Chapter 10
“MAMÁ! PAPÁ!”
Oliver jolts out of sleep. It’s Christmas eve and he had just gotten himself to calm enough to relax into his fatigue, way too excited for tomorrow. He’s found that becoming his animagus form tends to make him all fuzzy and warm inside. James’ screams had woken him up. Oliver takes a moment to shift back before he climbs out of bed and opens the door connecting his and James’ rooms with haste, his hands shaking. He’s not in his bed and his door is open, so are the curtains in front of his window. The window itself is shut so Oliver doesn’t think James got out that way. It doesn’t do much to calm the nerves running wild in his veins. Oliver runs out of James’ room and almost bumps into Peter. The two of them look at each other before rushing down the stairs. “What’s going on?” Oliver asks.
“I don’t know,” Peter replies. He reaches the hallway that leads to the front door before Oliver and he freezes. Oliver runs into his back.
“Ow.” Oliver rubs his nose and steps to the side to see what Peter is looking at.
The front door is wide open and James is knelt on the porch while cradling something to his chest. Oliver realises that he hadn’t grabbed his glasses so he can’t see what James has in his lap. Effie pushes past Oliver and Peter, Monty behind her. Oliver watches as Remus walks down the stairs and sees what’s going on. He freezes and he speaks so softly Oliver can’t understand what he’s saying.
“What’s going on?” Oliver whispers to Peter. “I left my glasses upstairs.” He doesn’t take his eyes off of James and his mother. He feels a bit silly forgetting his glasses but he doesn’t wear them to bed and he can’t wear them while he transforms into a fox either because they’ll fuse into him somehow. There is white around his eyes when he’s a fox that kind of looks like they might be glasses but Oliver guesses the real deal is a lot worse. He’s sure he’ll be able to transform with them on eventually but he can’t just yet. He assumes James can.
He’s getting off track. Right now is time to focus on what’s happening in front of him. Monty isn’t with his wife or eldest son but Oliver isn’t worried about him. He can handle himself. There’s something on Effie’s hands. Blood. Then Oliver focuses on what James has in his arms— who James has in his arms. They have dark curly hair and pale skin that’s drenched in blood. Oliver can’t see properly and for a gut wrenching moment, he pictures his best friend, blood soaked, being cradled by James Potter as he slowly dies. Oliver feels sick. He’s going to be sick. Please. Oh Merlin please. “Peter,” Oliver croaks out brokenly. He needs it to be wrong. He needs it to not be him. Please oh please, Salazar don't let it be Regulus Black.
“Padfoot,” is all Peter can get out and it’s horrible because pure relief fills Oliver. It’s not his best friend. Regulus isn’t drying, not now, not yet. This is the other Black brother. Oh. This isn't his best friend but it’s James’ best friend. The same best friend that would’ve used the mirror that belonged to Oliver to let James know he was outside and unable to go any longer. That explains why James’ curtains were open. Monty walks back into the house, his wand in hand. “Monty-” Peter’s voice gets caught in his throat and Oliver realises he’s shaking. Oliver grabs one of his hands. He can’t imagine how this must be for Peter.
Monty holds out his hand and Oliver can make out the lines of the glasses sitting on his palm. He reaches out with the hand not in Peter’s and places his glasses on his nose. He blinks to try and help his eyes adjust to both the darkness and his glasses. Oliver looks behind Monty and he finally sees what the others have been looking at. Effie is crouching in front of James who is cradling his best friend to his chest, all three of them covered in blood. Effie has her wand and is waving it over Sirius. His wounds slowly close and the blood stops dripping out of him.
“No,” Oliver whispers because this still hurts. As much as it would’ve been so much worse to be Regulus, Sirius is still so gut-wrenchingly horrifying. Sirius had been wary of him when he’d gotten into Slytherin but he’d been so nice and had taught him so many things. He is one of the reasons Oliver made it through first year. He’d never tell Regulus this but Oliver had gotten Sirius to tell him his habits and how to help when he went into one of his slumps. Sirius had been the entire reason Oliver was able to pry the true Regulus out from behind that mask. Effie forces James to let Sirius go. He listens reluctantly and Monty walks back outside to take Sirius into his arms.
Effie quickly follows Monty as he takes Sirius inside. Peter, Oliver and Remus (when he has come down, Oliver isn’t sure) step wordlessly to the side as Sirius is taken through the house. James is the last to pass and he reaches out to Remus who holds him close. The two of them along with Peter and Oliver stand in the hallway for a moment before James pulls away and the four of them go see Sirius. He’s out of it when they get there but James goes to him and hugs him again. He’s still covered in his own blood but so is James. Neither of them care as they embrace. Sirius’ shoulders don’t shake with sobs like anyone else in his position would but there are tears falling down his cheeks.
They eventually manoeuvre so Sirius is sitting with his knees pulled to his chest and James’ arm thrown over his shoulders, pulling him close. Remus, Oliver and Peter stand around for a moment before Peter is nudging Remus forwards and pulling Oliver to sit down next to the couch. Remus sits down on the couch and Sirius turns his head. James lifts his arm just enough to let Sirius know it’s okay to leave but is also okay if he wants to say. Oliver watches tears build in Sirius’ eyes all over again as he shifts himself to be in Remus’ arms instead of James’. Remus looks surprised at first but does hold Sirius close. He presses a kiss to Sirius’ hair.
“What…” Oliver clears his throat, the only one seeming to be able to speak. “What happened?”
Sirius closes his eyes. When he speaks, his voice is rough and quiet. “It was… bad. Everyone was yelling and- and screaming and curses were flying and Andy was trying to protect me and it- it- it-”
“Oh Padfoot,” James says softly. Remus starts running his fingers through Sirius’ hair. From where Oliver’s sitting he can’t see Sirius’ face very well (because it’s being pushed into Remus’ sweater) but he can tell the blood on his skin and clothes has begun to dry. The cuts have fully closed over, thanks to Effie’s spells. It’s a good thing she works at St Mungos. James is crying too and Remus looks… Oliver doesn’t know how these people grieve but he does know that Remus isn’t one to show emotions. He knows that Remus would much rather push this all down and pretend like it didn’t happen. Truthfully, Remus is like Regulus in that way. The both of them prefer to use sarcastic comments and witty, wry humour to get through and/or around situations. Oliver bets that in another life, Remus and Regulus could’ve been good friends. Despite this being true. Remus looks utterly heartbroken and a little — scratch that, a lot murderous.
“It was worse than I’ve ever seen it,” Sirius whispers. His eyes are squeezed shut.
“Can you sit up, darling?” Effie asks as she walks over. She’s got a steaming mug in her hands. Remus lifts his arm slightly and expects Sirius to move away from him but Sirius just moves so he can grab the mug. He pulls it to his chest while leaning back into Remus’ embrace. “It’s a sleeping draught and a healing potion mixed with some hot chocolate,” Effie tells him. She runs her hand through his hair before she walks over to the armchair Monty’s in. He pulls his wife into his lap and she holds one of his hands. “Thought you’d need all three of them.”
Sirius nods. He takes a sip and smiles. Oliver’s eyes wander back to the small grey lines on his skin. They aren’t going to scar. They’ll be gone by morning, he thinks. “Thank you, Effie.”
“Of course,” Effie says immediately because she would do anything for him. Oliver knows it, James knows it, Peter and Remus know it, and Sirius knows it. Sirius seems content to be curled up under Remus’ arm. He takes another sip and hums as he sinks into Remus. Oliver bites down on his tongue because there’s something he wants to ask—something he needs to ask but he doesn’t think it’s the right time.
“He’s not with me,” Sirius whispers. He seems relaxed, thanks to his mix of potions and hot chocolate. Oliver looks over to see Sirius looking down at his mug. “Regulus, I mean.”
Oliver deflates. “Is he okay?” He can understand that Sirius doesn’t know if Regulus is alright but still, Oliver can’t help but hope that if he didn’t want to go with Sirius, he went to Evan and Pandora or Barty or Dorcas. Someone. If he’s still in that fucking house then there’s a good chance he won’t survive the rest of the holidays.
Sirius shrugs. “I don’t know. Truly, I have no idea if he’s okay but he seemed fine enough to stay.”
Oliver tries to keep his anger in check, he really does, but Sirius is not making this easy. He pulls his lips into a thin line, the hand not holding Peter’s curling into a fist. He’s trying not to hurt Peter because that’s the last thing he wants. It isn’t Peter’s fault that Sirius is a whiny, bitchless coward. “You’re telling me that you left him alone in that house?”
“He isn’t alone,” Sirius mumbles. “He’s got Mummy and Daddy to look after him.”
Oliver scoffs. “You are unbelievable.”
“Ollie, that’s enough,” James tells him.
“No.” Oliver lets go of Peter’s hand and stands up.
“Where are you going?” Peter calls after him.
“To get my best friend,” Oliver replies firmly.
Effie gets up from her chair. “No, you aren’t.”
Oliver turns to face her. “Yes I am. He is my best friend and I am not leaving him there to- to be their punching bag because they’re angry at Sirius.”
“You are underage,” Effie reminds him. “You can not even use magic, how do you expect to save him?”
“Preferiría que me expulsaran e ir a Azkaban antes que dejar que se pudra en esa casa.” Oliver snaps. "Yo voy."
“No, you are not,” Effie says firmly. She is a very kind soul and she would much rather give her children whatever it was that made them happy but this is one of the times when she has to say no. Oliver doesn’t recognise his own mother. “Yo soy tu madre y me vas a escuchar."
“Pero-”
“No buts,” Euphemia states. “Dame tu varita y ve a tu habitación.”
Oliver blinks. “¿Me estás… castigando?”
"Si eso es lo que se necesita," Euphemia says. She puts her hands on her hips. “Go.”
Oliver takes a moment to gape at his mother before groaning and stomping off. He runs upstairs and slams his bedroom door. He digs into his trunk and grabs his wand. He goes to leave it outside of his room for his mother but pauses. He stands still in the middle of his room while looking down at his wand. He looks at his bedroom door and then at his bedroom window. He could go. He could save Regulus. He could go after him. He should. He really really wants to but he just- can’t.
With a massive amount of guilt weighing down his movements, he opens his door and sets his wand down on the ground. He shuts the door and punches it. “Follar,” a broken whisper falls from his mouth. He wants to scream and cry and just let it all out but he can’t. It wouldn’t come out even if he tried. Slowly, he turns and slides down his door. The tears fall and he starts sobbing. He hiccups and starts to hyperventilate. He can’t breathe. He wants his brother. He needs his brother but he’s currently downstairs looking after Sirius.
Sirius, his real brother. Not Oliver. “Follar follar- fuck.” The words fall from his mouth without him meaning to. He’s never been one to swear. Apart from Euphemia and Fleamont telling their children not to, he’s never liked other people doing it either. He hadn’t even known most swear words until he’d gotten to Hogwarts. When Barty had learned that Oliver didn’t even know them, he taught him all he knew.
Oliver turns and punches his door, the wood creaking under the weight and a throbbing pain erupts in his hand. He whimpers quietly and cradles his hand to his chest. His gaze wanders around his room but it’s all blurry from his tears. He sees the door connecting his and James’ rooms. It’s still open and Oliver can see the shadows of his brother’s room. A place he used to hide out when he was child. A place full of so many memories. Ones that Oliver would like nothing more than to stamp out.
He pushes him up glasses and rubs his forearm over his eyes to get rid of the tears before getting to his feet. He shuts the door connecting their rooms and suddenly has a very strong urge to make sure it’s never opened again. There isn’t a lock on it—there’s never been a need for one— and Oliver can’t prop something against it— like a chair or something— because the door opens James’ way. He could still open it. So, instead, Oliver gets the genius idea to push his bookcase in front of the door. It’s tall enough and wide enough so that even if James did open the door, he wouldn’t be able to get in or even see into Oliver’s room.
It stays like that for the rest of the holidays. It’s eight days and Oliver doesn’t go out of his room unless it’s to use the bathroom and when he does, he refuses to speak to anyone. Oliver could hear the first time James tried opening the door between their rooms and every other time, hearing the same small sound of disappointment when he still sees the back of Oliver’s bookcase. Everyone in the house comes to Oliver’s room to try and get him to leave his hole but he refuses. His parents try, James tries, Peter tries, Remus tries but Sirius tries just the once. Despite not knowing him for almost his whole life like James and Peter, Oliver finds himself wanting to listen to Remus and open the door. He wants to. He wants to let him in and let down his barriers. He wants a hug from Remus. Remus gives the best hugs.
In any other circumstance, Oliver would’ve let up when Peter tried for the sixth time, but this was Regulus they were talking about. Sirius not only left him there but Euphemia refused to let Oliver go after his best friend. The entire time Oliver’s held up in his room, he’s thinking about what will happen when they’re all back at Hogwarts. He’s thinking about Regulus and how much pain he must be in. He’s thinking about Barty and Evan and whether or not they’re aware of what happened and if they’ll hate him now. All because his family are the ones Sirius went to when he left home. He’s thinking about Dorcas and Pandora and how much he idolises them and would never want them to think anything bad of him. He’s thinking about Regulus and hoping- praying as hard as he can that he’s alive.
Oliver grabs his packed trunk and goes down to the car with everyone else. They all get in and go to Kings Cross. Oliver ignores everyone, even as Euphemia apologises for not letting Oliver go after his best friend and giving his wand back. He just takes it and puts it into the pocket of his jeans. He’s wearing a green sweater and black jeans. He fiddles with his bracelet, the matching one to the ones he made for all of his friends. Ashe nips at his ears from his shoulder as they walk to Platform 9¾. She’s distressed and Oliver doesn’t doubt that she’s confused on why Oliver’s so upset he’s usually happy to be going to Hogwarts, even if leaving his family is always hard. Ashe seems to sense that it’s different this time. When they get to the platform, Oliver’s eyes immediately scan the area for any of his friends, but Regulus’ is the face he hopes to see at least a glimpse of. He can’t see anyone and just gets on the train. He doesn’t even say goodbye to his parents or his brother.
James has other plans, obviously. He pulls Oliver into a hug which he immediately squirms out of. “Leave me alone,” he sneers. He grabs his trunk and carries it onto the train. He looks in all of the compartments for his friends. He finds Evan and Pandora. They’re sitting next to each other with Pandora under one of Evan’s arms. Oliver swallows thickly as he opens the door. Their whispers end abruptly and they both look over when he walks in. Evan glares at him and Oliver’s tempted to turn around and leave but he stands his ground. Evan’s his dormmate, he can’t hate Oliver. He wonders if Barty knows, considering he always spends Christmas at Hogwarts. Oliver puts his trunk and Ashe’s cage above the seats. Ashe refused to go anywhere near her cage when Oliver tried to put her in it this morning so he had just given up and let her stay out of it.
Pandora reaches out towards Ashe like she’s going to pet her but Evan clamps his hand down on her shoulder to pull her back. Pandora frowns as she’s pulled back into her twin. Oliver now realises that the arm around Pandora isn’t a form of comfort or love, it’s a precaution. No one speaks in the compartment but outside of it, students bustle about as they board the train, trying to find their friends. At some point, Dorcas finds them and enters the compartment. Like Evan and Pandora, Dorcas seems to know about Sirius and the fact he ran away because she sits next to Evan and Pandora instead of Oliver like she always does when they’re on the train. Oliver sighs as he leans his head against the window. He tries to see Regulus on the platform but he can’t find him.
Just as the train’s about to take off, the compartment door opens and Oliver’s head perks up as he looks over. Pandora tenses, Evan pulls her closer and Dorcas pulls her lips into a thin line as they all look at Regulus Black. He looks… paler. His cheeks are more sunken in and there are dark circles under his eyes. His hair is perfect, not a curl out of place, and he moves elegantly as he puts his trunk above where Oliver’s sitting, considering there isn’t any other place for it to go since Evan, Pandora and Dorcas have taken up the other side of the compartment. He stands there for a moment, even as the train lurches as it ascends. He doesn’t so much as sway. Oliver can’t take it anymore. The words just start to tumble from his mouth.
“I’m so sorry, Reg, I am so so sorry. There will never be words good enough to portray how much I wanted to go after you,” Oliver states. Regulus tenses but Oliver can’t stop even if he wanted to. “I don’t want you to think that I wouldn’t go after you because I tried so hard but my mother took my wand and I was so fucking pathetic that I stayed just because she asked me to. I don’t know what I would’ve done with myself if you didn’t make it, that- that they did something unthinkable to you because Sirius left and they were angry and I know that they did but I was so so worried you were dead, Regulus, and that killed me. It hurt so much because I forgot my glasses when Sirius first arrived on our doorstep, so I went down there without fully seeing and for a moment I thought-” His voice gets caught in his throat and tears burn as they fall down his cheeks. “I thought you were hurt, and you were dying but it was Sirius, and I hate myself for how relieved I was when I realised it wasn’t you. I doubt you were safe, but you weren’t bleeding out in front of me in a situation where I couldn’t do anything. Regulus, I had no idea you were even alive, and it fucking killed me. Lamento muchísimo lo que te causé- shit- I- I am so so sorry for what I caused you.”
Oliver’s rant finally comes to an end and his chest heaves as he tries to catch his breath. Everyone’s quiet but the tension in everyone’s shoulders has smoothed out. Oliver looks at Regulus who is standing there, still blank faced. Oliver takes a steady breath.
“Regulus, I would never ever leave you in that house voluntarily. If it was up to me then I would’ve dragged your ass out- I still would.” Oliver holds back the itch in his skin that makes him want to reach out and hug his best friend. “Because you’re my best friend and I would do absolutely anything for you. I hate those assholes for ruining it when we were going so well. We were finally making progress with your social skills and you were happy– call me crazy, but I thought we were happy.”
“I was happy,” Regulus whispers.
Oliver sniffs and he rubs the tears from his eyes and cheeks. "Lo siento, Regulus. I truly am. I need you to know that I would do anything for you.”
Regulus takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. The others watch as a single tear falls down his cheeks. When he opens his eyes again, he looks like the same, scared kid Oliver remembers seeing during the Sorting Ceremony. It’s so strange to think of that as almost four years ago. “I know,” Regulus says quietly. He fiddles with the rings on his fingers. “I know, Oliver.” He opens his arms and Oliver practically throws himself into Regulus. Regulus tenses and flinches a bit but he tightens his arms around Oliver all the same. Since Regulus is still hugging him, Oliver hugs him back. The tears fall from Oliver’s eyes and his shoulders shake with his sobs.
No one else speaks so the two of them get their moment. Eventually, Oliver notices the way Regulus’ hands twitch so he pulls away. It leaves a relieved look in Regulus’ eyes. Oliver pushes up his glasses to wipe his eyes and his cheeks with the sleeve of his sweater. “So what do we do from here?” he asks, his voice still wet from crying.
Regulus takes a deep breath. “My mother’s moving me out of the dorm.”
Evan springs to his feet. “What?!”
Pandora sits up. “She can’t do that.”
Evan pulls at his hair. “What?!”
“That can’t be under her jurisdiction,” Dorcas says.
“WHAT?!” Evan yells, looking like he’s having a midlife crisis.
Regulus hugs himself. “She hated me sharing a dorm with Oliver before, now she refuses to allow it any longer.”
“But that’s not fair,” Oliver says. He frowns. “It isn’t fair to us- to them, Regulus. They’ve done nothing to deserve this.”
Regulus scowls. “Do you think I want to move? I like my dorm but my mother’s forcing me out.”
“What if I left instead?” Oliver asks. Regulus scoffs and Oliver holds out his hands. “Just hear me out. It’ll fix everyone’s problems.”
“How?” Evan asks.
“You guy’ll still have Regulus-”
“But we won’t have you,” Evan says. He’s frowning but to be entirely honest, no one in the compartment is smiling.
Evan’s words make a warmth spread through Oliver and he’s extremely close to crying again. “I’d rather it be me that goes.”
“Well I would rather it be me,” Regulus says.
“I’d rather it be neither of you,” Evan says. “And I’m certain Barty will agree with me.” He rubs his face. “Is there anything we can do to get the bitch to change her mind?”
Regulus shakes his head. “I doubt it.”
“But there’s a chance?” Dorcas asks. Regulus looks at her with a strange expression, something in the middle of hope and utter despair. It’s a strange sight. Oliver wasn’t aware someone could have that emotion on their face.
“I don’t know,” Regulus says, annunciating his words. “With my mother…” Something dark passes over his features and Oliver reaches out to brush his fingers across his skin. It causes him to jolt but he snaps out of it. He gives Oliver a small smile and reaches over to take his hand. He clears his throat. “We should sit down.”
Oliver nods and goes to sit back down but stops himself when he looks at Ashe, who’s cuddled on top of his trunk. He always finds comfort in her. He whistles and her head perks up before she’s flapping her wings and landing on Oliver’s head. He sits down and Regulus sits next to him. Evan sits down next to Regulus and throws an arm around his shoulders. He scrunches up his nose but doesn’t otherwise protest.
“Do you think we have any chance of being able to change your mother’s mind?” Oliver asks.
Regulus starts to shake his head but pauses. “Well… I mean, she hates you because of your family.”
“So if we could convince her that Oliver’s no longer a part of the Potter family, she’d let you guys stay friends,” Evan finishes. Regulus shrugs but it’s the best they’ve got. Oliver smiles for the first time since Sirius stumbled onto their front doorstep.
“Then we’d better get working,” Oliver says.
Ten minutes later brings them to Oliver on the floor of the compartment with a bunch of parchment around him, Regulus sitting behind him on the bench, Pandora sitting next to him so she can help him best she can, Dorcas snoring slightly as she naps in the corner of the compartment with one of Evan’s jackets thrown over her and Evan sitting on the bench opposite Regulus with his elbows resting on his knees and his head resting in his hands. Oliver has his hair pulled back into a ponytail (a lot of his hair is falling out of it but it’s trying its best). They’re trying to figure out a way to convince Walburga Black that Oliver wants nothing to do with the Potters.
They spend the whole train ride doing this but they can’t think of anything. Oliver groans as the train comes to a stop, the only words on the parchment being song lyrics Dorcas had started mumbling in her sleep. They were trying to figure out which one it was so it felt best to write them out. They got distracted, okay! But they did figure out what song it was. Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen. Regulus went a bit pale when he figured it out. Oliver remembers the song coming from the room James shares with Sirius whenever he’d stay over. Regulus must be remembering hearing it from his brother’s room too.
When the train stops, they all get out and walk to the carriages. Oliver’s eyes look for his brother on instinct and they find him. James is laughing about something with Sirius, his arm thrown around his shoulders. Oliver frowns and gets onto the carriage next to Pandora. She links their arms together and he smiles his gratitude. They all walk together to the Great Hall and Pandora’s sure to sit across from them on the Ravenclaw table. They fill Barty in on everything that happened on the train. Apparently word had gotten to Hogwarts about Sirius Black being disowned from the family pretty quickly and Barty was beyond worried. He hugs Regulus who melts into it and doesn’t protest even a little bit. Oliver’s happy that Barty can still bring out that side of Regulus because Oliver refuses to let him go back into that dim boy he used to be.
They all talk together in hushed voices after that. Barty and Regulus are holding hands under the table. Oliver catches Sirius looking over at them every few minutes but Regulus never looks back. Dumbledore makes his (long ass) speech and then the feast appears. They start eating— well, everyone else starts eating. No one in Oliver’s friend group can stomach anything.
Eventually, it’s time for everyone to go back to their common rooms. Oliver and his friends walk quickly and together, making sure to ignore everyone else. Pandora makes no move to go to her own common room as she holds Regulus’ arm. He’s letting her do it. They’re almost there when Slughorn stops them. Oliver has to physically hold back a groan. Shit, they’d been so close. “Mr. Black.” They all stop on instinct but Regulus keeps walking, dragging Pandora with him. “Regulus,” Slughorn tries again, walking a bit faster to get in front of them. Regulus has no other choice but to stop. “I’m sure you’re aware of you mother’s wishes so I have-”
“You can’t move him,” Barty says. He steps closer to Regulus. “I won’t let you.”
Slughorn sighs. “I don’t want him to move either, you’re all very good influences on each other, but I must. Mrs. Black was very clear that she didn’t want Regulus and Oliver anywhere near each other.” Oliver’s face scrunches up. Screw his fucking family for making Regulus suffer. He shouldn’t have to do this. It isn’t fair.
“Please, Professor.” Oliver steps forward. “You have to let Regulus stay. If you truly want him to then you have to fight- do something. Surely Walburga can’t just order Regulus to be moved.”
Slughorn sighs. “No, I suppose she can’t, but I cannot disobey direct orders from the headmaster. If there’s something you wish to discuss, discuss it with him.”
Immediately, they all leave their Head of House and go to Dumbledore’s office. Oliver knocks on the door and they’re told to come in. Oliver has to admit that he’s nervous as they all stand in front of Dumbledore’s desk. Pandora’s still holding onto Regulus’ arm, her other hand holding his. Oliver fiddles with the strap of his back.
“What brings the six of you here this evening?” Dumbledore asks. He laces his fingers together.
“We’ve come to talk about my mother’s opinion of my living arrangements,” Regulus says. Dumbledore hums and gestures for him to continue. “I do not wish to be moved.”
Dumbledore raises his eyebrows. “Is that so? Mrs. Black made it sound that you very much did wish to be moved, Mr. Black.” Regulus sighs but he had told them that this might’ve happened. “Now, I will not move you if you do not wish, but you must see that your mother will be notified that you will be keeping your current living arrangements.”
Regulus nods. “I am aware, Headmaster.”
“And what do you expect me to do when she threatens to pull you from my school altogether?”
“She can’t,” Oliver speaks up. “She can’t possibly be able to do that.” He glances between his friends. “Can she?”
Dumbledore hums again. “I suppose she could. Regulus is underage, meaning she gets all say in what school he attends.”
“But there must be something you can do,” Dorcas says. “You can’t just sit by and let her take Regulus from us. You just can’t.”
“Can I not, Miss. Meadowes?” Dumbledore raises one of his eyebrows.
“You cannot,” Dorcas replies, imitating him. Oliver chokes a bit as he holds back laughter. He can hear Barty snickering under his breath. Dumbledore raises one of his eyebrows and leans back in his chair. At least he seems a bit amused by all of this. That’s better than him having no sense of humour and expelling all of them for judging his decisions. Yes, that thought had come to Oliver’s mind more than once.
“I admire your persistence, Miss. Meadowes, and I admire the loyalty you all have for your fellow students, friends and for some of you, your dormmates. That was the intended outcome when I chose your dorms. For all of my students.” Dumbledore stands and walks around them. They turn to watch him. He walks over to the massive globe thingy in his office. “I will do the best I can to keep Mr. Black and Mr. Potter where they are but I cannot promise that Walburga Black will like it.”
“I know what my mother’s reaction will be,” Regulus tells him. “I am prepared to deal with her.”
Dumbledore looks Regulus over for a moment before humming. “Alright. I will owl Mrs. Black tonight. For now, you all stay in your dorms. Dismissed.”
They don’t need to be told twice. All six of them walk out of Dumbledore’s office and start walking back to the Slytherin Common Room. Pandora refuses to leave, still clinging to Regulus. Her and Dorcas come with the guys to their dorm. They decide to spend the night. Pandora sleeps in Evan’s bed and Dorcas sleeps in Oliver’s. Oliver has to shove the mirror in a box, covered by a blanket and then shoved under his bed just to get the ringing out of his mind. Dorcas asks if he’s alright and he says he’s fine. Because he is. He doesn’t need James. He doesn’t.
Sirius Black is the stupidest person Oliver has ever met. He decides to go up to Regulus in the middle of the corridor. Regulus, Oliver and Pandora had been walking to the library when they passed Sirius, Remus, Marlene and Peter. When Sirius sees Regulus, he rushes over. Regulus ignores him when he calls his name so Oliver and Pandora do the same. “Come on, Reggie-”
“Don’t call me that,” Regulus snaps. He stops to look at Sirius. “That is not my name.”
"So you suddenly want me to call you Regulus?" Sirius seems snappy. "Or would you prefer me to call you Regulus Acturus Black? Would that suffice, your highness?"
"The your highness isn't bad," Regulus says, stone faced. "But I'd prefer you didn't speak to me at all."
Sirius frowns, the snappiness gone from his demeaner. “I’ve always called you Reggie.”
“No. That’s what my brother called me. I don’t have one of those anymore.” Regulus’ words cut deep into Sirius. It’s like Oliver can see the physical wounds open on his skin. Sirius winces and stumbles back. It gives Oliver flashbacks of that night but he pushes them away.
“You- Reggie, please-”
“Fuck off and leave me alone,” Regulus hisses. He turns around and walks away. Pandora follows after Regulus but Oliver hesitates. Sirius really needs someone right now… Oliver sighs and turns to walk after Regulus.
“Ollie,” Sirius says, his voice breaking. Oliver scrunches his face up and his legs stop moving. He wills them to continue but they just won't. “Please, I never meant to-”
“Stop,” Oliver says, turning to face Sirius. “You don’t get to pull the “I never meant to hurt him” card. You did hurt Regulus. You will never be able to undo that, Sirius, and you’re just going to have to learn to live with it. You were disowned. Regulus doesn't have to deal with your shit anymore. Your own family doesn’t want you. Now fuck off and go steal mine because it seems to be the only thing you’re actually good at.” He turns back around and walks off. His heart is hammering in his chest and his hands shake as they grip onto the strap of his bag. Oliver has never felt like this before. It’s horrible. His heart feels like it’s being squeezed and his breaths are shaky. Tears well in his eyes and it makes it hard to see where he’s going. He slips his hand under his glasses to wipe away the tears. They return shortly but they leave long enough for Oliver to be able to find his way to the library. The two of them are waiting outside the restricted section.
When they see Oliver, Pandora looks immediately concerned while Regulus looks ready to murder someone. “Who-”
"Adentro," Oliver whispers because his voice refuses to go louder than that. He takes out his pass and walks into the Restricted Section. Once the door shuts behind them (it’s a very cool door. It’s just plants that open when the charm attached to Oliver’s pass is present and then they close again when the spelled object is away), Oliver crumbles to the floor. Pandora kneels down next to him as Oliver cries. His hand is fisted in the front of his shirt. He can’t breathe. For the love of god, he can’t breathe.
“Olive?” Oliver can hear Pandora’s voice but it’s far away and it sounds like there’s cotton in his ears.
“I-” Oliver’s voice is shaky and he tries to suck in a breath but he can’t. His throat has closed up.
“Easy, easy.” Two hands settle on Oliver’s shoulders and they put a small amount of pressure there. “Focus on me, okay?”
Oliver tries. He really does but he can’t figure out what’s his heartbeat and what’s his own breathing. There’s tentative fingers prying his own from his shirt and his palm is being pressed against someone’s chest. Oliver feels the steady beat of a heart and he focuses on matching his own to it. He zones in on it and his breathing evens out. The world stops spinning and the sounds come back. It’s quiet in this section of the library. You can’t hear the noises outside the door.
Regulus is kneeling in front of him, holding Oliver’s hand to his chest. “There you go. Feeling better?”
Oliver swallows down the lump in his throat and nods. “Yeah.” His voice cracks but he does feel better. “Thanks, I- um I don’t know what that was.” He laughs awkwardly.
Regulus offers a small smile. “You had a panic attack.”
“A- what?” Oliver blinks. “I’ve never…” Wow. He knows Remus and Lily get them but he’s never had one. He’s never had a reason to.
“It’s final that you lost your brother,” Pandora says. She kneels down next to Oliver and grabs his hand. His other is still pressed against Regulus' chest. He can feel the beating of his heart against the pads of his finger. Regulus hasn’t moved it away and Oliver doesn’t want him to. He sort of feels like if he does then the world is going to fall out under him. “It’s a good enough reason to have a panic attack. Panic attacks often come from over breathing, long periods of stress, activities that lead to intense physical reactions and physical changes occurring after illness or a sudden change of environment.”
Oliver nods even though he doesn’t really get what she’s saying. She sounds a bit like one of those adverts Oliver had seen when he was in town with James. James. Tears build up in Oliver’s eyes all over again and his hands start to tremble. Regulus gives his hand a little squeeze and Pandora’s soon to follow.
“How um.” Oliver’s eyes sink closed and he takes a couple deep breaths. “How did you know how to- y’know.”
Regulus shrugs. “I get panic attacks. Sirius gets them too. We’ve learnt to coach each other through them. Sirius needs the heart thing to break from his panic too. It helps him remember that there are other people around and that he’s okay.”
“What about you?” Pandora asks, completely nonchalant. Oliver’s a bit worried about Regulus just casually mentioning Sirius because he doesn’t do that often— if ever. Especially now.
“I prefer physical touch,” Regulus says. It takes both Oliver and Pandora by surprise. It makes Regulus’ face scrunch up. “I’m aware of the irony. It entirely depends on the person touching me to bring me out though. It takes a while too. The quickest anyone has gotten me out of a panic attack is four minutes and seventeen seconds. That was Sirius. Narcissa can pull me out too but it takes her a lot longer. I’ve found that it’s only them that I’m okay with. Anyone else…” He trails off and his eyes gloss over. “Let’s just say that they don’t exactly make it out unharmed.”
Oliver glances at Pandora who shrugs. She gets to her feet and walks over to the table. “I’m hungry,” she says. She pulls a container with waffles in it from her bag. “Anyone else?”
“Starving,” Oliver says. He takes a moment before he takes his hand back from Regulus and stands up. His legs are shaky but Regulus offers his arm. The two of them go over to the table and eat with Pandora. They hadn’t made it to breakfast again that morning. They’ve been very bad at remembering to do so.
There’s something about meals that Oliver wants to bring up with Regulus but he really doesn’t. When they go to the great hall, Regulus sets a cloth on his lap and sneaks food off his plate and into it. It’s almost half his plate. Oliver doesn’t know what he does with it but he doesn’t seem to be eating it. At least not in front of anyone. Oliver suspects it has something to do with upbringing because Oliver’s noticed Sirius doing it when he stays over for the holidays.
Maybe one day he’ll ask. For now, he’ll let Regulus get away with it. Those bad habits are ones Regulus may never grow out of. Oliver knows that it’ll take Sirius a long time to lose them.