Wingman
Lily: How’d tutoring go?
Remus: Really well, actually. Where’d you find James? He’s a gem.
Lily: Dug him out of a dumpster somewhere. I can tell you this, he wasn’t worth the trouble. Anyway, onto more important matters…
Remus: Such as?
Lily: Progress
Remus: ?
Lily: My white wale, idiot
Remus: !
Lily: Right???
Remus: What happened???
Lily: I gave her my number
Remus: And??? What then???
Lily: That’s it…
Remus: I don’t know if that counts as progress
Lily: Shut up yes it does. She took it and acknowledged my existence. That is absolutely progress
Remus: Yes ma’am
Lily: Thank you
Lily: Also I need your help
Remus: Okay…
Lily: Be my wingman
Remus: I thought I already was…
Lily: Time to start acting like it boyo
Remus: …
Lily: Dorcas tells me that Mary is a history nerd and is taking a mythology class this semester
Remus: Okay…
Lily: The same mythology class you are also taking this semester
Remus: Okay…
Lily: Which means you have a class with Mary and never mentioned this
Remus: It’s a lecture class, Lily. There’s like a hundred of us in there.
Lily: Whatever, that’s besides the point. I need you to find her next class and hype me up
Remus: How exactly would I do that
Lily: You’re the wingman, not me. You figure it out.
Remus: …
Lily: Please?
Remus: Idk Lily… I’m not rlly good with people
Lily: PLEASE
Lily: PLEASE
Lily: PLEASE REMUS
Lily: REMUS PLEASE
Lily: I NEED YOU
Lily: PLEASE!!!!
Remus: …
Lily: Please?
Remus: I’ll see what I can do
Lily: THANK YOU REMUS YOU’RE A SAINT AND I LOVE YOU
Remus: Idk what would you do without me
Lily: Die probably
Lily: <3
It takes Remus two weeks to work up the courage to follow through with his promise to talk to Mary. For one, he isn’t good in social situations, and manufacturing a conversation is so far out of his skill set that he can’t even imagine where to begin. For another, he is deeply, deeply terrified of Mary. Lily has shown her pictures of the woman. Pictures that make Lily out to be some kind of stalker, Remus should add. Blurry pictures zoomed in so far that you can barely tell who the subject is. Pictures taken from odd angles that make it clear she was trying not to get caught. Remus told her she needed to cut that shit out, but Lily didn’t seem at all ashamed of herself. Anyway, that’s beside the point. The point is that in all these dubious photographs, Mary looks… pissed. Lily said she took a picture whenever Mary looked particularly hot, and either Lily is unhealthily into anger, or Mary has awful RBF. Either way, suffice it to say, Remus is more than a little intimidated, and very eager to stay miles away from her bad side.
So it takes two weeks to work up the courage. When he does, he uses one of Lily’s infinite supply of stalker-photos (she has a whole album in her phone of them) to find her amongst the countless students in the lecture hall. Remus isn’t sure whether to thank or curse the empty seat beside her.
Just like in all the pictures, Mary looks pissed, like she’s about two minutes away from setting something, or someone, on fire.
Remus sits beside her. He clears his throat, figuring he might as well get it over with.
“Lily ask you to talk to me?” Mary asks before Remus can even open his mouth. She hasn’t so much as looked at him as far as Remus can tell. She continues writing in the margins of her textbook, unbothered.
Remus can’t think of a good response, so he stays silent, his fear of Mary growing with every passing second.
“Dorcas said she might.”
“Sounds like this Dorcas character is playing both sides.”
“Oh, she thrives on drama.”
“Seems like it.”
“Speaking of drama… I’m about ninety percent sure Lily’s been talking me. Snapping pics when she thinks I’m not looking, the whole package.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I told her to cut it out.”
“Mary waves a hand dismissively. “Don’t bother, I don’t mind.”
Remus blinks. This was not how he’d expected this conversation to go. “Oh.”
“Can I tell you something?”
“Um… sure?”
“You can’t tell Lily.”
“OKay…” Remus will absolutely tell Lily whatever next comes out of Mary’s mouth, and he can’t help but think that Mary knows that.
“I’m enjoying the chase. I’ll fold eventually, I think, but there’s no use trying to get me to do that now. I’m having too much fun watching her fawn all over me.”
“I—” But Mary doesn’t let him speak, instead gathering her things, standing, and changing seats. Never once in that entire conversation did she meet Remus’ eyes.
Remus sits, dumbfounded, through the rest of the lecture, not retaining a single word, not taking a single note.
Oh, Lily is so fucked.