Potions and Jealousy
The beginning of the school year was…terrifying to say the least. The ride back to Hogwarts on the train had her riddled with anxiety. Bits and pieces of herself had flaked away, lost along the road that had become too scattered with heartbreak for her to notice them even being missing in the first place. Hermione sat, with her head against Harry’s shoulder in the compartment, the rocking lulling her to sleep. The beginning of the ride she had attempted not to fall asleep, trying desperately to keep the thoughts that she wouldn’t be able to keep her nightmares at bay. It didn’t work. As her eyelids drooped, she drifted into a deep sleep only to be awoken what felt like moments later to Harry’s wide green eyes staring at her with panic. She gulped, tugging the sleeves of her jumper down as she pretended like she wasn’t sweating from the desperate panic that had clung onto her even awake. Ron wasn’t in the compartment, he had joined Lavender, apparently catching up on his snogging he had missed in the summertime and Harry was the only one there. She gulped, scooching back against the wall, tugging her knees to her chest, as she wrapped her arms around them.
“Hermione?”
“What?” It came out snippier than she intended, and she closed her eyes fighting a grimace before letting out a shaky exhale. Her eyes snapped open when Vince’s–Theo’s eyes drifted behind her eyelids.
“What happened to you?”
“Nothing, Harry.” He was silent for a moment, and she felt his eyes on her, cheek pressed against her knees as she turned away from his prying green eyes. He didn’t need to know what was going on, he didn’t need to know what had happened to her. It wasn’t fair. He was dealing with enough already.
‘I-I thought that it was about the Ministry at first but…I heard you screaming Theo’s name.” She heard him swallow in the quiet of the cart. “I tried to wake you up, you were thrashing around and I cast a silencing charm…figured that you didn’t want anybody to hear you. I remember you doing the same thing for me when I had a dream at the Burrow…”
Tears slipped from her eyes and she clutched her legs tighter to her chest. “Harry?”
“Yes?”
“I-nevermind.”
“What is it?” She felt the brush of his fingertips against her back and stilled. “What do you need, Hermione?” The words were so similar and yet they weren’t anything like when they had fallen from Draco’s lips.
“Can you…” She swallowed, her voice hoarse from screaming. “I just need to see Theo.”
It was quiet for a moment before she heard the door open and close, and she took the opportunity to let the tears fall. A sob tearing through her lips that was muffled by her knees, head burying into them. The pain was too much, tearing through her, gulping in air at her desperate attempts to make herself breath before they came. Hurried footsteps came closer and she swiped her eyes quickly, choking back the tears before pressing her head into her knees. Why had she sent Harry into a snake's den? Why had he gone willingly? That was the stupidest thing that she could have done. Her legs were shaky when she stood, gripping onto the rail while she lurched towards the doors just as they opened.
Theo’s blue eyes flitted over her, scanning every inch of her before landing on her tearridden eyes, and immediately she was enveloped with his scent, yanked against his chest. A thundering heartbeat echoed in her ears and she focused on it beneath her cheek, remembering that he was alive, in her arms, right here. Slowly, the anxiety seeped from her, tension easing slightly in her muscles. Then she was being swept into another set of arms and she felt herself being lifted, an arm underneath her legs scooping them from the floor.
The deep rumble of Draco’s voice had her instinctively tucking herself closer, burrowing her head into his broad shoulder. “Go to sleep, Granger. We’ve got you.”
His words were enough for her to fall into a dreamless sleep, dreaming of sweet nothing.
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“There once was a boy who used to wander these halls the same as you….many knew him back then by the name of Tom Riddle.” The entire Hall went silent and Hermione went rigid next to Pansy, her hand coming down to grasp onto hers tightly beneath the table. “That is why you were all searched tonight, he is the reason. Although you may all know him by a different name now….we are constantly being threatened by dark forces. They are trying to penetrate this castle every single day, which is why I must remind you–the greatest weapon that one has is themselves.” His twinkling eyes landed on her and Hermione blinked at him in response.
She shoved the memory from her head, clutching the potions book tighter against her chest. There were three potions simmering in cauldrons on the table in front of them. Draco, Theo and Pansy were leaning against the wall staring at the table, but she knew they were eyeing her. The train had spooked them enough for Theo to have gone to Snape behind her back, requesting that either Pansy or Theo were to be moved into the now mostly empty tower that she resided in as well. Snape had somehow pulled enough strings for Theo to be moved there quietly, and then she found herself next door neighbors to Pansy and Theo. It was strange, seeing them when she stumbled from her room in the middle of the night unable to sleep as nightmares stayed on the brink of her consciousness.
It had only been two days and she found herself exhausted already, trying to pretend that there wasn't darkness swirling around her threatening to drag her into the darkness. Ron and Harry had entered, disrupting the learning by wrestling over something in the cabinet behind Slughorn. Hermione rolled her eyes and listened intently as Slughorn asked if anybody knew what the potions in front of them were. Hermione stepped forward slightly, the smell of one making her step closer before she shook her head and stepped back towards Draco.
“The potions there are Polyjuice, Veritaserum or truth serum, and Amortentia–otherwise known as the love potion.” Slughorn smiled, egging her on to continue and a small spark shot through her at the encouragement. “Amortentia is known to smell differently to everybody based on what they’re attracted to. Being the most powerful love potion in the world…I smell…parchment, apples and mint.” Her words drifted into a whisper, eyes casting down to the floor while a blush spread across her cheeks. A small tug on her curls had the red deepening and she turned to glare at Draco’s smug expression.
“Alright everybody, have a good look at all of the potions, let me know if you see anything noticeable about them. Get a good study because you will be replicating a few of these throughout the semester. Under dutiful eyes of course.” Everybody took a turn passing the table, peering into the cauldrons except for Hermione as she inched herself closer to the back of the room. Draco followed, tucking himself against the wall as he scowled at his passing classmates.
“Why are you all the way back here, Granger? Afraid you’ll announce your love of apples to the class again?”
“Why aren’t you going up there to smell the bloody potion?” Glaring, she flicked her hair over her shoulder. Draco’s breath was hot against her now exposed neck as he whispered.
“Because I already know what I’m going to smell.”
“Mm. And what’s that, the smell of your own hair products?” Draco huffed a laugh before she felt a tug on one of her curls.
“What is that flower you use in your baths? Lavender? Hmm….” Draco was stepping away from her and her eyes followed after him, tracking his every moment and noticed that there was a faint tremble in his hand before it was shoved into his pocket roughly. He leaned over the cauldron, eyes flashing when he turned back around and made his way towards her. She ignored him, instead watching as Blaise leaned over the cauldron, his eyes flicking to where Theo was watching him before flicking his eyes towards hers. Theo blushed, pressing off of the wall to come and stand next to Draco. Draco addressed Blaise as he approached “What did you smell mate?”
Blaise stood awkwardly in front of them, clutching his book before muttering. “Myself of course. Only smart thing a man can be in love with is himself.” Draco glared at him and Blaise smirked. “Oranges and cinnamon, my signature scent.” Hermione pressed a hand to her chin, covering her mouth as she bit back a smile. She knew for a fact that Theo smelled exactly like that. It was one of the most comforting things about him–always reminding her of summertime and fresh squeezed orange juice.
When they had shuffled away, elbowing one another about what they had smelled when Pansy joined the group, Hermione shivered as Draco leaned closer to her again, his finger brushing over the curls that had fallen against her neck. “Definitely lavender, and parchment, you usually smell slightly of ink but that’s more during the school year when I can’t seem to tear you from the library. My favorite part though…” Hermione parted her lips, tongue coming out to wet them while she waited patiently for him to finish. “Mmm…nevermind. I think that I’ll keep that part to myself.” He was gone before she could reply, stalking over to where the rest of the Slytherins stood. Ron and Harry made their way towards them, and Harry raised his eyebrows at her.
“Oh shut it, Harry.” He smirked, green eyes bright before flicking open the ratted book in his hands.
Slughorn continued to drag on, his voice carrying over the now excited girls in the class. Hermione cleared her throat, staring at the back of Slughorn’s head as he announced what they would win for their prize: Felix Felicis. Draco perked up, suddenly looking interested in the class and Hermione noticed the mask slip. Just enough for her to notice the strange expression written across his face before it slid quickly back into place. He looked stressed, eyes tight at the edges, something flickering in them before the silver hardened to a dark gray. Her head cocked to the side and for a moment, she wondered just what Draco would need liquid luck for. What was he so stressed about? Had she been so wrapped up in her anxiety over recent events that she hadn’t noticed the boys? Theo looked just as stressed, she could make out the worry lines that creased along the skin between his brows as anxious eyes scanned the crows until they landed on hers.
His living blue eyes made instant relief spread through her, warming her veins. Relief wasn’t even the correct word to use to describe how she felt knowing that Theo was alive….it was his worst nightmare that happened right in front of her. Every time that he waited anxiously next to her bed over the course of the years trying to see if her eyes would have life in them when they opened; only for her to be the one to watch the light in his go out. And Tiberius…his eyes…they were an exact replica of hers and for a moment she wondered how Theo had even been able to look into hers in the first place. The brown was so similar, and she wondered how much hers had changed. She wasn’t sure when the last time that she looked in a mirror was. Part of her knew that she looked dreadful when Pansy cringed at her braided hair, and Hermione had washed it and left it down for the first time in a few days instead of plaiting it like usual. It took less effort.
There were so many things that she hated about herself now that she never used to before.
As they set to work Hermione decides that she chose the absolute worst day to wear her hair down. Frustration and the fumes from the room and potions were causing it to frizz, crackling around her with an energy of its own. Everybody around them was frustrated, Draco was glaring at his cauldron with a ticking jaw and lips pressed together in a tight line. Theo was running his hands through his hair, tangling the tight curls into different directions, and Pansy looked terrifyingly calm as she glared at the potion in front of her–black bob slightly mussed. The only one that seemed to be calm was Harry. He was reading the book intently, and she narrowed her eyes at him, watching.
There was juice all over the top of the desk and Hermione narrowed her eyes at it, before flicking them towards the green orbs that were on the face of a smirking boy. “How did you do that?!” Her voice was shrieky and she watched Harry cringe before glancing down at the red juice on his table.
“Crush it.”
“No. The instructions specifically –”
“Hermione. Crush it.”
“Sh.” She held her finger up at him, glaring before grabbing the bean on her table and crushing it with the blade. Harry gave her an arrogant smirk, his green eyes sparkling as he continued with the Potion. Out of pure curiosity–that’s it–Hermione peeked out of her lashes at him whenever she got frustrated with the Potion. He was reading intently, fingers brushing over the front of the pages, green eyes flickering across the words.
“Shit!” Draco’s voice broke her concentration and she flipped her gaze towards him. He had been looking at Harry, but his eyes could have frozen her to the spot when they brushed over her and drifted back to his table, back to the blood that was leaking from his fingertip. Theo was pursing his lips, staring at Draco in confusion before blue eyes dragged to where Harry was standing, continuing to make his potion.
Harry steps back from his potion, smirking so arrogantly that Hermione swore that his father was standing in front of her instead; portraying that same smile in the photo of them in the castle. Hermione glared, narrowing her eyes at him before lifting her eyes to Draco’s. Gray eyes were narrowed in on Harry, his jaw ticking and she watched his Adam's Apple bob when he swallowed roughly. Her eyes never left him as Slughorn handed Harry the bottle of Liquid Luck. While they were all distracted, she unstoppered two of the bottles next to her and Accio’d some into them, slipping them both into her robes. Draco was still staring at Harry hard enough she wondered if his eyes alone could cast a hex. Everybody was focused on Harry, except Hermione and Theo as their eyes met across the tables and he smiled at her.
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“What do you need it for, Draco?”
“Calling me by my first name isn’t going to get you any answers, Granger.”
“How else am I going to keep your attention?”
Draco’s eyes flashed and he smirked at her. Hermione decided that she quite liked his arrogant smirk more than Harry’s. “I could think of many things to keep my attention.”
Skin flushing a bright red under the heat of his gaze, she stepped into him unconsciously, tongue running along her bottom lip–his eyes tracking every move. “I believe…I already have.”
The tone of her voice had his eyes tearing from her lips, and landing on her eyes. “Granger.”
“Malfoy.”
He stepped into her, hands slipping onto the wall behind her as he pressed himself against her. Suddenly all of his attention was actually on her, causing all of the oxygen to leave her lungs and heart stop in her chest. “You…” Draco’s head dipped to her shoulder, breath skating across her skin and tickling the hairs falling across her neck.
“Draco.” It came out breathy and he lifted his head, lips delicately brushing against hers as he stole the oxygen from her lungs. “What do you need it for?”
Then he was pulling away abruptly, cold air rushing in the previously heated space between them. Electricity that sparked the conversation left her crackling and desperate for another charge. Hands came to run over his face, pushing the blonde from his forehead before heated eyes met hers. “I can’t tell you.”
“Can you tell me how you managed to cut your bloody hand today.”
“No.”
“Can you tell me anything?”
Pursed lips. “No.”
“Malfoy.” Huff, and a sigh. “Be reasonable here. You won’t tell me what has made you so bloody stressed in the first week of school. You also refuse to tell me what you need the potion for so desperately. And why you cut your damn hand. I just want you to talk to me–”
“--I don’t need to talk to you, Granger!” His voice was a low whisper, glancing back towards the hallway behind the tapestry they had slipped behind, but she knew he had cast a silencing charm. The comment stung in just the way that he wanted it to and she felt the blow. So did he as his eyes widened slightly, taking in her reaction.
“Ah. My apologies. I thought that being…whatever we are would mean that you would trust me enough. I also thought that we didn’t lie to each other. Clearly I was wrong.” She attempted to push past him, and his hand slipped around her forearm, as he pressed her against him.
“Don’t you ever assume that I don’t trust you.” Gray eyes luminescent in the shadows dancing across his face. “That is far from the truth, and you know that.”
“Do I?” Hurt crossed his features before gray eyes narrowed and he crowded her against the wall again, a palm pressed against the wall and the other on her hip.
“I didn’t think you were daft enough to pretend as though a betrothal meant nothing to me. A betrothal that I suggested and signed in my blood."
“And I didn’t think you daft enough to believe that you couldn’t tell me something, that you could pretend like it didn’t matter and that would make my curiosity go away.” She stepped into him, tilting her chin to meet his gaze. “Clearly you are daft enough if you believe I think that marriage contract means nothing.”
“I cut my hand….because I was watching you smile at Potter….” His lips brushed against her neck, palms pressed against the wall behind her with his breath fanning across her cheek. “And Potter was smirking at you while he completed a potion that I desperately wanted.”
“Malfoy…were you…jealous?” Words were barely registering in her mind with the feel of his lips against her skin.
“I’m always jealous of anybody who gets your attention, darling.” She shivered. “You’re mine.”
She tried to refocus, grabbing onto the anger she had moments ago and pulled it forward trying not to let Draco distract her with the feel of his lips on her skin. “Well then, every time that you lie to me…I’ll remember just how much you love me giving my attention to somebody else.”
Draco growled, pulling his head back to glare at her. “You wouldn’t fucking dare, Hermione.”
“Test me, Draco. I’ve always been at the top of my class.” She wasn’t sure what came over her when she stepped onto her tippy toes, pulling his earlobe between her teeth. “Remember that while you weigh what lying to me is worth.” She slipped from under his arm and into the hallway before he could reply.
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Hermione stumbled at Harry’s comment, bracing herself against the railing. “I-I’m sorry, he said what?”
“Dumbledore, asked me if I had any interests outside of class….and then implied that we spent a lot of time together.” Harry wiggled his eyebrows at her and Hermione shuddered.
“You can’t be serious.”
“Quite actually.”
“Surely Dumbledore didn’t call you into his office to discuss your interests outside of academics did he?”
“No, not really. He…well…” Harry squinted, green eyes shining in the lighting. They had met at the Astronomy Tower, Hermione slipping from her room before curfew when she received a message from him telling her that he had information. “He showed me some….memories. About the first time that he met Tom Riddle–Voldemort.”
A shiver ran down her spine as she tilted her head towards the stars. “What is he expecting of you this year, Harry?”
He was silent for a moment, studying the sky before turning his green eyes onto her. “He expects me to be collected…to let Slughorn collect me. He implied that he had something that he was trying to get back and that I might be able to. I think that it has something to do with Voldemort.”
Her lips pursed as she chewed on the inside of her cheek. “Harry.”
“What?”
“You don’t fancy me do you?” Harry let out a breathy laugh, before doubling over clutching his stomach.
“Hermione, really? I mean, you’re beautiful and brilliant really but…” His eyes widened before flicking towards her. “Don’t tell Malfoy I said that. Bloke might hex me or something.”
“It might be me honestly.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Nothing, I just. He seems like he’s trying to keep something from me….”
Harry slid closer to her, his hand resting over hers. “I don’t know what he’s doing Hermione, which makes me feel like it’s something to do with keeping you safe. I can understand the feeling. You always manage to put yourself at the most risk, and there are a lot of things that I don’t even know about that happened this summer.”
Her fingers twitched before she slammed her Occlumency walls into place, memories attempting to tear from the books she had shelved them in. “Yes.”
“Hermione?” She turned to look at him, unsure about her ability to form anything other than a single word. “You know that you can talk to me, right? About anything. Truly. You…you yelled at me and told me to pull my head out of my ass, and honestly. I don’t know where I would be right now if you didn’t do that. The anger that was consuming me, tearing me apart…you’re the only one that saw it. You’re the only one that realized that it was consuming me.” He turned, heading towards the stairs as his words carried across the small space between them, stabbing her right in the heart. “I can see you too, Hermione. You’re hurting worse than most of us and I can see it in your eyes. Maybe for once, you can stop protecting everybody around you and let them carry something.”
With that he was gone, trudging down the steps and she was left staring at the space he had occupied. How was she going to be able to protect them all without losing herself in the process?