I would like to think our paths are straight. Disconnected from the choices we make.
Leaning back against the worn armchair in Grimmauld Place, Sirius stared into the flickering flames of the fireplace, lost in thought. There were times when he felt like he was hurtling down a winding road, going from one reckless decision to the next. The rush of rebellion was intoxicating, a fleeting escape from the suffocating expectations of his family. But with each act of defiance came consequences—consequences that left scars, both seen and unseen.
Regret weighed heavy on his shoulders, a constant companion in the darkest hours of the night. He had made mistakes, hurt the ones he loved, and strayed far from the path he once believed in. And yet, despite the darkness that threatened to consume him, Sirius clung to the belief that his fate was not solely dictated by the choices of his past. He yearned for a chance to right the wrongs of his youth, to carve out a new path free from the shadows of his past.
He wrote three passages in a diary, each word a reflection of his innermost thoughts and emotions. With deliberate care, he closed the diary and placed it upon a random shelf within the depths of the Black family library.
First passage: I don't know when, I'll be on your street, But I know one day it's gonna happen
I don’t see it as losing you when our lives went separate ways. I wished for you to leave too, and I know the weight of responsibilities only grew heavier when I left you there. My absence seemed to deepen the shadows that enveloped you within the confines of our family.
Over the years, I've grappled with the role I played, or failed to play, in your life—how my choices may have contributed to what happened to you. I yearned to reconnect, but in the heat of my anger towards myself and our parents, my emotions clouded my judgment.
Our brotherhood was fraught with complications, burdened by the expectations that the Black family history carried. There were moments of understanding, but they were often overshadowed by the weight of our differences and the relentless pressure from our parents to conform us to our family's legacy.
As time passed, the regret of missed opportunities and unspoken words weighed heavily on my heart. I longed for a chance to make amends, but the darkness of our past seemed insurmountable. Yet, despite the pain and regret, hope remained, that one day, amidst the turmoil and regrets, we would find each other again.
Second Passage: You're gonna be swept off your feet.
My heart skipped a beat—or perhaps stopped altogether—as if caught in the grip of some spell.
That was what it felt like, the first time I laid eyes on Remus Lupin, it felt as if time itself had stopped. My mind seemed to falter, rendered speechless by the mere sight of him. And yet, despite the undeniable pull I felt towards him, I spent years denying my true feelings, lost in a whirlwind of false love. It was a journey filled with fleeting infatuations that was nothing in comparison to the depth of emotion I felt for Remus.
When I finally managed to overcome those obstacles, I was swept off my feet. This love felt like a tale spun from the pages of a Muggle fairytale, so enchanting and surreal that it seemed too perfect to be real. And yet, who was I to doubt its authenticity? with only shitty couples to compare it to, but our love was undeniably genuine.
Being loved by Remus was like witnessing the sunrise after a long night of darkness—each moment filled with warmth, hope, and the promise of a new beginning, much like the many full moons we spent together. I found a love that defied all expectations. It was as if he had unlocked a door within my soul, revealing a depth of emotion I never knew existed. With him, I discovered the true meaning of love—unconditional, unwavering, boundless, and bottomless.
Third Passage: I would like someone to make a map, mark my home and draw some lines that match.
Walburga lips tightened into a thin line as her son Sirius returned home from his first year at Hogwarts. She watched him carefully, her cold gaze scrutinizing his every move. When she inquired about his acquaintances at the school, Sirius casually mentioned "James Potter."
The mere mention of the Potter name sent a shiver down Walburga's spine, igniting a fire of disdain within her. Her features contorted into a scowl as she launched into a tirade about the Potters, her voice dripping with anger.
“Potter," she spat, the name leaving a bitter taste in her mouth. "A disgrace to the noble heritage of pureblood families. They have tainted their lineage with Mudblood sympathizers and blood traitors."
Walburga's words resonated with a venomous fervor, each syllable laced with generations of prejudice and elitism. She painted a vivid picture of the Potters as unworthy of respect within the pureblood circles. "They have no respect for tradition, no reverence for our sacred heritage," "Associating with such filth only drags our family name through the mud. We are Blacks, descendants of the most esteemed wizards, and we shall not stoop to fraternizing with the likes of the Potters."
"But mother," Sirius interjected, his voice tinged with frustration, "James Potter is my friend. He's nothing like what you say. You don't even know him."
Walburga's face contorted with rage at her son's audacity. Her eyes narrowed into icy slits as she advanced toward Sirius, her presence looming over him like a specter of authority.
"How dare you speak to me in such a manner!" she seethed, her voice trembling with rage. "You will not question my judgment, Sirius. The Potters are a stain, and associating with them will bring nothing but disgrace to our family."
"You will sever all ties with the Potters, or you will suffer the consequences. Do I make myself clear?"
"I won't abandon my friends just because you say so. Sirius said.
The sharp crack of Walburga's hand meeting Sirius' cheek echoed through the room.
"You insolent child!" she roared, her voice filled with contempt. "You will obey me, or you will suffer the consequences”.
Sirius flinched from the blow, his cheek stinging with pain. He met his mother's gaze with defiance ablaze in his eyes.
"Go to your room now," she commanded, her voice sharp.
Sirius ascended the stairs to his room. As he closed the door behind him, the silence enveloped him like a suffocating cloak. Sirius settled into his room, he knew that his loyalty to James and his friends was a bond stronger than any bloodline.
…
In James, I found more than just a friend; I found a sanctuary amidst the chaos of my upbringing. Coming from the oppressive confines of Grimmauld Place, James's warmth and optimism enveloped me like a comforting embrace. His unwavering kindness and infectious positivity became beacons of light in the darkness, guiding me through the chaotic journey of adolescence. He wasn't just a friend; he was a brother in every sense of the word. His presence in my life became a lifeline, a steadfast reminder that even in the darkest of times, there existed flickers of hope.
Without James, I might have faltered, succumbed to the weight of my destiny. But with him by my side, I found the strength to persevere, to navigate the complexities of life.
The end:I don't know when, I don't know why, I don't know when, I don't know why.
My senses reeled, my heart pounded with the frantic rhythm of impending doom. Amidst the chaos, a distant wail pierced through the cacophony. It was a scream—a primal cry of anguish that cut through the air like glass. At first, it seemed faint, almost imperceptible amidst the roar of the wind. But the scream grew louder, more distinct, echoing through the vast expanse around me. In that moment of sheer terror, the scream seemed to reverberate within me, igniting a primal instinct to survive.
“Oh, so this is how it feels like, floating far away from everything.”
With every passing second, the scream grew distant, I tried to reach out to capture it. It fueled my desperation, my determination to cling to any signs of life amidst the chaos. And as I fell further into the abyss, the distant scream made me realise the painful truth: I was no longer by your side.
For a while, I was just floating in existence until I suddenly opened my eyes to see my brother standing before me, his presence a beacon of familiarity amidst the unknown. With tearful eyes and a heart overflowing with emotion, I reached out to him, feeling the weight of our shared history envelop us in a bond stronger than death itself. In the afterlife, amidst the vast expanse of eternity, we were reunited once more, brothers in spirit as we had once been in life. And as we stood together, I whispered, "I'm on your street now, Reg,"