Tough Decisions
She was standing, gritting her teeth as she did. Lucius was standing in the room, staring at her with his hands wrapped around the cane that she knew held his wand.
“What do I have to do?” She was proud of the fact that her voice stayed steady.
“You must make it seem as though you have been spying for us all along.”
“How?”
“Narcissa will help you. You've already been practicing Occlumency for a while. She slipped it into your tea time–”
“I know. My library.”
Lucius nodded, something flashing in his eyes as he stared at her. “Can you ask Cissy to show me how?”
Lucius gave her a tight nod before slipping from the room. Hermione smoothed her hands over her dress self consciously and sat in the chair on the terrace. A faint shimmer told her that it was spelled. Glancing over she noticed that she could see the terrace to her room, but couldn't remember if you could see his from hers.
She realized that she had only been to her room to change and wondered briefly where Draco had been sleeping while she was in his bed. She'll have to move back to her room tonight so he could sleep in his own bed again.
Narcissa slipped into the chair beside her quietly and Hermione turned her head towards the woman. Her blue eyes scanned her face before Hermione whispered the words into the air. “Help me keep everybody safe.”
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She had just fallen asleep–after tossing and turning in a bed that used to be so comfortable to her that the light footsteps startled her awake suddenly. Draco was standing at the edge of the bed, looking at her with furrowed brows.
“Why are you in here?”
“I figured you wanted your bed back.” Her voice was thick with sleep when she spoke.
Draco shook his head as if she had just told him that Dittany was used for tea and not healing. “Well, now you're sleeping where I have been. You've effectively taken up residency in two of my beds.” He was moving next to her, flinging the blankets back from her with a scowl. “I suppose it's not a bad thing…it did stop smelling like you a few days ago.”
She flushed, darting her eyes to her now bare legs. Her sleep shorts that he seems to hate were now exposing her legs and he was scowling at them. “Well. You can always just…I don't know…sleep with me. I don't know why you didn't in the first place.”
“You were regrowing your sternum, ribs and a lung, Granger. I slept in a chair next to the bed a few times but I wasn’t about to compromise your healing. Not only that, but I don’t have a thing with lying next to people who don’t get to say whether or not I'm allowed to.”
She pursed her lips. “Well. For future reference, you’re always allowed in my bed for a snuggle.”
“Malfoy’s don’t snuggle.”
Hermione hummed, yanking the blankets back over her with a scowl in his direction. He returned it, before slipping his shoes off and climbing into the bed next to her. She wondered if he was attempting to prove his point with how far away from her he was and she sighed, scooching herself closer until she was nudging his arm over and lying her head on his chest. After a few moments, his presence alone was making her almost drift off to sleep as he twisted his fingers around her curls. She threw her leg over his and he stilled beneath her, hand resting in her hair.
“Did you just trap me with your leg?”
“If you don’t like it, move it, Draco. I’m far too tired.” It wasn’t a lie. Her legs felt like lead and he released a breath into her hair.
“I can’t move it. You’re wearing those bloody shorts.”
“Yes, the shorts you hate so much, Draco. What does that have to do with anything?”
“You’re showing far too much skin. I am not going to touch it too.” Hermione lifted her brows at him as she sleepily lifted her head.
“It’s only skin. Are you going to combust upon touching it?”
“I might, yes.” She rolled her eyes, before rolling away from him. He grunted, an annoyed sound leaving him.
“Why did you do that?”
“Well, if my skin bothers you so much.” Draco groaned before she felt his hands around her waist, gently turning her back towards him. She giggled when he laid her head against his chest and it halted on her lips when his hand rested against her thigh. Slowly, he moved her leg over his, trapping it between his as he turned, sliding her head onto his arm. She was now effectively caged, his arm under her head, with his hand cradling her head. The other was frozen on her thigh, skin pressed against skin. He hissed, dipping his head down to the shell of her ear.
“Your skin doesn’t bother me at all.” His fingers drifted up, skimming along the back of her thigh until his fingertips were caressing the flesh underneath where the shorts ended–the underside of her arse. He groaned, before sliding his hand up to her hip. “It’s the thoughts that come with touching your skin, Granger.”
She tilted her head up at him, breath hitching. “What thoughts?”
“None I can talk about or think about when I’m wrapped around you.” She didn’t nearly understand everything about that sentence and was thinking of a retort when there was a shadow that appeared behind Draco and she squealed. Draco tucked her to his chest, whirling around with his other arm and raised his wand. Theo stood wide eyed back at him, before Draco cursed and tucked his wand back under his pillow. “Fucking christ, Nott.”
“Sorry. Couldn’t sleep. Didn’t expect to…walk into whatever this is.”
Hermione popped her head up and smiled at him. “We’re snuggling.” Draco made a sound of protest, squeezing her tighter. “Come join.”
Theo looked like he was debating running from the door before Hermione was threatening him and he was climbing into bed beside them over the covers. “Better not be fondling her under there, Malfoy. I'll have to hex you.”
“Fond–” Hermione was mid-protest when Draco suddenly pinched her bum. “Draco!” She squealed.
He was smirking against her neck and Hermione rolled her eyes. Theo tucked into bed beside her, his hand holding onto the one that she wrestled from in between Draco and her. As she drifted off to sleep in the silence she realized something. Hermione knew that she would help end the war for Harry, hell she would even die for it. But for Theo and Draco? She would survive it. She would do whatever possible to claw her way back from the depths just to ensure that she lived for them.
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Hermione was dressed, standing with her hands clasped in front of her as she swallowed. Narcissa had been coaching her rigorously the past week, and even though she wasn't fully healed Lucius had come to tell her that they had run out of time.
Voldemort had been growing restless with Lucius, demanding proof of having a spy within the Order who had allegiances to him. She gulped, running her hands over her dress. The idea of betraying Harry swirled with guilt in her stomach but was quickly swallowed with the pain that came from the idea of something happening to Draco, Theo, Narcissa or Lucius. She had to do whatever she could to protect her family.
She hadn't told Draco of the lessons that she was having with her mother, yet she could tell that he was reserved the more that she watched him. His hands would shake and sometimes she would find him in a trance, zoning out once he had relaxed in the room. Theo was almost the same way, and she could see the glazed over expression in his eyes from too much Occlumency.
They were chipping pieces of themselves away and not saying a word to her about it. So she didn’t tell Draco about what she was preparing herself for. It was only fair for her to give a piece of herself as well. Lucius stepped forward, his finger coming to tilt her chin up towards him and nodded. “You are either brave or foolish, I have yet to decide which.”
Hermione swallowed. “Only a fool tests the depth of water with both feet.”
Lucius opened the door and she followed him down the hallway, her head down and eyes cast to the floor. She knew what was expected of her. She would play the part. Clearing her mind, she followed Lucius’s form until she was standing outside of a set of doors.
Lucius tapped his cane against the floor once as her sign to prepare before the doors swung open. Hermione had prepared herself for a lot of things, but the amount of Dark Magic that was emanating from the room wasn't something she could have imagined. It clung to her skin as though she had stepped into a humid room, caressing every inch in a suffocating balm.
Hermione dropped to her knees in front of bare feet that were perched at the bottom of a throne on top of a dias. Her head was still bowed, staring at the floor as she desperately tried to ignore the massive snake slithering across the marble stone towards her. She didn't make eye contact, and suppressed the shiver that went through her as the snake circled her.
“Lucius. Is this the girl that you were telling me about? The eldest Nott?”
“Yes my Lord.”
Suddenly there was a shuffling and Hermione heard a hissing voice whisper. “Come here, young one.”
Hermione unfolded from her knees, keeping her eyes cast downwards as she made her way towards him. Once she could see his bony feet and swirling black robe clearly she dropped to her knees again in front of him.
“My Lord.”
A hiss of approval greeted her as cold bony fingers slid across the skin of her jaw wretching her head upwards. “Look at me, child.”
She did, drawing her eyes upwards as she allowed the shiver to pass through her. She gulped at the sight of him, bright red eyes stared back at her, a hairless skull with flesh pulled tightly across it was staring back at her. The putrid smell of blood and rotting flesh assaulted her senses when he opened his mouth and breathed across her skin.
“I lost an important object due to Lucius’s incompetence to understand what was important. Tell me, is your life more important than the object that I had desired to retrieve?”
“Certainly not, my lord. I would have gladly given it in turn for you to have received what you were after.” Voldemort hummed in approval before suddenly she was gripped with a scorching pain, igniting through every nerve inside of her body. All that she could think of as her jaw clamped shut attempting to stifle the scream that burst from her lips from the pain was of Draco and Theo.
Voldemort chuckled and just as quickly as the curse had ignited her body in fire she was released. She fell heavily onto her hands and knees, panting through the pain that lingered in her sternum blossoming out across her chest. Every breath was rasped and she felt like she was gulping in water. Fingers found her hair, twisting into the curls as fingernails dug into her scalp, yanking her up until she was looking at him. The stench of death blew across her face. “Then tell me, young Nott, what can you offer me in return for what I lost.”
He didn't give her a chance to answer before she was screaming on the ground again, the pain tearing through her like the Hogwarts Express. Nerves were lit on fire, igniting every inch of her skin. It felt like it lasted forever before she was released again and she grasped onto the few conscious thoughts as she remembered what she was there for. What he had asked. Hermione didn't bother to clear her throat. Lucius said that he fed off of the power that he got from diminishing those in his service. As she spoke she hesitantly prepared her mind for intrusion. “Information, my Lord. My mind is at your disposal with whatever information you may need regarding the Order of Phoenix and Harry Potter.”
Without warning there was a pain between her temples almost as though a knife was stabbing between her head, fileting her and ripping apart her library. Hermione gasped through the pain, allowing all of her books to fall forward. Her stolen kiss with Draco in her bedroom after saving him from torment from Moody. Every time that she had written information to Draco about what she had heard in the two way journal at Grimmauld Place. Harry’s screams from his nightmares. She tells Snape about Harry’s suspicions of him being a spy. Her defending Snape from Harry. Theo glaring at the bruises on her wrist.
Voldemort yanked himself so abruptly from her mind that she was crumpling onto the floor, whimpering beneath him. It was silent for a moment before Voldemort stood, stepping over Hermione’s crumpled body as if she were nothing but a rug. Moments later through the fog she heard Lucius’s heavy panting from behind her and her eyes flitted up to see him gasping, his hair falling forward.
“This time, you have gotten lucky. Your request is granted Lucius, but she will be returned to Nott Manor soon as punishment for your failure.” Hermione saw something flicker across Lucius’s face before it passed as quickly as it had come. “Her life will be spared as long as she is deemed useful to me. Luckily for you it seems that she already has been.”
With that, Voldemort walked over to the snake, placed his hand on its head and disappeared. Hermione didn't move for a moment, until the adrenaline started to seep from her bones and she realized just how much Dark Magic had been siphoned from the room at his departure. Suddenly there were hands on her, gently lifting her as her body shook and spasmed beneath their touch. She blinked, trying desperately to clear the hazy vision that hung in the edges of her vision. There was the sound of a crack and then she was suddenly in Draco’s room again the distant sound of somebody screaming ringing in her ears. Lucius was whispering to her and she barely registered the words as he smoothed her hair from her face.
“You did so well, Hermione.”
Then there was the sound of something slamming, wood splintering before she heard yelling. “WHAT THE FUCK.”
Hermione couldn’t see anything, just the sudden blur of white before it disappeared as she convulsed, a tremor ripping through her so violently she almost bit her tongue off. A metallic taste flooded her mouth and she realized that she had at least bitten off a piece. Turning, a scream bubbled up as blood spilled from her lips.
“Fuck!” Theo’s voice registered to her suddenly, cutting through the fog. “Draco. Let him go, we have to fucking do something before she kills herself.”
It took a few more seconds before Hermione was being turned, whimpers leaving her throat as something was poured down her it. She swallowed as much as she could, before spitting the mix of blood and potion out onto the sheets. Guilt rolled through her when she realized she was destroying Draco’s bed again.
She sat up, attempting to move and fire licked up every nerve inside of her before hands were shoving her back down. More potions were tipped down her throat and somebody was massaging her hands.
She stuttered. “D-D-Draco.”
“Yes?” He sounded strained, hanging on by a thread.
“Don’t want to” she swallowed, attempting to stop her traitorous voice. “ruin your sheets.”
Theo’s voice echoed in her head as darkness pulled her under. “Is she seriously worried about your fucking sheets right now?”
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She sat up slowly, ignoring the fire that spread across every inch of her as she did. There was a fierce determination not to spend months in a bed again and the pieces from earlier slowly started to make themselves clearer in her head. Rubbing her temples, she slid from the bed slowly. Fingers grasped onto any object within reach as her legs twitched and spasmed while she walked on shaky legs through the passageway. Draco wasn’t there either.
Neither was Theo.
Hermione made her way through the twisting halls, and stumbled out into the gardens. It was dark, the moonlight illuminating the roses as she made her way through. At some point she had careened, falling into the grass and stared up at the moon.
How had her life become this? A crazy neverending existence of sacrifice.
She closed her eyes, letting the moonlight caress her skin and the grass tickle her neck. There were few moments left in the world to remind you about what it meant to live, not just survive. Whispered voices became closer as she heard the hurried footsteps at their approach. “Hermione?” Theo’s voice was terrified, and for a moment she could hear his age. She peeked an eye open and croaked out a reply.
“I’m fine, Theo. Just enjoying a bit of moonlight.”
“Salazar, Hermione. Scared the bloody hell out of me. We were looking all over for you, and here I found you lying in the grass. Thought you were dead or something.”
“Mm. No.” It was the only reply she could manage. She was tired and every muscle aches as she lies there. There was shuffling next to her, and Theo’s scent carried over the small breeze as he laid beside her.
Cinnamon, oranges and the faint smell of boomslang skin.
After a moment she realized that somebody had laid beside her other side when a pinkie brushed against hers. Draco’s blonde hair was in her peripheral vision and she smiled as she closed her eyes. She was quiet, knowing that they wanted answers at some point and she stared at the moon as she mustered the courage. When she was done retelling the events of earlier, both boys were silent.
“I was so worried about your bloody sheets.” Hermione giggled, laughter bubbling in her chest as they laid under the moon and as the giggle grew to laughter that had tears pricking the corner of her eyes, and the sound of Draco and Theo laughing with her; she felt as light as the stars.
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Draco hadn’t come to see her and she packed her things into her trunk with shaky hands. He had been strange with her, not speaking when he walked her back to her room with only a brush against her hand and a whispered goodnight.
She had been startled to find the passageway between their rooms closed when she entered and stared at the wall wondering why he was closing himself off from her. Especially when she was due to go to Nott Manor in a few moments. She dragged her trunk near the door, wringing her hands together as she stared at it. Her eyes flitted around the room, before she walked forward, dipping the quill in the ink as she wrote two quick letters.
One, she sent off with the eagle, wondering when she would be able to correspond again. And the other she placed on the ground in front of where the passageway opened to lead to Draco’s room.
Snape was standing in the main foyer, his arms clasped behind him. Theo had already gone from her assumptions and she couldn't hide the faint tremor in her hands as she desperately tried to hold herself together. She needed to do this, needed to do whatever was asked of her in order to keep the people she loved safe. Her eyes scanned the house, resisting the urge to run her fingertips over the wall as she made her way forward. Who knows, maybe she wouldn't have a chance to ever come back here. Maybe it was best that Draco kept his distance because she couldn't bear to say goodbye to his face.
She swallowed roughly, and kissed Narcissa goodbye, before turning back to Snape. He took her hand in his arm and led her from the grounds to the Apparition point. It was the complete opposite from her arrival to Malfoy Manor. Yet, when she turned around as Snape spun them, she caught sight of a panicked blonde yelling her name with a letter dangling from his fingertips.
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Her hands fell to her sides as Snape stared back at her. “Please don't leave me here..”
“I don't have a choice, Hermione.” Her name was a whisper and she closed her eyes, holding onto it.
She nodded, opening her eyes to stare at the man who had saved her. “Sometimes…one must wear many facades to keep the ones they love safe.”
I wear many masks, Ms. Granger. But the one that I wear for you is the easiest to endure.
Her eyes snapped to him and she was met with such a soft brown that it made her gasp. Snape had never shown her anything but guarded emotions, with a slip here and there. And here he was, admitting that he cared about her. She swallowed back tears, registering his words. Hermione watched as his face became guarded again, a soft nod in acknowledgment. He turned away from her, and she noticed the trembling in his hands as he walked away.
As he spun to Dissaparate, Hermione lifted her chin and turned to face Nott Manor.
It was beautiful in a wretchedly, twisted sort of way. Gargoyles sat out front, their stone faces enough of a warning of what happened behind those walls. The Manor had an air of Dark Magic around it, and it only grew stronger the closer that she got. When she was walking through the door that had swung open, she felt like she had bathed in the Dark Magic emanating from the property. Hermione didn’t have to be a professional to know that everywhere she looked were Dark Objects.
The Manor itself was vast and dark, and a house elf covered in scrapes and bruises greeted her in the entryway. “I am to escort Miss to her room.”
Hermione nodded, following after the limping elf as fury outgrew terror and curiosity. Her nails dug into her palms as she followed after the poor thing. He hadn't told her his name and he wondered if he was allowed to. Different plans were formulated as she wondered what facade she was supposed to wear here. Where was Theo? Was he not here? The elf led her through a large and long hallway, the windows blocked off enough that it was dark. A few sconces lit the path through the musty hallway and she gulped when they stopped in front of an ornate door. There were carvings, runes that she couldn’t fully make out in the dim lighting. She stepped through, glancing around.
The room at Malfoy Manor was more comfortable than this was. There was a black bed in the middle of the bed, ornate four posters that took up the majority of the room. A simple armoire was against the left wall and a desk was underneath the small window that was covered by heavy black drapes. It was dimly lit and her trunk was sitting at the end of the bed. She turned, expecting the small elf to still be there, but she was alone. When she stepped towards the door, there was a shock that jolted through her when her foot inched to go out the door. She jolted, stumbling backwards and eyed the doorway cautiously. A figure was looming across the hallway and she took another step back into the room. Slowly, the figure stepped towards her enough for her to make out the face staring at her.
Tiberius was standing there, glaring with eyes so dark they were almost black. Everything about him was intimidating, dark, terrifying. Her heart was beating against her ribcage, a pounding that she swore he could hear from outside the doorway. “You are not to leave this room without permission.” Hermione simply nodded, swallowing. “Any information that you have about the Order will be relayed to me, and me only.” She nodded again, twisting her hands into her dress.
“I don’t–”
“You will only speak when spoken to.” Hermione clamped her mouth shut, staring at him as her anger started to build. “Hand me your wand.”
“No.” The words left her lips before she could help it. There wasn’t any filter that could contain her anger the more that he spoke.
He cocked his head to the side, a small smile playing on his lips. “Every time that you refuse to do as you’re told, there will be consequences.”
Hermione lifted her chin, staring right at him. “I’m not afraid of you.”
He took a step into her room, and she resisted the urge to back up, planting her feet against the floor. “It will be fun to break you.” His words were the only warning before his hand raised, coming to crack across her jaw. Her eyes welled with tears as she fell against the wall, pain blossoming across her face. Briefly, she wondered if he had broken it. “You will do as you’re told, or your privileges seeing your brother will be revoked.” A tremor tore through her as she scrambled to her feet, lifting her chin in defiance. He smiled, stepping back through the doorway as he raised his wand uttering a word that made her realize just how deadly this stay could be if she didn’t comply. “Crucio.”