“Hi, beautiful,” James murmurs, running her fingers through Remus’ long curls, smiling when she sees familiar honey eyes gaze up at her. There’s initial annoyance to her gaze which softens as James strokes her hair. Some of Remus’ curls gets stuck in her engagement ring, but never ends up tugging too hard.
“Hi.”
“I wanted to wake you up before I leave.” James presses a soft kiss to her temple. “Let's go eat something.”
Remus could fall back asleep, she’s done it before, James typically laughs and leaves her some food in the microwave, but they both have been so busy that they haven’t seen each other in close to a week. It takes a lot of strength to sit up to James height, who lights up like a damn Christmas tree.
“Kiss me, angel?”
A chuckle comes from James's throat. “Morning breath, Rem.”
“Am I not pretty enough for you?” Remus gasps.
James' eyes widen and Remus quickly gives into laughter. “Please, James? Just a little incentive?”
“Fine,” James says, exaggerating an eye roll, but she cups Remus's jawline, pulling her close. Remus lets her lip's part, closing her eyes.
When their lips finally touch, Remus leans into James, letting out a content hum. She feels warmth creep upon every surface James touches her, pulling her close, bracing herself against the bed with her elbow.
“I,” James starts when she pulls away, “fucking love you.”
A hum leaves Remus's throat. “I love you too.”
James grins, standing up and heading to the bathroom. A snort leaves Remus’ nose. She soon enough follows her beloved through the door. Sure enough, James is brushing her teeth, waving her hips lightly to the music playing in her head. A light laugh leaves her lips, grabbing her own toothbrush. She lightly sways to the inaudible beat in James’ mind, brushing her teeth.
When James spits she glances up at her through the mirror. Remus sends a little smile before noticing the glint in James’ eyes. “No.”
“You don’t even know what I’m going to say!”
“James,” Remus sighs, “I know you. Now I know why you wanted me up.”
“Listen, please!”
“My decision is made, James, I don’t want kids.”
There’s a pause from both of them. They’ve been talking about their engagement for a while now, plans after they get married and what they want their family to look like. James wants kids; Remus doesn’t. It’s been the center of their arguments nowadays.
“But,” James starts, “I want kids. I want to be a mother and I want to be a mother with you.”
“I know, I do.” Remus spits out her remaining toothpaste. “I just can’t, I’m not a motherly figure and I never will be. I want everything with you, you know I do-”
“Everything but kids, right?” James sighs, burying her palms against her eyes. “I don’t know why I try, Rem.”
“What do you mean? You keep trying to change my mind,” Remus points out. James shakes her head, “what? You are.”
“I just want us to work,” James whispers, “and I don’t think we will.”
That takes Remus by surprise. She drops her toothbrush in the sink and turns to James. “Won’t work?”
“Our goals aren’t the same, Rem,” James continues to whisper, like she’s trying to hide from her own words, “I want kids, you don’t, I want domestic, you want to travel, it feels like we’re constantly back and forth. I just want one thing to be in common for us, just one goal.”
“Wait, do you think that’s all there is?”
“If I can’t be a mother, my life will not be fulfilled,” James says, glancing up at her, “it doesn’t bother me that you want to travel, I’d love to when I feel settled. I love you so much, Rem, but I know I’ll grow to resent you if I’m not allowed this.”
“So, I should feel shackled to kids all my life?” Remus asks, gripping onto the counter. “Because I know I don’t want kids and that I hate them?”
James starts crying then, slowly growing in intensity as she sobs. “I don’t want to break up, I love you-”
“Who said anything about breaking up?” Remus is panicking now, eyes wide. “I don’t understand.”
“I did! Because either you’re not taking me seriously or something! I want kids, you don’t.”
“Why do we have to think about this now? Why can’t this be later?”
“Because if we get married and I’m refused a child, I will divorce you,” James says. Tears are still flowing down her cheeks, but she’s staring at Remus, “and I will find someone who will give me a child. I love you, Remus, but I can’t compromise on this. One, just one, baby.”
“How long have you been thinking about this?” Remus asks, holding back her own tears.
“Too long,” James admits, “I was hoping you’d change your mind before I brought it up.”
“You won't,” Remus says, “change my mind, that is.”
There’s silence. There’re sniffles coming from both of their noses, sobs coming back full force within James. Remus squeezes her eyes shut tightly, tears slipping out.
“Let’s go eat,” James sobs, leaving the bathroom and into the kitchen. It takes a few minutes for Remus to follow, but as she steps out, there’s already a scent of bacon wafting through into the bedroom.
She’s slow in her steps, too afraid to see James again, but she ends up setting the table soon enough, finding the syrup for the pancakes and the pepper for the eggs. James is done by the time Remus is, setting the plate of pancakes and eggs down, then the bacon.
The quiet is deafening as they sit and eat.
“I’ll take the couch tonight,” James says softly. There’s a shakiness in her voice that Remus hates.
“Okay.” Remus takes another bite silently. “I have to know, where does this leave us?”
“I don’t know, Remus.”
“Okay, I love you.”
“I love you, too.”