Welcome
Chapter 1
POV No one
An unexpected knock startled Aaron Hotchner out of his thoughts, a young and slightly familiar woman tumbling in seconds later. Box in hand, she stopped before him, smiling like an exited teenager. As their conversation went on, it became progressively more clear there had been some sort of mistake, and though he didn’t mean to take out his frustration on the innocent woman in front of him, he didn’t have time to care.
Emily’s smile didn’t waver as her new boss left her in his office to go deal with more pressing matters. Though as he left, she could feel her composure crack. She had dealt with many hot headed men and was less than enthusiastic about potentially having another one for a boss. She hoped he was just having a bad day.
With a sigh, she looked around the now empty office, putting the heavy box down on the desk and sitting down on a couch in the corner. She ran her hands over the material of her leggings in a bored manner. Emily wasn’t quite used to wearing skirts, having only been home for about six months since working for interpol. Before that, the years of undercover- and fieldwork never paired well with skirts and dresses, for practicality. But even once she’d come home for leave, she found herself gravitating toward other options, options that made her feel slightly more mature. She knew it gained her more respect at work to wear pants, finding she was taken more seriously, and gained her less unnecessary attention from male colleagues.
Wearing a skirt today had been somewhat of a conscious choice, wanting to come off less strong to her new coworkers, hopefully making them like her more. Though Emily was very experienced, being 35, and having worked in the force for over 10 years, she still found herself nervous in new social settings. Not when she was undercover, not when she was someone else, but Emily Prentiss had anxiety. She often hit it well, and the only thing really giving her away in the past had been the chewed nails. She hoped her new teammates wouldn’t notice.
As the hours passed and she found out the team had gone away to work a case, she made her way home for the night. The apartment was quiet as she entered, dark and quiet. Lonely. A feeling Emily hated.
***
Pov Emily
Before I knew it, a week had passed, and I’d worked several cases with the new team. Though I was nervous the first day, especially about meeting everyone, I felt I hid my nerves quite well and everybody seemed happy to have me there. I really liked every one of them, even Aaron had shown he had a nice side, and Rossi was like the team’s dad. It was all going nicely.
I had especially taken a liking to the girls, glad I was not the only one. Garcia was just a ball of sunshine, something the whole team needed while doing what they did everyday, and Jennifer… She was so kind and caring, to everyone, and I couldn’t help but feel drawn to her energy.
I’d had never had many friends, my life plagued by the curse of loneliness. First, it was my childhood and moving around all the time, never staying long enough anywhere to actually put down roots. Then I threw myself into a career of secrecy and undercover work, never getting to have a personal life or enough time off to meet people. I had one friend from interpol, Rebecca, and though she still lived in London, we still talked sometimes.
Because of my scarce social life, I was more than exited when Jj and Penelope asked me to go out with them. ‘Girl’s night!’ The two blondes had yelled in unison, making me laugh.
Pen ran back to her office to get her coat and Jj and I waited for her by the elevators.
“So… what is this girl’s night? I hope I’m not being roped into some sort of cult” I smiled as Jj rolled her eyes.
“No, it’s just something Garcia and I do whenever we get the chance, sometimes we go to a bar, or watch a movie. Really it’s just an excuse to hang out and gossip without all the guys around” the blonde laughed, making me giggle.
As our colorful friend joined us, we went to the parking garage, deciding to take separate cars. Jj and Pen carpooled every day anyway so they shared, and I would need my car tomorrow. They gave me the address to the bar we were meeting at and then we were off.
There was another, sort of hidden, reason I’d decided to take my own car too. It gave me an excuse not to drink anything. One I desperately needed due to my poor lying skills when I was feeling anxious, which I would in a new social setting. A little under a month ago I’d had an IVF insemination done, and though it was possible to see early results after 3 weeks, I had been too scared to even think about finding out. The timing was awful, and I’d been too preoccupied with this new job to deep dive into my emotions.
After I’d spent several years undercover in the Doyle case, I decided I wanted kids. I’d basically raised Declan, Ian barely caring about his son. Before that I’d never even thought about kids, not since my abortion at 15. I knew it was the right choice, it was what I wanted, but it was a lot for a teenager to go through, and I think my brain just blocked off all thoughts about that stuff afterwards.
But after working many years with interpol and seeing how precious and vulnerable life is, it couldn’t wait. I had to face my demons… so I did. When I finished the Doyle case, I took leave from interpol and went back home. I spent countless nights talking with Rebecca, and worked hard to figure out who I was and what I wanted after being Lauren for years. And that’s when I realized it, I wanted more in my life than just work. I wanted someone to come home to, someone to love. I wanted to be a mom, and then it dawned on me that I was 35 and without so much as a crumb of a love life. Sure, my apartment was in DC, but I had absolutely no social life here anymore, no friends. I didn’t know a single man, and even if I had, finding someone I liked, who liked me, dating, getting engaged and married would take years. That was years I didn’t know if I had. And even then, I didn’t even know if I wanted to get married.
I simply didn’t have time to figure all of that out. I know it’s possible to get pregnant well into your forties, but it worried me. I was an only child, and I didn’t know if that was a deliberate choice on my mother’s part, or if there had been issues, I certainly wasn’t gonna call and ask. Just the thought of her catching a whiff of my plans gave me a headache, the judgement, the opinions. It had been years since I’d spoken to her, a deliberate choice passed off a necessity for my undercover work. I simply couldn’t handle all that right now, she would have to wait. Surely, if she’d wanted to speak to me she would have reached out.
There was also the fact that I’d always had issues with my period, pain so bad I couldn’t go to school, sometimes couldn’t stand, another thing that’d angered my mother throughout my teens. It was also irregular and unpredictable, but I’d sort of gotten it all under control when I started on the pill at 20. Still, the worry remained my womb wasn’t quite operating as it should, and I just didn’t want to risk my future for fear or anxiety in the moment. I knew that this was my dream, and though I knew it would be hard with my career, I needed to prioritize my future happiness. Plus, there were plenty of men with kids working in the FBI, so I could do it too… even though I would be a single mother, that’s what I convinced myself anyway.
So after several calls with my very supportive friend, and a few therapy appointments, I’d done it. Completely alone, knowing no one in the city and my best friend half way across the world. And only a week later I’d gotten the call from Erin Strauss. A job offer, my dream job, sitting there waiting for me. I simply couldn’t say no, and before I’d even considered all that it meant with my current situation, I’d found myself at the BAU. And I loved it. I’d found my people, people who welcomed me with open arms, friends, and despite all my underlying worries and anxiety, it felt good, I felt at home.