I know that you're shitty and you're bad for me
But I can't stop thinking 'bout it
Barty Crouch Jr became James’s mortal enemy the day Barty decided to befriend Peter Pettigrew, one of James’s best friends and changed poor Peter into someone completely different. Just like that, Peter suddenly started dressing better, he knew how to use his own cute charm to make people like him, he knew which sweater would suit him to make him more soft and he knew that beige and green looked good on him. And the confidence he suddenly gained? What the fuck did Barty Crouch Jr did to make Peter so full of himself?
James was so sure Barty did that to mess with him because Peter was the easiest choice… small, naive Peter. All it took was a party in the wrong place at the wrong time and now he was staring at the message that he received three hours ago that still made him feel murderous.
Peter
Sorry Jamie can’t do I’m with Barty
Peter
He says hello btw
Of course he said hello , James thought, while his palm tightened around his phone. Some would say it is his fault for taking Peter for granted. With Remus or Sirius, he always made plans to make sure they are free. With his beloved Lily he asked a week or two before meeting because he respected her need to have everything in check. But Peter? He was there, always one text away. Why should James bother with planning anything?
Peter was supposed to be here! So, therefore, it wasn’t James’s fault. It was Barty’s fault.
James took a deep breath and tried to relax his shoulders, which were so tense to the point it was almost painful. He left his chat with Peter to open Instagram, quickly finding Barty’s account. He guessed he could see what Peter saw in him; Barty was attractive, funny and charming. And God, those pictures…
But he was lazy, miserable and toxic. Peter was probably a way to kill time for Barty— a charity case, maybe. James was a better person than Barty because he saw Peter as a friend and not a charity case. He was just aware that Peter happened to be weaker and needed a constant nudge further to actually be something greater. And as a good friend, James was more than ready to be that for him.
That was until James saw what Barty posted a few minutes prior. It was a picture of Barty himself, hot as always, pushing his tongue out to show the black ball piercing that rested there. His hair was messy and the whole picture had a rather dirty aesthetic, but that wasn’t whag James cared about, it was about what was happening behind Barty instead: Evan Rosier kissing Peter like Peter was his first meal after forty days of starving, with the description;
kiss your friends or theyll kiss me and my boo < 3
James screamed into his pillow and considered his options: calling Sirius and Remus, maybe… but it was 1 a.m. so they would kill him, or he could text Peter that their friendship is over? No, not even he was that dramatic. His overthinking got out of hand.. So what if Peter had other friends? Even if those friends were Barty of all people.
A nasty feeling in his chest forced him to face the questions that bothered him: why Barty and not me? Am I really that insignificant?
It felt like all his self-depreciating thoughts were validated. The thoughts were in his head for a reason so they must be somewhat true, right? After all, ideas have to come from somewhere. He couldn’t just be making up all these things up about himself without them having a sense of truth.
No, he was wrong. He wasn’t annoying, or insignificant, or a bad person. He was a good friend. It was Barty’s fault for corrupting his mind, taking over it and forming a nest poisoned with negativity. Barty was a pest, polluting and taking over James’s every thought. Next thing you know, James will’ve turned into Barty.
Even the thought made him wince.
The way he allowed Barty to hold such power over him just by the mere thought of them being alike was so unbelievably agitating. It was unnatural and yet, at the same time, nothing felt more natural than that. Not even breathing.
James
Peter, are you okay?
Peter
Jamie boy u should kindly fuck off
Peter
ur ruining my show
James’s eyes widened with pure shock and terror. What the hell was wrong with Peter now? Did Barty force him to take drugs or something? But before James could answer, another picture was sent through. It was Barty, again, smiling widely like some kind of Joker wannabe. James could see Barty’s neck. It had a bite tattoo on it; it was Regulus’ bite that was changed into something permanent. Their friendship was slimy and James didn’t approve of any of it, not that Regulus would care enough to listen to him.
But then, he realized that it was Barty on the other side of the phone, not Peter. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know about what show this mad man referred to. No, he was sure; nobody wanted to know about that shit.
James felt like an absolute idiot, staring blankly at his screen, shocked to his core. How the fuck was he supposed to respond to that? He considered ignoring Barty, but that would make him look pathetic. Barty wanted to get under his skin and, shamefully to admit, it was working. James wouldn’t let that moron make him look like a fool.
That would mean he actually did turn into Crouch. The very concept terrified him more than anything else in the entire world. Though, it wouldn’t be so bad to be somebody else.
Unless that somebody was Barty Crouch Jr.
James
If I wanted to see a cheap whore, i’d use the internet.
Now give Pete his phone back.
Peter
why would i do that? lmao
i’d ask you to join but you don’t fit our aesthetic
James
What aesthetic?
Being knobheads?
Peter
No, being tolerable, you sophisticated cunt
That just felt like a personal attack and James knew it was. He licked his dry lips, putting down his phone for a second. He reached out for a can of diet coke that had been open for God knows how many hours now and ended up spilling it. Great. His hands were trembling. What could he say or do in such a nasty situation?
And the worst part was that it actually forced him to think about his own behavior. James would never admit that he messed up, but when someone like Peter is actively looking for friends like Barty, you just kinda… see that you did something wrong. He wished he had the ability to read Peter’s mind and discover what actually happened between them. James decided to ignore Barty finally, not being in the mood for that kind of shit. It was too much for him to deal with.
But Barty wasn’t about to let go, and after five minutes of silence, he started texting again.
Peter
dont ignore me
u know im right
ill call u if u wont answer
or not
cus u would like it
weirdo
James
Would I now?
Peter
yes yes, u would
i see the way u look at me, ur obsessed
James
Yes, obsessed with the vision of the world without you, mayhaps.
Peter
mayhaps??
u rlly are a sophisticated loser
lol
James cringed. He was really doing too much right now and Barty saw right through him, It was one of the main reasons he hated himself— the constant ridicule. The ridicule was also another reason why he feared Barty; he was ruthless. And hot. The worst combination. The hotness almost made James overlook the fact he was mainly used as a doormat.
Peter
smirks mischievously
James
Are you fucking kidding me?
Peter
mayhaps
bcz im actually smirking mysteriously
James
Oh, fuck off
Just tell me if Pete is safe okay?
Im free now and I can pick him up if needed
Peter
icl hes on evan’s dick rn and you cant take that from him
believe me i tried
im being ignored ):
James
OH FOR FUCK SAKE
James’s nerves were all over the place and he finally cracked, dialing Peter’s number. He waited for a couple of seconds and when Barty finally picked up, James’s breath hitched. His bed suddenly felt too hot; too overstimulating. He pushed his duvet off and sat straight like never did, listening to Barty’s breathing. It felt intimate. Raw, almost. The object of his ire was so close and yet so out of reach, the phone holding the weight of their distance.
“Hi.” Barty’s voice was eerily calm, quiet almost. James couldn’t hear anything in the background besides soft inhaled breaths… so Barty was probably smoking. Of course, James thought bitterly, he’s always smoking.
“What the actual fuck, Barty?” James asked in a tone so sharp that he almost didn’t recognize his own voice. He felt like a different person in that moment. “What are you doing? Messing with me is one thing, but bringing Pete into it? Are you out of your mind?”
“You are so delusional, James, that it’s not even funny anymore.” Barty giggled, really fuckin’ giggled, and James hated him even more now. “Not everything is about you, you dense fuck. My boy Evan likes your boy Peter, that’s how it is. Get over it. You’re so obsessed with me that you think all I do is for you. Guess what, I find Peter likable. Maybe for you he is some kind of charity case but not all of us are such asseholes.”
Charity case. James closed his eyes for a second, taking rapid breaths. Being scolded by Barty Crouch Jr. wasn’t on his bingo list and especially not when it all made sense in his head. Everything pointed to one truth: he was a shitty friend. All his thoughts were right after all. He was a shitty friend and, even worse, a shitty person. Apparently, even shittier than Barty.
James was silent for a longer moment, letting it all wash over him. Everything felt rushed— but it was the only way he knew. Rushed. Always further and further, not taking a single moment to stop.
Barty was— damn him, Barty Crouch Junior was right and it was killing him. James realized, terrified of his own thoughts, that he was actually mad because it was Peter that took a place by Barty's side, not because Barty stole his friend.
No matter how many drunk talks, cigarettes and feelings they shared, Barty couldn't care less about James. While James, on the contrary, held a burning desire for Barty. He didn’t know how much longer it would be until his whole body was taken over by the flames of his craving.
In his miserable state, he whispered; "I think you're my favorite person, Barty." He couldn't really breathe, think or even move ; his every action was intently focused on the phone in his hand, Barty's soft voice and the way he chuckled.
"And I don't really like that." James added.
"Well, it sucks for you, Jamie," Barty responded in an amused tone. "But you know where to find me. No one asked you to fight it."
“Common sense might’ve.” James muttered, trying to calm himself. Curse me for that, God, but it is so good to hear his voice again. “You’ll make me miserable and I’ll watch. Or worse, I’ll let you.”
He left his bed, searching for his own pack of cigarettes. It was hard to just stay still and wait for Barty’s answer. This is probably how judgment day will feel like, he thought dolefully as he opened one of the windows in his room, lighting his cigarette up.
“Do you think you’re making me happy, Jamie?” James tensed at Barty’s question and almost tripped over something on the floor due to his off-guard state. “No, no. Tell me.”
“I think I don’t make you feel anything.” James was dying to be wherever Barty was, to see him, to be at least in the same room. If Barty’s voice alone could make James so euphoric, what would happen after a touch? A lingering moment of connection? How would it feel to have Barty’s attention all for himself?
“Mh, that’s where you are wrong.” Barty clicked his tongue and that sound made James so weak that he had to sit down on a large windowsill, decorated with comfortable pillows. “I swear to whatever God is there, Jamie, if you’ll keep avoiding me, I will go for your throat. Do you hear me? I didn’t use Peter to draw your attention but if I knew that was all it took… Well, maybe I knew. Still, you are a shitty friend. For someone who’s so afraid to become like me, you’re simply so much worse.”
“How—” James stuttered, scared that maybe Peter told him something.
“You’re really talkative when you’re drunk,” Barty sighed. He sounded plain disappointed. “I’m joking. I guessed, but thanks for confirmation. Well, I think that’s all for now. I should go back inside. Unless…?”
The word unless swirled around in James’s head until it resembled a jumbled puzzle, completely distorted and void of all meaning.
Unless.
Unlsee
Ulness
Ulnses
Nulssse
Lessnu
Lsnnu
Snelus
It was the sound of Barty’s voice that cut him out of his thoughts, “Jamie?” God, James loved the sound of his nickname coming out of Barty’s mouth. He’d die to hear it again.
James sighed to himself and hoped it was inaudible to Barty. “I don’t know what you’re expecting me to say. Unless what?” He absentmindedly picked at the skin in the corner of his fingernails, an anxious trait he had picked up.
He didn’t know why he suddenly felt so nervous around Barty. It was Barty .
“ Unless you want to tell me what you really need from me. Who knows, if I'm generous enough, I'll grant it." Barty sounded weirdly genuine, which was extremely uncommon. James didn’t know if he liked this new dynamic. It probably wouldn’t last long anyway, considering Barty’s mood changed fast.
“Really?” James whispered, suddenly unable to raise his pitch. He lifted his gaze up from his hand as if he was going to look at Barty, then stupidly remembered they were talking via phone call and he was alone.
“So you do want something from me.” Barty laughed quietly. “Figures, I suppose. Yes, Jamie, really.”
“I want to be your friend, Barty.”
“Just a friend?” James felt mocked and he probably was, considering what Barty was like. “C’mon, baby, you know it’s bullshit.”
“Maybe,” James gasped, realizing he forgot about the cigarette in his hand and it resulted without him taking at least one drag. “But let’s be honest. You’re only gentle with your friends. You’ll drag me down in any other position. So yes, I just want to be your friend, baby. Your pretty face won’t deceive me. ”
Not this time.
“So you think I’m pretty?” Barty asked and James could practically hear the smirk through the screen. Then Barty sighed, “You won’t even touch me. Remember that one party? I was all yours and ready to be—”
“ Stop. Christ, I don’t wanna hear it, okay? Just— stop. It isn’t funny.” James snapped. He was too close to actually ending that call.
“Oh, please,” He sensed Barty's annoyance. “Are you so afraid of me? Afraid of hearing that you’re making me crazy? That I want you all over me? That I moaned your name while—”
“Okay, okay, stop! Message received, okay?” James got all hot and bothered and he wasn’t about to test the ‘coming undone’ theory today. Not under these circumstances. “You won, okay? Just… I don’t think you understand. It’s not about… your body. I need you . I want to know you , not your body. Please?”
“Cute dates and shit? That’s what you want from me, baby?”
“No,” James almost whined. “I want whatever you are willing to give me. Please, Barty.”
“Geez, you can’t talk to me like that unless you want a visitor now. Such a pretty voice, Jamie. Maybe I should steal more of your friends to hear it again, hm?”
Barty was torturing him. It was a torture. James Potter was a weak, weak man. “Would you really come over?”
“God, no!” Barty’s laughter filled his eyes and it was the most cruel sound James had ever heard. “You think that I’ll come to you after you ignored me, pretending that you’re too good for me? No, baby, geez. You’re so pathetic sometimes. Work for it. ”
Barty’s mood changed faster than James initially thought it would. The humiliation James felt was utterly ridiculous. That’s the only explanation that summed his emotions up. Barty really was cruel, crueler than James recollected. The mocking was almost unbearable, but he couldn’t resist responding when Barty kept calling him baby. Barty had James wrapped around his finger and they both knew it. Everybody knew it at this rate.
James lolled his head against the window, closing his eyes for a second as if that would save him from the embarrassment. “I don’t think I’m too good for you.” He admitted in a quiet tone. “Quite the opposite actually.”
“Well, you sure act like it. But I believe you. Favorite person, you say? I almost feel bad for you.” Almost. James felt like throwing up. “Almost because you’re the same for me, Jamie. And you hurt me by doing all that. You see, I can’t just forget about it.”
James Potter, of all people, had hurt Bartemius Crouch Jr?
“No…” James whispered. “No, you can’t forget.”
They were quiet for a moment. So many things that James wanted to say. Aren’t you cold outside? Where are Evan and Peter? Will you forgive me? Will you forgive me, Barty?
“Go to sleep, Jamie. It’s late.” Barty finally said, sounding weird. Emotional almost. Maybe he really was hurt.
“I wanna talk to you,” James confessed. He felt like crying. What if this was a one time thing? What if tomorrow Barty will decide that he’s bored with James? “I feel like— like I’m empty. Hollow. I need you to save me, Barty, I need—”
“I know, I know. It will be all okay, baby. Trust me some, okay? I will be your savior, just don’t fight it.”
If James was smarter he would know that Barty couldn’t save him. Not like that, anyway. It was a deal with The Devil and he just sold his soul like it was nothing. All that work for nothing . It felt like a matter of weeks, not hours.
“Will you stay with me ‘til I fall asleep?” James asked before he could stop himself, the words tumbling out of his mouth before they even crossed his mind. That was new for him. He held his breath, waiting for an answer. He could faintly hear Barty chuckling.
“You’re too sweet for me, Jamie,” And then, Barty added, “Sure. I will always be here, baby.”
Maybe that was what James should be afraid of. But today, he wasn’t. That’ll eventually come back to bite him. Oh well. That was a problem for another time.