chasing fortune and fame

4:55 P.M. February 26th. 

Regulus had always prided himself on being a professional actor as well as a talented one. He made sure all of his lines were memorized days, sometimes weeks in advance. In his mind, it was the same as studying for an important test. He started reviewing a week before the test, so by the time it came, he had seen every question and could do them all in his sleep. He had the perfect grades and was the perfect student. 

But even the straight-A student messed up sometimes, and Regulus had somehow missed a particularly long scene in all of his memorizing. As he was waiting for Remus to pick him up for the concert he was being dragged to, Regulus went through his script just to check that he had everything down. That was when he found the scene he hadn’t even read through, and because his luck was terrible, he found that they would be shooting it first thing on Tuesday. 

Regulus was such a good actor because he immersed himself in every scene. He pulled it apart line by line until he had found even the crumbs and made sense to them. He imagined just why his character had said every word so he could put the right emotion behind them. Regulus learned the lines so well that it felt like he was coming up with them on the spot. They became a type of muscle memory. But this process couldn’t be rushed, and he was being rushed. He would have to spend every second he could committing the lines to memory so he could do a deeper analysis in private. 

Remus knocked on the door, and Regulus rushed to let him in so he could get to searching for his noise-canceling headphones quicker. His gaze would probably be glued to his phone until the concert started because even though his headphones were noise-canceling, they didn’t block out a full-blown concert. After going through every pocket in his bag and suitcase, Regulus finally found the case for his headphones. 

“Are you okay?” Remus questioned, leaning on a wall right in front of Regulus.

Pocketing the headphones, Regulus quickly moved to the other side of the living room to grab his jacket, which he had flung there a few nights prior. “I just found a scene I forgot to memorize, and it’s the first one being filmed when we get back. I don’t have much time to memorize it,” he explained hastily. 

“Do you need to skip the concert?” Remus asked because he knew just how seriously Regulus took knowing his lines. 

He shook his head. “I’ll just memorize on the way there and then spend the rest of the weekend deep diving,” Regulus said, pulling his jacket on. He wouldn’t leave Remus to go alone. He had promised to go, and he was a reliable person.

“You sure?” 

“Yeah,” Regulus confirmed, already pulling out his script to start reviewing it. “Are we taking a cab?” 

Remus nodded. “Are you going to have your phone in your face the entire time?” he asked, opening the door and waiting in the hallway outside for Regulus to finish locking it closed. 

“Probably,” he admitted, shoving his keys into his pocket.

“I’ll try to make sure you don’t run into anything,” he laughed. 

Regulus just shoved him. Remus only laughed again. 

The entire cab ride, Regulus was mouthing the words he had to remember. Unfortunately, the scene he was going over was many pages long and fairly significant in the plot line. He didn’t know how he had missed it. Regulus already had his headphones blocking the noise around him in the cab. If he read in the car without something playing through his headphones, he got a headache. He had read somewhere that it was because your ears sensed turns, but Regulus didn’t particularly care about the science behind it. He just knew his headphones helped, and that was all he needed to know to continue using them. 

Remus paid the cab driver and then pushed Regulus out of the door. Regulus barely looked at the curb to avoid stumbling over it. He only looked up once to see a massive crowd of people. With two hands on Regulus’ shoulders, Remus moved the two of them through the crowds until they were waiting in some line. Periodically, Regulus would close his eyes to go over the lines he already remembered. He had paid good money for his headphones, so he couldn’t hear much of what was happening around him. 

It didn’t take very long for them to get to the front of the line. Remus showed both tickets to the person scanning them, so they were let in. Someone shoved a light-up bracelet into Regulus’ hands. He put it in his pocket until he needed to put it on. He occasionally glanced at his feet to make sure that he wouldn’t fall flat on his face, but Remus was doing most of the effort guiding them. 

Regulus needed to pay attention when they were trying to find their seats. Thankfully, the rows had a good amount of space between the barrier and the seats, so they didn’t have to step over people’s feet. When they found the two seats that were theirs, Regulus sat down, but Remus stayed standing. He gestured for Regulus to take his headphones out for a moment. 

“I’m going to get you the T-shirt. What size do you want?” Remus asked. 

Regulus wondered just how long Remus would be waiting in line in a venue as massive as this one. “A large,” Regulus answered simply. 

While Regulus didn’t claim to have the style of a fashion designer, he did grow up in a wealthy home. Sure, his parents weren’t the best people, but they had had money. So Regulus had grown up learning how to dress well. He wouldn’t be caught dead in a graphic T-shirt out of the house, so he figured if he was going to use it for anything, it would be to sleep. 

Remus nodded and turned around to find the merchandise line. After a second, Regulus put the headphones back on and continued learning his lines. It turned out that keeping your head down and appearing unapproachable stopped fans from coming up to him. He didn’t doubt there had been at least a couple of photos taken of him already, and he assumed there would probably be some headline about why he was so glued to his phone. 

A few minutes after Remus came back with a clear bag in hand, the concert openers came on stage. Two women forming a band called Fair Meadowes started playing punk rock. While the music was good, their stage presence was better. Regulus knew none of their songs, but his attention was captured by the way the blonde woman was playing the electric guitar and singing. She introduced herself as Marlene when the taller woman to her left introduced herself as Dorcas. 

Throughout their set, they took turns playing instruments while the other sang and moved around the stage. By the end, Regulus found himself tapping his foot with the rhythm. Regulus had been to many concerts, but it surprised him just how close he was to the two women on stage. He could have counted the jewels they had in their eye makeup if he had wanted to. 

After Marlene and Dorcas got off stage, Regulus used a thirty-minute pause to his advantage. He decided to go through the scene without his phone to see how far he got while he went to the bathroom. Once the concert started, Regulus would take a break. Luckily, most of the crowd was too excited to pay attention to him. He stopped by the bathroom and bought some drinks for him and Remus. They’d be standing for a few hours at least, so it was good to be hydrated. 

As Regulus handed off a cup filled with water to Remus, the previously black screens turned on to display a bright countdown that ticked each time a second passed. There were screams across the stadium as the clock slowly counted down from two minutes. Remus set the cup on the ground and dug through his pockets. He handed Regulus some earplugs, which Regulus took. He had completely forgotten to bring some himself. Regulus tucked the bag with the shirt that Remus had given him and his jacket under his foldable chair. He pulled his phone out of his pocket to make sure his tabs were closed, so he saved battery and saw that it was seven in the evening. At least the concert was starting on time. He took a sip of his water while standing up and then directed his attention to the screen, which was counting down from ten seconds. 

Regulus leaned closer to Remus to make sure he could hear him over everyone counting down the time. “So whose concert is this anyway?” he asked, but before Remus could reply, a heavy bass beat started. 

After a few seconds, an electric guitar started playing alongside the beat. Every spotlight started shining on one spot on the stage, concealed by many backup dancers, all wearing various black outfits. Regulus could see nothing through them. 

“Meet me there, where it never closes. Meet me there, where it’s never hopeless. All is fair in love… Honey, are you coming?” 

The voice singing spread through the stadium like a wave. While Regulus could not put a name to the person singing, the voice gave him chills. It sounded oddly familiar. 

Soon, the backup dancers began to disperse, and the crowd went wild. Where the lights were focused, a piece of the stage rose, slowly revealing the singer as multiple instruments joined into the music. Regulus felt the guitar and drum in his bones as they began playing. He didn’t know why he couldn’t take his eyes off the person gradually being revealed. 

Regulus studied the long black hair of the man before him. He studied the mesh shirt that had stitched red roses and the bright red pants with similar stitches. Regulus studied the Doc Martens. He might have been able to convince himself that there was just an eerie resemblance, and he was seeing what he was terrified of. Regulus self-sabotaged. He was just trying to freak himself out. 

He might have been able to convince himself that he was going insane had the singer not started walking toward his section, still singing the song. Everyone around him started cheering as the singer approached, but Regulus couldn’t move. He couldn’t believe his eyes. 

They had to have been lying to him. He begged his eyes to lie to him because if his eyes weren’t lying, and he wasn’t going insane, it meant that the person he thought was in front of him was, in fact, in front of him. 

How could he have been so stupid, so caught up in his work? It was Saturday, February 26th. He was in New York at a concert. All the facts pointed to one thing: one person directly in front of him. 

Regulus was at Sirius Black’s concert. 

That meant Sirius Black was there. 

That meant his brother was on stage. 

That meant his brother was right in front of him. 

And Regulus couldn’t even force his legs to run. 

He just had to watch. 

* * *

6:28 P.M. February 26th. 

James had seen Sirius freak out about many things. He had been with him before many shows throughout his career. He had helped Sirius through many different types of nerves. He had talked Sirius through spouts of anxiety before award shows and speeches. Really, James had seen many different types of panic on Sirius’ face. This was a new one. 

“He’s here. James. He’s here,” Sirius dragged out his words like he was trying to convince James. 

“I know, Sirius. You invited him. You gave his friend the tickets,” James pointed out from the couch as Sirius paced in the dressing room. Peter sat beside him, trying not to laugh at the way Sirius was freaking out.  

Sirius scoffed and stopped in front of them. “Yeah, but now he’ll see me.” 

“You realize you’re debatably one of the most famous people in the world right now. He could have seen you anywhere at any point,” Peter supplied.

“You’re not helping,” Sirius replied, starting to pace once more. “Neither of you are helping.” 

James stood up and physically stopped Sirius from pacing by placing both hands on his shoulders. “I’ve met him. He’s a good guy, Sirius. There isn’t much you could do on that stage to make him not like you. If you met him, you’d know,” he tried his best to reason with Sirius’ nerves. 

“He likes me? Have you talked about me?” Sirius exclaimed in a way that James couldn’t decipher if he was happy or if he was that much more worried. 

 Sighing, James led Sirius to where he had previously sat on the couch. Sirius needed to calm down. He was going on in less than thirty minutes. “I haven’t told him we know each other, but you have come up. He’s trying to use your music for inspiration to write a new book. He likes you, but in the way you like your favorite song,” James explained. 

Sirius’ eyes lit up like they always did when he had an idea he was fond of. “What if we brought Lily and Remus backstage after the show?” He glanced at Peter. “You’d be happy to see Lily. And I’d meet him.” 

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Peter asked, raising his eyebrows. 

James had his own doubts about it. If Sirius was this worked up about Remus being in the crowd, James couldn’t imagine how bad it would be if Sirius met him. It had always been slightly funny to James how Sirius forgot his status when it came to Remus. Usually, Sirius was down to earth, but he was aware of how the entire world was watching it. But when Remus was involved, it was like he was an unknown person coming from the middle of nowhere to meet an international star. It was sweet, but it could make Remus run in the other direction if Sirius wasn’t careful. 

“I can be cool,” Sirius claimed, reading James’ thoughts like he had always been able to. Peter started to object, but Sirius cut him off. “I’ve met tons of famous people. I’ve met members of the Royal Family, for God’s sake.” 

“Yeah, but they aren’t Remus,” Peter pointed out. 

“Exactly, you haven’t even met him. You’ve created this idea of him. Are you sure you want to find out if he’s worse than the idea of him?” James said because Sirius had a very advanced imagination. 

Sirius was quiet for a moment. “What if he’s better?” 

Peter gave James a look that said something like there’s no way you can talk him out of this. 

James sighed because Peter was right. “Fine, I’ll see if he wants to come backstage after the show, but I’m asking after you’ve gone off stage.” Sirius made the motions to interrupt James, but he pushed on. “That way, you’ll have a chance to gather yourself before you see him.”

“Fine,” Sirius groaned, but the excitement was burning bright in his gaze. 

A text made James’ phone buzz in his pocket, and when he checked it, he saw that his parents were outside the stadium. James and his parents had arrived separately because James had been at the stadium hours before the show started with Peter and Sirius, and his parents had gone back to James’ apartment to rest a bit before they were on their feet for around four hours. His parents weren’t as young as other parents of people his age, but they had always made up for that with the sheer amount of life in them. 

“My parents here. I’m going to go get them, so I probably won’t see you before you get on stage. You’ll do great. Bye, Pete,” James said, walking out the door before Sirius could say that he always did. Sirius’ confidence had skyrocketed to where it usually was now that he had played some shows. 

James fetched his parents from outside the stadium and brought them in through a staff door. Everyone on Sirius’ team had seen James, from the people who built the stage to the backup singers. James had also met all of them. He had a special pass that allowed him anywhere in the stadium. He occasionally saw Sirius’ concerts in stadiums where he had played. James tried to forget the thought whenever it rose. 

He was at the VIP tent with Effie and Monty about ten minutes before the show started. 

“Where are all the T-shirts being sold, beta? I want to buy some,” Monty said, looking around the stadium to find the line. Both of James’ parents had been so entranced by the number of people the previous night that they had forgotten about the merchandise. 

“I’m sure Sirius can just get you some for free,” James said. He was sure that if Sirius heard that Effie and Monty wanted T-shirts, he’d send four for each of them. 

“Nonsense,” Monty exclaimed, walking toward the exit of the VIP tent. “We want to support Sirius.” 

He refrained from telling his father that Sirius didn’t really need to support him anymore, at least not financially. Sirius was set off for the next ten lifetimes, but James knew it would make his father happier to buy the shirt, so he pointed him to where they were being sold. The lines were shorter now that the concert was starting so soon. 

“So, sweetheart, how’s the movie going?” Effie asked, observing the merchandise line where Monty was already conversing with the man behind him. 

“I think it’s going pretty well,” James replied. “Most of the cast loves me, and we’ve filmed about a half of the scenes, so now we’re getting to the good stuff in the plot.” 

While this was true, they were getting to the main conflicts in the story; it meant that the day Seamus and Brendan would kiss was creeping closer by the day. Maybe it was just something about James, but he felt weird kissing someone who very obviously did not like him, even if it was for a scene. He hoped that Regulus would have warmed up to him by then, but the chances were that he probably wouldn’t have. 

“Most of the cast loves you?” Effie echoed.

James decided that perhaps it was time to tell Effie about Regulus. After all, he had about a month to get Regulus even to tolerate him, and he had failed. Maybe his mother would know how to rectify the situation. 

“Have you heard of Regulus Black?” James asked, and Effie looked a bit confused. 

“Was he the one in that movie about the small women?” she asked. 

“I think so. Anyway, he’s my costar, and he cannot stand my existence,” James told her, slightly cringing because he hadn’t met a single person he hadn’t been able to charm. 

Effie didn’t look as bewildered as James had expected her to. “Did you do something to him?” 

“No. He hated me from the moment I met him,” James explained. 

She nodded her head. “I think it’s good for you,” Effie said, warmth filling her voice as she put a comforting hand on James’ arm.

“What?” He almost to a step back in shock. James told her that someone hated him, and she thought it was good for him?

“Not everyone can love you, my darling boy. I think you got too used to it being with everyone you met. It’s good that there’s someone you don’t have keep liking you in the ways that you make people like you. The faces you put up,” Effie said, and James was even more taken aback. He hadn’t realized that anyone had noticed how he was a slightly different person with everyone. Sometimes, a majorly different person. 

“I–”

“I’m your mother, sweetheart. Of course, I noticed. Maybe it’s good for you to have someone you can be just yourself with because they won’t fall for your act.” Effie ran her hand up and down James’ arm, and he really didn’t know what to say back. 

Monty reentered the tent when people started cheering as the countdown came onto the screen. Luckily, the concert started, saving him from having to come up with a response to what his mother had said. Though, he supposed she was right. He didn’t have to worry about changing himself to make Regulus like him because, as he had proved in the past month, there was no James he could craft that Regulus would like. 

For the first quarter of the concert, everything went well. James sang Sirius' songs along with his parents. They had a great time. He marveled as seventy thousand people knew every word. Sirius had made it. He had really made it. He was so proud of Sirius. James had a moment like this every concert he went to because it was a new realization every time. 

Everything was going normally, as it had been so many times before, until someone walked in front of James. He almost didn’t look at the person, but something dragged his gaze down from the stage, and he saw… Regulus? Regulus. He saw Regulus, who looked deathly pale as if he had seen a ghost. He saw Regulus’ chest move up and down too fast like he was hyperventilating. 

He didn’t know what part of his brain forced him to follow Regulus. The part of his brain that forced him to leave his parents in that ten without so much as saying a word to them. The part of his brain that made him run after Regulus so he wouldn’t lose him. The part of his brain that was still so desperate to make Regulus like him. 

* * *

7:01 P.M. February 26th.

Sirius got on the stage like normal. He sang his opening song, did his introduction, and then sang the second song on guitar. He listened as the crowd screamed and soaked in every second of stardom. It wasn’t until the third song that things began to change. The slow instrumentals for the next song began to play as the stage slowly lowered, and he gave his guitar to a backup dancer.

“Now I know you’re sleeping where I’m supposed to be in, wish I could’ve stayed.”

Slowly, he began to walk down the stage, looking through the crowd, searching for someone. 

“Only thing that keeps us apart is seven thousand miles, running like a mad dog.”

He scanned the crowd as he made his way around the big star that the middle of his stage was. He made eye contact with various people who were singing along, even waving to some of them. Every cheer and scream made him glow that much brighter. 

“Only thing that keeps us apart is a different time zone.” 

Coming up on the left side of the star, his eyes caught on someone.

Remus Lupin in the flesh. 

They made eye contact, and Sirius almost forgot his lyrics. 

“So fuck what I’m dreaming. This fame has no meaning. I’m coming home.”

Sirius had to force himself to move on from that spot and rip his eyes from Remus Lupin, who stood there singing along. Fuck. Remus Lupin knew the lyrics to his songs. God, it was really not the time to be thinking about that. 

“Only thing that keeps us apart is a different timezone.” 

At the very end of the stage, Sirius focused on the rest of the people in this stadium, trying to forget that the reason his heart was racing so fast wasn’t because of the running around or singing. A few songs later, the choreography brought Sirius back to the middle of the star. It was always difficult for him to sing this particular song, but he was too proud of it not to add it to the setlist. 

“My father never talked a lot. He just took a walk around the block ‘til his anger took a hold of him, and then he’d hit.”

Sirius walked to the piece of the stage that would soon lift him. He turned to face the crowd again as the stage began rising. 

“My mother never cried a lot. She took the punches, but she never fought ‘til she said, ‘I’m leaving, and I’ll take the kids.’ So she did.” 

The stage reached its highest point, and, as planned, Sirius fell to his knees. It was a well-designed break in the middle of the long concert, as much as it was because the song was just a falling-to-your-knees type of song. He stared at the higher levels in the stands. 

“I say they’re just the ones who gave me life, but I truly am my parents’ child. Scattered ‘cross my family line. I’m so good at telling lies. That came from my mother’s side, told a million to survive. Scattered ‘cross my family line. God, I have my father’s eyes, but my sister’s when I cry. I can run, but I can’t hide from my family line.”

The stage began to lower, and Sirius stood up. He started walking to the right side of the stage. 

“It’s hard to put it into words how the holidays will always hurt. I watch the fathers with their little girls and wonder what I did to deserve this. How could you hurt a little kid? I can’t forget, I can’t forgive you ‘cause now I’m scared that everyone I love will leave me.” 

He slowly moved up and down each spike of the star, pausing at each point. 

“Scattered ‘cross my family line. I’m so good at telling lies. That came from my mother’s side, told a million to survive. Scattered ‘cross my family line. God, I have my father’s eyes, but my sister’s when I cry. I can run, but I can’t hide from my family line.”

Sirius went to the left side of the star, nearing Remus, though he wasn’t quite there yet. 

“From my family line.” 

Closer and closer to where Remus was. 

“All that I did to try to undo it, all of my pain, and all your excuses. I was a kid, but I wasn’t clueless. Someone who loves you wouldn’t do this.”

Finally, he was in front of Remus. Sirius made eye contact with Remus, then glanced next to him, expecting to see Lily, but no. 

No. 

Shit. 

Shit. 

Shit. 

Regulus. 

He couldn’t look away from him. 

“All of my past, I tried to erase it. But now I see, would I even change it? Might share a face and share a last name, but we are not the same.”

He tried. He tried to get his legs to move from that spot and keep up with his choreography, but his legs would not move, and he missed his marks. 

“Scattered ‘cross my family line. I’m so good at telling lies. That came from my mother’s side, told a million to survive. Scattered across my family line. God, I have my father’s eyes, but my brother’s when I cry. I can run, but I can’t hide from my family line.”
One of Sirius’ backup dancers came behind him and reminded him that he needed to move. Sirius snapped out of his conscious thoughts and assumed the role of the performer. He did the dances and sang his songs. 

Peter came on stage during the acoustic section. Peter and Sirius had decided beforehand to sing a song that made Sirius want to die inside, but it was what they had practiced. Sirius did his best to focus on the fans and disassociate the best he could. 

It was Peter who sang first. 

“We drive through the woods, rich neighborhoods to watch. We joked as we looked that they were too good for us. ‘Cause socially speaking, we were the same with runaway fathers and mothers who drank. A tale old as time, young love don’t last for life. And now I know. Now I know. It’s time to go. It’s time to go. We’ve traveled the seas. We’ve ridden the stars. We’ve seen everything from Saturn to Mars. As much as it seems like you own my heart, it’s astronomy; we’re two worlds apart.” 

Sirius cleared his throat and begged himself not to break. Not to break in front of so many people. He could do this. He could sing without falling to his knees. 

“From far away, I wish I’d stayed with you. But here, face to face, a stranger that I once knew. I thought if I wandered, I’d fall back in love. You said, ‘Distance brings fondness,’ but guess not with us. The only mistake that we didn’t make was run. Now look what we’ve done. We’ve traveled the seas. We’ve ridden the stars. We’ve seen everything from Saturn to Mars. As much as it seems like you own my heart, it’s astronomy; we’re two worlds apart.”

There was an instrumental break where Sirius and Peter played their guitars until they both began singing once more. 

“Stop trying to keep us alive. You’re pointing at stars in the sky that already died. Stop trying to keep us alive. You can’t force the stars to align when they’ve already died. Oh, we’ve died. Oh, we’ve traveld the seas. We’ve ridden the stars. We’ve seen everything from Saturn to Mars. As much as it seems like you own my heart, it’s astronomy; we’re two worlds apart.”
As the song ended, everyone in the stadium burst into applause. Sirius smiled at Peter, who was asking with his eyes what was wrong. Sirius didn’t let himself think about what was wrong. Instead, he channeled everything to his performance, even as every clap felt like a bullet to the heart.