Family Matters
“I don’t think crying should be seen as a weakness. It’s a natural reaction to experiencing sad things. If anything it is good to let your emotions out.”
“Is something only the weak would ever say. Being emotional makes you vulnerable and that makes you weak.”
“Who hurt you?”
“Physically or emotionally?”
“...do you need someone to talk to?”
“I don’t. I have friends. They wouldn’t use my weakness against me.”
“I’m glad then.”
“Do you need someone?”
“I don’t talk about feelings.”
“Hypocrite!”
“Cry me a river.”
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“Marlene.” Lily said without looking up. The blond haired girl stopped in her tracks. “The loose, cropped shirt. Dorcas always glances at your abs, make use of your hours of training.”
“Thanks Lils, love you.” Marlene grinned, switched out her shirt and was out the door a minute later, almost running over Alice.
“Date with her Slytherin girl?” Alice asked as she threw her books at one of the beds.
“You know it. Are you joining us for some cookies and cupcakes later? We wanted to go over to Hogsmeade directly after.” Mary asked from the ground.
She sat leaning against the desk Lily was working on. Apparently, sitting on the ground (or anywhere but a prober chair) was the only way to play on her guitar. Does Lily understand? No. Will she ever complain about it? No. Who is she to tell an artist what to do?
“‘Course I will. Lily?”, Alice added.
“I‘ll go study in the library for a bit and then join all of you in the Great Hall.” Lily answered as she stood up from the desk and picked up her notebook and feather.
“Do you want us to come with you?” Mary asked, already putting her guitar down.
“Thanks, but I‘ll be alright. I‘m a big girl.”
Despite having said that Lily‘s pace quickened, even if just slightly, when she walked down Hogwarts’ corridors. It‘s not like she wasn‘t confronted with starring and swears before.
Being smarter than most boys and girls in her class had made her a target back in her Muggle school already. Then there was Petunia who would never stop calling her the perfect little witch, even the red hair matches . And now she also was a Muggleborn. Whether here or at home, the staring never seemed to stop and many students didn't stop with just that.
“Look at that mudblood” “Does she think she‘s better than us, just because she gets better grades?” “She probably just flirted her way to the top of the class.” “Honestly, does she think she can fool anyone? Just because she goes into the library on a Friday doesn‘t mean-“
The big library doors fell shut behind Lily and she let go of the breath she was holding. The library was almost completely deserted and even more quiet than usual.
Lily walked through the rows upon rows of bookshelves. This was definitely better than all her old schools. The first time Lily had walked into Hogwarts she was scared by how gigantic it was. All the corridors and rooms and the moving stairs. But when she had stumbled into the library by accident she couldn‘t be more thankful for Hogwarts magnitude. Now, in her 6th year, Lily knew her way through here blind. Her feet took her to the charms section without much thinking.
Apparently, she wasn‘t the only student who wanted to spend her Friday afternoon with books rather than people. A black haired boy sat on one of the tables with a book about communication charms. When he looked up from his book their eyes met.
They nodded in their silent greeting as always when they met in the library (which was almost every day). Lily took several books out of the shelves and sat down on the same table as Regulus.
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“Honestly, Reg, can‘t you stop studying for a few hours? If we don‘t get going anytime soon, we won‘t get a booth anymore.” Barty said with only his head peeking inside their room.
“Quit whining. I need to finish this first. You can go first if you care so much and I’ll join you later. You’ll be able to get pissed with or without somewhere to sit, anyways.” Regulus added without so much as glancing at his classmate as he groaned and walked away.
He had found a charm which would allow him to connect pieces of paper with each other, so you could write something on one and it would instantly be shown on the other. It would then stay there until one erased it with the help of another spell.
The only problem was to actually manage to charm the papers. It took Regulus multiple tries but in the end he eventually worked it out.
He quickly wrote a note and placed it, together with one of the blank pieces of paper in the book. When he walked into the common room, he was greeted by Pandora, Barty and Evan.
“Told you not to wait, didn’t I?” Regulus mumbled, yet a warm feeling spread inside him seeing his friends cared enough to wait for him.
On their way out, Regulus insisted on a detour to the tree to place the book under it as always, which was not left without commentary by Barty. The group of four then made their way over to The Three Broomsticks, where they found Dorcas smoking outside.
“Anyone?” she asked with an inviting gesture.
“Smoking is bad for your health.” Regulus lectured her and took one of the cigarettes she offered. Dorcas laughed and ignited it with a spell.
Evan took out his own pack and gave one to Barty, then lit his own. Regulus quietly observed how Barty grabbed Evan’s chin to light his with the older one’s cig. When they both parted again, a small grin could be seen on Evan’s lips, which Barty did not notice.
Regulus caught Pandora’s gaze and they both seemed to agree how painful it was to watch Evan pinning after Barty and the later one being absolutely oblivious to it.
In the meantime, Dorcas had started ranting about the upcoming quidditch match against the Hufflepuffs.
“Like, you’d think they were nice and all. Isn’t that their whole thing? At this point I’m scared to fly too close to them.”
“Good thing you have Reg. He’ll just catch the snitch and end the game before any of those mean Hufflepuffs can hurt our dear Cassy.” Barty laughed and a wisp of smoke drifted into the night sky.
Regulus groaned and was about to remind Barty that being a seeker wasn’t as easy as he always made it out to be, but the sound of approaching footsteps diverted his attention.
A group of 3 girls appeared. He easily spotted the red hair of Lily Evans. A smart girl especially considering her background. Though never having talked to her personally - besides the nods of acknowledgment in the library -, Regulus liked her. For a Gryffindor she was bearable.
What he didn’t understand was, why she’d hang out with people like his brother.
And speak of the devil and he shall appear.
Regulus was suddenly covered by Evan’s body, which meant that he heard the irritatingly loud laughter of his brother, before he could see him.
As he glanced around Evan’s back, he caught sight of the four boys walking a few feet behind the girls. Sirius had thrown his arm around Potter and both laughed about something. Right behind them a tall boy with scars and freckles in his face and a smaller chubby boy with shoulder long hair put into a tie. Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew if Regulus remembered correctly. They too seemed amused, but showed it in a more appropriate manner.
Lily took notice of him first and greeted him with a nod, before following her friends into the Three Broomsticks. Her gesture prompted Potter to fix his eyes on the group of Slytherins standing just next the door.
Regulus could only imagine how they looked:
Dorcas still leaning against the wall smoking the rest of her cig, shielding Regulus from one side. Pandora on the other, looking curious but her hand tightening around Regulus’s wrist. He couldn’t see Evan’s face, as he stood in front of him, but knowing him, his big brother instinct had been brought up. Barty grinned at the Gryffendor boys.
All in all, they were the picture perfect version of Slytherins.
Sirius, having noticed his friend’s diversion of attention, followed his gaze and scowled immediately. Yet when his eyes met Regulus’ they seemed to soften for a second.
“Rosier.” he said with exaggerated courtesy.
“We’ve missed you on our last ball, Black. Or is it Potter now?” Evan bit back with a smile just as false.
The Rosier family prided themselves on hosting rather extravagant balls every now and then.
Regulus examined Sirius closely. His brother was taken back for a second by Evan’s words. His eyes flickering to Regulus and it was enough for the little boy in Regulus to take over. He pressed past Evan and opened his mouth.
Nothing came out and so they just stood there. Both brothers staring at each other, waiting - hoping - for the other to say something first.
The silence was broken by Potter.
“Sirius is my brother in everything but blood. I’d be honoured to also share my name with him.” he said with so much honesty, it made Regulus flinch.
“Just marry him, why don’t you?” Dorcas mumbled.
“If you miss him so much, you are welcome to send your invitations to my family and we might even grace you with our presence.” Potter continued unbothered by the comment.
Before Evan could reply, another voice diverted the attention of them all.
“We’d be honoured to have the Potter family attend one of our balls. It’s been so long since the Rosier’s and Potter's have interacted. A pity, considering we are both such old pureblood families.” Pandora said calmly with an honest smile.
Evan stared at Potter and only relaxed after the latter politely answered his twin's invitation.
“A pity indeed.” the boy said with a warm smile and bid them all goodbye. He turned to Sirius and gave him a soft nudge to direct him to the door.
Regulus followed them with his eyes and barely noticed the curious eyes of the Lupin boy on him, as he let go of the breath he was holding.
“You good?” Evan asked worriedly and grabbed Regulus' shoulder to steady him.
Regulus made a confirming noise - he didn’t trust his voice not to break - and a moment later he found himself in a strong embrace.
Yeah, he was fine. He might have lost his big brother to James Potter, a boy who seemed to be the sun itself, but he had gained four siblings.
Evan didn’t let go even after tears started to soak through his clothes. Pandora had pressed her wrist into Regulus’ hand so he could feel her pulse and concentrate only on that. Meanwhile Barty and Dorcas stirred the conversation to lighter topics.
Eventually his tears dried and Regulus smiled into Evans' soft pullover. Yes, this was his family and he would do anything to protect them.
His relationship with Sirius had already become strained after he’d been sorted into Slytherin. Yet they had still somewhat acted like brothers. But with every year Regulus had felt them drifting apart further. Every disagreement, every small remark had increased the gap between them.
Then Sirius had left the Black manor and Regulus' world fell apart. Luckily, Pandora and Evan were there to hold him and Barty and Dorcas gave their best to cast a smile on his face.
Even now, did Evan not loosen his embrace and so Regulus stayed for as long as he felt like it. When he eventually stepped back from the other boy they all went inside.
As in a silent agreement, nobody mentioned what just happened.
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Remus bent over and eyed the little note, which fell out of the book, as he sat down on one of the armchairs in the common room.
He unfolded it and was greeted with the neat handwriting of Arcturus. It read:
I decided to simplify our conversations. It will not only alleviate the annoyance of having to pass the book back and forth, but also the problem of the limited space in the book.
The paper I added to the book is charmed. To unlock and connect it to mine, follow the steps on the first page of the book.
- Arcturus
Remus opened the book and indeed, there was an empty piece of paper. At first glance it looked plain. He then studied the instructions for the spell.
Remus closed the book and looked around. Nobody seemed to take any notice of him. He let his eyes roam around the room which prevented him from picking up on the footsteps coming from behind.
Sirius Black let himself fall on top of Remus, making himself comfortable in the taller one's lap.
“Hey there Moony. Found anything interesting in your little book?” Sirius asked with a smirk.
The black haired boy had picked up the habit of sitting rather close to Remus two years ago. The sheer ignorance he displayed, even though Remus was becoming a mumbling mess every time, was price-worthy.
“No.” Remus answered and shoved the book behind his back.
Sirius shrugged and diverted his attention back to James and Peter, who had sat down (more appropriately) on the sofa next to the armchair.
“So, my money is on Slytherin. Hufflepuff is good this year though, their new seeker can almost see eye to eye with little Reggie, almost .” Sirius grins like a proud brother as he gets to brag about the Slytherin Seeker.
“Yeah? Then I'll bet that Hufflepuff wins without anyone catching the golden snitch.” James indulged him which led to a heated discussion between the Gryffindor captain and their keeper.
Remus used the time meaningfully by openly staring at the grinning boy sitting in his lap.
From the boy who had deliberately gotten drunk the evening prior was nothing to be seen.
Remus felt the sting of envy. Envy that it was James’ laughter that ended up pulling Sirius out of his sorrow. Not Remus. It was never Remus, whom Sirius sought out when feeling down. Always James and Remus felt bad for being annoyed by that.
Of Course Sirius would first look for James. They were brothers. Soulmates in a way. Sometimes they were in their own little world. Small gestures, a grin, a knowing glance. They understand each other in a way Remus could never comprehend.
He forced his line of thoughts away from his envy. He remembered the look on Regulus’ face as James had manoeuvred his older brother inside The Three Broomsticks. The boy had looked like a lost pup. Remus would bet his favourite book that he had cried when the blonde Slytherin boy had pulled him in.
The Black brothers' relationship was an enigma. Both of them so clearly wanted to speak, yet neither made the first move.
Remus felt only pity for them. Sirius, who so proudly talked about his little brother, and Regulus, who seemed to want nothing more than his big brother back.
Sirius laughed loudly and Remus was back in the common room, enamoured by those dark grey eyes and beautiful red lips. He could just lean forward a bit and then-
“Remus.” Sirius' lips stopped moving and the corners turned upwards.
How could someone look so handsome? Was that even allowed? Certainly not in the Muggle world, they had so many stupid laws, this must be one of them at least. But Sirius wasn't a Muggle. He was a pureblood even, so maybe that’s why…
“Remus.” Sirius had leaned in and whispered into Remus’ ear, making the hair on his neck stand up straight (which would be the only straight thing on him at the moment).
He glanced at James and Peter who were engaging in their own little conversation.
“You were absent again. It's happening more often. Ever since you found that blue book.” Sirius worried.
Remus smiled. He was so close to Sirius, he could spot brown flecks in the otherwise grey iris.
He wet his lips with his tongue and delightedly noted Sirius' eyes falling down to them.
“I’m fine, Pads. It's called thinking, you should give it a try.” he teased.
Sirius scoffed and threw an arm around the other boy's shoulder. “Sure, just tell me when something's on your mind.”
You are. All the time.
“I will. Thanks, Padfoot.” Remus smiled softly which earned him an approving nod.
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Arcturus?
Did it work?
Sure did.
You're a genius, mate
Are you a Ravenclaw?
Why? Are they the only ones allowed to be smart?
So no blue tie in your closet then.
No.
Regulus followed Barty and Evan to the common room, where they met the girls for breakfast. Dorcas looked as energetic as always, whereas Pandora depicted the exact opposite with a tired smile and dark rings under her eyes.
Her twin immediately took notice of that and moved her slightly away from the group as they all made their way to the Great Hall. Every now and then Regulus glanced back at them to make sure they were still with the rest of the group.
Evan was whispering to Pandora who just shook her head every so often and seemed to be the one who calmed down Evan by now.
Did you hear about the first years being pushed into the black lake?
What about them?
A friend and I are trying to guess who it is.
Whoever it might be, they have to have a lot of free time, if they indulge in these kinds of things.
Remus rested his head on top of his opened book.
“Are you okay?” asked Lily amused. They both had decided it had gotten too cold to study outside, so they now sat in the Great Hall and Remus had spent the last hour trying to make sense of the writing of some German poet.
“No. What do you mean this old man made a bet with a poodle who turned out to be the devil himself and now he courts a twelve year old and murdered the mother to shag her?” he cried.
“She was actually fourteen.” Lily said nonchalantly.
Remus raised his head enough to stare at her in disbelief. “I don’t think that makes it any better.”
Lily hummed in agreement and turned back to her own Muggle poetry.
I think a friend of mine isn’t doing so well. She’s been looking like she has nightmares for a week now.
That sounds exhausting…have you maybe tried sharing a bed with her. Sometimes the warmth or just the presence of another person alone can help. You know, like when you would go to your parents when having nightmares as a kid.
I’m a boy, you literally know my name. I can't just share a bed with her.
I didn’t want to assume, okay. Not like it’s a common name.
Whatever. Fact is, that won’t work.
What? Does she not have other girlfriends? A sister?
…I’ll ask about it.
Thanks.
I’m also a boy,
Figured it’s only fair you know.
A soft smile graced Regulus' lips as he watched Dorcas and Barty singing a duet without hitting any of the right notes.
“My turn!” laughed Evan and stood to change in the records. Shortly after a foreign language filled the room and Evan started singing in German.
Pandora started giggling next to Regulus and exclaimed excitedly “I know that one.”
And then they watched Evan perform a German song for Barty which (Pandora swore even though it didn’t sound like that at all) was a love song. Pandora didn’t stop grinning until she fell asleep in Regulus’ lap to him braiding her hair.
When Dorcas eventually made her way to the door and questioningly looked at Pandora, Regulus signalled her to let their friend sleep.
Evan brought over another blanket as they were lying on Regulus’ one and helped probe a pillow between Regulus' back and the headboard of his bed. Regulus was sure he’d suffer from back and neck pain the next day, but Pandora seemed to be having a wholesome dream at the moment, so what was a bit of pain. Regulus had been through far worse.
Merlin’s beard! Have you seen how close Regulus Black was to catching the Golden Snitch?
I bet my wand, a few more seconds and he would have won for Slytherin.
I’ve seen. The rest of the team should have worked harder to gain points, instead of hoping for him to do all the work.
Now they lost against Hufflepuff.
Are you from Slytherin?
…
Merlin’s broom! You are?
Do you have a problem with that?
No. It was just surprising.
What? Am I not mean enough to be a Slytherin?
Oh, you’re mean, alright. I guess I just never thought about it. After all, our houses aren’t on the best terms… Yet, that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.
Is that what we are? Friends?
If you are okay with calling a Gryffindor that?
I figure I can make an exception.
Splendid!