Grieving, grieving, constantly grieving.
Scorpius couldn’t breathe.
He was curled up in the corner of the bathroom, ugly sobs pouring from his mouth as he shook and rocked.
Scorpius thought he was getting better with his grief. Felt he could finally handle and come to terms with everything, but then the world comes crashing down on his shoulders. A heavy weight sitting in his chest, pulling him to the ground.
The day had been fine.
He had breakfast with his father and aunt. Lunch at the Potter’s.
Spent time with Albus.
But then he got home and a wave of grief hit like a tsunami.
Scorpius couldn’t remember what his mother’s voice sounded like.
It was a realisation that hit him like a brick. One that he hadn’t had time to think about recently with school and his boyfriend.
But now school was out. Scorpius had time to think. His brain had time to process all the grief that sat, unmoving, in the pit of his stomach.
He begged his brain to come up with something. Open a memory bank. A birthday song. A good night wish. A moment of her speech. Anything.
But nothing came.
He scratched at his skin, pulled at his hair, did anything that might bring him out of this. Bring him back to his own skin. But sometimes grief hits like a hurricane, an unstoppable storm that ransacks his brain.
Scorpius was too far gone to even hear the bedroom door opening. Or the bathroom door.
He didn’t even register the footsteps racing towards him, too stuck in his own brain to notice anything but the burning sensation in his chest.
A tentative hand reached out and grasped his shoulder. His Albus.
“My love. Baby. I’m here.” Albus whispered to him, not wanting to overwhelm him by panicking and saying too much.
Scorpius finally registered that. He all but pounced on his boyfriend, curling himself up in his lap as his sobs grew even heavier than before Albus had arrived. His body shook and his chest heaved as Albus ran his hands through his hair and whispered small words of affirmation and love to him.
After a while, his sobs had slowly calmed. The two sat there in an uncomfortable silence. Albus not wanting to make his boyfriend feel worse. Scorpius not knowing how to express how he was feeling.
“I never got time to grieve properly.” He finally said, in a hushed whisper that Albus could almost have missed.
“Oh, my love” Albus started, holding Scorpius’ head to his chest and kissing his pale blond hair “You can take forever to grieve if you need to. I’ll always be here to bring you back. This is a big one to deal with. You are allowed to take your time and feel.”
It was an unspoken thing. Albus knew when Scorpius got like this it could be one of only a few things. This time was Astoria.
This one was never going to go away.
No matter how much Albus told him it would be okay, he was here, he loved him.
Nothing could replace his mum. Nothing can fix the piece of his heart that died the day she did.
“I don’t know what I would do without you, Albus.”
“Good thing you never have to worry about that.”