The Wreckage
Regulus couldn’t breathe. His lungs felt full of water. No, not water. It was too thick, cold and slimy in his lungs. He felt cold and grimy, his eyes wide as he gasped breathlessly for air. He felt submerged, covered, coated. He could see a person standing above him, blurred by the ripples of whatever this liquid covering him was. It was clear, like water, but it blurred everything above it. The figure was tall, with a dark bun tied thigh above its head.
“You are a useless child,” the figure said in a cold, sharp voice. He could feel wounds opening all over his body, blood flowing out into the liquid. “You always have been. Sirius was always more special, more important. You have always been secondary.”
The figure reached in, and Regulus flinched away. The hand had sharp red nails that Regulus knew so familiarly never reached him, the water rippling and flickering as the figure changed. This figure was taller, broader, long dark hair falling around its shoulders.
“A burden to me, that’s what you are. I should’ve left earlier, but I had to take care of and protect this clingy little baby,” the figure said mockingly. It laughed sharply, running a hand through its hair. “I never felt happier than the day I left you. And I’ve never felt more free than when I was away from you, always trying to be me. The inferior me.”
The figure reached in, nails now short, black painted. Regulus didn’t flinch away this time. He wasn’t as scared of this one. The nails grazed his throat, lightly, but blood poured out, the water turning red around him. Tears filled his eyes as he choked. Crimson and water filled his lungs as he gasped and choked, and the figure flickered again, this time tall and brown-skinned, different from the paleness of the previous figures. There was a wide grin across its face, colder than it ever should’ve been. There were brown eyes, rippled through gold framed glasses. Regulus sobbed, his tears mixing with the red stained liquid.
“I pity you,” The figure said, laughing mockingly. “I pity the broken little man that you are. I’m only here because you were intriguing. But hell, I’m already getting bored of you and your constant whining, and problems that have nothing to do with me. Why should I stay? You’re so useless and broken, so messed up, you’re only going to hurt me. You’re going to leave me just as broken as you are. God, Sirius was right to leave you. Maybe I’ll follow in his footsteps soon. After all, why would I want to stay with someone like you?”
The figure reached in, wrapping large brown hands around his throat. Regulus shook as the figure leaned in, James’s face in the water, soaked with Regulus’s blood. Regulus choked and drowned as James smiled coldly, before his face fell to a bored expression.
“I despise you, Regulus,” Figure-James said, bored as he squeezed tighter. Regulus reached up a shaky hand to cup James’s cheek as he cried, unable to breathe. Figure-James disappeared as Regulus’s hand touched his cheek, leaving Regulus alone, drowning in the thick red-stained liquid.
Regulus sat up in bed, gasping for air, his hands pressed lightly to his throat. He could feel tear tracks on his cheeks. He looked over to see James roll over, groaning. He was here, in Regulus’s hotel room bed. His glasses were on the nightstand. His arm was draped over Regulus’s thighs. Regulus could hear his heart racing in his ears.
“Regulus, baby,” James groaned, his eyes still shut tight as he cuddled up to Regulus’s side. “What’s wrong?”
Regulus put a gentle hand on James’s head, his fingers playing with messy strands of James’s hair. “Nothing. Just a nightmare.”
James groggily opened his eyes. “Want to talk about it, love?” Regulus paused.
“Are you sure, James?” Regulus asked, playing with James’s hair. It was soft, and it made him feel calmer. “If you want, you can go back to sleep.”
“No, no,” James said, sitting up. Regulus leaned into his side. “Tell me about it.”
Regulus sighed, closing his eyes softly. “My mother was in it.”
James’s eyes shot open wide. “Oh. Shit.”
Regulus laughed. “Yeah. Pretty much. Has Sirius told you much about her?”
James nodded. “Yeah. I hate her. A lot. Was it a trauma dream? Like a bad memory? I know Sirius has those sometimes.” Regulus shook his head.
“No. Not this time. She was just there, saying the same kind of shit she always did. About how I’m not good enough. About how I was a secondary child. Sirius’s replacement.” He left out the parts where Sirius appeared, talking about how happy he was that he left, or when James appeared to say how he’d leave. Regulus wasn’t entirely sure he wouldn’t, though he knew that James was far too sweet for that.
“Anything else?” James asked, wrapping an arm around Regulus. Regulus stared down at the crumpled sheets under them.
“I was drowning,” Regulus said softly. “It wasn’t quite water, too thick, and slimy. And I was bleeding, the liquid turning red around me. And I cried. I choked on the liquid, and my blood, and tears. I couldn’t breathe.” He was crying again, tears slipping down his cheeks.
“Hey, baby,” James said, pulling Regulus into his chest. Regulus sniffled. “It’s okay, Regulus. It was just a dream. You’re okay, I promise.”
“I know, James,” Regulus whispered. “It just felt so real.”
James let Regulus cry into his chest. James held him tight and close, mumbling about how it was okay, and Regulus could hear Figure-James talking, all the cruel things he said. That wasn’t this James, who was holding him close, kissing the top of his head. Regulus had to remind himself of that.
“Regulus, love, it’s early,” James said, stroking his hair. “How about you get a bit more sleep? Then we can spend our last day here, exploring. Together.”
Regulus nodded, sniffling. James held him as he cried himself to sleep. He didn’t dream this time.
The sun had actually risen when Regulus awoke again, to the sound of the shower running. Regulus groaned, sitting up in the bed. He looked over to the bathroom, golden light spilling out from under the door. He sat quietly until he heard the shower stop, and after a few minutes James came out, wearing a tight red t-shirt, and gray joggers. Hot, humid air poured out of the bathroom.
“Good morning, love,” James said, grinning. He wasn’t wearing his glasses. He looked beautiful.
“Morning,” Regulus yawned. “You’re still here?”
“Told you I’d wake you up, didn’t I?” James said, rubbing his hair with a towel. When he pulled it off, his hair was still dripping.
Regulus grinned. “I didn’t think you actually would. And you didn’t. Not really. It was the damn shower.”
James laughed. “Sure, love. I did have to go to my room for a bit to get some clean clothes though.”
Regulus pouted. “Aw. And here I was, thinking you had been a gentleman and stayed with me all night.”
James chuckled. “I was only gone for ten minutes, Reg.”
“Ten minutes too long,” Regulus said. James laughed. He sat down on the edge of the bed and kissed Regulus sweetly.
“Does that make up for it?”
Regulus smirked. “It’s a start.”
James smiled, kissing him again. “What do you want for breakfast?”
Regulus grinned. “Really treating me, huh?”
James kissed his cheek. “You should really start taking my word on things. I told you, love, we’re spending our last day in Ontario together.”
Regulus smiled, cupping his cheek and kissing him.
“I don’t care what we have for breakfast. I just want to do it with you,” Regulus said softly, kissing James once more.
James really did intend on spending all day with him. After Regulus showered and got dressed in a black Ramones t-shirt and jeans, James called them a cab. They were just normal people now, going on a date in an unfamiliar city. It was kind of sweet. The cab took them to a cafe about twenty minutes away. It wasn’t a big place, but it seemed nice, cozy.
“James!” said a short woman who greeted them at the front. She seemed relatively young, maybe twenty-five or so, but she had prominent smile lines. James opened his arms to hug her.
“Marie!” he responded, hugging her tightly. He pulled away, cleaning his throat as he put an arm around Regulus. “Reg, this is Marie. She’s an old friend of mine from school. We grew up near each other. And, Marie, this is um…” James paused. “This is Regulus. I’m taking him out today, and I figured I’d take him to the best cafe in the city.”
“Oh, you’re sweet, James,” Marie said, grinning. “And you’ve got good taste. He’s a cutie.” Regulus looked around uncomfortably.
“He really is,” James said fondly. Regulus felt his cheeks turn pink.
“James, can we go in?” Regulus said, tugging on James’s sleeve like a little kid.
“Oh, right!” Marie said, giddy. “Your booth is open, James. You know where it is. I can come take your order in five minutes?”
James smiled. “Sounds good, Marie.”
James led him inside the small cafe, to a little booth in the back.
“Take a look at the menu, love,” James said as Regulus took a seat across from him. “I already know what I’m getting. I get the same thing every time.”
Regulus hummed and scanned the menu. No apple danishes, no blueberry muffins. He would have to pick something different this time. That thought made him uncomfortable. Regulus sat quietly, staring at the menu until Marie came by, holding a notepad.
“Let me guess, James. Salmon eggs benedict and a latte?” James nodded with a laugh. “And what about you… Regulus was your name?” Regulus nodded.
“Um… Black coffee and blueberry pancakes. Please.” Regulus supposed it was close enough to a blueberry muffin.
“Sure,” Marie said cheerfully, writing frantically on her notepad. “Coming right up.” She walked away cheerfully.
“Reg,” James said. “Is… Is something wrong? You’ve been quiet since we got here.”
Regulus nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just… I’m not too great with new places. Or new people.” He shifted uncomfortably. “Um, can I ask you something a little… weird?”
“Regulus,” James said, reaching across the table to brush a curl out of his face. “You can ask me anything at all. I promise.”
“Did you- Were you and Marie…?” Regulus asked awkwardly. James chuckled.
“I promise I’m not laughing at you, love. But no, Marie and I were never together. They’re a lesbian. In fact, I was her anti-straight awakening,” James said, smiling softly. “We kissed in a game of spin the bottle, and they threw up on me.”
Regulus laughed. “I promise you’re not that bad at kissing.” James grinned.
“I would hope not. But they definitely thought I was,” James smiled.
Regulus looked at him curiously. “Marie uses she/they?”
James nodded. “Yep. I think you two would actually get along pretty well.”
“Why do you say that?”
James shrugged. “I think you two would have a lot in common. Similar attitudes, I suppose.”
Regulus stood up and sat down on James’s side of the booth, leaning into him. “I’m sorry I was being weird. I suppose I was just a bit self-conscious. Marie is friendly, and you’ve known them for longer. I guess I just don’t feel good enough, or nice enough.”
“Sweetheart, you’re plenty nice. Except for when you aren’t and, to be honest, I like it when you’re a little mean,” James said, wrapping an arm around him.
“You mean it?” Regulus asked sweetly, turning into James’s shoulder, pressing a soft kiss to it.
“Of course, baby,” James said, kissing the top of Regulus’s head.
They were quiet for a minute before Regulus spoke. “Y’know, I don’t usually eat big breakfasts. Usually I’ll just have coffee and either a blueberry muffin or an apple danish. I kind of only chose blueberry pancakes because it was the closest thing I saw to a blueberry muffin.”
James smiled. “Noted. Big breakfasts aren’t for you.” He stroked Regulus’s hair. “How about after breakfast, we go shopping? Buy you something nice.”
“You’re paying?”
“Of course, love.”
Regulus smiled. “Sure.” he leaned closer into James.