Three Words
There was clear animosity between the two bands as they sat quietly on opposite sides of the table. Barty and Evan sat on either side of Regulus, bringing a vile taste to Sirius' mouth. Ever since Sirius had met them, he despised them, despised their influence on his little brother. Regulus must have noticed the way Sirius glared at them, giving a cold smirk to Sirius. The two girls sat at the end of the table, talking animatedly with Marlene, who seemed to be flirting with the dark-skinned one Sirius had seen outside. The other girl was Pandora Rosier, the better Rosier sibling by far. Sirius had always liked her and liked her presence in Regulus’s life. James and Remus sat on either side of Sirius, offering him emotional support.
The conversation was polite, if a bit unnatural, hidden in the smooth tones of false charm they had learned in their childhood. There was none of the snark that Sirius knew from his brother and his friends. Just indifference, and that infuriated Sirius more than anything else.
“So,” Regulus started, sounding infuriatingly bored. Sirius hated him.
“So,” Sirius agreed, sounding just as bored, though it was fully false. Sirius was truly intrigued by the boy in front of him who could only barely be called his brother. He looked nothing like the Regulus that their mother had cultivated, from old money and cold, icy snark. But Sirius could see in his eyes, how little Regulus had truly changed. There was still a coldness in those bitter gray eyes that looked so much like Sirius’s own. He had the brief thought that it was like looking into a mirror. It was a bit nauseating, so he pushed it away.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you all,” James said, ever the diplomat, friendliness in his voice. “We’ve heard wonderful things about your music, and we’re sure it will be a pleasure to have you on tour with us.” The lines are manufactured and artificial, lacking James’s natural warmth. Still, that didn’t stop him from saying them with all of the friendliness in the world.
Regulus scowled for just a moment, before plastering a coy smile onto his face. “Thank you. We’re glad to be joining you. I can’t speak for the others, but from the little I’ve heard of your music, you are… certainly talented.” The words seemed to leave a bitter taste in Regulus’s mouth, judging by his disgusted scowl and the way he sipped his water, like he wanted to wash away the taste of the compliment on his tongue. It almost brought a smile to Sirius’s face.
“We’re glad you think that,” Remus said softly, with a kind smile on his face. Regulus looked at him, almost pitying, before plastering that artificial smile back onto his face. “It’ll be an honor working with you.”
“Oh, the honor’s all ours, really,” Regulus said. “We’re not the most well known, and we appreciate the chance to get our names into the public eye by working with such… well-known musicians.” Sirius could hear the discomfort in his voice. He didn’t want to be here. Sirius momentarily questioned if Barty and Evan had forced him to accept, and how dare they force his little brother to do anything. That was fucking nauseating. Perhaps the wine was getting to Sirius’s head.
“Excuse me,” Sirius said, tapping James’s shoulder to let him out of the booth. “I’m going to the restroom. Prongs, mind keeping them entertained while I’m gone?” James nodded concernedly. Sirius stood up, walking towards the restroom signs in the back of the restaurant. He distantly heard Remus excuse himself from the table as he swung the restroom door open. He heard it slam shut behind him.
He sank to the restroom floor, which was clean and polished marble, because of fucking course it was. Stupid fancy high-end restaurant. He buried his head in his hand, fingers gripping long locks of hair. He momentarily considered standing up and acting normal when he heard the bathroom door open, but ultimately decided that he just didn’t care.
“Pads?” Remus said softly, putting a hand on Sirius’s head. Sirius glanced up through his eyelashes, taking in concerned golden eyes, and warm-toned skin, and a thin silver scar surrounded by lovely freckles. Lovely.
“Sirius. Are you okay?” Remus asked, crouching down so that he could be face-to-face with Sirius. Remus’s eyes were so pretty and golden. “Sirius,” Remus said, concerned.
Sirius smiled sadly. “I’m fine, Remus. I promise.” Remus frowned and shook his head.
“No, you’re not,” Remus said, sitting down next to Sirius. “I know what you look like when you’re fine. This is not it.”
Sirius chuckled softly. “And what do I look like when I’m ‘fine’?”
Remus paused for a minute. “...Warm. Warm and bright. And you have a specific grin when you’re fine. It looks… real, I suppose. I dunno. It’s nice though.” Remus looked at him, his honey-colored gaze, soft. “The smile you had out there, and the one you keep trying to use here, it doesn’t look real. It doesn’t look quite like you.”
Sirius looked at him and his eyes stung. Remus was right, he supposed. He usually was, always so smart. So smart and so pretty.
“He’s so different, Moons,” Sirius whispered sadly, tears filling his eyes until they dripped gently down his cheeks. “I remember how he used to be, and that… that’s not my little brother, Remus.” Sirius choked back the sobs, shaking slightly. Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius, pulling him into his chest. “That’s not my little Reggie anymore.”
“He wouldn’t be,” Remus murmured into Sirius’s hair. Sirius could feel his breath on his hair. “You haven’t seen him in years, Pads.”
Sirius could barely breathe, choking on the tears. “I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. I just missed my brother, Remus. I missed my little Reggie, and… he’s not there. That’s not him.” Sirius fisted at the black fabric of Remus’s sweater as he sobbed into it. There would surely be tear stains on it but Sirius didn’t think that Remus would mind. “I love him. My Reggie, I really loved him. But Regulus, that Regulus out there, I hate him. I hate him so much, Remus.”
“I know,” Remus whispered. “I know.”
“He looks like me now. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him,” Sirius sobbed, before softly whispering, “But I love my brother so much.”
“I know,” Remus whispered once more.
Sirius sobbed, tightly grasping onto Remus’s sweater. He could almost still hear Regulus’s voice, though he was sure he was imagining it. ‘I hate you,’ Sirius thought bitterly. ‘I love you,’ Sirius thought, and maybe he hated Regulus more, just because he still did.
‘I miss you.’