Chapter 6
When Sirius wakes up, his first thought isn't who's holding his hand or the people in the room, but the last few months. What happened when he was home on vacation, how he woke up from his coma, how he behaved with his friends, with moony, how he became friends with Snape, how he taunts Lily and Mary because they are muggle born, or Barty because that he's gay.
How he had been friends with everyone for the last few years and how his father made him forget that, how he molded him to be his perfect heir and Sirius left him.
When Remus, who is holding Sirius's hand, looks up to see him awake, probably confused and panicked if he feels like it, he moves closer to Sirius.
-Are you ok? Did you suddenly pass out? Are you in pain?- Remus bombards him with questions, looking at him with a look far too gentle for Sirius to have seen on his face before. When Sirius says nothing and just stares at Remus until Reggie makes his presence known.
-Siri, are you okay? You scared me to death.- says Regulus with a tear-stained face and a worried look, reminding him of the times when they were little and Reggie was a sensitive crybaby.
-I do not know. I mean I know all of you but at the same time I don't.- Sirius explains how he feels looking at the 3 in the room, because James is silent behind Regulus.- It's like I've seen you all like in a movie than in my life. But somehow I know it's my life. It's just a lack of coexistence. - he continues to explain when the confused faces appear on the 3 boys.
-So you remember me?- Remus asks softly as if he is afraid of something.
-Yes. Somehow yes. I mean I know everything. There's just something missing. I mean we were friends and then I hurt you, I don't know what I did to you but I did something to you.- explained Sirius trying to make himself understood but from their faces he doesn't think he's succeeding.
"Do you know anything about your love life?" Reggie asks suddenly, and Sirius tries to remember but nothing comes up.
-Not. I need to know something. Didn't I remember something?" Sirius asks, watching as Remus withdraws his hand, looking sad.
-You don't remember anything about your relationship with Lupin, but you remember everything else? All pranks? That you ran away from home? About the fight with me? - asks Regulus, and Sirius remembers all that but the relationship with moony? He doesn't know about it. I mean, he's been in love with him for years, but any relationship, I don't care.
-Yes. I mean I remember being in love with him for years but I don't know anything about any relationship. Moony were you my boyfriend before I hurt you?- Sirius turns looking questioningly at Remus who is looking around the room as if he might find the answer there.
-Yes. We've been seeing each other since the spring of year 4. Or we used to.-Remus answers, looking a little squeamish, and Sirius thinks that's probably because he's still angry with him because he hurt him.
-And you forgave me, that's why you're here? I don't remember what happened before that, so you care about me again?- asks Sirius looking hopefully at Remus, even if he doesn't know what he did he wants Remus to forgive him.
"Yes, padfoot, I've forgiven you for a while actually." Remus smiles sadly, caressing Sirius's face, and he leans into the caress of Remus's hands, as if calming him from everything going on around him and in his head. Forgetting Regulus and James who were right there watching them.
- No more sweet time. We should find a solution to get all your memories back. And now that you are no longer a bastard it will be much easier.- Regulus speaks seriously, changing his worried face to his usual one that makes Sirius want to laugh at the difference in his brother's state.
-Oh, come on, dear, you could just leave them in their romantic bubble for a minute. They were adorable,” he hears James say, making Sirius stop at the word dear and the overly loving look James gives Regulus, who blushes deeply.
-Did I miss something, dear? - asks Sirius suggestively looking at James, who has suddenly become too agitated and stuttering to explain anything clearly, so his gaze turns to Regulus and Remus.
-Do not look at me. For the past few months, I've only been keeping an eye on you.- Remus stated raising his hands in recognition. So Sirius looked at Regulus.
-So I like him, he likes me, then a kiss, then I came here because Barty told us about you.-explains Regulus simply, as if he were explaining to a small child.
-Are you dating my brother?- asks Sirius looking at James and Regulus.
-Actually, I'm still not dating him.- Reggie answers as if he had asked him.
-I asked him, he can speak for himself.- Sirius explains, and Regulus has a face with a trace of shock.
-Oh, I thought you were talking to me.- Reg murmured low and low, and Sirius felt sad at that.
-Why? You are my brother. Sirius asks.
-Well you remember now the last day we talked before you went back home and didn't remember anything.- he says and Sirius remembers that. How he'd told Reggie he wasn't his brother anymore and other horrible things.
- I didn't want to say that. I was just angry. I wanted to apologize but I was afraid to come to you, until I already had to go back home.- explained Sirius guiltily looking at his younger brother.
-So you still want to be my big brother?- Reggie asks so small, as if his indifferent and serious state didn't exist.
-Of course, I will always be your brother, that's why he needs to get past me before he meets you.- Sirius says in a serious tone that made Reggie laugh and hug him.
-He's your best friend, how bad can he be?- says Regulus looking at Sirius.
-Well, he's a born whore and I know all the details about it, he'll contaminate you with his hands and his mouth, not to mention that.- says Sirius pointing to James' pants.
-Oh come on, I've heard rumors around the castle that he's magical in bed, don't you want your little brother to have a good experience?- Regulus asked widening his eyes at Sirius smiling at that.
-Hey, I'm right here. And you want me just for that? - says James offended.
- No, but for a virgin it's good that his partner knows what to do, so it's a valid point, otherwise he would cut your dick because you were with someone else besides me, while I was waiting for you. - explains Regulus serious, so Sirius knows he's serious.
-Sirius didn't wait for Remus, it's not that bad.- defends James, and Sirius wants to contradict himself but doesn't remember.
-Actually, he wait, we were 14-15 years old when we started dating, and we did it for the first time last summer when we stayed in your tree house, and Sirius was a virgin then, I wasn't.- explained Remus again Sirius is a little shocked at the information, I mean he knows he's almost 17 and Remus 16 but to have done it so early is just shocking.
-Oh, my brother is a simplist for Lupin, how cute. Looks like it's in the family, or at least in the two of us.- Reggie says adorably and Sirius smiles.
-So now what? Are you back together again?- James asks pointing between Sirius and Remus.
-Not. First I need to regain my memory and better understand the memories I have, and resolve the situation with my father and S…” Sirius explains and then he reminds of Snape and what happened before. He feels panic settle in him at the memory of being around him after what he did to him last year.
-With whom? Did you remember anything?- Regulus asks noticing the change in Sirius's mood.
- Snape. He…- Sirius tries to explain but the words die in his throat, then he feels Remus' hand taking his hand. Nodding knowingly, and Sirius wonders how he would know.
-He raped Sirius, before we had a fight, that's how he found out about the secret, he tortured him after he told him.- explains Remus, and Sirius doesn't realize what secret he's talking about, because he doesn't remember it .
-What secret?- asks Sirius and the 3 look at him again, then at each other as if having a silent discussion.
-I'm a werewolf.-said Remus hesitantly, and now Sirius realizes why revealing this secret hurt Remus so much, why they fought so hard.
-Oh, now many things make more sense. Is that why you are moony? I mean, I know I tell you that, but I didn't know why. So our nicknames are because we're animagi then?" Sirius asks and they all smile before nodding. Then a silence settles between them, totally ignoring the secret or anything about Snape, they just sat there all in comfortable silence.
-Going back to what Lupin just said. Snape raped you?" Regulus says with a murderous look, to which Sirius just shakes his head in shame.
* ∼ *
When he is released from the hospital wing, the first place Remus takes him is the dormitory. Because of course Remus Lupin wasn't going to leave him for a second after he found out or at least that's what James and Reg told him when they had some time without moony.
-Do you know where your bed is?- Moony asks as Sirius looks around the room confusedly, trying to figure out as many details as possible that are part of his life.
-I think it's that one.- Sirius points to a bed arranged without much stuff. Looking at the other beds that have things to tease his roommate.
- Yes, that's yours. Do you want to sleep or do you want to go for a walk? - Remus looked at him carefully, as if he was afraid that Sirius might break into his gaze.
-I'd like to walk with you.- Sirius says and takes Remus by the hand pulling him excitedly out of the dorm, completely forgetting why he was there in the first place. Stepping out of the dorm Sirius had ignored most of the people until Snape appeared directly in front of them and Sirius' enthusiasm faded and he squeezed moony's hand tighter.
"Black, I heard you ended up in the hospital wing, are you okay?" Snape asks with fake interest and his heart starts to beat faster and somehow Remus understands that he stands in front of Sirius and makes him he wonders if the werewolf side develops these senses.
-Don't go near him.- Remus growled at Snape and that made Sirius blush and his heart skip a beat for a completely different reason, seeing moony tensing every muscle.
- Oh, I understand that his memory has returned. Didn't he enjoy our little escapade then?" Snape taunts walking past them as if nothing happened and Sirius somehow knows that if he didn't hold his hand Remus would kill Snape in that moment.
"Are you alright love?" Remus asks turning to face Sirius and Sirius gets lost under the boy's gaze as the next thing he knows he is pushing Remus against a wall and kissing him passionately and Remus doesn't last long until he kisses back, kissing him hungrily, devouring Sirius like he hasn't eaten in months, and Sirius just offered himself on the tray. And somehow Sirius wouldn't mind if that was true. Because for the feeling of Remus's mouth on him, his mouth, his throat, his whole body, he would give to her the way he was doing at that moment. In that empty hallway. Next to their common room. Where anyone could see. But none of them seem to mind.