Sirius hasn't talked to Remus in a week, not directly or by choice at least. It's been one agonizing week, for both of them. One week since the most awaited, unexpected, terrible, and amazing thing happened.
Prone to nightmares (stemming from his less than satisfactory childhood), Sirius had peeled back the curtains on Remus's bed at half past two in the morning with tears streaming down his face. He bit his lip to muffle the sound of his sharp inhales, then gently nudged Remus to the side with his knee so there would be enough room to lie down. This wasn't where things got unusual, Sirius had found comfort in curling up next to Remus at night for years. One day, in third year, Sirius had come clean. He told his three closest friends everything, why he was so familiar with the unforgivable curses and why he flinched whenever someone mentioned his mother. Or more importantly, why he woke up in the middle of the night sobbing out and pleading for help.
Remus already knew whose arm was wrapping around his waist before he could even open his eyes, "Nightmare?"
Nuzzling into Remus, Sirius hummed in response and Remus could feel his lips vibrating against his shoulder. Sirius's tears are absorbed into the fabric of Remus's shirt. Sirius doesn't know how Remus is able to sleep in a shirt. The rest of them in the dorm just sport their boxers, even Pete, as insecure as he can be. He knows why though, and the thought made Sirius push his body further against Remus's. It's silly, the idea that any of the Marauders would ever judge Remus for his scars. Sirius thinks they're beautiful. That Remus is beautiful, always. Remus shifted around so he could look Sirius in the eye.
"Don't cry, Padfoot." Remus dragged the pad of his thumb across Sirius's cheek, wiping away a tear.
Sirius sniffled, "You're my best friend." When Remus raised a contemplative eyebrow Sirius amended his statement. "Well, I mean James is my best friend, he's like my brother. But you and I, Moons, we're different than that. We're more, you know what I mean?"
Remus didn't answer. He wiped another falling tear from Sirius cheek but let his hand linger, moving to cup Sirius's face.
"I mean you just get me, and I hope you think I get you. And I just think we're connected in a way no one else could ever be, and-" Sirius lost his train of thought when he looked up to meet Remus's gaze. It was serious, mysterious. The look Remus had in his eye. Maybe... lustful? Touched? In awe? All of the above? Before Sirius could think about what he was going to do next, he was moving closer and tilting his face, mesmerized and high off of Remus's carefully sculpted face. Remus met him halfway. Their lips touch in a brush so light that Sirius gasps, wondering if it had really happened. But Remus's hand pulling Sirius back to him and his slightly chapped lips moved fast against Sirius's assure Sirius he's not dreaming. His imagination could never conjure up this feeling, the warmth spreading throughout his body and butterflies swarming in Sirius's chest. Unable to contain himself, Sirius began to let out soft moans into Remus mouth. Sirius's hands flew up from where they were resting on Remus's waist to run through Remus's hair instead. Remus changed his hand placement too, letting go of Sirius's face and slowing moving down, caressing Sirius's thin frame as he went. Sirius squealed when Remus's hand squeezed his ass lightly.
Then, as quick as it all happened, it stopped. Remus pulled away. And maybe it was because the lights were all off and the sun had yet to peek through the dorm windows, Sirius could swear Remus's expression actually darkened.
"Get some sleep, okay?" Remus mumbled. His eyes fluttered close and Sirius was too in shock to do anything about it, staring at Remus until he hears soft snores. Sirius pressed his lips together and sighed. When he was sure Remus had fallen asleep, Sirius slipped out from beneath the covers.
It's James's voice woke Remus the next morning, "Moony, have you seen Padfoot?" With his eyes still closed, Remus reached to his left and patted around him, getting confused when he didn't find the familiar shape of his black-haired friend next to him. Gingerly, he wiped the back of his hands against his eyes and used his arms to push himself into a sitting position. What Remus saw confirmed what he felt, Sirius was gone. He wasn't in bed with him as he had been last night. Remus frowned and pushed his bed curtains.
"Is he in the bathroom?" Remus asked. James was standing in the middle of the dorm, Pete to his right.
Pete shook his head, "It's empty."
Eventually the three found Sirius when they went down for breakfast. Sirius answering all their questions by saying he had come down early to ask Lily for help with potions and that he needed to get back to their conversation, thank you very much. Remus glanced to a very seething Lily, whose eyes had already been burning into Remus since he walked into the Great Hall. He looked away.
The week following the kiss passed by terribly slow. Remus didn't know the last time he had been so angry; Sirius couldn't remember the last time he had been so anxious. Sirius hadn't talked to him since that night. He barely had the decency to glance in his direction. The moment Remus entered the room Sirius was suddenly enthralled in a conversion with whoever was closest to him, spewing on about some random topic. One morning, Remus walked into the Great Hall for breakfast, effectively sending Sirius into panic mode. There was no one to his left so he swiftly turned to his right, beginning to ramble animatedly about the different hats he had seen McGonagall wear that week. Except Remus had been the one to sit at Sirius's right side and once Sirius looked up from his half eaten Pumpkin Pasty his mouth snapped shut. Sirius quickly rose from his seat and sped out of the hall, saying he had to walk his pet James. Remus's eyes followed Sirius as he ran away from him. Fuck that. But before Remus could follow him out, Pete tapped his shoulder to ask for his feedback on a DADA essay.
By far the worst part of the silence was night. Remus couldn't sleep, which wasn't abnormal per se. Since Remus was little there would be nights where he stared at a spot on his ceiling for hours, until daylight crawled over his skin and the chances of him catching sleep became abysmal. But this was different. Now Remus was forced to stay up every night, willing his eyes shut while listening to Sirius's soft sobs. Knowing Sirius was hurting and didn't want to come to him drove Remus mad. He bit his lip until it bled. He wanted to go to Sirius, hold him in his arms and kiss away the tears. But Remus knew better. Remus knew Sirius would've come to him if he was comfortable. He wasn't. He didn't want to. He didn't want Remus.
But now, present day, it was Friday, and the Marauders had the biggest social event of the year planned. A classic Gryffindor common room party, open house style. The entire common room is decked out in red and gold. Remus sits on the couch, aimlessly fiddling with the cap of his bottle. He nods along to James's rant about Lily, her short black hair, the infuriating way she talks, her snake-like friends - did that sound right? Remus doesn't care, he's just barely listening enough to grasp key words. James must be talking about Lily, he's always about Lily when he has that look in his eye. That "totally-in-love" look.
James pauses, lets out a low whistle. Remus looks up.
Sirius. Holy shit, Sirius.
He looks good, better than good. He looks fucking insane. A pair of black jeans, the perfect amount of baggy, that hang low on his hips. Remus's tongue darts over his lips; his eyes trained on the pale expanse of skin above the waistband of Sirius's pants. His gaze trails up Sirius's torso. He's wearing a cropped graphic shirt from some muggle rock band. Remus wants to rip it off his chest. The outfit is worthy of wet dreams by itself but it's not even the best part. The best part is his face. That fucking face. The face that Remus imagined so many times, middle of the night. Sirius is gorgeous, anytime. Even when he wakes up in the morning. But right now, Sirius is beyond breathtaking. The late-night images of Sirius Remus conjure in his head don't hold a candle to the real thing. Remus doesn't know exactly what Sirius did, but his eyes are rimmed with smudgy black makeup and his lips look red, like they were just bitten. Sirius catches Remus's eye with his own just as Remus begins to imagine how much better Sirius could look. If his lips were slightly parted and his eye makeup was running down his face, eyes rolled back.
Sirius looks away, cheeks flush. That looks good on him too, rosy cheeks, especially when they're for Remus.
Remus groans when Sirius turns away to walk over to Lily and her friends. He should be sitting next to him on the couch, feet propped in his lap and just close enough for Remus to twirl his hair through his fingers. But instead, he has to listen to James when he picks up his rant again. Merlin, talk about lovesick. James could never shut up about Lily or whoever he was talking about. Remus could never be like that.
"Moony? Are you even listening?" James asks, waving his hand in front of Remus's face.
Remus swats away his hands. "Yes. Merlin, stop that!" He grabs James's hand and moves it away from his head.
"Are we ever going to talk about what's going on between you and Sirius?"
"What? Nothing. Nothing is happening. Everything's normal."
"Moony."
Remus sighs, letting go of James's hands so he can press his palms against his closed eyes. Was it really that obvious?
"I know you like him."
At that Remus sits straight up, snapping into perfect posture, "What do you mean? Of course I like him, he's one of my best mates."
Then it's James's turn to sigh, "You know that's not what I'm saying."
"I don't know what you mean."
"Listen mate, I don't care if you're gay or whatever. You know I wouldn't care, right? If you told me, you were gay, you know that I wouldn't care? Because it doesn't make a difference to me."
Remus sputters, "I'm not gay."
James doesn't flinch, continuing as if Remus didn't say anything, "What I do care about is that my best friend is absolutely in love with you. And you obviously like him back. But you haven't talked at all this last week and he's barely functioning anymore. You're killing him, Moony. Either tell him you like him and do some gay shit or something or tell him you just want to be friends. I don't know what happened but I'm pretty sure it's your fault, so it's time to put on your big boy pants and tell him how you feel."
"He's in love with me?"
James groans. Remus feels a pillow smacking him across the face, but he's too stunned to react.
"Yes, Remus. Sirius is in love with you. The sky is blue. You're a werewolf. Any more questions?"
"Hey, don't say that that loud."
"Everyone in the common room right now knows your furry little secret."
"Yeah but people are going to start arriving soon so be careful."
"Whatever you say, Moony. That doesn't matter right now. Sirius matters. If you don't talk to him, everything's going to go to shit, and I'll have to find a new friend group."
Remus purses his lips, "Thanks James, good to know where your intentions lie."
"Fix it. Tonight, preferably." James stands up, then walks away to check on the refreshments.
Remus stays on the couch alone, pondering. He had to be lying. Sirius wasn't in love with him. He would know if Sirius was in love with him. Wouldn't he? He would know right? What signs could there be? Why would James even say that? Sirius didn't act like he was in love with Remus. It's not like they kissed or anything. Wait. Maybe that wasn't the best example. Then Pete sits down next to him.
Remus wants to know his opinion on the matter, "Pete, can I ask you a question?"
Pete nods.
"Do you think Sirius is um, you know, in love with me?" Peter laughs, he actually laughs in Remus's face. "Why are you laughing? This is serious."
"It is, isn't it? Just like how Sirius Black is seriously in love with you." Pete shakes his head in amazement. "Now that we cleared that up, I wanted to know what you think about me asking out Sybill?"
"She's a nutcase, mate." The next hour or so passes by without much to note. Remus and Pete talk, occasionally joined by James or Marlene or some other person milling around before the party starts. Then slowly people begin to trickle in, passing through the Fat Lady portrait with the password the Marauders had printed on hundreds of invitations.
Another hour passes, Remus can't stop thinking about Sirius. He can't stop staring at Sirius. He's dancing and you'd have to pay Remus to look away from that. He probably wouldn't though, even if you paid him. Especially not when Barty Crouch Jr. was standing behind him, hands on his hips. Barty steps forward so his body is flush with Sirius's, bending down to whisper something into Sirius's ear. His lips brush the top of Sirius's ear. Remus crushes the can in his hand. What the fuck was he saying to him? Why were his hands - his body - anywhere near Sirius? Where was his one blond friend to keep him in check? Evan or something. He should be here. He should be pulling his man whore of a friend off of Sirius.
Sirius can feel Remus's eyes boring into him. Serves him right. He should watch as Sirius explores the plethora of boys at Hogwarts who would die to get their lips on his. Ones who would pull away and pretend it never happened. Sirius reaches behind him to wrap his delicate fingers around the back of Barty's neck. Ugh, out of all of Regulus's friends did he really have to send Barty to help Sirius get over his crush on Remus? He was weird. But he was hot. Beggers can't be choosers, Sirius supposes.
Tonight was supposed to be about forgetting about Remus, but Sirius knows he only let Lily pick his outfit and let Marlene give him a makeover because he hoped Remus would notice. He's only grinding against Barty Crouch Jr. in hopes that Remus is seething. He hopes Remus is so angry that he snogs Sirius until his lips bruise. He hopes he pulls his hair until his scalp is sore. He wants to hear Remus tell him how jealous he got when he saw Barty enjoy him, all dolled up. He wants to know how Remus felt when he walked out, looking good enough that half the party's population was now frequenting glances in his direction. He wants Remus to say he's sorry. He wants to hear Remus say he loves him. He wants to look into Remus's beautiful frown eyes when he says it back.
The fragile string of Remus's tolerance snaps when Sirius pulls Barty down by his face to suck a hickey on his neck. Giggling into Barty when he makes some comment. Merlin, why was he talking to Sirius so much. They weren't on a date; they were humping in the middle of a teenage party. Sirius's perfect, pink lips pressed against someone else's skin. Remus drops his crushed can onto the ground, stands up, and saunters over to where Sirius is conjoined with his new Slytherin friend. He doesn't think, he can't. All he can see is red. He's fucking pissed, and not in the good way.
Remus seizes the back of Barty's shirt in his hand and yanks him back, away from Sirius. Sirius doesn't process what's happening at first. One second there's a warm body pressed against his back, a firm neck to press his lips against, and the next second there's nothing. Sirius spins around. Who the fuck did Barty think he was to leave Sirius hanging like that? Weren't they have a good time? Sirius mouth hangs open at the sight in front of him. He finishes turning around just as Remus's fist connects with Barty's nose.
Barty falters. He tall and he's big and he's strong, but he's not as big and tall and strong as Remus. He falls back at the punch, taking a few steps to regain his balance.
"What the fuck is your issue, man? I was just having some fun." Barty wipes the blood running across his lips.
"What the fuck is my issue? What's yours?"
"Whatever, Lupin. Regulus told me you had issues, but I actually thought you were kind of cool." Barty shakes his head then disappears into the crowd.
Sirius is still staring at Remus, mouth agape. Remus looks back. He rolls his eyes, then grabs Sirius's arm, pulling him along. His nails dig into Sirius's plush skin. It's not harsh enough to hurt, just enough to make Sirius wonder if they'll be five half-moon dents in his arm once Remus lets go. Sirius stumbles along with him, he wouldn't have resisted either way, but he definitely couldn't if he tried. Neither of them says anything. Sirius is too shocked, and Remus is too... angry? Was he actually angry?
Remus throws the door of their dorm open, pushes Sirius inside, then slams the door shut behind him.
"Remus? What are you-" Sirius is cut off as Remus uses both of his hands to grasp his face. He leans down and captures Sirius lips in a searing kiss. His lips move fast, aggressive. It's nothing like the soft entanglement they shared in Remus's bed last week. Sirius does the only thing he can in that moment, which is to say he kisses Remus back. He whimpers - actually whimpers when Remus pulls away. Only to start letting out airy moans when Remus bites at his neck, marking the milky skin.
"God Sirius, you drive me fucking insane." Sirius can feel Remus's hot breath when he speaks. Following along easily when Sirius pushes him down onto his bed. Sirius trails along after, settling down in his lap before connecting their lips again. Sirius swipes his tongue over Remus's bottom lip; he smiles when Remus parts his lips without hesitation. Remus tangles both of his hands into Sirius's lovely, lovely hair. The hair that frames Sirius's face so perfectly, Remus loves his hair. He pulls, hard, so that Sirius's head is thrown back. Groaning, Remus takes in the sight in front of him. Sirius, with his head tilted back, hair wrapped around Remus's hands, lips swollen, and eyes glossed over.
Remus whispers, "You're so beautiful, baby." But it's as if Sirius's lips are a magnet because Remus can't spend another second after the words leave his lips without moving to lick the inside of Sirius's mouth. He wants to be closer; he wants them to be connected in every way.
In a moment of clarity, Sirius frantically pressed his palms against Remus's chest, leaning back until there's an arm's length distance separating them. Remus's eyelids hang heavy over his deep brown eyes, he bites his lip. He looks drunk but Sirius knows he didn't drink that much tonight.
Sirius is panting, barely able to get his words out between his loud breathing, "What the fuck are you doing, Remus?"
"Well, I was kissing you, if you couldn't tell."
"I know that, smartass. Why?"
"Why?"
Sirius groans, exasperatedly. "Yes, why? Can you tell me or are you drunker than I thought?"
Remus shakes his head, "I just thought-"
"Thought what? You could kiss me and then act all cold towards me like nothing happened. Then totally assault Barty for dancing with me?" Sirius drops his hands and his head, resting against Remus's chest. "I don't get it, Moons. I don't get you."
Remus brushes through Sirius hair with his fingers. "I was acting cold towards you? You left me in the middle of the night and then ignored me for a week."
Sirius sits up again and laughs coldly. "I'm not talking about the last week; I'm talking about that night. You completely shut me out after we kissed. You got all closed off and weird. Then you went to sleep like it was nothing!"
"It wasn't nothing. It was everything. I just I got scared. I didn't know if you were just doing it because you had a nightmare and wanted to distract yourself. I don't want to be, I can't be, just a distraction for you. Sirius, I..." Remus trails off.
"You just what?"
"I don't know. I thought it was a nice kiss, a great kiss, the best I've ever had, but I knew how bad it would hurt if we kept going only for you to brush it off later. I wanted to talk about it the next morning but there you were, avoiding me like the plague." Remus pauses to catch his breathe. "And then today I saw you and you look like the most gorgeous thing I've ever laid my eyes on, abut instead of spending the night talking to me, you were grinding on Barty fucking Crouch Jr. I was just so pissed, I had to get him off of you."
"Remus..." Sirius feels like all his words have been stolen from him. How does he reply to that? "You weren't just a distraction. I mean, sure the best kiss of my life got my mind off of my nightmare but that's not why it was the best kiss ever. Not even because you are insanely talented with your lips and your hands but because I'm like insanely in love with you."
It's silent for a minute before Remus smiles, pulling Sirius back to his chest. He nuzzles his face into Sirius's hair.
"You know a lot of people have been telling me that."
Sirius is officially puzzled, "That they're in love with you?"
"No, that you're in love with me." Remus laughs and the sound is pure gold to Sirius's ears.
"What?"
"Doesn't matter." Remus takes a deep breath. "Sirius Black, I love you too. An insane amount. So much so I want to do a lot worse things than I did to Barty tonight to anyone who's ever sight their eyes on you, let alone touched you."
Sirius hums, "Well if you promise to not get all weird with me again then I promise to never touch anyone again. Not in that way at least."
"Deal."
Remus wakes up to see a pair of two hazel irises staring down at him. He sits up so quick, his vision blacks out for a second.
"James? Go away, it's too early for this."
James doesn't say anything, just looks pointedly at the snoring body clinging to Remus's torso and winks. He gives Remus a thumbs-up. Then he sees Regulus (was that right? Regulus Black?) walking out of the dorm's bathroom before slipping out the door. He must be dreaming. Remus lies back down, wrapping his arms around Sirius's body. The next time he wakes up is too Sirius's lips attacking his.