Chapter 6
James has been gone for hours; long enough for Remus to have left already. Sirius is worried. He knows that’s irrational; James is a grown adult who has only been gone a few hours – presumably to give him and Remus some space – yet there is a gnawing sensation in the pit of his stomach. Something’s not right here.
Sirius’ suspicions are confirmed when James stumbles back to their dorm room, slamming the door shut a bit too loudly. Shit, is he drunk?
“What the fuck?” Sirius says, in disbelief.
Ignoring him, James starts changing, removing his shirt and throwing it on the floor.
“Have you been drinking?” he asks, his voice raising so that he borders on shouting, unable to contain his anger.
“No,” James replies nonchalantly.
“Don’t fucking lie to me, I can smell it.” Sirius says, repeating after James ignores him, “Have you been drinking?”
“Yes.”
“Why? You know you can’t drink on your meds! It could cause serious side effects!”
James murmurs, “Well, you didn’t seem to notice before.”
“Wha- when?” Sirius asks, concern replacing the rage in his voice.
“When we went out the other week. I had whiskey in my coke.”
“Jesus, mate. I didn’t realise.”
“Of course you didn’t! You’ve been too busy snogging whoever that was earlier to be concerned about me! You haven’t fucking been here! Always out first thing and returning very late. I guess you’ve found someone better. Congrats, mate. I'm happy for you. I really am. You don’t have to put up with me anymore.”
Is that really what he thinks? Does he not understand how much he means to Sirius? How lost he would be without him? Sirius would be half a man without James – his soulmate. His brother. Sirius wouldn’t be half the man he is today without James by his side.
“Prongs-”
“I don’t care. I really don’t. So please, go and be with your boyfriend. I’m sure he is not as hard work as I am.”
“You’re not hard work!” Sirius practically screams, trying to convey James’ worth in every syllable. “You are my best friend in the entire world. My brother. I love you more than anything. You have been there for me during my hardest times, and I am so sorry that I didn’t realise you were struggling sooner. Truly, I am. I have been too distracted with my own shit to notice it.”
They stay in silence for a minute. James, now in his pyjamas, sits down next to Sirius.
“So, what’s his name?”
“James-”
“What? Why are you keeping it a secret?”
Sirius sighs, “He doesn’t want a relationship, it’s just a casual hookup.”
“So, what’s Mr. Casual Hookup’s name then?”
Sirius smiles a little at this.
“Fine, I'll tell you. But you must promise me something first.”
“What?”
“Tell me when your struggling, okay?”
“Okay,” James replies.
“And please, no more drinking.”
“Fine,” James says. “So, his name.”
“Remus Lupin. He’s an English lit student.”
“So, he’s smart? I can finally have an intelligent conversation now.”
“Oi,” Sirius laughs, shoving James by the shoulder, which turns into them wrestling on the bed. Once they relax, Sirius talks about Remus all night. He didn’t realise just how much time he could spend talking about this man, his mouth continually moving for hours about the topic of Remus Lupin.