Neglect

Though a smart child, she never could figure out her mother. Who she was? What was her name? Where is she? 

All questions asked to her father, were denied with a “When you’re older.” It frustrated her. Yes, she was a kid, but not a dumb one. Surely, she’d understand. 

On the night of her 3d birthday, after the few guests had left, she crept down the stairs. Mumbled voices could be heard, and she was curious. It’s just her and her father, so who could it be? 

Clutching her stuffed bunny, Pebbles, she made her way to the kitchen. As she saw the speakers, she hid behind the wall. “Why is Moony still here?” The child thought, listening to the conversation. 

“Remus, she’s too much like her mother, I-I can’t help, but think, that if she wasn’t here Aubrey would be alive.” A choked whisper came from Severus. 

“I understand, Severus, but she’s a child. You can’t blame her, it’s not her fault.” Remus tried to reason with him but to no avail. 

“What if she ends up exactly like Aubrey? Remus, what if that happens?” Severus’s panicked voice rang a little louder than their previous tone. 

Madeline’s small mind was confused. By their conversation, she understood that her mother’s name was Aubrey. But what did she end up like? Was it meant about her death? 

“Severus, it’s not certain that she also inherited it. As far as I know, Sirius never had it, and neither did Regulus. It was just Aubrey. And their father. Their mother didn’t have it.” Remus reassured. 

“Had what? What did she have?” The child thought. She peeked out and saw Remus looking at her, clearly motioning for her to go. Severus still too occupied with his thoughts never noticed his child. 

Madeline quickly walked up the stairs, to her room. But her legs strayed a little, and she ended up in her father’s room. She quietly closed the door, walked over to his desk, and getting on his chair. She leaned across the table and reached for a picture. On it was her father and a woman, much like her. Her mother. Aubrey. 

Footsteps coming closer to the room, made her know that someone was coming. She quickly put it down and stepped down off the chair, her left foot making the task harder. After the incident a little under a year ago, she often dealt with pain – bearable, but at times excruciating. 

 Her father came in, yet stopped, looking at the toddler confused. “Madeline? Dear, what are you doing here?” He asked, kneeling next to her.  

Not wanting to tell the truth, she mumbled. “Nightmare.” Severus’s face softened, a rare sight for anyone other than Madeline. “Do you want to stay with me?” He asked. She nodded, trying to look distraught. She felt bad for lying, but she didn’t want her father to find her prying in his room. 

He scooped her up into his arms, carrying her into his bed. Cuddling her close, he let himself relax, as the person he cared most for now was in his arms. 

Yet over time, distance grew, like a cold blanket of hollow wrapping around her. Her father was all hers, yet not all at once. Always there, yet never available. 

She soon learned of a “team”, called the Order of the Phoenix. Allegedly her father was a part of it.  

Whenever he’d come late, when she was supposed to be in bed, he’d always find an excuse around the Order.  

“I was at an Order meeting.” “I was at the Order. You should be sleeping.” “Order mission. Go sleep.” “Order.” 

As you may tell, his responses grew colder, as the distance did. Maybe it was fatigue, or the image of his late wife still haunting his mind, whenever he gazed upon his daughter.  

He never denied that he felt a stab to his heart, whenever he mistook his daughter for his beloved. A stab of pain and longing, never guilt. Yes, it appeared sometimes, but those were rare times. 

His child was smart, and much like him – liking being alone, never talking much (only when you’d be able to get her mouth open, then she’d never close it), and mostly calm. 

Yet he had never raised his voice, until today. 

It was a peaceful Saturday. A gloomy one, yet peaceful. Madeline found herself enjoying this kind of weather more than the sunny, warm one. Maybe it was the influence of Severus, or a vision, of what her heart would become when she grew. 

While he’d work, she’d always stay with him. And today was no different. Severus was bent over various ingredients, trying to make a potion that his customer ordered. In honesty, he was struggling. And a lot. Maybe that’s the reason he yelled. But we’ll never know. 

Madeline was looking over the ingredients, touching them. But a misfortune, while looking, she managed to somehow push the cauldron. She didn’t know how, she’d done it, as she was standing not close to it, yet her father was yelling at her, startling her. 

“Watch your hands, Madeline! Now I must do it all again! Because of you!” He had said, his voice above normal tones, as he cleaned to potion of himself and her. A strange tingling feeling came to her eyes, and she found herself crying. Severus seemed to notice too, as he’d become gentler with his cleaning. 

“It’s alright. I was frustrated, that’s why I yelled. I’m sorry.” He kisses her temple. She nodded and wiped her tears. Looking at her softly, he stood her up. “Go change your clothes, darling. They’re quite dirty.” He gave her a small smile. 

Watching his daughter leave, with occasional tears coming, he hoped he’d be better in the future.  

Oh, how his future self is laughing at these memories. Laughing, from how dumb and oblivious he was. 

It will only get worse.