Harry wasn't really sure where he was. An hour ago he was- well, he couldn't really remember. At a party, definitely, but he didn't remember where it was. Someone had given him something, and he took it, and now he was somewhere. He didn't know where he was meant to be nor where he was at the moment.
It was definitely cold outside, but Harry couldn't really feel it. He couldn't really feel much. If he was sober, he would've been scared, but he was too far gone to care. He was.. on the ground. On the ground, lying on grass, and the moon looked like it was breathing. He felt like his entire body was shaking, and so was the world, and the stars were dancing.
Okay, it was time to stand up.
Harry didn't stand up.
Instead, he went on his phone and scrolled through his contacts. He had a text from someone but he dismissed it, and instead looked at Draco's name. He missed Draco. He hadn't spoken to him in two years, aside from the odd interaction in the hallway where Harry would hold the door open for him and Draco would politely thank him.
Fuck, he missed Draco.
Harry clicked Draco's name and watched the phone ring. He didn't expect Draco to pick up. The only other time Harry had called the blond was the first time he got high, when he was calling every single person he knew, and Draco didn't pick up. He wasn't surprised. Hell, he'd even texted Draco maybe once or twice, and he didn't reply.
Which was why Harry was very confused when Draco picked up.
"Hello?"
"Draco?"
"Who is this?"
Harry looked at his phone like it'd personally done him wrong. "You don't have my number saved?"
"What?" Draco paused. "Oh, it's you. I didn't check who called. Didn't even mean to pick up."
"Don't hang up." Harry said quickly. "Please."
"Why shouldn't I?"
"I don't know." Harry said quietly. "I don't know where I am."
"There's this beautiful thing called Google Maps which actually shows you where you are." Draco said sarcastically. "In fact, it can even show you how to go back to where you're meant to be. Even shows you how to get there by car, bus, plane.."
"I don't- I- Fuck." Harry stood up. "I'm in a forest."
"What?"
"It's- it looks really familiar. Shit, I swear I was just in the park."
"Potter, are you on something?"
"On top of the world." Harry grinned, because he really did feel like that. Draco was talking to him for the first time in years, and whatever he'd taken was also making him feel really good. "My feet feel funny. Like, am I wearing shoes? Yes. But my shoes. I feel like I'm floating."
"Potter- shit, Potter, where are you?"
"I told you I don't know." Harry rolled his eyes. "Oh.. no, I'm in a forest. And it's dark. I'm in a forest and it's dark. Draco, I'm scared. The- trees. Why are- the trees look really tall. Oh shit, I'm in a forest, and it's dark, and I'm alone, and oh god I don't- I'm scared."
"Potter- Harry, what have you taken?"
"I don't know. Someone gave me something and I took it."
"You're so stupid." Draco groaned. "If you figure out where you are, I'll come get you, okay?"
"You don't have to do that." Harry walked absentmindedly. "I recognise this forest. Like, I'm sure I know where it is. I- I think I used to walk home with Hermione this way, even though I don't live anywhere near here. Hey, I think you walked with us once. Yeah, you did. Oh, I know where I am."
"I think I know where you are too." Draco said. "Stay there, I'm coming to get you."
"In the forest? Absolutely not." Harry walked, muscle memory taking him down the right path to the exit of the forest. "I'm going to find the park. I was here before, I think. And then I got lost. I don't remember leaving the park. Or calling you, actually. Hey, you live really close to here, don't you?"
"I do."
"I was meant to find Hermione.." Harry realised. "But I didn't. I'm sorry for what happened in year nine."
"It's okay."
"No it's not." Harry almost shouted. "It's not okay. We've left school now. You're not going to the same sixth form as me, either. It's- I'm never gonna see you again. Hurting you is one of my biggest regrets. I also regret never talking to you before we left school. Just so we could leave on good terms."
"It's fine. I don't care."
"I didn't think you'd pick up."
"I didn't mean to." Draco was quiet for a minute. "I'm not mad that I did."
"Because you're a good person." Harry said. "You used to- you used to say you were a bad person, all the time. Always. You never thought you were good. But you are. You- you were really good to me, when we were friends. You took care of me, you know? I know I physically took care of you, but you took care of me too. You just didn't realise."
"You're not sober, stop rambling."
"I'm not- just because I'm not sober, doesn't mean I'm not being honest." Harry was finally out of the forest. "I mean it, Draco. You're a good person. You're too hard on yourself. You deserve better. I'm really sorry I hurt you."
"You didn't hurt me."
"Don't lie."
"I don't care anymore. It's been two years."
"I've missed you." Harry admitted. "I- I've really missed you. You were good to me and I hurt you and I'm sorry. You don't talk to anyone about anything, and you're mean to yourself. You don't deserve that. I never deserved you."
"I didn't deserve you."
"Why are you so hard on yourself?"
"Are you in the park yet?"
"Shut up and answer my question."
"I'm hard on myself because- I don't know. It's easier to expect less and criticise more than be too confident and get disappointed."
"You're a good person, you know?" Harry held his phone to his chest. "You are. And I'm sorry you don't see that. I wish you thought better of yourself. I wish you never hurt yourself."
"I think you're talking too much."
"Why, cause I'm being honest?"
"You're gonna regret this when you're sober."
"Am I?" Harry knew he would. "I think you just don't like that I'm talking about things. You never liked talking about your problems. That's a really lonely way to live, you know? Never talking about how you feel, what's bothering you. You told me, once, about the things at home, by accident. And no one else knew. Isn't that lonely?"
"It's called being smart. If I don't tell people there's less of a risk of everyone else finding out."
"You don't need to worry about that. You don't need to be lonely because you're scared." Harry reassured. "I never told anyone. I kept it a secret, have done for three years. I'd never tell anyone. You're mistrusting, and that's understandable, but someday you need to learn to trust so that you can heal. You'll never get better if you keep it all to yourself."
"When did you turn into a therapist?"
"I don't know."
"I think I see you."
"Oh." Harry looked up and saw Draco, and he felt his heart skip a beat. Draco was only a shadowy figure from afar, but Harry missed him so much that even that shadowy figure was enough to make his heart hurt a little. "I've missed you."
"I know."
Harry blinked and Draco was in front of him. The moon wasn't breathing anymore, but glowing in a way that only Harry saw. The stars were still dancing, and Harry wanted to reach out and grab one of them, just to give to Draco. He wanted to lie down on the ground and just enjoy the world being the world.
"It's three in the morning, Potter." Draco sighed. "Why are you in a park at three in the morning?"
"I don't know."
"Come on, we're going to my house."
"We are?"
"Yes." Draco looked at Harry, and saw the brunet shivering. "Damn it, Potter, it's way too cold out for you to only be wearing a t-shirt."
"I had a hoodie." Harry said. "I don't remember where it went."
Draco took off his green hoodie and held it out. "Take it."
"No, I'm good."
"Take it. Take my hoodie."
Harry wanted to protest, but he was cold. He hadn't noticed until then. So he did, taking the green hoodie and relished in the warmth of it. It smelled like Draco, like green apples and peppermint. He hadn't realised how much he missed Draco until then.
"Thank you."
"Come on."
Harry walked in a peaceful quietness to Draco's house. Except, every now and then he wouldn't be so quiet. He had so much to say, so much he'd not said for the past two years, and he wouldn't get the chance again. "I'm sorry."
"I know."
"I'm gonna miss you." Harry mumbled. "I miss you already, but I'll miss you more after this. Because I won't see you again."
"You will, we're in the same town."
"But we're going to different sixth forms." Harry said. "You won't see me again. We won't go out together willingly. After tonight, we won't see each other ever again. I'm sorry I hurt you."
"It's okay."
"It isn't." Harry sighed. "Won't your dad be mad I'm here?"
"We're sneaking in."
"I'm sorry he hurts you."
Draco stopped walking for a moment. And then, like nothing happened, he kept walking again. "He doesn't hurt me."
"You told me, three years ago, and I never forgot."
"You should forget."
"I wish you wouldn't keep everything to yourself. I wish you'd talk to people and let yourself get better instead of struggling alone. It's lonely. You deserve so much better than that, you know? You deserve to be able to talk about things and have people comfort you. You don't deserve to suffer alone."
"It's not that bad."
"It's not fair. I wish things were easier for you."
"You overestimate how much is going on in my life."
"Don't undermine how you feel."
"You're one to talk."
"I told you stuff." Harry said. "I told you a lot."
"You don't tell anyone anything now, though."
"How would you know?"
"You just confirmed it." Draco shrugged. "You deserve to tell people how you feel to. You can't tell me I'm not allowed to keep things to myself when that's exactly what you do. It's hypocrisy. You need to take care of yourself too."
"You used to take care of me." Harry smiled sadly. "I used to tell you everything."
"I'm sorry I left you."
"I'm sorry I hurt you."
They spent the rest of the walk in silence, especially when they got to Draco's house. Harry had never been in before, despite them being close two years ago. Draco had gone to one of the windows and pushed it open, climbing in and taking Harry's hand to help him do the same. Harry followed Draco up to his room, trying not to make too much noise.
When they got to his room, Draco went to his cupboard and got out a pair of joggers for Harry to wear and handed them to him. "Put these on. Bathroom's over there."
Harry wanted to make a comment about the fact that Draco had an en-suite, but he didn't feel like it. He thought it'd be obnoxious, considering he knew just how shitty Draco's life was despite being rich. Instead, he took the joggers and smiled, and then went to the bathroom to change.
He couldn't help himself from looking in the cupboard and taking out the blades he found in there. It made him think back to when they were friends, and Harry cleaned Draco's cuts, and when Draco followed Harry to the bathroom to make sure Harry binned the blade Draco saw him with.
Harry missed how close they were in year eight. He resented losing Draco in year nine.
He took the blades and chucked them out of the window. It was probably dangerous, but he did it anyway. As long as it wasn't Draco using them, then it was fine. And then, like he hadn't done anything at all, he went back into Draco's room.
"Go to sleep."
Harry nodded and climbed into Draco's double bed, not thinking anything of it as Draco climbed in too. It was the most proximity Harry had been in with Draco in a very long time, and he adored it. He wanted to treasure the moment, because when he woke up, it'd be over. And Draco would go back to hating him.
"Thank you for coming to get me."
"You're welcome. Now sleep."
Harry closed his eyes and held the duvet close to him. His eyes shook a little, and he saw colours behind his closed eyelids, but the room was quiet and his body felt calm. Whatever he'd taken, he didn't regret taking. It brought him to Draco.
Or, it brought Draco to him.
When Draco was sure Harry was asleep, half an hour later, he asked, "why'd you only call me when you're high?"
But Harry wasn't asleep.
"Because you wouldn't pick up if I was sober."
Harry woke up three hours later, at six in the morning, and saw Draco sleeping soundly next to him. His head was spinning a little bit, and he hardly remembered how he got there. Both of them were clothed, at least. But he didn't know how he got there.
He had vague memories of what happened, and that was enough for him to get up and quietly change out of Draco's clothes. He wanted to keep the hoodie, but he knew it'd be stupid. It was Draco's favourite hoodie. He didn't deserve to keep it.
Harry left Draco's clothes folded on the desk, found a receipt in his pocket and found a pen. On the back of the receipt, he wrote thank you, and left it on top of the folded clothes. And then, with a heavy heart, he snuck out of Draco's room, remembering which window they snuck in with.
Harry left, found his way back to Ron's house, and wished he stayed.
Draco woke up an hour later, saw his bed empty and found the note.
He was worried for Harry.
Draco wished Harry stayed.