Maria zabini
Chapter 18: Maria Zabini
“Mum is going to be terrible, she’s has this way of looking at you when you've done something wrong and it always makes me feel like she’s trying to boil me in my own guilt. She’s still silently pissed off that we sorted Slytherin.” Fred says with a roll of his eyes.
It’s a Wednesday and the first day of the Christmas holidays, Harry and Blaise are walking the others to Hogsmeade train station, Hermione, Luna, Fred, and George, are all going home for Christmas, while Harry and Blaise are staying at Hogwarts.
“Percy still won’t speak to us he’s being a right prat.” George huffs and kicks a wayward pebble that lays on the path. “Stupid Slytherin prejudice. I hope Ron and Ginny will be ok about it.” George sighs and stares bleakly ahead at the Hogwarts express which is just coming into view.
“It will be okay, George.” Luna says twirling her wand through the air as if tracing things that no one other than her can see. “If any of them are mean turn them green.”
Fred lets out a bark of laughter his eyes lighting up. “Good idea Luna! Also, that rhymes.” He adds.
“I want to turn Percy green! Freddie we’re gonna turn him green.” George says with a slightly evil smile.
“That’s the spirit.” Hermione pats the twin's shoulders and shakes her head fondly. “Mum and dad are excited to hear about Hogwarts, I’ve told them about you guys already and some of my classes, but it’s difficult to fit everything into letters, I wish there was a Wixen version of a telephone.”
“Me and my dad are going to look for Nargles in the forest behind our house, and I’m going to help him with the next issue of the quibbler!” Luna says excitedly.
Harry does not know what a Nargle is, but Luna has mentioned her dad’s newspaper the quibbler and how he runs it by himself. “That sounds cool Luna. Can you send me one of the quibbler issues? I want to read it.”
“Of course!” Luna says with a big smile on her face.
“What’s a Nargle?” Fred asks blankly.
“Little bugs they look similar to butterflies and they float around places with busy thoughts, they’re very pretty.”
“Huh, I never heard of them before.” Fred says, his face scrunched up in thought.
“No, most people don’t.” Luna says, adding a slight skip to her step.
“Will you two be okay here?” Hermione questions with concerned eyes.
Blaise nods. He’s been oddly quiet all day.
“Yeah, we’ll be fine.” Harry says watching Blaise carefully.
“We left your Christmas presents in your dorm and your birthday presents as well Blaise. Don’t you dare open them before your supposed too.” She says pointing between the two of them sternly.
“I would never!” Harry’s says gasping dramatically. Underneath his dramatics he feels…strange? Sad? Happy? Actually, he doesn’t know what he’s feeling, his friends got him Christmas presents. He’s never been given Christmas presents before, at least not that he could remember.
“You would.” Blaise scoffs. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t.”
Hermione looks at Blaise critically, “What’s up with you today? You’re all… quite.”
Harry sees as Blaise plasters the mask of normalcy over his face. “I’m not sad Hermione; I’m practically skipping with joy.” He says with a smirk and a roll of his eyes.
“I see that.” Hermione says clearly not believing him.
“I’ll send your presents by owl post.” Harry tells them in an attempt to take the attention of Blaise. He’s actually put a lot of thought into all of his friends' gifts, he’s been planning them for over a month. He wanted to do a good job and get them brilliant presents, because he cares about them and they accepted him and make him feel safe, he doesn’t know what he’d do without them, and he thought good gifts were an ok way to show that.
His friends nod in acknowledgment.
“This is where we say farewell, my dear Harry and Blaise.” Fred declares dramatically, as they reach the train station.
George rolls his eyes at Fred. “Bye guys, we’ll see you in two weeks.”
“Write to us.” Hermione says.
“Have a lovely Christmas Harry.” Luna says as she hugs him tightly.
Then she pulls away from him and moves in-front of Blaise, she opens her arms giving him time to back away and when Blaise doesn’t, she hugs him aswell. “You too Blaise, have a lovely Christmas.”
Blaise nods. “Thanks. You too Luna.”
They get on the train, and Harry and Blaise wave at them until the train goes.
~~~
The two boys are back in their dorm. It’s dark outside, the others will have arrived at their homes now.
Harry is laid out on his bed speaking to Selena idly, whilst Blaise sits on his bed stroking Freya and glancing at the window every now and then as if expecting something. Blaise has been acting strange all day, every time Harry asked him what’s wrong he changes the subject or says he’s fine, when Blaise clearly is not fine.
Suddenly there’s a knock at the window a large severe grey owl is on the window ledge tapping to come in, a scarlet letter tied to its leg.
Harry turns to look at Blaise. The other boy is frozen in place staring at the owl in fear. “No, no, no.” He whispers.
“Blaise?” Harry asks worriedly, knowing that letter must be from his mother. What else could make his friend so scared.
Blaise shakes his head harshly, standing up and shakily walking over to the window to take the letter from the owl.
Then he walks back over to his bed and throws the letter on the mattress like its poison, staring at it fearfully as if waiting for it to say something. “Blaise do you want me to open it. Or we can burn it.” Harry says suggests, standing up and making his way quickly over to Blaise’s bed.
“Can’t. Howler.” Blaise chokes out.
Harry doesn’t know what a howler is, but he’s pretty sure it isn’t good.
Then all of a sudden, the letter floats into the air and opens itself to look like a mouth, and begins to screech.
BLAISE ZABINI! How DARE YOU disobey me like this! I SPECIFICALLY told you to COME HOME for Christmas! What makes you think you could make your own decisions?! After EVERYTHING I have done for YOU! You ungrateful CHILD! You DISGUSTING useless PATHETIC CHILD! I am ASHAMED to have raised such an insolent Brat! How do you live with yourself Blaise?! I would KILL MY SELF if I was as useless as you are! You WILL be PUNISHED, you wait and see! Clearly, I have not been FIRM ENOUGH with you! You DO NOT DESERVE the air you breathe! You do not deserve the LIFE I GRANTED you!
Maria Zabini, your mother.
Blaise flinches with every word, backing away from the letter until his back is against the wall, he slides down it and then hugs his knees to his chest and begins rocking back and forth head pressed against his legs.
The letter bursts into flames, now that Maria Zabini stopped screaming Harry can hear Blaise crying, horrible gut-wrenching sobs as Blaise rocks back and forth, whimpering and mumbling apologies. “I just w-wanted to s-s-stay, I’m sorry, I’m s-sorry, I-I’m sor-sorry.”
Anger floods him, like poison in his bloodstream. Maria did this to his friend, Maria Zabini put terror in Blaise’s bones and apologies on his lips, Maria Zabini stole Blaise’s laughter and sarcasm, took his steady calm and understanding, wrenched the lights from his amber eyes, and put tears on his cheeks. Maria Zabini will pay for what she’s done, Maria Zabini will get what she deserves one day Harry will make sure of it.
Harry stuffs his anger away deep down in the back of his mind, stores it for later use. Blaise does not need his anger right now; Blaise needs a calm voice and a hand that will never hurt him.
Harry kneels down in front of Blaise, Freya is nudging Blaise gently trying to get him to snap out of his panic, but Blaise is too worked up. “Blaise you’re in our dorm with me, Harry. You’re not with her and you’re not in your house. You’re at Hogwarts, she can’t touch you here.” He says steadily, Blaise doesn’t respond but the rocking slows slightly.
“Freya’s here reach your hand out you’ll feel her fur.” Harry says softly. Blaise snaps out a hand searching for Freya, the fox pushes her head into Blaise’s palm, Blaise takes his hands of his knees and buries his face in Freya’s fur. He’s still sobbing and shaking violently, his breathing erratic, but at least he can hear Harry and knows Freya is with him.
“Can you feel Freya breathing?” Blaise nods jerkily into the fox's fur. “Breathe with her, when she breathes you breathe, ok?” Blaise slows his breathing to match the foxes.
“Good. Now do you know where you are, and who I am?” Harry asks.
Blaise nods, and mumbles shakily. “Hogwarts. Harry.”
“Yeah, that’s right. You’re safe, you’re with me and Freya, in our dorm.” Blaise’s sobs have stopped and now he’s crying silently into Freya’s fur.
“I’m okay?” Blaise asks in a small voice. “She’s not here?”
“You’re ok. She’s not here. It’s just me you and Freya.” Harry confirms calmly, trying to mirror the tone Blaise has used to talk him down from panic attacks in the past.
Blaise lifts his head from Freya, his hands still tangled in her fur, and looks around the room quickly and then stares at Harry.
“Oh, I’m ok. She’s not here.” Blaise says quietly, tears still flowing steadily down his face.
“Yeah, you’re ok.” Harry says with a sad smile. “I hate your mother.”
“Yeah, me too.” Blaise says with a chuckle that sound more like a sob.
“Put your legs flat so Freya can lay on your lap.”
The other boy does what he says and the fox flops down on his lap, Blaise strokes her fur softly, breathing steadily trying to stop the tears.
Harry decides to repeat Blaise’s words back to him, “Cry if you need to, I won’t judge you.”
His friend nods shakily, and Harry sits with Blaise on the floor until he’s stopped trembling and the tears stop falling.
“What am I going to do Harry, I have to go back in the summer.” Blaise says with his face in his hands. “I should have just gone home for Christmas.”
“I don’t know. But we’ll think of something.” He says firmly.
“She’s going to kill me. Harry this time… she might actually kill me.” Blaise’s face is full of fear but also… acceptance. The worst thing is Harry can’t deny what Blaise says, so many times he thought Vernon would take it one hit to far, and he would bleed out in his cupboard, or that petunia would leave him without food for a few hours more and He wouldn’t be able to survive it. Harry knows how it feels to accept your death, he knows the horrible acceptance in Blaise’s eyes.
“You survived this long, you will do it again. If you can make it long enough to get back on the train to Hogwarts I can heal you with my wandless magic. You just need to survive the summer holidays with her then you’ll be back here and I can… fix you up, good as new.” Harry tells him, his voice not as steady as he wants it to be.
Blaise nods. “Yes - yes, I can… I think I can do that.”
“Maybe we can practice some basic healing spells, just in case. Didn’t you say your mother has wards on the house to prevent the ministry tracking underaged magic?” Harry suggests.
“Yes… she does. But she might take my wand I… I don’t know.” A tear traces down Blaise’s cheek.
“We’ll learn the spells anyway just in case she doesn’t take your wand and we can get a muggle first aid kit as-well.” Harry says steadily, thinking of everything possible that will help his friend survive. “What does she… use the most?” Harry asks quietly.
A haunted look dawns on Blaise’s face. “Lacero… is the main problem, it’s a cutting curse, it’s usually on my legs and back… a few times I almost… bled out because of it.”
“Ok… so we’ll focus on that, I’ll help you learn a spell to close the cuts. I’m good at wandless healing magic, I think I could probably figure it out with a wand too.”
“Yeah, that will - that’s a good idea.” Blaise whispers, the tiniest flash of hope appears in his eyes.
Harry knows that hope too, when he found out he could heal himself with magic or when Selena became his friend, the thought of this will help me survive, maybe… maybe it won’t be as bad this time. It’s a fragile hope, the type you can’t trust and won’t ever believe is real, but he knows the comfort of it. “You’ll survive Blaise, I think it’s in our blood now, don’t you think?”
Blaise chuckles wetly, “Yes. Maybe not in our blood… more like we’re conditioned by our environments… wired for survival. But… we are quite good at it aren’t we.” Blaise says with a small smile as he wipes the tears of his dark skin.
I wish we weren’t. I wish we didn’t know the meaning of survival. I wish that we knew how to live. He thinks but does not say. “Yeah, we’re great at it.” Harry looks at Blaise with a sad smile, he’s still sitting against the wall with Freya across his legs his amber eyes are still shiny with tears. “Let’s play a game, Wixen chess? Tomorrow we can go to the library and learn the spells you need, but now let’s just… forget about it.” He suggests quietly.
“Okay.” Blaise exhales, then smiles mischievously at him. “But you are terrible at chess so I’m going to win.”
Harry hates it when Blaise is sad, he would quite literally do anything to get Blaise back to his usual sarcastic giggly self, and if playing chess with the other boy and losing horrendously all evening, will make him happy… Harry is happy to do it. “Nope, I won’t lose, you’ll see, I bet you five galleons that I’ll win.”
Blaise grins, a familiar light returning to his eyes. “I will take that bet.” Blaise laughs.
Harry waves his hand to summon the chess set from Blaise’s bedside table, it zips across the room and lands in Harry’s hand. They move to the rug and set the board up, they play for the rest of the evening drowning the memory of the howler.