Chapter 12
“I hate you,” Regulus says as he enters the dorm. The only one in there is Oliver. He looks up from staring at the closed mirror. He puts it in his bag and looks at his best friend. Regulus has his back pressed against the door, eyes closed.
“Hello to you too,” Oliver says. Regulus’ eyes snap open to glare at Oliver. “Alright, what happened?”
“I fucking hate you,” Regulus says again. There’s a heat behind his words but it doesn’t seem directed towards Oliver.
“Regulus…” Oliver’s starting to get worried. He realises that Regulus is using the door to hold himself up. “Is something wrong?” Regulus’ eyes sink shut and he lets out a breath. He melts to the floor, making Oliver all that much more confused. “This isn’t helping,” Oliver tells him. “I still have no idea what’s wrong.”
“Barty,” Regulus says and uh okay. This could be about so many different things. Oliver raises his eyebrows and gestures for Regulus to continue. How is he supposed to know what Barty’s done? Obviously, this is unspeakable because Regulus just glares at him. “I hate you,” he says again. “You- you made me realise I fucking fancy him. You couldn’t’ve let me just live my life, forever not knowing I had a crush on one of my best friends.”
Oliver opens his mouth but he doesn’t get a word in before Regulus’ rant is continuing.
“Every time I see him it’s like someone’s setting me on fire. When he touches me I swear my whole fucking world tips onto its side.” Regulus runs his fingers through his hair. “I can’t deal with this, Olive, I just can’t. It’s horrible. His eyes are so pretty. Have you noticed? They’re gorgeous. And his fucking hands. Merlin, Ol, I think I die every time I see them. When we’re in class together he likes to fiddle with his quill and I can’t fucking handle this shit. I get weak in the knees. This isn’t fair. I know people have started pairing off and snogging at every turn but I didn’t think it would happen to me. Not that I’ve thought about snogging Barty. I haven’t.” Oliver looks at him and he groans. “For fucks sake, Ol, I’ve thought about it. I can’t help but think about it. Everytime I see him I imagine him pushing me against the nearest wall and-”
“Okay!” Oliver covers his ears and shakes his head. He can see Regulus start to laugh and when he uncovers his ears, he can hear it. Oliver cracks a smile. “Disgusting. I’m always here to listen to you, Reg, but let’s keep it PG, okay?”
Regulus sighs, the smiles staying on his face. “Sorry. But Oliver, I fancy him. Merlin, why did you have to let me know that?”
Oliver smiles sympathetically. “It sucks, huh?” He climbs off his bed and walks over to sit down next to Regulus. “Unrequited love is my villain origin story.” This gets a laugh out of Regulus. His head falls onto Oliver’s shoulder. Oliver tips his head so his cheek is resting against Regulus’ hair.
“Will it always be like this?” Regulus asks in a whisper. “This painful?”
Oliver hums. “I suppose not. I would tell you it goes away but I’ve been in love with the same person since I was seven and it still hurts. Sometimes it's more painful than others though so it does get better, I promise.”
Regulus lifts his head to look at Oliver. “Who?”
Oliver remembers that Regulus doesn’t know. He smiles, knowing he wouldn’t rather tell anyone else. “Peter.”
Realisation flashes across Regulus’ face. “Oh.” He puts his head back on Oliver’s shoulder. “So we’re both gay, huh?”
Oliver laughs, realising this for the first time. Regulus had come out to him and he hadn’t even realised. He had been more focused on it being Barty, rather than a boy. “I suppose we are.” He takes a deep breath. “It’s a shame, really.”
Regulus hums. “If you want to look at it that way.”
“Which way do you want to look at it?”
Regulus reaches over to grab Oliver’s hand. “That we get to go through all this heartbreak together too. Being queer is going to suck but it will get better.”
“You seem so sure,” Oliver says. He gives Regulus’ hand a squeeze. He gets one in return.
“I am sure. Besides, if those stupid boys don’t want us, we can always snog each other.” Regulus lifts his head to wink at Oliver and a startled laugh escapes him. Regulus Black just winked at him.
“You’re ridiculous.” Despite his words, Oliver pulls Regulus closer, letting the boy put his head back on his shoulder. They’re going to be okay.
Remus plonks himself down at the table. Oliver looks up from his book to raise his eyebrows at him. Lily comes over shortly after and sits down too. Oliver closes his book and sits up properly, taking his legs off the table. He opens his mouth to ask what happened but Lily beats him to it. “Mary is a bitch.”
Oliver blinks. “I’m sorry?”
Remus sighs. “Mary… isn’t being the bestest friend at the moment.”
“What’d she do?” Oliver asks. Lily looks very angry and Remus just looks sad and tired. “Guys?”
Lily scoffs and crosses her arms. “She backstabbed Remus. I can’t believe her. Her and Marlene- I swear I’m going to kill them.”
Oliver laughs. “Oh come on. What could be that bad? You’re acting like she snogged Sirius or something.” He continues to laugh at the ludicrous idea but Lily and Remus aren’t laughing. They’re anger and sadness only grows and Oliver’s laughter dies. “She didn’t.” He looks between them. “She didn’t,” he all but pleads.
Remus sighs and nods. “She did. There was a party last night to celebrate Gryffindor’s win against Hufflepuff and Sirius kissed Mary.”
Oliver can’t regulate all the emotions he’s feeling. “But- but she stopped it, right. Because she’s your friend and Sirius obviously did something really bad.” He looks between Lily and Remus hopeful. That hope dies at their matching looks of despair. “Oh. Oh no.”
Remus nods solemnly. Lily’s anger turns to sadness rather quickly. “I swear my world fell to the ground,” Lily says softly. “Mary and Marlene were supposed to be my friends.”
“What did Marlene do?” Oliver asks. A look of disgust crosses his face. “She didn’t kiss Sirius too, did she?”
Lily shakes her head. “No, but she cheered on Mary. Even James and Peter looked surprised.”
“A bit sick to their stomachs,” Remus adds. “They looked horrified.”
Oliver frowns. “I’m sorry,” he tells them.
Lily shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter. Who needs them anyway. I have you guys.”
Oliver shakes his head. “Mary’s your best friend. It’s different when it’s your best friend.”
“Was,” Lily corrects. “She was my best friend.” She stands up and grabs her bag. “Anyway, I just remembered that I have a date.”
“A date?” Remus gives her a look. “You have a date?”
“Don’t tell me it’s with my brother.” Oliver cringes. “You didn’t finally say yes, did you?”
Lily shakes her head. “I don’t snog my friend’s brothers, thank you very much. Actually, I’m repaying a debt. Besides, it’s not a real date. It’s a… friend date. She didn’t think I was in her debt so we came to the agreement that she could get anything she wanted from Honeydukes and it would be on me.”
“She?” Oliver raises an eyebrow and Lily smiles.
“What?”
“You’re not-a-date is with a girl?” Remus asks.
Lily grins. “Well you lot aren’t going to date them.”
Oliver and Remus both laugh. Lily winks as she walks away, waving as she does so. Oliver waits until she’s out of earshot to say, “She’s going out with Pandora.”
Remus hums. “I figured. Repaying her for pulling her out of the lake, I bet.”
Oliver nods. He watches Lily leave the library. “Pandora hates sweets,” he says absentmindedly. “Despises them. Something about the taste being bitter for her. Evan’s the same.” A smile forms on his face. “Panda doesn’t just do acts of kindness like this for no reason. Sure, she’s an absolute saint but never to people who she doesn’t think deserves it. She’s doing it because she likes Lily.”
Remus matches his smile and he also turns to look at the door. “They’d be good together.”
“I think they would,” Oliver agrees. He tilts his head. “But she said it wasn’t a real date. Do you think she’d want it to be? You know her better than I do.”
Remus shrugs. “Depends. Lily’s never portrayed any like towards anyone before. This is the first I’ve heard of her going on any kind of date.”
Oliver looks at him incredulously. He really has no idea about Lily’s massive crush on him in third year. She had a MASSIVE crush on Remus. She had told Oliver all about it and was worried that he didn’t feel the same. Oliver had told her that he probably just saw her as a friend and she eventually moved on. It’s better that way because Remus is so gay and truly never thought of Lily as anything other than a friend.
“Now that I think about it, she could’ve had a crush on someone and just not told us,” Remus continues. He looks back at Oliver. “I mean, she doesn’t have to tell us every time she has a crush.”
Oliver raises an eyebrow. “Remus Lupin, do you have a crush on someone and aren’t telling me?”
Remus blanches. “No! I- no. I just- alright.” Oliver laughs and Remus rolls his eyes. “Even if I did have a crush- which I don’t- I wasn’t thinking about me.”
Oliver furrows his eyebrows. “What do you mean? If not you then who were you thinking about?” Remus just looks at Oliver. “I don’t know why you’re looking at me because I already told you who I like.”
Remus flinches slightly. “Not you… per say.”
“Remus,” Oliver warns. Remus sighs and runs a hand down his face.
“I can’t tell you.”
“Yes you can.”
“Ollie-”
“Remus. Please.”
Remus bites his lip before releasing it and taking a deep breath. “Alright. So, I may have gotten curious about who else in my friend group was queer after you told us that you like Pete.”
“Okay…” Oliver gives him a calculating look, trying to determine where this conversation was going.
“I started going through different memories in my mind and I thought I had something so I followed it up— like anyone would do.”
Oliver closes his eyes and sighs. “Remus John Lupin, for the love of Merlin, tell me what you did or I swear.”
“Okay okay.” Remus holds his hands up in mock surrender. “I’ll tell you what happened. It was just Peter and I in the dorm.”
“Oh no.”
“Oh yes.”
Remus glances at Peter who’s sitting on his bed. Sirius and James would be away for a bit due to quidditch practice and Remus had some questions to ask Peter. “Hey, Wormtail?”
Peter hums. His eyes follow the sentence of the homework Remus had given him to copy (on the condition that he had to change some of it in a way that Minnie wouldn’t know he’d used Remus’ work. Defence wasn’t Peter’s best subject) before he looks up at Remus. “What’s up, Moony?”
Remus shifts in his spot on his bed and rings his hands together. He shakes his head to try and calm his running nerves. He leans back on his hands and stretches his legs out in front of him. “Do you think this whole snogging bet is as ridiculous as I think it is?”
“Snogging bet?” Oliver tilts his head. “What snogging bet?”
“James and Sirius made a bet with each other over who would be the first to snog someone,” Remus explains. “They said Peter and I were welcome to play too but neither of us wanted to.”
Oliver nods. “Okay, yeah. Go on.”
Peter shrugs. “It is ridiculous in the sense that it’s totally bonkers. The two of them have gone insane, though they have been for many years.”
Remus huffs. “We let them be alone together too often.”
Peter nods. “We did.” He smiles and Remus smiles back. Back on track, Lupin.
“So you don’t mind it?” Remus asks.
Peter shrugs. “It’s not like I have some big vendetta against it.” He looks off to the side and a frown pulls at his lips. “I mean, I don’t like how they’re just trying to snog random girls instead of someone they really like.”
This is… not exactly how Remus thought Peter was going to respond. He’s never seen his friend like this before. He seems… confused. Alone, even though Remus is a few feet away. “Wormtail?”
Peter’s head snaps over to Remus. “Huh?”
“You wanna talk about it?” Remus offers.
Peter’s face heats up and Remus can hear the way his heartbeat quickens. Sometimes being a werewolf is helpful. Not good. Never good. Always better not being one but it does have its perks. Sometimes. “O-oh. No. I- there’s nothing to talk about.”
Remus raises his eyebrows. “You sure? Because I may have picked up on a little something or other about you these past couple weeks.” The terrified look that crosses Peter’s face makes Remus’ insides twist. “It’s not a bad thing, Pete, I promise,” Remus hurries to add. It does little to calm his friend.
“Um.”
“Peter.” Remus scooches back so he can lean against his pillows. He pulls his legs up to cross underneath himself. His hands settle in his lap. “You are one of the only people that I have told about me being a werewolf. That is the worst part of myself and I chose to tell you and Sirius and James because I know you guys would never judge me for it.”
Peter’s quiet for a moment. “Really?”
Remus nods. “Well yeah. Sure, a part of me was terrified that I was wrong and you’d be terrified of me but then I’d remind myself of everything you guys have done for me since we got here. You’re amazing blokes and even better friends so I wasn’t that worried.” He gives (what he hopes is) an encouraging smile. “Whatever it is you want to tell me, I’ll support you. I won’t tell anyone if that’s what you want and I’ll even never bring it up again if you really want me to. But Wormtail, you’re one of my best friends. Whatever it is, you can talk to me. Always.”
This seems to calm Peter down. He looks down at where he’s fiddling with his duvet. “Really?” he asks again while not looking up.
Remus grins. “I solemnly swear.”
Peter looks up with a wide smile on his face. He snorts out a laugh. “You did not just say that.”
Remus lets out a couple laughs too. “I did- and I mean it! Come on. Tell me.”
Peter calms down and there’s a small smile on his face. He glances over at James’ bed and Remus’ eyebrows raise a bit. Oh he was right, wasn’t he. Peter likes Oliver back. Damn, falling for your best friend’s brother? That’s gotta be tough. Remus hopes he can help Peter through this because if James found out, he might freak out. What would happen if Peter asked out Oliver? Would he say yes? Maybe. What if-
“I like James.”
What. Remus just stares at Peter before voicing his thoughts. “What?”
Peter swallows thickly. “I- um. I like Prongs. As in I like him like him. Meaning that I have romantic feelings for-”
“I get it,” Remus says softly, making sure he doesn’t scare Peter into thinking that he isn’t supportive of this. “So Prongs, eh?”
Peter smiles bashfully and his face heats up again. It travels across his face from the tip of one ear to the tip of the other. “Yeah. I have for a while. Since we were kids.” He seems to see the mix of many emotions on Remus’ face. “It’s okay though. I’ve come to terms with the fact he’ll never feel the same about me. I’ll always just be his friend and I’m okay with that.”
Remus nods slowly. “Right. Well damn. We’re both a little fucked then.”
Peter tilts his head in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“Ah, I’ll stop there.” Remus clears his throat. He looks over at Oliver who is kind of just staring at the table in shock. Remus ducks his head to try and look at Oliver’s face. “You okay?”
Oliver blinks and the unshed tears in his eyes fall down his cheeks. He wipes them away quickly but Remus sees them. “I’m fine.”
“Ollie-”
“Remus. I said I’m fine.” Oliver sniffs and straightens his glasses. “Finish your story.”
“I don’t-”
“Please,” Oliver all but begs. He needs something to distract him right now and whatever Remus is trying to hide seems more painful to him than Oliver.
Remus sighs. “Alright.”
“What do you mean?”
Remus runs a hand down his face. “Oh Pete, we are two very unlucky blokes, you and I.”
Peter’s mouth pulls down into a frown. “What does that mean?”
Remus gives a sad smile. “We both fell in love with our best friends who are never going to love us back.”
The room is silent for a moment as Peter processes that. His eyes then widen. “Oh, Remus, you’re a really good friend of mine and I love you, just not-”
“What?” Remus shakes his head while laughs escape him. “No! That’s not- I-” He holds a hand over his mouth to try and stifle his laughter. “I didn’t mean- you.”
Peter blinks. “Oh. Sorry.”
Remus shakes his head, a massive smile on his face now. “No no, it’s okay. I- I needed that.”
Peter nods. “Right. If it’s not me, then… James?”
“Sirius,” Remus says. He lets his eyes sink closed. He can hear a little “ohhh” come from Peter. There’s a shifting of fabric, then footsteps, then the spot next to Remus is dipping and Peter’s sitting next to him.
“We are kind of fucked.”
Remus snorts out a laugh. “Yeah, we are.”
Peter turns his head to look at Remus. “But we’re gonna do that together, right?”
Remus smiles and lifts up his arm to drape over Peter’s shoulder. “Right.”
Oliver blinks at Remus who’s staring intently at the table. “You-” Oliver cuts himself off so he can take a breath. “You’re in love with Sirius?”
Remus sighs and nods. He closes his eyes and throws his head back. “It’s fucked up.”
Oliver nods, looking off to the side. “Yeah. It is. Somehow, I don’t know what’s more fucked up.” Remus tilts his head back down and raises his eyebrows at Oliver. “You being in love with Sirius, someone who recently betrayed you by doing something really fucked up or only just recently realising you were in love with him– I know that because I have known about your crush on Sirius longer than you have, however, it takes longer to realise you love someone— and then have him betray you or you and Peter falling in love with your best friends A.K.A your dormmates.”
Remus groans and plonks his head in his hands. “I hate my life.”
Oliver chuckles. “It obviously doesn’t like you very much right now either.”
Remus removes his hands to glare at Oliver who just smiles innocently. He lets up and sighs. With all this sighing, Oliver finds it difficult to remember that Remus is only a year older than him instead of fifty years. “Sirius told Snape about something happening at the shack and how you can get to it by using the Whomping Willow. Sirius told him to do it on a full moon. Snape went and saw me. Luckily, Sirius snapped out of it quick enough for James to get Poppy and Minnie and they stopped anything bad happening to me or Snape.”
Oliver sits there staring at Remus for a moment. “Oh. Fuck, that’s- that’s unbelievable. He actually did that?”
Remus nods. “I know Sirius didn’t really mean any harm by it but he shouldn’t-”
“No no.” Remus gives him a look. “Wait no- yes, what Sirius did was really fucked up and out of line and he betrayed your trust by telling Snape but what I meant was what the fuck was Snape doing listening to Sirius? It’s kind of his fault for blindly following Sirius based on, what? His good word?”
Remus furrows his eyebrows as he looks down at the table. Oliver kicks his feet down and pokes Remus’ arm to get his attention. “Hm?”
“I’m not excusing Sirius’ actions,” Oliver says softly. “Telling Snape about the Whomping Willow and the shack was fucked up and Sirius should know better than to do something so dangerous but it isn’t all his fault. A massive part of it is his fault.” Remus snorts and Oliver smiles. “But it’s also Snape's fault. None of it is yours, by the way. You couldn’t have known about it or done anything to prevent it. Even if you had a time turner and decided to go back and warn Snape about going to the tree, he still would’ve gone just because you told him not to.”
A smile pulls at Remus’ lips. “That’s actually how Sirius got Snape to go.”
Oliver chokes back a snicker. “Oh my Merlin.”
“I know. It’s so stupid. This whole thing is stupid.”
Oliver pulls his lips together and nods. “Yeah. But stupid in the sense that those two dickheads are so incredibly stupid.” Oliver punches Remus’ arm softly. “You’re not stupid.”
Remus huffs. “I feel stupid.”
Oliver hums. “Stuff like this will make you feel that way. All I can offer is a listening ear and shoulder to cry on if you want.”
Remus smiles. “Thanks Ollie.”
“Of course,” Oliver says. “And if you need some other people to hang out with, I can always get my friends to come hang out here. Barty and Evan aren’t the fondest of libraries but Barty likes burning stuff and Evan likes watching Barty get in trouble.” Remus laughs. “I’m sure I could get them to come around.”
“Thank you.”
Oliver smiles and shrugs. “It’s the least I can do. Besides, I think you’re gonna like Dorcas.”
“She’s the one that’s my year, right?”
“Yep. She also has it in for Mckinnon.”
“Oh this is going to be so much fun.”
“It will be.” Oliver nods with a grin. “Sometimes, if Regulus brings it up, we shit talk Sirius, if you wanna get in on that. It’s great. We love shit talking and gossiping about people. We’ve got some good ammunition on Mary if you’re still pissed at her when the time comes and I’m sure my friends wouldn’t mind Lily tagging along. Some of us can study while the others fuck around. I know Dorcas can use some extra study time because of her OWLs.”
“I look forward to it.” Remus smiles as senerily as Oliver’s ever seen.
“Me too,” Oliver replies, meaning more than he has before. “Me too.”