Chapter 2
'' When in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself and curse my fate … ''
-Shakespeare,
Severus sat in the library towers of books methodically sorted surrounding him. He had spent the last few hours scowering through dozens of books on curses and spells that induce nightmares. Sorting them from relevant, to slightly relevant, and to completely and utterly useless.
To his utter dismay, all his endeavors have, unfortunately, proved fruitless. Despite his efforts, he is left even more clueless than before he entered Hogwarts library.
Severus would not consider himself an impatient person; patience is a necessity. And he has been patient. It took extreme patience when dealing with arrogant prats such as Potter and his poise. Though to be fair, his patience seems to be twice as short when dealing with those wretched bumbling imbeciles.
Still, Severus can feel his patience waning. He hasn't even finished all the books he's sorted into the relevant pile. It will take at least another 3 hours before he can get through all this.
He can already feel the impending headache.
Severus stretches a bit to get the soreness out of his body and mentally braces himself for an extremely uncomfortable next few hours.
He's about to put another book down when he catches a flash of red in the corner of his eyes. He turns to look only to find...
Lily.
Sitting at a table with a few other Gryffindor girls. Giggling quietly to each other. Happy....
It shouldn't hurt as much as it does, but it does. It had been a few weeks since...
Since he and Lily ended their friendship. Severus doesn't know how to feel about it. He misses her, of course he does but he can't help but feel a sense of relief.
Before Hogwarts, Lily had been the one person with whom he felt comfort. She was kind, and smart, and didn't seem to mind that he was a poor greasy nobody.
She liked his weird dry humor and didn't seem to care about his overly pessimistic attitude.
She had called him kind. Severus Snape was not kind. And yet, for the first time, he felt an inexplicable stirring inside himself, a deep yearning; For the first time, Severus wanted to be kind.
Maybe that was his first mistake; trying to be something he's not
Then they entered Hogwarts, and it became increasingly clear that he did not belong.
There was just too much between them.
Lily was kind; Severus was not.
lily was loved by everyone except the Slytherins; Severus was hated by everyone including his father.
Realistically speaking it was a miracle that they managed to last this long.
There was no love at home and no comfort at school. The only solace he had was Lily, and now not even her. He had none but himself to blame
She tried at first; she did. However, he could tell her patience was waning thin. It was one thing for a Slytherin and a Gryffindor to be friends, but a future death eater and a muggle-born?
Or at least that's what everyone says. It's not as though he was planning on being a death eater. He was simply keeping his options open. Besides, Severus didn't think Lily would understand.
Severus had no one.
His grades were fine, but how far could that take him in the wizarding world? Rejected by purebloods for being a half-blood who consorts with muggle-born, and rejected by the light for being a Slytherin who is fascinated by the dark arts.
Severus had spent his whole life trying to prove to everyone that he was better. Better than his muggle father, who was a poor excuse for a man, and better than his mother, who was a poor excuse for a witch.
he had worked hard, and he had studied hard to make a name for himself. Only to realize that all his sacrifice and all his hard work; would not be enough. not nearly enough, because what Severus was missing was something he could never attain.
Maybe it was best their friendship was ruined.
Maybe it was fate.
Severus did not believe in fate. But sometimes, very rarely, when life itself seems to be set out against him; he finds himself lamenting over his unfortunate fate.