The words we speak are harsh and soft
Chapter 10: The words we speak are harsh and soft
Sluggishly Harry opens his eyes, and blinks blearily at is surroundings in utter confusion, before he remembers that he’s at Hogwarts in his Slytherin dorm, under the covers of his very own four poster bed.
He looks up at the ceiling of the bed and grins to himself; he’s actually here at Hogwarts. He actually did it. It’s too good to be true. If this is a dream, he hopes no one ever wakes him up.
Hopefully today will be less stressful than yesterday, he just has to get through this meeting with professor Snape, and then his walk with Blaise. And after that he hopes he can go and find Luna he wants to see her and make sure she’s happy in Ravenclaw, ask her if she has nice dormmates.
But first he needs to go to speak with professor Snape, then he can go about his day in peace.
He sits up, and slides off the bed sleepily, he glances at the clock: 9.30am. He slept longer than usual, but he did have a very long day yesterday so he can’t really blame himself. The twins are not in their beds, they must have left the dorm early.
Blaise must have forgotten to close his curtains because Harry can see him curled around Freya at the foot of his bed sleeping soundly.
He creeps into the bathroom, showers, brushes his teeth, fights with his hair and then gets dressed in his muggle clothes: jeans, black t-shirt, converses, dark green hoodie, and his dads silver glasses. Once he’s done in the bathroom he moves over to the chest at the bottom of his bed, he pulls out his mums' satchel, a book on transfiguration and a note book. He’s hoping to visit the Hogwarts library later, he read that it’s the biggest magical library in Britain, and he was hoping to finish studying his transfiguration text book.
He slips the books in the satchel and slings it over his shoulder, he calls Solace, who flies down from the top of the bed post and lands in Harry’s damp hair.
He looks at the clock again: 10:05. He still has twenty-five minutes until the meeting but he needs to find out where the office is and that might take a while, so he decides to head out now. “Selena, do you want to come with me?” He asks quietly.
“Yes, I will come.” She replies, sleepily raising her head to look at him.
Harry scoops Selena up and puts her in the big front pocket of his hoodie. “Ok, let's go.” He says to his snake and bird.
“Are you speaking to yourself?” Someone asks, and Harry spins around so fast he almost trips. A pyjama clad Blaise is sitting up on his bed stroking Freya’s head softly, and watching Harry in amusement, a playful quirk to his lips. “Or perhaps you were speaking to the serpent?” Blaise says, raising one of his perfect eyebrows.
“Nope, not doing this. You -” he says pointing at Blaise. “Will have to wait until later. I have a meeting with our head of house, and I don’t want to be late.” Harry says firmly.
“I speak to Freya all the time, I wasn’t insinuating you were a parsel-mouth or anything, that would be completely impossible and an insane thing for me to say.” Blaise says innocently.
Harry laughs, “completely impossible, very insane.” He agrees. “Ok, I’m going now. I’ll see you later.” He’s says moving towards the door.
“I will meet you outside the great hall when you have concluded your business with professor Snape.” Blaise tells him.
“Yeah, ok. Bye.” He rolls his eyes and walks out the door.
He has decided that he likes Blaise and he’s hoping that him and Blaise can become friends. Plus, he has a really amazing familiar, he’s cool, and has very pretty eyes.
He reaches the bottom of the stairs and looks around trying to spot the prefect from last night, so he can be told where to find Snape’s office. “Hello little snake, do you need any help?” Says an older girl with brunette shoulder length hair that’s dyed green at the ends, she has blue eyes and a friendly smile.
“Yeah,” Harry says nervously. “I need to get to professor Snapes office before 10:30.”
“I’ll show you where it is, I’m Gemma Farley, by the way.” She says easily.
“Nice to meet you, I’m…” Harry hesitates for a moment anxiously. “Harry Potter.” He mumbles hanging his head.
“Nice to meet you, Harry.” Gemma says, not changing her tone or staring at him like he’s some sort of zoo animal. “How was your first night in Slytherin?” She asks as she leads him out of the common room and down the hall.
“It was really good, Slytherin is amazing! And my roommate has a fox familiar! It’s so much better than I could have imagined.” He really should stop babbling at people like an idiot, if he’s not careful he’s going to say more than he wants to.
Gemma chuckles. “I’m glad you like it. And a fox familiar? That’s so cool. I have a Bengal cat as my familiar her name is Myla. She’s asleep in my dorm right now but usually she follows me around. I can see you have a great familiar also.” She says pointing to Solace.
“Yeah! He is great, his name is Solace. But I actually have two familiars, I also have a snake she’s called Selena. She’s asleep in my pocket though and I don’t want to wake her, otherwise I would show you.” Harry tells Gemma.
“Wow, two familiars? That’s impressive little snake. She says coming to a stop at the end of a hallway, in front of a door a little bit away from their common room and then ruffles his hair. “Here we are, the esteemed professor Snapes office.”
“Thanks Gemma.” Harry says looking up at her.
“No problem, Harry. Good luck.” She smiles once more before leaving him at the door.
Harry decides that Gemma is really cool.
He’s a bit early so he waits outside the door, Fred and George are probably still inside. About five minutes pass and then the door opens the twins walk out, Fred looks a lot happier, and more his usual self.
“Hi Harry.” Fred greets.
“Hey. Is everything ok?” Harry asks looking between the twins.
“Yep! Professor Snape helped us floo call our mum, so we didn’t have to break the news to her alone. And she doesn’t hate us! But she is disappointed, but that’s hardly new so… yeah, all good.” Fred says, smiling but it's tinged with melancholy.
“He told us to send you in.” George tells Harry as he places a comforting hand on Fred’s shoulder. “We have to go and find perfect Percy now, but we’ll see you later, yeah? Good luck.”
“Yeah. Thanks.” Harry nods at them, and watches as they head back down the corridor to find their other brother.
Harry takes a deep breath calming his nerves, and then carefully steps in through the open door that leads into Snapes office. The office itself is painted a dark grey with green detailing, there are shelves all around the office full of books and various potions ingredients and in the middle of the office is a large desk. Professor Snape is seated behind the desk looking at Harry with a stern but not unkind gaze. “Please have a seat, Mr Potter.” He says gesturing to an empty chair opposite him.
Harry sits down cautiously, watching the professor closely waiting to see what he will do. Harry is near the door so he can easily escape if he has to. “Why did you call me here, professor Snape Sir.” Harry asks slowly, deciding its best to cut to the chase.
“I witnessed at the opening feast that you suffered from a panic attack; I am merely performing my duty as your head of house and assuring your wellbeing.” He says in a silky voice watching Harry with thinly veiled concern in his eyes.
“Oh.” Apparently, Harry was not as discreet as he thought, dam it. “Yes, I’m fine. There was just a lot of people staring at me that’s all, professor.” Harry says keeping his voice level and calm despite the brewing panic in his chest.
Snape inclines his head, accepting the answer, much to Harry’s relief “I also wish to check with you about your family. I understand you have been staying with your aunt and uncle for the last ten years, yes?”
This is a bad subject to discuss with any adult, Harry desperately wants to move away from this topic, but Snape does not seem like the type of man who would sit by while Harry changed the subject. So, Harry forces himself to speak, “Yes, that’s right. Petunia and Vernon Dursley and my cousin Dudley.”
“Do they treat you well?”
“Yes sir.” Harry’s done this before in the primary school welfare checks, lie through his teeth. Telling all the adults he was fine that nothing was wrong, and petunia and Vernon were not horrible, he was just very accident prone.
“Let me be clearer. Do they physically or mentally harm you?” He asks more firmly, narrowing his eyes slightly as he scrutinizes Harry, probably checking for lies.
“No sir.” Harry responds without hesitation.
“Do they provide you with adequate care and nourishment?”
Harry does not know why but he hesitates for a split second, “yes sir.”
Snape looks at him, and Harry feels like he’s been caught in a trap. Because Snape heard him hesitate.
“You are lying.” He says in a quiet, almost defeated voice.
Harry is silently panicking, because no one has ever said he’s lying about being fine. People always believe him; He is a good liar. So why won’t professor Snape believe him? And why would Harry be so stupid, so pathetic as to hesitate? “I’m not lying sir, the Dursleys are very kind to me.” He says somehow keeping his voice calm despite the internal spiral.
“You hesitated, when I asked you about whether or not they provide adequate care and nourishment.”
“I was just shocked, professor Snape. That you asked something like that about them, my aunt and uncle would never hurt me.” He says letting a hint of astonishment trickle into his voice, all the while feeling sick with himself for speaking of the Dursleys kindly.
“You are a very good liar, Mr Potter. However... I find I do not believe you. They hurt you, don’t they?” Snape says a flicker of pain in his dark eyes, and his hands clamped tightly together on the desk.
Harry does not understand why the professor seems pained at the revelation. But he does not stick around to find out. He scrambles out of his chair and runs out the door before Snape can say anything else or even make an attempt at stopping him.
He needs to get out! Out of the castle, away from people, away, far away. He is struggling to breathe his cheeks are wet with tears, there is steadily rising panic in his chest. He runs past the great hall, he hears someone call his name but he doesn’t stop, then finally he finds the doors that lead out of the castle and into the grounds. He stumbles down the steps, he can’t breathe his vision is blurred, he’s shaking all over, he fumbles his way towards the edge of the lake and collapsed on the grass.
He clutches his knees to his chest and rocks back and forth, he tries to calm down but it’s not working, his ears are ringing his heart is pounding, his head is clouded with panic. Memories of Petunia and Vernon spinning in his head. “Worthless freak!” Petunia screeches with a hateful sneer. “Ungrateful BRAT!” Vernon's voice and then the horrible feeling of his heavy fist landing blows against Harry’s stomach.
“Hey, look at me Harry.” Says a soft understanding voice, that Harry can’t quite place. Harry can’t look at the voice because his eyes are clouded with tears. So, he shakes his head roughly.
“Okay. That’s ok Harry. Listen to my voice. You are at Hogwarts by the lake sitting on the grass. You’re not at home, they aren’t here. You are here with me, Blaise.” Blaise says softly, calmly.
Harry listens to him, the words like a lighthouse in a storm. The Dursleys aren’t here, he’s with Blaise not Vernon. “Can I touch your hand?”
Harry nods shakily he still can’t see through the tears but the panic is slowly easing. “I’m going to pick up your left hand and put it on my chest, okay?”
Harry nods again, and then feels his hand being lifted gently and then feels a steady heartbeat. “Can you feel my heart beat and my breathing?” Blaise asks.
Harry nods. “Good, now breathe with me, okay?” Harry does what he says, breathing in and out shakily, at the same time Blaise does. The panic leaks out of him steadily, the tears stop falling, his ears stop ringing, his heart rate slows down and his vision clears.
He looks at Blaise, who is kneeling in front of him on the grass still holding Harry’s hand to his chest, watching Harry steadily. “Are you okay?” He asks.
“Yes I’m… ok.” Harry says shrugging weakly, wondering silently how the hell he’s supposed to sweep all this under the rug.
Blaise gently drops his hand, and then sits cross legged across from Harry, Harry copies him moving out of fetal position. Blaise is looking at him, his face etched with understanding rather than the disgust Harry had expected. “How did you know? That I was…thinking of home.” He asks quietly, thinking about the moment when Blaise said ‘they aren’t here’.
“My…mother. She doesn’t like me very much. I noticed the way you flinch if someone moves to fast, and how your face goes blank when someone raises their voice. Then I saw you running from the direction of Snapes office, and you looked panicked. So, I followed you; and you were sitting here hyperventilating, and muttering about someone called Vernon, and you were flinching as if someone was hitting you. And well… I put two and two together, and figured out we both have truly exceptional caregivers.” Blaise says with a slight smirk toward the end.
Harry stares at Blaise in astonishment, and then he lets out a slightly hysterical laugh. “Exceptional is one word for it.”
“I experience them too, the panic attacks. Freya usually manages to snap me out of them before it gets too bad. But if she’s not there then it’s quite horrible. So... I get it.” Blaise says quietly.
“Thanks for-for what you did.” Harry closes his eyes for a moment and tries to ignore the shame at someone seeing him in such a weak state. “It’s got worse being here at Hogwarts, I’m not used to all these people staring at me.” He sighs before opening his eyes again.
Blaise nods, and then asks, “what happened at the meeting with Snape?”
Harry doesn’t reply for a long time. Not really sure how much more he should share with Blaise, but then again... doesn’t Harry owe him some sort of explanation? He did Spend time out of his day breaking Harry out from a stupid mental breakdown.“He... he was asking me questions about my aunt and uncle.” Harry begins slowly. “I lied to him and said that they treat me well, but he saw through it.” Harry looks up at the sky and shakes his head with a sigh, “he told me he knew I was lying, so I ran out of his office before he could say anything else, and… here I am.” Harry finishes lamely.
“Well, that’s gonna be awkward next time you see him.” Blaise says with a slight grimace.
“Yeah, I know. I’ll find him tomorrow and tell him something minorly bad that the Dursleys do, and hopefully that will keep him off my back for the rest of the year.” Harry says decidedly.
Blaise nods, “smart plan.” Then his eyes turn all sparkly with mischief, “Now tell me about the serpent speaking.” He smirks fixing Harry with a look of a person who wants every drop of information you can possibly give them.
“Ahh, you haven’t forgotten about that? I was really hoping you would forget.” Harry says with a dramatic sigh feeling more at ease now and very thankful for a change in topics.
“Nope, my memory is flawless, tell me.” Blaise smirks wider, clearly pleased with himself for cornering Harry into this conversation.
“Fine, fine.” Harry rolls his eyes feigning annoyance. “Actually, wait a sec, where’s Solace?” Harry has only just noticed Solace is not on his shoulder or in his hair.
“Over there.” Blaise gestures behind them. Freya is asleep with her head on her paws laid on the grass, and Solace is perched on her head also fast asleep. “He seems to like Freya.”
“That’s got to be those most unlikely friendship, I’ve ever seen. A fox and a raven?” Harry shakes his head smiling at Solace’s antics, before turning back to the matter at hand, “Right, do you promise not to tell anyone about the secret I’m going to tell you?” Harry says turning serious for moment as this is a secret that could cause problems if it got out to the wrong person.
“I swear, that I will not speak to another living soul about any secrets you share with me unless you have given me permission to do so.” Blaise declares sincerely.
Harry looks at Blaise, studying his face, searching his amber eyes for lies or insincerity; but he finds none, Blaise is serious about protecting this secret. Harry glances around, there are no students anywhere near them so they won’t be overheard. Then he hisses softly to Selena, “Can I introduce you to Blaise?”
“Do you trust him, Star?” She asks.
“I think so. He helped me calm down when I was panicking, and his family is like mine. He understands.”
“I will meet him.” She declares, and with that she slithers out from his hoodie pocket and stops on the grass in front of Harry, rearing up to stare intently at Blaise with critical eyes.
Blaise is looking at Selena curiously. “This is Selena, she’s a boomslang, she taught me magic and told me about Hogwarts. I am a serpent speaker and I found out about a month ago.” He said rapidly, thinking it best to just get it over with.
Blaise blinks a few times, and continues to stare at Selena, then he looks at Harry. “What do you mean she taught you magic?” He questions. “How did you meet her?”
“Ah, well… I stole her from a muggle zoo.” He says a little sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head.
Blaise looks at him in disbelief. “You stole her… from a muggle zoo.” He repeats slowly.
“Yeah, I did. But in my defence, she was in a very small cage and they didn’t even give her a name!” He protested indignantly.
Blaise breaks out into giggles. Like actual full body giggles. Clutching at his side and giggling hysterically like a little child.
Harry stares at him in mild concern, yesterday Blaise wore his face completely blank, but today he’s letting Harry see him giggles and smile? Harry decides he likes this side of Blaise, and hopes that Blaise doesn’t hide behind a mask, from Harry ever again.
Eventually Blaise calms down, he wipes a tear from his eye, still smiling wide, eyes alight with mirth. “Merlin potter, I haven’t laughed that much… well, ever.” He says with a chuckle.
Harry smiles at him, “Glad I could make you laugh; now can you tell me what sent you into hysterics?”
“You just casually admitted to larceny! What was I supposed to say to that?” He exclaimed.
“Was it really though? Selena was being held against her will; I just helped her escape.” He shrugs a smile still on his face.
“It was larceny.” Blaise deadpans.
“Uggh, fine. It was larceny.” He agreed with a dramatic sigh of defeat.
“What is the answer to my first question? How did she teach you magic?” He prods Harry’s forehead with his pointer finger. “Tell me, don’t hold back now.”
“Jeez I was getting to that, give me a second.” Harry rolls his eyes at Blaise playfully, before beginning the story. “When I saw Selena at the zoo, I went up to her and told her I was sorry she was trapped. I didn’t realise I had spoken parsel-tongue at the time, it just sorta slipped out. Then she spoke back to me and told me I was a speaker. Then I was like huh I can speak to snakes, that’s weird but stranger things have happened. Then she said she was trapped and that the humans didn’t give her a name, and I said I could name her, and she agreed Selena was a good name. Then I asked her if she wants me to help her escape, and she said yes, and then she declared that she would come with me, and she’s very difficult to argue with. So, I agreed.
I asked her how I can get her out, and she told me to use my magic. I was confused because I’d never heard of magic. But then she told me how to use my Will and thoughts to do magic stuff. So, I did that, and then I managed to pop her through the glass and onto the floor without anyone noticing, and she hid in my sleeve and I took her home.”
Harry pauses his rambling for a second, to take a breath. Blaise looks like he’s about to speak, but Harry holds up a hand, “wait, I’m not done.”
“The next day I asked her to teach me more magic, so we went to the park near my house and then she told me how all snakes are magical creatures even the ones muggles call their own. And she told me how she can speak to magic, and also sense it, and get knowledge from it. Then she told me how snakes live multiple lives, and can sometimes remember their past lives. And she has only lived one life before this one, she was the familiar to Salazar Slytherin. And-”
“Salazar Slytherin? One of the founders of Hogwarts? The first ever parsel-mouth?!” Blaise cuts in, in a shocked voice.
“Yep, that’s the one.” Harry answered, and then continued his story. “And she told me about Wixen how they are humans with magical cores, and that there is a boarding school for kids like me. Then I was really excited because I could escape my family, and learn magic! But then I realised I had no money, but Selena said don’t worry your dad is from the house of potter, and she was like, I sense their magic in your blood and I know the potters have lots of gold in Gringotts, and I would know if the potters no longer had riches. Then I was a bit shocked because you know, lots of money. Magic school. Talking snake. And all that.
Then she said I would get my Hogwarts letter probably before my birthday. And I was like, wow that’s great! And then I asked her to teach me magic, and she did, oh and she can shield my magical signature so I don’t get in trouble.” Harry finished the story with a shrug.
Blaise seems to be speechless. He is staring at Harry with his jaw dropped, and eyes wide with astonishment, “Blaise? You, ok?” He asks cautiously.
Blaise doesn’t say anything for a few more seconds, then he slowly closes his mouth, and blinks a few times. “Okay… let me get this straight. Your snake was the familiar ofthe Salazar Slytherinin a past life. You are a parsel-mouth. You didn’t know about magic before Selena told you. You can do wandless magic, and your snake can shield your magical signature from the ministry of magic?” He lists off shock clear on his dark features.
“Yeah, that’s right.” Harry replies with a nod, not quite understanding why Blaise is so shocked.
“You can do wandless magic?” He asks a bit faintly.
“Err…yeah? Is that…bad?” Harry replies a bit warily.
Blaise huffs an incredulous laugh, “No potter, it’s not bad, it’s… impressive. Not many wixen can do wandless magic and even then, usually only extremely powerful grown wixen can do it, not eleven-year-olds.”
“Oh…I didn’t know that.” He says in a small voice, worried Blaise will see him differently.
“I want to learn how; will you teach me?” He asks with a determined set to his jaw, and his eyes suddenly full of excitement.
Harry feels his worry flood away, and grins at Blaise. “Yes of course! I’d love to!”
“Brillante! When can we start?” He demands.
“How about, tomorrow? I’m going to find my friend Luna and go to the library for the rest of the day, but tomorrow I can show you.”
“Works for me. Thankyou Potter.” He says eagerly.
“No problem. But just…maybe don’t tell anyone.” Harry says hesitantly.
“I won’t say anything to anyone about what you have said today, I promise.” He says solemnly.
“Thanks, Blaise. I’ll keep any secrets you give me as-well, I promise.” He says equally solemn. “I’ve got to go find my friend now, but I’ll see you in the dorm later, yeah?”
Blaise nods, with a small smile on his face. “Yes, see you later.”
Harry rises to his feet and picks Selena up, from the grass. Then he calls Solace over and leaves Blaise, heading off to find Luna.