Dorcas Meadowes. A force not to be reckoned with. Almost tore down everything Voldemort was building, or as some say, actually did so. That’s what people tell each other now. People outside of the order. The members of the order think her too vigilant, too difficult to control now. What would they expect after Marlene’s death?
She herself wouldn’t describe herself as either one. Maybe crazy is a word she’d use. It didn’t seem entirely fitting though.
Really, the most fitting description of Dorcas Meadowes would be a fool. Dorcas Meadowes is a fool. That’s what she is. That’s what she’ll always be.
Not a hero. Not even a friend. A fool.
But who could blame her? If she believed in people? In her friends? How could that make her a fool?
She should’ve known better. She should’ve.
Dorcas Meadowes. If people could see her now, they’d take back everything good they ever said about her. On the floor, a complete mess. Sobbing, because the war had taken away everything good. First, her friends. Then her lover. And now, her life. Her sanity.
She remembers better times. She longs for them.
When everyone she loved was together in one place, and they were safe. When they laughed like nothing would ever change. When they promised. They did.
The sky was clear, the sun was shining. It was hot. Too hot to do anything substantial, so Dorcas and her friends had decided to go outside, to the lake. Soon, they would have to go home for the summer. And after that, Dorcas would go find a job.
It was nice, being with her friends while she still could. Barty and Evan were in the lake, wrestling with each other or doing some dumb shit. They always did. Regulus was under a tree, reading in the cooling shadows, while Pandora was telling both Regulus and Dorcas about some sort of strange creature.
She didn’t want anything to change. She didn’t want to leave just yet. One more year, with her friends. One more year before everything would be different. Because it would be. They all knew it.
There was a war coming up. And Dorcas knew her friends.
Regulus, Regulus Black, a name of significance. There had been something going on with him ever since Christmas. None of them had asked, he hadn’t talked about it. He had been wearing long sleeve shirts ever since then. Not even in the glaring heat of summer would he change them for short ones. They weren’t stupid, they knew exactly what was happening. They just didn’t want to ruin their last year together.
Evan, last name Rosier, another one of the sacred twenty-eight. No doubt about it, he would have the mark sooner rather than later. He too, didn’t say a thing about it, but his arms were still clear of any snakes. She would savor it for as long as she could.
Barty had told her that Evan had discussed the topic with his father once, and they had decided he would get to finish his education before joining the death eaters. He hadn’t meant to tell Dorcas, she knew, but he did it anyway, breaking in a similar way that Dorcas would later on.
Barty, loyal to his friends, who would do anything for them. Barty, who was like a brother to her. She would lose him, she would. Because he would never choose her over Evan. She wouldn’t make him. She just wanted him to regret his decisions and think of her when he did join them.
Join them, as an act of rebellion, as a sign of loyalty, whichever you pick.
And Pandora would leave. Go somewhere far away, where no one knew her and could do her harm. She would stay neutral in a war that had the potential to ruin the entire world. It infuriated Dorcas, but she still wouldn’t try to change her mind. It would be of no use. She wouldn’t make her fight her own brother and her best friend. She wasn’t so cruel.
She had a feeling. A bad one.
Evan and Barty were out of the water now, slowly making their way to the tree while laughing and pushing each other. Once they arrived, Barty immediately went over to Regulus and shook his head, like a wet dog would. Water droplets flew everywhere, including Regulus’ book. He just looked up and glared for a second before going back to reading.
Meanwhile, Evan was sitting next to her, leaning his head against the tree behind them and closed his eyes. And Dorcas had the sudden urge to tell them just how much she appreciated them. Loved them, really. She wouldn’t. But she really wanted to, and that’s what counts. Instead, she says “I really don’t want to graduate yet.”
Regulus closes his book. Barty drops down on the floor in front of her and Evan. Pandora stops rambling about moon frogs.
“I’ll miss you guys.” It’s almost laughable, the way the atmosphere turns tense, just a tiny bit. They know what she’s talking about.
Regulus stays silent, staring at the lake intensely. Pandora just looks sad. Barty is also avoiding her eyes. He never does that. Evan smiles at her, it’s not bright, it’s not happy.
“I’m sorry.” Is what he tells her. It surprises her, honestly, because it means he’s acknowledging the topic. He’s talking about it.
“Dorcas?” Barty says. His voice is somehow shaky, but at the same time determined. He is looking at her now. “Will you still talk to me then?” Oh. He seems desperate for her answer to be yes, and somehow, she can’t bring herself to say anything but that either way.
“Yeah. Of course.” The mood is no longer light, as would be appropriate for such a beautiful summer day, but somber. She can’t make herself regret bringing up the topic though. At least they’re talking about it now, and maybe they’ll say they don’t want it. Maybe they’ll change their minds after all.
“Promise?” he sounds like a child. Not inherently in a bad way, just… a very heartbreaking one. She imagines it’s what Regulus felt like when Sirius left. Look how that turned out. She doesn’t mean to look at the dark-haired boy, but she does. He’s still staring at the lake, but she thinks she sees tears in his eyes. He must think the same as her then.
“Only if you promise you won’t let them change you.”
He doesn’t even hesitate when he says “Okay. I promise Dorcas. I won’t.” She can tell that he’s being entirely truthful, so she smiles.
“I promise we’ll still talk.” She says. He visibly relaxes at those words.
Dorcas hadn’t even realized how tense he was.
“Dorcas?” Regulus whispers, and she barely catches it. It’s uncharacteristic of him to be so quiet and unsure. “I promise too.” He says when she’s looking at him. He’s still not looking at her, but she’ll let it slide because she knows he’s being honest.
“I guess that means I have to promise as well.” Evan says to no one specific. Dorcas shoots him an amused smile because he says it like he doesn’t want to. He rolls his eyes at her in a loving way, and finally speaks again. “Yes Dorcas, I promise too.”
The promise is not only for Dorcas, but for himself as well. For Pandora. For Barty. For Regulus. For all of them. Because why should they have to make these promises. They’re teenagers. Practically children. They shouldn’t have to say goodbye like it’s the last time they’ll see each other.
They lied.
Maybe they hadn’t meant to, but they did lie. They did, and it leaves Dorcas as the fool for believing them.
Regulus is dead. He’s dead because he went on some stupid mission for the dark lord. He hadn’t fought in any of the open battles. He really was only there because he was a Black. He made potions for the death eaters to use. Horrible potions, meant to harm, meant to kill.
Evan is dead too. Died fighting, apparently, that’s what they’d told her.
There had been a mission, a mission to gather intelligence from somewhere, Dorcas isn’t sure where. They were discovered, and there was fighting. People died, on both sides alike. And Evan had put up a good fight.
He had always been a great duelist. But at nineteen, he was no match for Alastor Moody, one of the greatest aurors alive. She can’t help but be glad that Moody is now missing his eye. It’s not a nice thing, it’s most likely not even appropriate, but she does still love Evan.
Or maybe she hates him. Somedays she can’t decide.
Pandora is gone. No one knows where she went. She was just gone one days, told not a single person where she was going. Dorcas misses her terribly and wonders whether she knows about her brother. Or about Regulus.
She hasn’t heard from Barty recently. Before, he’d tried to keep contact with her, but Dumbledore had made it clear that anyone who is friends with the dark side might as well go join them. And Dorcas wasn’t a traitor, no. He had stopped a few months back. She hopes that at least he kept his promise. However, she has this sinking feeling in her gut as she gathers herself from her breakdown.
She approaches the newest hideout she found. She’s going to kill every single person in that building. No one will be able to stop her, except maybe Voldemort himself. He wouldn’t bother though, would he. She’s just one person, hardly worth the effort.
She busts open the door, which is not protected by any sort of spells or other mechanisms. It makes Dorcas falter for just on second. That’s all it takes. Suddenly she’s against a wall, wand at her neck. There’s a frighteningly inhumane face in front of her. The man(?) has no nose. He has something snakelike about him.
“Make sure she can’t leave.” The man speaks. Apparently, there’s another person in the room, one she can’t see from where she is. There are some spells muttered, and Dorcas can’t help but feel like she should know who that is. When the person is done, the man holding her against the wall takes her wand. Well, great, her only weapon. “Leave us.” The man speaks again, voice raspy.
“Yes, my lord.” The person bows their head and leaves. Dorcas knows that voice and her heart sinks. That was Barty. Surely, he wouldn’t just leave her at the man’s mercy just like that? She tries to apparate away, but to no avail. He actually trapped her here.
With Voldemort, she realizes. Because Barty had said “my lord”, which means this not-entirely-human man was Voldemort. Oh, Dorcas was so going to die. She laughs.
How could she have been such a fool? Of course this had been a trap. It was too easy. Damn her thirst for revenge, for Marlene, for her friends. Though, Dorcas isn’t entirely sure how much Barty deserves it anymore.
His betrayal, because that’s what this is, he broke his promise, hurts the most. Because he’d willingly broken her trust, his promise and everything between them. He’d delivered her to the dark lord, to death. What kind of friend does that?
“Dorcas Meadowes.” Voldemort says and smiles in an incredibly unpleasant way. “How nice to finally meet you.” She hates this man. He ruined her life.
“No. It isn’t.” she feels like a petulant child. The pale man seems to think the same because he laughs. He laughs at her. People haven’t done that since her first year at Hogwarts. It makes her think of herself as a child again. She knows nothing. She’s a fool.
“You would have made a nice addition to our side. Shame, really.” As if she’d ever. She pulls a face in disgust.
“Fuck you.” She spits in his face. Can’t he just kill her? That’s what she’d been brought here for. Why is he still talking to her? “You killed her. You killed them.” Why is she talking to him? She’s a fool and she has nothing to lose anymore, that’s why.
“People die. Why would they be any different from others?” he asks her. It makes her furious because he is at fault. He started the war. He made them do things they didn’t want to do. He made them kill Marlene.
“Did you really think they wouldn’t change their minds once they were part of it? That they wouldn’t grow up and see the right way?”
That’s when it hits her. He knows who she meant when she said them. Not the people in the order that have died. Her friends. Had they told him? They must have, there was no other way for him to know. Barty. Of course he would. Would he? Why? No questions would solve this for her because her friend wasn’t here to answer them. She knew anyway. He betrayed her. He gave her up for no reason. “I should have known.” Such a fool. “I should have known.” She repeats. She can’t believe she was so blind.
Dorcas knew from the beginning the promises were futile. Pointless. There was no way they would be able to keep them. Maybe she just didn’t want to believe it back then, but deep down she had always known. She feels tears well up her eyes and refuses to let them fall. No way she’s crying again now. Not in front of the man who ruined everything.
“You were their everything for a while, just like they were yours. What changed?” she scoffs at the question. It’s the dumbest fucking question she’s ever heard. What changed?
“What changed?” she asks, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Oh, I don’t know. Everything, maybe? The fucking war? Them?” her voice almost cracks at the last word, and she snaps her mouth shut. She will not allow weakness in front of this man. Not even when he just confirmed her suspicions that Barty had told him everything. Asshole.
Voldemort hums. “Yes, well, it’s a shame you trusted them then.” Then he looks at her like a disappointed teacher might and Dorcas is so, so confused. Why is she still alive? Doesn’t the dark lord just kill his victims and leaves them be? Why hasn’t she tried to fight him yet?
Because there’s a wand at her throat.
“Yeah. Real shame.” She’s bitter. Because they lied, they lied, they lied.
“You shouldn’t expect people to stay the same. It’s unfair to them, isn’t it?” He’s mocking her. She should punch him. She really should.
“One last thing Miss Meadowes. Have you ever thought about the fact that you betrayed them just as much as they betrayed you?”
The question makes Dorcas freeze. Makes her blood boil. She’s angry. How could he insinuate that? She would never break a promise like that. Except… hadn’t she? The more she thinks about it, the more she realizes. She had broken her promise. She’d broken it first, which makes the realization that much worse.
Voldemort laughs condescendingly, pitiful. “You haven’t. Of course you haven’t. It’s laughable, really. You say you do all these things for the greater good, but you are just as selfish as us.”
She knows she’s going to die any second now. She can’t help but think that Barty will be all alone then. She hates that she broke her promise.
In her last moments, she’s filled with regret. Longing. And maybe she’s a little bit glad she doesn’t have to live in a world without Marlene anymore. Doesn’t have to experience the war anymore.
She doesn’t have to live with the fact that she broke on of her most meaningful promises. Because she chose the war over her friend, over her almost-brother.
It doesn’t hurt when the green light hits her.