Perfect, he thought darkly, the sky was dark and gloomy, the clouds looked like it was about to rain, perfect weather for him. He had always said that at his funeral if it didn't rain, they would have to reschedule, he refused to be buried under a shining sky. James had always just laughed and shooed away the notion, why in a million years would James have to plan his funeral? That was just silly, he wished he still thought it silly. He had been watching the weather for two weeks now making sure it was just perfect for him.
James always forgot that Regulus wasn't around anymore, he would wake up to empty space, an empty apartment, an empty hole that no amount of pleading and crying would fix.
He always felt Regulus’ presence around him, felt the space he used to occupy when near. He physically ached for Reggie's presence, as if he would never breathe properly ever again.
Everyone was telling him time healed, but no amount of time could heal this. Just like no amount of talking could convince Reg that he made a difference in people's lives, that he left permanent marks on the earth, but he did.
He was gone, but James could feel him. Could see the steps he used to take out of their kitchen to the living room, could see the place he would always put his tea down. Right in front of the coffee maker, so when James got up to make coffee for himself, he could taste what type of tea he made himself that day.
The last time was sweet, he could taste apples in it, there was definitely a lot of honey in it (that wasn’t really needed because James was pretty sure it was chamomile tea but Regulus always liked to put in too much honey if there wasn't any sugar left). He couldn’t think about chamomile now without feeling like throwing up.
A sound brought James back to his body and out of his memories, the funeral had ended a bit ago but James stayed back, watching the freshly turned dirt rest on the ground. Probably a bird. The tombstone wouldn't be put down for a bit, for the ground to settle and compact together.
The flowers placed on the grave were too bright, no one deserved that much light in this darkness.
It felt like he was drowning, like he hadn’t been able to catch his breath since he heard the news. James could practically hear Regulus whispering in his ear “go home, sleep, you are exhausted, I’ll be ok here,” but he couldn't. He couldn't leave him alone, gods he was so alone without Reg.
Regulus had always seen the worst in life, pushed the point that everyone was going to die one day, if it came sooner rather than later, oh well. He had gotten better over the years with James, always saying “people get sunburns from the sun, I get an annoying sun duplicate who refuses to stop shining on me.” James would kill for Reg to insult him again, to smile again, to make tea again, to breathe again but no.
The term soulmate never really made any sense to him before. It was too cliche, no one is made for each other. The possibility of meeting someone like that was so improbable but once he and Reg started to really talk and get together, he knew it to be true. Their souls were tied together, no doubt in James mind, and now one is gone. Oh how the cliche lives on.
“James, come on back with us, it's raining.” Sirius called out. Apparently Sirius and Remus didn't go home, and apparently it was raining. He looked up and immediately the drops gathered on his glasses frames, blurring his vision more than the tears cutting up his vision were already.
“I can't” James voice cracked as he spoke, his voice didn't sound the same, it was broken. He was broken.
He didn't elaborate more than 'I can't’ but Sirius knew what he meant, he always knew what he meant.
Sirius was his best friend, practically his brother since when they were kids. They were platonic soulmates, the two sides of a coin, the start and end of a sentence. That, he could believe more than a romantic soulmate, could he explain his logic behind that? No, but it made sense in his mind when he first met Sirius at 11 years old.
James was being made fun of for his skin color and the Indian food his mother made him for lunch but Sirius (always the dramatic hero) immediately jumped to his rescue, yelling at them in French because he wasn’t perfect at English yet, he scared them off and soon enough they were some of the two most popular kids in school. “The Desirable Duo” which soon became “The Famed Foursome” when Remus and Peter joined them in their antics about two months later. The next year Regulus joined their school and honestly James didn’t fall in love immediately, he didn’t even know Reg existed until eighth grade. It wasn’t until James was in 11th and Regulus was in 10th for the crush to develop.
Reg would never admit it to anyone but he got his crush immediately when they first met as a 12 and 13 year old.
Regulus hated being vulnerable like that, he would have hated the funeral. Having everyone seeing him with his eyes closed and lying down. He always focused on the little things, James always saw the big picture though. They helped each other see everything in all situations.
James was like the sun, Regulus was a shining star, together they outshined everything. Now it was all a dim shade of gray.
Sirius was pulling him away and James couldn’t do anything but watch as he walked away from the love of his life.
Regulus Arcturus Black
James Fleamont Potter
Maybe in another life. A great, big tragedy.