Chapter 8
The brothers sit at a table in the far back, Sirius making sure Remus is in his line of sight. Merely for comfort. There’s no reason to need a quick escape, he’s just having a coffee with his little brother. Fuck, why is he here? It was so much easier to pretend that everything was okay if he wasn’t sitting right in front of him. What does he want? Does mother have anything to do with this?
“I left,” Regulus says, without any trace of emotion on his face.
Sirius is snapped back to reality at the sound of his voice – when did it get so deep? “What?”
“I left,” he repeats stoically.
“I heard you the first time. What happened? Why did you leave?”
“I don’t owe you an explanation.”
“Of course you fucking do!” Sirius shouts.
People turn their heads at the sudden loud noise. Lowering his voice, he adds, “After everything I’ve done to protect you, and what I done trying to get you to leave, the least you can do is explain a few things.”
Regulus sighs as Remus approaches their table with their drinks.
“Everything okay?” He asks.
“Yeah,” Sirius manages a weak smile.
“Real convincing,” murmurs Regulus.
“Not everyone is as good at pretending as you are,” he snaps.
“Right,” Remus states, “I need to get back to work. I’ll be right at the counter if you need me, sweetheart.”
As Remus turns to leave, Regulus grabs his wrist, arching an eyebrow, “My brother? Really? You could do so much better than him.”
Remus locks eyes with Sirius. “No, I don’t think I can.”
He smirks at Sirius’ blatant blush – so obvious, in fact, that Sirius doesn’t even need a mirror to know that his entire face is crimson – and returns to work.
“Your boyfriend is hot.”
“Hands off, he’s mine,” Sirius replies instinctively, “And he’s not my boyfriend.”
“Seriously?”
He grins, “I’m always Sirius.”
“Oh, grow up, Sirius. That stopped being funny ten years ago.”
“What are you talking about? It’s hilarious.”
“Sure, it is,” Regulus rolls his eyes.
They settle into an awkward silence. Reg has always been content to be by himself and has a preference for books over real people, but Sirius can’t stand how when it is quiet, his thoughts have a tendency to wander.
“Why did you leave now? After all this time.”
Taking a sip of his coffee, Regulus admits, “I had to. You can understand that, right?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I can understand that.”
Silence. Again. What does he mean he had to leave? Did they hurt him? More than usual anyway? Was that why he left? They needed someone to take their anger out on. Was it all Sirius’ fault? Was it because he’s trans? He should have protected him better. It was his job – still is his job – and he failed.
“Stop that,” Regulus interrupts his spiral.
“Stop what?”
“Blaming yourself. It’s not your fault I stayed.”
“Why did you stay? You could have left with me. Why did you say no?”
“You really think mother would let us both leave? She needed an heir.”
“So, you stayed...for me?”
“It’s the least I could do after everything you’ve done for me.”
“Oh,” Sirius deflates. All this time he thought Reg chose them over him. He thought that he was just like them – worse actually, for making him care. “Why um, why did you leave then?”
“It was either I leave, or I die. I couldn't be trapped in that life forever. Isn’t that why you left?”
“I shouldn’t have left without you. I don’t care that you said no, I should’ve slung you over my shoulder and marched straight out of that house without ever looking back.”
“For the record, I’m glad you didn’t embarrass me like that.”
“There’s still time, baby brother,” Sirius says as he ruffles Reg’s hair.
“Touch me again and I will break your fingers.”
They laugh. Sirius laughs with his brother for the first time in years. Maybe things will be okay between them. He hopes so.