anything about it and I have been talking for way too long, I'm shutting up now. Ok, done," James promptly stopped talking and held his breath, waiting for Regulus to say something. Not so surprisingly, Regulus answered with a simple "I don't hate you." And honestly, that was news to James. "You don't?"
"When have I ever said I hated you?"
"Yesterday morning, the day before when I asked you about potions, 3 days ago in the corridor-"
"Ok, ok. Stop. I get it. Just- I didn't mean it, any time I said that. I didn't mean it.”
James beamed at his words, fighting to stop himself from letting out a whistle, but Regulus caught on and decided to stop this. "You can let it out, it's ok," James didn't even have time to actually process the information, his body reacting on its own, letting out a few tics. He was instantly insecure about it, but Regulus, who seemed to suddenly be nice, reassured him again. "James, I literally just said it's ok. Don't look like that, I don't like it when you do that."
James couldn't help but laugh, "Ok, I don’t know what to say, thank you for… well for being you."
"I don't know how to be anyone else."
James laughed at that, a smile coming back on his face. The moment was cut short by someone knocking on the door rapidly. Before they could answer, the door opened to an out of breath Remus, who said quite loudly, but somehow perfectly calmly, "Run! Sirius saw you both in a secluded area on the map and he s convinced you're either hooking up or planning something malicious! Run! go, go, go!" And they didn’t need much more than that to know that their lives would likely be in danger if they didn't run, as Remus so kindly advised, and so they did. They split ways outside the door, James sending a soft smile to Regulus, and to James' surprise Regulus reciprocated it.