The day started like any other, with the skeleton crew finishing up as the morning crowd started to make its way into the office. Human Resources was doing whatever it is they do, Finances was running through next month's budgets with fine toothed combs, and Medical was forcing stubborn patients back into their beds. Q Branch was the one division within MI6 that did not run on the same nine-to-five.
They had their own espresso machine, the fanciest and most efficient coffee pot known to mankind (now the most expensive coffee pot known to mankind with all the upgrades added to it), a collection of teas from around the world supplied by various Double O’s and other agents on out of country excursions though the Graveyard Tea Emporium off of Tottenham Court was a favorite of many (mostly Q), a ridiculous collection of international snack foods and quick microwave meals that never seemed to empty, and various forms of dessert which were mostly chocolates. Lots and lots of chocolates. The minions even had a rotation of who would come in early to prepare various staples for meal times, creating a breakfast buffet and catering dinner. They were all incharge of their own lunches.
It was because of this kitchen turned miniature convenient store in the basement - Q Branch has the three bottom floors: Research and Development was on the lowest along with a shooting range for weapons testing, the Engineering and Physics labs were on the second along with the server room that had somehow been kept to a single office space, the Tech department was home to what the minions called The Hub which home to of all of the branches computers, the command station used to run ops, the kitchen and Q’s office. - that all of Q Branch worked odd hours with no need to go home for dinner. Q famously had a habit of being the first to arrive in the office and the last to leave when the skeleton crew took over, signaling his presence with his office light shining from under the door.
For R, Q’s second in command and the person who would take his place should he retire or die, it truly was a normal day. She apparated a block away from MI6 and was joined by Jerremy Davis, head of R&D, as she walked towards the main building. They entered through the side door closest to the stairs down towards Q Branch, exchanging pleasantries with a member of security whose badge identified him as Stanley Peters as they made their way passed. She sat her belongings at her desk, hung her coat over the back of her desk chair and went to greet Q, who’s office light was on. When she left his office with the usual stack of papers, the minions had no reason to think something was amiss.
Ten minutes later, when Q left his office, Jerremy Davis choked on his breakfast - two pop tarts, sausage links and scrambled eggs - and tried to dislodge the dry pastry with his third cup of coffee.
*- -*
Alec Trevelayn had heard from Bethany Morris in Finances, who had heard from Anissa Weber in Human Resources, who had heard from Stanley Peters the security guard, who had heard from Jerremy Davis in Q Branch, that something was very wrong with Q. He made his way down the stairs, nodding to Stanley Peters as he passed, only to stop short when he saw Q. Or at least, saw the person who was in Q’s usual place at the command station.
“Ah, good morning 006.” The woman had Q’s dark, messy curls which framed her face and ended just past her shoulders. She cleaned her semi-rimless glasses on her unbuttoned cardigan - “Bloody hell she’s even dressed like Q!” Alec thought. Dark slacks, black dress shoes, a white button up and a red tie to match the dark red sweater. “Is there something I can help you with?”
“Who the fuck are you?” If it weren’t for intensive training, Alec’s jaw would have hit the floor. Instead he glared at the woman. “And how the hell did you get past security?”
“With my badge, same as always.” Sure enough, hooked onto her belt on a retractable clip was a badge that showed her without her glasses thanks to the “No Eyeglasses Policy” on all official and work ID’s and identified her as the Quartermaster. “If there was nothing you needed and you plan on hovering like an overzealous housefly, do stay out of the way. I have a meeting in five minutes and I’d hate to be late.”
Before he left, he had watched her drink tea from Q’s mug and could have sworn he heard her mutter to herself in German about how it didn’t taste like Earl Gray.
When Alec returned to the Double O’s usual haunting ground within MI6, he simply said. “Q’s a woman.”
“What?” 005 blinked at him in confusion as the others that weren’t abroad exchanged looks.
“There is a woman who looks exactly like Q, masquerading as the Quartermaster. She seems to be going about his day as if nothing is wrong.”
“Where is she now?” 002 asked.
“In a meeting.”
002 shared a look with 004 who nodded and jumped into the vents. They passed the time discussing Moneypenny’s most recent book of choice, and twenty minutes later when 004 returned, he met Alec’s gaze with a haunted look and said. “She has his mannerisms.”
*- -*
James waited until ‘Q’ had finished guiding 008’s mission - Alec had broken protocol and messaged the Double O on the back channels to tell her about the imposter in advance - before heading down to Q Branch. He made his way through The Hub and knocked on the doorframe to Q’s office.
“007. I had wondered how long it would take for you to grace me with your destructive presence.” ‘Q’ rolled her eyes as she muttered sarcastically. Same mannerisms indeed.
“Q.” James smiled at the woman before shutting the door. As soon as the latch clicked shut his face went blank. “Quinton.”
“James.”
“How’s Louis?”
“He’s quite well.” The woman’s hand drifted towards where Q always wore his wedding ring on a chain while at work. James only knew about that because he’d asked a week after John and Mary’s reception.
“And your daughter?”
“Not cursing.” ‘Q’ glared. “Is there a reason you're asking me personal questions while I am at work?”
“Is there a reason you’re answering when someone could overhear you?” He had made sure that no one was around to overhear his questioning when he entered the basement. The woman shouldn’t have known Q’s real name or the answers. All of that information was classified, buried behind a ridiculous number of firewalls, and Q’s physical paper file was so redacted that the entire thing may as well have been printed on solid black paper.
“Bugs won’t work in this office and I know you well enough to know that you wouldn’t ask if there was a chance someone could overhear.” ‘Q’ shrugged. “Damn it.” James internally cursed. Of course Q would have a contingency of some sort. She raised an eyebrow at him, “Is there something on my face?”
“No.”
“Do you have any idea what’s going on?” She huffed, blowing a stay curl away from her eyes. It was no use as the hairs in question were trapped behind the left lens of her glasses. “People have been looking at me funny all day. 005 even tried to bribe me. No idea why.” ‘Q’ rolled her eyes again, gesturing to a cello propped up in the corner. “You Double O’s only ever try to do that when you’ve lost a piece of equipment. Her record is spotless. Unlike you, she’s never lost her gun to a reptile.”
“She tried to bribe you with a cello?”
“That’s the famous Stradivarius that was sold for over twenty million U.S. dollars at auction to an anonymous bidder. No idea how she got a hold of it. Took me fifteen minutes just to tune the bloody thing.”
“I had no idea you played.” James lied. He had been there with Moneypenny when Q had complained about rosin for three hours one night over drinks. It was very entertaining.
In response, ‘Q’ picked up the cello, adjusted the endpin, and proceeded to play Violeta Von Herder’s Who You Really Are.
*- -*
When Mallory entered Q Branch, he did not show his surprise at the number of whispered conversations bouncing around The Hub. The minions ignoring him was a nice change of pace for once. Then again, they were distracted by the rumor mill's most recent bit of gossip. He wouldn't have made the trip down to the basement otherwise.
“Good morning Quartermaster.” He knocked before opening the door and locking eyes with the woman. That was when he noticed the Double O that was in the room. “007, if you would be so kind as to give me a moment to speak to Q in private?”
“Of course sir.” Bond nodded, glancing at Q before shutting the door as he exited.
Q, who had been playing the cello - “When the bloody fuck did Q get that?” Mallory decided to question that later, he had more important things to deal with. - rested the cello on its side and placed the bow on his, no, her desk. “Good morning sir.”
“Dare I ask what caused this current predicament?”
“Potions accident while brewing, sir. Turns out the effects last for thirty six hours.” Q ran a hand through her hair. “Thank Merlin and Morgana it’s April first, not that anyone seems to remember.”
When Mallory left Q Branch, he pretended not to notice the knowing glint in R’s eyes.
*- -*
R, also known as Pandora Lovegood neé Lestrange, entered Q’s office like she always did first thing in the morning and smiled. “Good morning Enola.”
“Pandora!” Enola Moriarty smiled at the blond. “Lovely to see you again. How’s little Luna?”
“Curious as ever.” Pandora was just starting her first year at Hogwarts when Quinton and Enola were in their seventh. The two Ravenclaws had stayed in contact after the twins had graduated, and when Pandora finished her education and put Quinton as a reference on her job application, MI6 had hired her immediately. “I assume Tanner knows?”
“He will when he sees me.”
When Quinton had told her on the thirty first of March that he would be taking the first off without using vacation time, she had thought he was being ridiculous, then she had remembered that it was April first he was referring too. When he said Enola would be pretending to be him for the day she had laughed and decided to play along, pretending that nothing was wrong whatsoever.
“And you have an excuse prepared for Mallory?”
“Pandora darling, you're acting as if I’m an amateur,” Enola smiled. When they were in sixth year, she and Quinton had traded their robes and ties for a week. A majority of the student body hadn’t noticed until their professors tried to bring it up in class. The entire week their friends played along, pretending that nothing was wrong. Professor McGonagall had nearly had a conniption.
Pandora laughed.
R left Q’s office with a stack of papers and a smile on her face. No one would even think to ask her if she was in on the prank.
*- -*
“You must be Enola.” Tanner cornered her on her lunch break.
“And you must be Bill Tanner.” Enola smiled. “It’s an honor.”
“How’s Quinton spending his day off?”
“He and Louis are taking Hermione to Alton Towers.”
“You wizards and your fast means of travel. Skipping the ridiculously long train ride and using the Floo Network is cheating.”
*- -*
Hadrian had already been in bed for three hours when she got home that evening.
“Good evening love.” William was up waiting for her, reading in bed. “Did everything go well?”
Enola had already switched into her pajamas, removing her glasses with childlike glee. She usually wore contacts but for the sake of the prank, she had abandoned them for the glasses that lived in the case in her bedside table. She crawled into bed beside her husband, resting her head on his chest. “Exactly how you predicted it would, darling.”
“Perks of being a seer.”
She hummed in acknowledgment as he ran a hand through her hair.
Quinton never would have agreed to the prank if Moneypenny hadn’t taken the day off. And if Enola got free Alton Towers merch out of covering for her twin, no one needed to know.