James is the epitome of charismatic. Boisterous even, always the most magnetic person in the room. Obnoxious if you’re a teacher, mischievous if you’re a student.
Yet some days he wakes up mute. Some days cement has poured itself into his bones and his smile doesn’t reaches his eyes.
“You alright there mate?”
“Hm?”
James looks up to be met with a very concerned looking Sirius, Remus and Peter. He looks back down to see the food on his plate completely untouched. He wants to say no. He’s not alright. Yet he has no reason to feel this way. So he scoop up a spoon full of eggs with a bright smile.
“Just dandy”
Sirius’s nose wrinkles at the view of James talking with a mouth full of eggs and Peter snorts, going back to eating his breakfast. Remus slips a chocolate bar into his bag before class. He feels a sense of calm at the gesture that is completely trampled on the minute he gets to class.
“You okay? You’re super quiet today”
“You okay? Did something happen?”
“You okay? You’re heads in the clouds”
You okay? You okay? You okay? You okay? You okay? You okay? You okay? You okay-
Your nose isn’t going to be okay if one more person asks me. I’m fine! You bloody idiots are just so loud!
He storms out of potions, not even thinking about going to his next period. He needs to get away from people. Just needs to sit in some peace and quiet. James doesn’t remember how he’s gotten here but he finds himself in Regulus’s favourite hiding spot. Two lounge chair tucked into the back of the library in an alcove with floor to ceiling window. Nothing but books to keep you company.
He always comes here in his spare period, I’m starting to understand why. It’s so quiet.
Regulus would understand why he’s quiet. He wouldn’t ask a million questions that James can’t answer.
So he waits. And waits. And waits until the silence becomes itchy and yet he can’t bear to fill it. Can’t move his throat to hum a tune. Can’t tap his finger to the rhythm of music. He’s absolutely paralyzed at the small tick of his watch. For every minute that Regulus’s absent, the more his headache grows, settling right behind his eyes to a point where he can no longer stare out the window without pain.
He’s not coming. It’s not like you planned on meeting up with him here anyways.
He abruptly gets up at the thought, stashing all his untouched papers back into his bag. For as badly as he just wants to go back to bed, James automatically goes the long way, walking by the classes Regulus should be heading too. He balances on his toes, desperately trying to catch even the smallest glimpse of the dark haired boy. For every second the hallways starts to empty, a hollow feeling starts to crawl back into his body.
He’s a husk, heading through the portrait, waving off students as he climbs into bed. Curtains drawn and pillows fluffed he expects sleep to come quickly. It doesn’t. His eyes are frozen on the design of the canopy as the hours pass by. He misses the rest of his classes. He doesn’t go to dinner. James completely ignores the plate that Sirius brings him, cup of tea from Peter now sitting cold at his bedside. It’s not until the other three are well asleep by the time he gets up again, needing to escape the room. He craved silence all day yet is now being suffocated by it.
He grabs the invisibility cloak and roams the halls like the ghosts. Silent feet make his way to the astronomy tower, the vast sky drawing his attention away from the silence the shadows bring. He automatically heads to the window, hands already aligning the star chart to find his favourite star.
“Heard you where looking for me”
“Oh but I already found you”
“Have you now? Not confusing it with Sirius now are you?”
“Not that hard to find the heart of the Lion”
James turns around with a slight smile, gesturing for Regulus to look at the stars he’s mapped out. The other boy is entranced by the stars, now magically floating right in front of them.
“Evans said you didn’t look too good”
He shrugs as he sits down on the floor, letting the shadows encompass him. The other boy follows, head automatically finding its way to James shoulder. The brown haired boy tilts his face, pressing a small kiss to the others hairline and goes back to looking at the stars. Unlike this morning, as the minutes slowly tick by he can feel the exhaustion start to leave his body. The heat of Regulus’s side slowly seeping into his bones. They slowly watch as the midnight sky turns to twilight, sky promising an explosion of colour any minute.
His eyes are torn away as Regulus’s fingers turn his face, lips slotting themselves against his. He automatically follows as Regulus moves away, arms pulling Regulus flush against him for another kiss. They kiss and kiss until the dawn starts to peak into the skyline, dancing soft colours against their shadows.
Regulus softly sighs when James pulls away
“You feeling better love?”
He silently nods, wrapping the boy back into a soft hug; not wanting to let him go so soon. Regulus runs soft fingers through his hair, and starts to untangle James from himself with a small kiss on his cheek. James kisses his palm as Regulus tries to tug him towards the door, a small laugh bubbling out of his chest.
“Oh common- you know what professor is going to do if he finds one of us up here again”
He says it with a small laugh too, smile growing just as wide as James. He wraps another arm around the shorter boy, peppering kisses along his face.
“Thank you”
“Of course. Now get. I think I hear Filchs cat”
And with that James is running back to his dorm, feeling lighter than he has in weeks.