and all things end
Barty hated Death Eaters meetings.
He'd rather be out with his friends drinking and making bad drunk decisions, and maybe ending his night in James's bed like they used to do in fourth year.
That actually reminded him of something.
He slowly pulled his head up, because he was half asleep and nobody tried to keep him awake, he looked around at the long table to find the man he was looking for. And here he was, Peter Pettigrew, one of his oldest friends ever. Seating just in front of him, staring blankly in the general direction of Lucius Malfoy.
He had never asked Peter why he decided to join the Death Eaters, him of all people.
For a long time he just thought that he was a spy for the Order.
But one time he heard him talk to himself while throwing knives at a random door in the Black Manor before a meeting. And what he heard was so out of character, that, just for a moment, he thought that the blond boy was under a spell, but then he remembered that he actually hadn't talked to the other man in years, let alone been his friend. So, maybe Peter had his own reasons to be here.
And he never doubted his intentions ever again after that.
He definitely needed to talk to him after the meeting.
So when it did end, because God knows those meetings are long, and everyone was getting ready to leave, he followed Peter who was walking towards the adjacent living room, where nobody ever went to.
"Hey ! Pettigrew !'' Barty greeted the other boy, and sat next to him on a visibly really old couch. "I heard James and that ginger girl got married !" That was the only subject of conversation that came to his mind at that moment. "What was her name again ? ...Louise Evans ? Or maybe Lila ?!" Barty had a serious problem remembering people's names, especially if he didn't care about them, which was the case here. "But her last name was definitely Evans ! I remember because i used to mix her and my Evan up -"
"Lily. Her name is Lily'', Peter interrupted Barty before he could go into an hours-long rant about anything slightly related to that.
Barty has always done this. Talking about anything and everything when he was nervous or not entirely sure of himself in a situation. Which happened quit a lot during their shared childhoods, giving Barty's introverted and anxious nature. But he wasn't so sure about his teenage years, because they grew apart and from what Peter could see in the halls Barty seemed quite more like the confident type, or so he thought.
But you know what they say, habits die hard.
"And...yeah. It was last year." he responded not letting the taller boy speak again and without any enthusiasm in what he said. Making him sound like he'd rather be anywhere but talking to Barty right now.
Which hurt to be honest. They used to be really close back in the days! And also when their respective friend groups started hanging out because Reg and Sirius were reconciled.
Those used to be the good days...
"Oh really ? Was the wedding any fun ? Did Sirius pull any dumb prank on them ? I would never admit it to his face, but y'all's pranks were always greatly planned ! Even though I know Lupin was probably the mastermind behind most of them and you of course. But we both know James can't plan anything to save his life..." Barty kept talking to try and communicate his good mood to Peter.
Peter could not help but scoff at that "How would I know ? I wasn't invited."
Well this was surprising.
"What do you mean you weren't invited ?" Barty asked in a bit of a shock, "I thought Potter was your best friend ?"
He was really wondering what had happened for Peter of all people to not be invited to James's wedding.
"Don't forget Crouch, he was our best friend." He reminded him, locking his blue eyes with his own green ones.
Barty scoffed, while uncomfortably breaking eye contact with him, "James and I haven't been 'best friends' for a really long time now, Pete" he lowered his head sadly remembering the time they used to be friends, their childhoods.
They were really close before they met their other friends, but he always tried to forget this part of his life.
Trying to block it out with anything. Sex, alcohol, and even drugs sometimes.
It just makes him sad and makes him feel like he only made the wrong choices for the past five years...
He didn't like feeling like he should've done things differently.
Like maybe if he had ended up in Gryffindor he would be on the good side, that he would still have James and Marlene by his side.
But if the fates decided for things to be like this, who was he to try and change it ?
"But what happened between you two anyways ?" Barty needed to change the subject quickly. "When did you guys break up ?"
Barty never thought he would have to ask this question to Peter one day, he was certain that James and him would be forever together just like Euphemia and Fleamont.
But life is full of surprises, is it not ?
"He left me." What ? "For her." Peter answered looking down at his shoes, "He just left." He quietly whispered after.
Barty felt like he should end the conversation right this instant, because it felt intrusive to know this, because he hasn't been close enough with Peter in so long, it felt like he didn't deserve to know what had happened.
But part of him was aching to know more.
And knowing his friends, he could not go and look for Evan and Regulus because those two were probably not decent anymore.
So it only left him with one option.
"Tell me about it." He had time to lose, so might as well get the full story.
_ _ _
It was a sunny Thursday, they were getting nearer and nearer to the end of the school year and Peter never felt so happy in his life.
But of course something had to happen.
"Hey Buttons, can we talk ?"
James, his best friend, his boyfriend, the love of his life.
He has been in love with him since they were eleven, but didn't tell him until they were fifteen. And now they've been dating for two years.
"Yeah of course, love !" Peter stood up from where he was sitting, looking at the dark lake. He was now standing in front of James. "What is it ?" He asked, smiling and taking James's hands in his.
Maybe he should have noticed the distressed look on his boyfriend's face, his cold hands.
James's body was never cold.
Maybe he should have seen it coming.
Maybe he shouldn't have blinded himself with dreams of them living a happy life together.
But then again, that day had been a sunny day, and nothing bad is supposed to happen on sunny days.
At least that's what Peter thought.
"We have to break up."
Surely he heard that wrong.
"No, we don't.", he was still smiling. A visibly forced smile now, but still smiling anyways. Hands in hands with the boy he has known his whole life facing him.
A boy he has trouble recognising right now.
"Yes Peter, we do." James looked sad but not possibly as sad as Peter was feeling inside.
He physically felt his heart shattering. He felt his throat tightening and his mouth getting dry. He had to stay calm, he couldn't scream here or else everyone that was outside would hear him. But he wanted, no, he needed to scream, so fucking loud. He needed to physically feel his vocal chords being torn like paper sheets. To feel the blood flooding in his mouth. And, if the sky heard his cries, to choke on it until his lungs gave out. The tears came rushing to his eyes but he had to keep them in. Because if he cried, he would never stop.
Because just like Barty who can't stop talking, and Marlene who can't stop singing, and James who can't stop laughing. Peter can't stop crying.
"Why James ?" He asked, his voice trembling. "I thought you loved me ? I thought we were forever ? I thought I was yours and you were mine ? Why ?" James wasn't even looking him in the eyes anymore.
Nobody ever looked Peter in the eyes. They were too blue, too bright, too shiny, too unsettling.
He kept on asking questions because he couldn't understand what was happening. Why was it happening to him ? What had he done wrong for James to end things ?
"I like Lily, Peter." So that's what it was. "And I've liked her for a few months now, I just didn't know how to tell you." He looked like he was sorry, but was he really ? Peter knew James like the back of his hand. He was one of his oldest friends. He knew when the other boy was sincere, he always was. But it didn't look like he was today...
"Really ? Is it really all, you just 'like' her, so you break up with me ?" Peter forced eye contact to make sure James saw how he was hurting, so he could see the anger being held by practically nothing. "If it's just that then we can work it out ! You'll grow out of it ! And you know why ? Because you have me." He said trying to convince James or maybe himself.
But when he looked in his eyes, he knew there was something else to it.
"Dumbledore also told me that it will a better choice"
Oh.
The fuck ?
"So you just do all the things the old man tells you to do ? Is that it ?" He now had his finger pointed to James's chest. "You're just so gullible and naive that you just listen to everything he says ?"
Why would she be a better choice anyway ?
"Buttons, you don't understand-"
"Don't 'Buttons' me right now James !" He was barely keeping himself together now. "I don't want to hear about all of this anymore James !"
James lowered his head. Peter turned around and walked back inside the castle as fast as possible.
It started raining almost instantly . Getting James all wet, but he could barely feel it anyway.
He couldn't feel anything.
From this day on, Peter hated sunny days.
_ _ _
It never occurred to Barty that one day his old best friends, who have been in love since forever, would part ways just like he did with them.
He always thought that they would be forever the three of them and better off without him.
"I cried myself to sleep that night, in fact I cried all day until morning." And probably for weeks after, but Barty doesn't need to hear that because he knows it already.
After all they were best friends
"You guys didn't talk at all after that ?" He asked, hoping that the story gets better after this. But he already knows it doesn't
"We actually did." Peter said, looking down to his shoes again. "I tried to convince James to be with me again. To not listen to that old man. To just leave her and hide away with me." he added, "I told him he was my only love, that I could not live without him."
"And...what did he say ?" Barty asked carefully, he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer.
But then Peter whispered, "He said that he loved Lily and that we were over. That I had to let go..."
"I'm really sorry to hear that Buttons, really." He hadn't called him this nickname in years, and here it was again, as if it never left. Rolling off his tongue so naturally it scared him.
"So why were you not invited ? Because, I know for a fact that James would not just cut you out of his life !" Barty was burning to know why. So he had to ask him.
"When I heard that he asked her to marry him, I was so scared that I had lost him for good. That the week after I went to see Lily", Peter started.
"But, weren't they staying with his parents at the time ?" He didn't dare to say their names, he could not in good conscience do it, not after all that had happened, after all the things he did. But he knew this information because Sirius told Regulus, who told him.
"Y-yes they were but I went anyway." Peter admitted.
_ _ _
Peter was in front of the door, a door he's known his whole life. He grew up behind that door. He knew every inch of it. All the reparations that had to be done over the years because Marlene apparently did not know how to use a handle properly.
He hesitated for a bit but then he rang the doorbell and Lily came out a minute after.
She opened the door looking surprised because they weren't expecting anyone and even more because she was certainly not expecting to see Peter at James's parents door.
"Hey...Peter. What are you doing here ? We weren't expecting you. And James is not here. " She said, looking at him rather suspiciously.