chasing fortune and fame

Remus didn’t return to his apartment until after noon the following day. He had been up almost all night with Regulus, listening to the bits and pieces of his past with Sirius that he would reveal. When Regulus hadn’t talked, they had just sat in silence. Regulus had fallen asleep at some point, as had Remus. 

Around eleven thirty, they had both awoken, and Regulus had announced that he was going for a run. Remus had taken the hint that Regulus wanted to be alone and had left Regulus’ apartment after quickly eating a granola bar. Remus understood that Regulus needed some time to go through everything that had happened the night before. It wouldn’t hurt if Remus also went through everything he had learned and wrapped his mind around it. 

When Remus got home, the first thing he did was put his phone in the charger. He then started to make a cup of tea and a proper breakfast while his phone charged. Remus hadn’t eaten a full meal since before the concert, so he was practically famished.  He fried a few eggs and made some toast while waiting for his phone to come back to life.
After setting his plate on the kitchen table, Remus checked his phone in the charger. The first thing he looked at was the battery level, which hovered around twenty percent. He pulled the cable from his phone and was about to walk away when a text message stopped him in his tracks. 

Unknown number: Hey, this is Sirius Black. I was wondering if you wanted to meet up sometime. I know a place.  

Remus’ heart dropped to the floor. 

His first thought was that this had to have been a scam. Anyone could have gotten his number from somewhere and then texted him to meet up somewhere so they could have robbed Remus or perhaps killed him. There was no reason that Sirius Black would have been texting him. Remus couldn’t think of why Sirius Black wanted to meet him. 

Still, Remus had heard from multiple people that Sirius loved Remus’ books. So, there was a greater than zero percent chance that Sirius would want anything to do with him, even if that percentage was still microscopic. 

Wracking his head, Remus went through every person he and Sirius both knew. James was the only person who came to mind with both of their phone numbers. Luckily, Remus had been texting James periodically throughout the week, so their text message chain was easy to find. 

Without a second of hesitation, Remus called James. He waited as the phone rang so long that he thought James wouldn’t pick up. A second before Remus was about to hang up, James finally answered. 

“Remus?” James asked over the line, clearly having just woken up. 

He internally cringed. “Sorry, did I wake you up?” Remus pulled the phone away from his ear to check the time. 

It was nearing two in the evening. James had never struck Remus as the type to wake up late. James had once complained about how he had to wake up incredibly early in the morning for practices for the better part of his life, but then had quieted like he had remembered that he wouldn’t be attending practices anymore. Remus had changed the subject because it was obviously one James didn’t want to linger on. 

“Yeah, but I needed to wake up anyway. What’s up?” 

“Right, yeah, so I just found a message from Sirius Black.” Remus paused because he couldn’t quite believe that he could say those words, that they might be true. “Did you have anything to do with that, or am I being scammed?”
James sucked in a breath. “I may have had something to do with that. Was I not allowed to give your number to him?” 

Remus shook his head because this was not his life. He was a historical fiction author, not anyone important, and here Sirius Black was texting him. “No, it’s fine. I just–” He took a breath. “Do you know why he wanted it?” 

There was a soft laugh over the phone. “Remus, I think he just wants to meet you and maybe strangle you for killing off his favorite character. I’d keep an eye out,” James warned jokingly. 

“Okay, thanks, James. Also, next time you give my number out, ask first?” 

“No problem. I wasn’t thinking straight when I sent it anyway. But I should go eat something, so I’ll talk to you later,” James said, and Remus had no objections to getting some quiet to process everything. 

“Bye.” Remus hung up the phone and stared at it for a moment. “What the actual fuck?” he whispered into the silence. 

He went to his breakfast and found that it was cold. Remus ate it anyway, trying to wrap his head around the fact that he could see Sirius Black as soon as tomorrow with one word. Without allowing himself more time to overthink, Remus opened the text from Sirius like he was ripping off a Bandaid. 

Remus: When and where? 

His thumb pressed the small blue arrow before his thoughts caught up with him. Remus could feel his heart in his ears as he created a contact for Sirius. He didn’t dare to add a photo to Sirius’ contact, but he stared at that sequence of numbers. Remus had a direct line of communication with Sirius. He had to tell Lily. She would absolutely freak out. 

Though, Remus couldn’t help but pause. Lily was in the hospital visiting Petunia. It definitely wasn’t the right time to tell her about this. If anything, it was probably best to send her a text asking if everything was okay. 

After Remus sent that text to check on Lily, he wondered who else he could tell. When his mind settled on Regulus, he stilled. Remus realized what he had just done.   

There was something wrong with his head. For some reason, the Sirius Regulus had told him about was a completely different person from the singer Sirius in his mind. Yet, when his phone buzzed on the table, and he saw that Sirius had sent him a date, time, and address, all previous knowledge about Sirius flew out of his brain. 

Remus had to smack himself mentally. This was the person who had left Regulus in an abusive home and hadn’t looked back. Remus would go, but only to give Sirius a piece of his mind. After everything that Regulus had told Remus, he knew that Sirius Black was not a good person. He was cruel and unforgivable, even if he didn’t seem like it. 

Something in Remus’ gut told him that he shouldn’t tell Regulus. Remus wasn’t sure if Regulus could handle that information, especially with how he had been the previous night. No, Remus wouldn’t tell him. Remus would go meet Sirius Black, tell him off for how he had treated Regulus, and leave. It was foolproof. Nothing would go wrong. 

* * * 

Sirius had sent Remus the address to some small restaurant in the heart of New York. Remus had never heard of the spot, and it seemed like one of those businesses that ran on regulars. He wanted to say that he hadn’t spent the past day and a half worrying about what he was going to wear or what he was going to say. 

It didn’t feel right to just scream at Sirius for abandoning his brother the first moment he saw him. Then again, Remus wasn’t entirely sure if this was a conversation he was supposed to have. Perhaps Regulus wouldn’t even want Remus to mention him. Remus had no way of knowing because as he had listened to Regulus tell him about Sirius, it had seemed almost like Regulus still longed for his brother. 

Remus had seen the conflicting feelings in Regulus the entire time. Regulus was angry at Sirius for leaving, but he also missed him. Longing had shone through every other emotion in his eyes, but this wasn’t Remus’ decision to make. Maybe he just had to make sure Sirius wasn’t a terrible person anymore, so if Regulus ever wanted anything to do with him again, Remus could tell him if it was worth it. 

Honestly, there were a thousand excuses Remus could have made to see Sirius Black. Excuses he could have forced himself to believe. Excuses that made him feel like a better friend. But the truth was, Remus didn’t know why he was going to some family-owned restaurant with Sirius Black. He didn’t understand why he couldn’t entertain the thought that he wouldn’t go. 

While a feeling in Remus’ chest told him this was probably not a good idea that he ignored, he got ready. Remus spent an embarrassing amount of time choosing what to wear. Eventually, he just groaned at his patheticness and left his house without allowing himself to think one more thought about his clothes. 

He hated how he felt like a teenager again. The way the nervousness sat in his stomach, and, occasionally, when he stumbled upon the wrong thought, would shoot to his fingertips like ice had been injected into his veins. He hated it. Then again, Remus hadn’t felt like this in a long time. This anxiousness in his stomach when he was nervous about something had always been eerily close to the feeling he got when he came up with an idea he was passionate about. Remus hadn’t felt that feeling in a long time, either. 

Something like hope whispered in his ear that maybe this was where the inspiration he had been searching for so long was. It was a scary thought, gut-wrenchingly terrifying in so many different ways, for so many different reasons. Truly, it was dangerous how Remus was letting his expectations soar up and up with no ceiling to contain them. 

Of course, Remus had an idea of what Sirius would be like in his head. It was only natural. Remus had an expectation of how Sirius would act and if he would or wouldn’t say certain things. He had built up this idea of who Sirius was, and it was a vicious game to play. The odds were that the person Remus had created in his head wasn’t the way the person would be in real life. The odds were that Remus had such high standards that there was no way Sirius could ever meet them. 

Still, as he pushed open the door to the restaurant two minutes late, the bell announcing his arrival, Remus hoped Sirius would. 

The restaurant was tiny. If Remus stood with his arms spread, it would have taken less than two of him to touch either wall. Behind the register in the front, you could see into the kitchen. There were only two other people in the restaurant other than Remus. One was standing behind the register. He was an older man who looked like he knew his way around the kitchen. Remus suspected that he was the owner of this establishment. 

A man wearing a leather jacket with black hair cascading to his back turned a few seconds after Remus entered the restaurant. The owner and this man had been engrossed in conversation a moment before, which Remus had seen through the window. It looked like they were old friends. They probably were with how the old man looked at Remus like he already knew him. 

“Remus Lupin,” Sirius Black said in a way that made Remus think he would never be the same again, though he couldn’t let anyone know that. 

“Sirius Black,” he replied like he had spoken to Sirius a thousand times before. Perhaps if his heart had beat slightly slower, he could have heard whatever the owner whispered to Sirius. 

They didn’t say anything as they just stared, much like they had less than forty-eight hours ago. The shop owner broke their silence as Sirius had a slightly crooked smirk plastered on his face in a way that made Remus want to say something to take that arrogant look off his face. 

“I have your food ready,” the man said, handing a large paper bag to Sirius. 

“Come on,” Sirius said to Remus after nodding in thanks to the owner. Sirius tilted his head to a door in the right corner of the restaurant for only a second. “We’re going up.” 

Against his better judgment, Remus followed Sirius up the stairs of a very narrow hallway for what had to have been hours. Or perhaps it felt that way because they were walking in total silence. Remus tried not to feel too awkward about it. After all, they had never had a conversation before, and he didn’t really feel comfortable talking to Sirius Black’s back. It seemed that Sirius didn’t want to talk to a bunch of empty space in front of him. 

Remus could have let out a sigh of relief when he finally saw a black door above Sirius’ head. Sirius pushed past it, and cold air blasted into Remus’ face the moment he stepped foot outside. They were on the roof at the end of winter. This was shaping up to be an interesting evening. Remus pulled his coat tighter against him. 

“I know it’s cold,” Sirius said, pulling his own jacket closer. “But there’s a fire pit right over there.” 

Sirius wasn’t technically lying. There was a fire pit. It was just rusted and looked like it housed several spiders during the warmer months of the year. Plastic chairs that looked close to snapping in half were around the pit, and while Remus hadn’t known what he was expecting, this wasn’t it. 

“Do you mind getting some wood from over there?” Sirius pointed to a small box tucked against the edge of the building. 

“Sure,” Remus replied, able to see his breath. 

He grabbed a few logs and set them into the fire pit. Sirius pulled a few pieces of newspaper from his paper bag and then set it down. Sirius moved to the firepit and arranged the wood, slipping the pieces of paper in between logs. After being satisfied with the placement, Sirius pulled a lighter from his pocket and lit one end of the newspaper. Soon enough, there was a blazing fire, and Sirius moved one of the chairs closer to it. 

“I used to come here, back when I couldn’t afford more than a shabby apartment that had faulty heating throughout the winter,” Sirius explained, pulling two blankets from the bag between him and the fire. “I don’t know if it was the view or Arthur bullying my ass about getting the same food every day, but it kept me coming. It kept me writing.” 

When Sirius mentioned the view, Remus thought to look from the ground or Sirius and at the view. The New York City skyline that Remus had seen so many times just took his breath away. It was fully dark, and the city was filled with light, as usual, but it felt different from this specific rooftop. And Sirius was right. Remus felt that small bit of magic in his stomach that wanted him to write, that felt like maybe he could. 

“I can see why. So you came up here often?” Remus moved his eyes back to Sirius, who Remus could tell hadn’t taken his eyes off Remus for a moment. 

“Every day for a year or two,” Sirius confessed, a reflection of the fire in his eyes. 

“So these are the lights you’re constantly talking about in your songs,” Remus pointed out, gesturing to the city around them. 

Sirius nodded and started pulling out white takeout boxes. “Among other places. I’ve lived in a couple of world cities and visited most of them.” It took Remus a few seconds to realize that Sirius was talking about how he had toured most of the world. 

“Do you have a favorite?” 

There was a sudden heaviness in Sirius’ eyes that Remus couldn’t read. “I have a favorite but”–Sirius shook his head, a bittersweet expression on his face–“I can’t go there anymore.” 

Remus got enough of a hint not to ask where it was. “I’m from a suburban town. There wasn’t really anything to do, so when I got my choice of colleges, I chose the biggest place I could find,” he said, relieved when the heavy look disappeared into something lighter. 

“You’ve never lived anywhere else?” Sirius asked, passing a box to Remus, who accepted it without question. “Never wanted to?” 

Taking a fork Sirius passed, Remus moved his gaze to the fire momentarily. “By the time I realized, I had some things tying me down here. I’ve always pictured living in Europe for a couple of years. Maybe London or Paris.” Remus saw the exact moment Sirius’ eyes narrowed, being on his mention of Paris. 

Truly, Remus felt incredibly stupid. He had forgotten entirely about the fact that Sirius was from France and had left for a reason that could be inferred from his songs. If Remus had to guess, the city Sirius couldn’t return to was Paris. They definitely weren’t close enough for Remus to ask, so he just changed the topic. 

“I’m not sure if I could leave all my friends here for that long, though.” Remus imagined it, leaving Lily and Regulus in the city for a year. He supposed he liked how they were always less than twenty minutes away, the way he could knock on their door whenever he pleased. 

Sirius laughed, and for some reason, Remus found great pleasure in it, even though he fairly obviously hadn’t been the cause. “I’ve found that if the friendship is worth it, no distance can rip it apart,” Sirius stated, and Remus supposed it could be true. 

“I’m assuming you’re talking about James,” Remus said, recalling the way Effie had told him that James and Sirius had kept contact over the years when Sirius had stayed in London. 

“Yes, the little shit who downplayed how well he knew you,” Sirius answered in an amused tone. 

“He never told me he knew you. I actually found out after the concert.” He paused for a second. “How much have you heard that I’ve said?” 

“Not much,” Sirius responded, but Remus wasn’t entirely sure if he believed him. “Have you been out here talking smack about my songs?” 

Remus chuckled at the playful accusation. “Yeah, I’ve been criticizing them left and right. I’m surprised James didn’t tell you: You’d hate me if you heard all the shit I said about them,” he replied, sarcasm practically dripping off his words. 

Hand against his heart, Sirius acted offended. “How dare you. My songs are beloved by all,” Sirius claimed, though Remus got the sense that he knew it wasn’t true. “Then again, you should hear everything I’ve said about your books.” 

“How they’re supposedly the best books you’ve read and far too tragic?” 

“They are the best books I’ve ever read,” Sirius confirmed, not at all embarrassed. 

“You haven’t read many books then,” Remus said by habit, and Sirius just laughed. 

“Lily once told me you’d say that,” he replied softly, peacefully looking at Remus over the fire in a way he couldn’t explain. 

Remus said something, and Sirius laughed again. At some point, they realized their food would go cold, and they ate as they chuckled over whatever the topic at hand was. Hearts racing, cheeks blazing from the fire, they touched on every matter under the sun until the sun began to rise. They heard as the city awoke beneath them and added wood to the fire until none was left. 

By the end, the only thought in Remus’ head, the rest having been stolen by exhaustion and perhaps hope, was that he was absolutely pathetic because he wanted to see Sirius again.