First surgery
Sirius spent the rest of the day reading through medical archives, updating Remus on new procedures and case studies from time to time. They spent hours looking through the records, waiting for the results of all the different tests.
At five pm, James found them and told them that there had been no irregularities in the tests which meant that they still hadn’t found the cause of the seizures.
“All right, let’s go over her medical history one last time. Ms Vance competes in rhythmic gymnastics and she came in last week for a fall on her ankle. Nothing showed up in the CT scans or in her blood work. What else can we do?” Remus said as he rubbed his eyes, Sirius could see that the man was tired, probably due to their night together. He suddenly felt a pang of guilt. They couldn’t keep hooking up, not when there were patients’ lives at stake. He would never forgive himself if Remus missed something because of him. The decision was final, he’d tell him that nothing could continue to happen between them for the sake of both their careers; even if he wanted to continue to get to know the dreamy man in front of him. He wanted to know everything about him, his fears, ambitions, why he was covered in scars. He wanted to know it all, every dirty little secret. James’ voice brought him back from his little rêverie: “Wait, did you say she fell? Oh my god! That’s it! She fell and she ruptured an aneurysm! The fall was minor, it was so minor the doctor didn’t even mention it when we were asking for the history! I had to ask about the ankle myself!”he announced, smiling. He truly was so bright, it felt like he could warm up any place just by walking into it- sort of like the sun. He was so positively cheerful that it started rubbing off on Sirius as he caught himself smiling back.
“That’s highly improbable, but not impossible. I mean, the chance that a minor fall would rupture the aneurysm is pretty much one in a million.” He rubbed at chin looking a little conflicted, “come one, let’s go find out if Emmeline Vance is our one in a million!”. The two interns followed after him as he led them into the angiogram room. They stared at the computer as the image of Vance’s brain came up. “Well fuck me, Ms Vance is truly one in a million! Good job to both of you, Potter, I’ll see you in the OR. Black, be faster next time.” He added with a wink and left the room. He could practically feel James’ excitement buzzing off of him like a fire.
“Holy shit dude, I’m about to assist on my first surgery ever! Wow, I’m so nervous, what if I drop a scalpel, what if I leave something in her abdomen?”
“James, first of all, the surgery is in the brain, so fat chance of leaving something in a closed part of the body. Secondly, you’re good. You figured this out on your own, which means that you’re smart so I really don’t think you’d do something like dropping a scalpel. And if you do, who cares, you can just take another one, it might piss off the scrub nurses though.” He tried to make it sound like a joke to appease some of James’ nerves but it did little. “Hey, worst case scenario, you fuck up. What’ll happen if you do? They won’t kick you out because this is your first surgery ever. They’ve all been there and they can afford to spare a bit of sympathy. Plus, you’re the one who figured something that even the great Doctor Lupin couldn’t. If anything, they should be giving you an award and bow to your knees! All hail Doctor Potter!” He cheered and added a jokey bowing motion which made James laugh so he knew he had achieved his goal.
“Thanks mate, you truly are the best. So, you and Moony huh?” He wiggled his brows in a suggestive manner which made Sirius lose all his remaining brain cells. How did he know? Did he see them? No, he couldn’t have, they had checked before kissing- or had they? Fuck. This was bad. James could get him kicked off the intern programme.”
“Relax, mate, I’m not gonna snitch. He obviously didn’t give you any special treatment with cases or else I wouldn’t be the one scrubbing in, you would. Man, you’re so lucky! The things I’d do to have Moony- but don’t worry he’s yours, I’ll just find myself another hot attending.” He sighed and pat Sirius on the back.
“How did you find out?”
“I just saw the way you two were sitting so close to each other in the library and the comment about your hair this morning had peeved me off, I didn’t know for sure, but your face betrayed you.” He laughed and then looked at him seriously, “Is he a good lay? Please tell me he’s good in bed, I won’t be able to go about my day if Doctor Moony sucks in bed. That would totally ruin my time here at Hogwarts.” He sighed dramatically and started shaking Sirius, “So?”
“Yeah he’s fucking fantastic, it’s infuriating. How am I supposed to stay away from him when he looks like that and when I know what he looks like in the mornings? This is torture.” He rubbed a hand across his face.
“Oh thank the lord, wait, why do you want to distance yourself from him? Do you not want him? If you don’t, can I? He’s so hot it’s hard to do anything when he’s around to be honest; I don’t think he notices how many people blush when he passes through the halls.”
“Well, it’s against the hospital rules. We could both be fired and it could ruin both our careers if people found out I was sleeping with my boss.”
“Wait, did you know he would be your boss when you fucked him? Cause that just makes things a bit more complicated.”
“No! I swear, I just met him yesterday at a bar. We just started talking and then next thing I know, I’m late for my first day here!”
“Okay, okay so it’s fine! You didn’t know he’d be our boss, if you just declare this to HR I think it’ll be fine!”
“James, I don’t— I’m not relationship material. I don’t can’t do relationships, I don’t do relationships. I doubt he’s someone who simply hooks up with people so I don’t think this’ll work.”
“Well, you won’t know until you ask him. Maybe he’s also content with keeping this arrangement! Oh my god! I get it now! Why you choked on your bread when I said he was married!” He started giggling and wouldn’t stop even though tears were forming around his eyes.
“Yeah you get it. I mean don’t get me wrong, he’s hot, I really want to continue sleeping with him- but the whole boyfriends thing? I don’t think I can do that. I come with way too much baggage and I don’t want to subject him to it, he seems like a relatively nice guy.”
“Well, just talk to him about it, like I said, he might also have a story of his own. I mean, don’t get me wrong, his scars are so hot, but they have to have some kind of story. And Sirius, I think you’re underestimating him, if you wanted to date him, he could probably deal with your baggage. We all have baggage, it’s what shapes us in a way. I have some, he probably has some too. If you’re willing to share some of it, you’ll find that it doesn’t feel as heavy, so if you want, let him help you.” James said as he put a hand on Sirius’ shoulder, as a kind of reassuring gesture. God, why did people think he needed help? He had to admit, the gesture felt really nice and he struggled not to ask James for a full hug. He must’ve showed it with his eyes because the next thing James asked was “Do you want a hug?”. He wanted to decline, because Blacks were not supposed to show weakness and a hug was a sign of affection which ultimately led to pain. He then remembered that his parents were shit people so he went against everything that had been ingrained in him since he was a child and accepted the hug, “yeah that'd be nice.”. Hugging James felt like coming back home after a long day of work, it felt like a comfort he had never encountered in his life. He almost teared up, thinking about the fact that this was the second person he had ever hugged genuinely, the first being his brother; but it had been a decade at this point, since he’d hugged him or even talked to him. He didn’t like to think of him, it was just painful, so he spent the better part of the decade pretending he was an only child. James smelled like something outdoorsy, he must play sports he thought, freshly cut grass and something muskier like wood. He broke off the hug and sniffed, shit, he felt a tear slip past so he quickly turned away and wiped it off.
“You should go get ready for your date with Moony, featuring the aneurysm.” He joked and smiled as he turned around to face James.
“Yeah okay. Hey, let me know if you ever want another, okay? I love giving hugs and I can tell you need it. Plus, I’ve been told I’m a fantastic hugger, so it’s truly all beneficial.” He winked and smiled with that bright Potter smile.
“Yeah, yeah don’t get ahead of yourself, you’re the one who initiated the hug. I’m worried you’re gonna fall in love with me, Potter. Sorry, to disappoint, my heart is already spoken for.”
“Oh yeah, by Moony yeah? What was that about the no dating?” He joked.
“No, you oaf, by surgery. Surgery will always be my one true love.”, realised as he said it that even though this was the path his parents had chosen for him, he truly loved surgery. The feeling of cutting through one’s skin, seeing all the organs and healing the patient. This was something he truly enjoyed, which made him feel quite conflicted. On the one hand, he was happy to do something he enjoyed, but on the other, he hated the fact that his parents were pleased by his choice of career. He could still choose his specialty and choose something that would embarrass them, he thought, like becoming an OBGYN. There was nothing wrong with the specialty, it was even one of the hardest ones, having to work on a patient that often wasn’t fully developed yet; but his parents thought of the OBGYN as glorified nannies— which infuriated Sirius on behalf of all the OBGYNs in the world, to be reduced to a child sitter. Well, he didn’t have to choose now, but when he did, he’d make sure that his parents knew this wasn’t for them or for anyone else. He’d choose his specialty for himself and no one else.
“Well, Moony is a surgeon, how does that saying go? Two stones with one bird or something like that?” He winked again and started walking away before Sirius had a chance to correct him.
He felt happy, at peace with his decision to come to Hogwarts Hospital. He had made at least one new friend and had hugged him, which is something he had never done in at least a decade. His parents would say he was going soft, but he didn’t care. Let him become the softest surgeon in the world for all he cared if it would piss his parents off. He went up to the gallery when it was time for Moony and James’ surgery. There were lots of people in there but he spotted Marlene, Mary and Peter easily and went to sit next to them.
“James is scrubbing in? That’s so cool! I wish I’d found the cause of the seizures too, or maybe if I had famous parents too…” Peter sighed and hung his head low.
“Hey, this is James’ moment, go whine somewhere else. Surgery is not for the weak, you have to be fast. Next time, you’ll maybe get it, but you can’t let one case get you worked up like this. You have to be happy for James and let him have his moment. He’s worked just as hard as anyone else for this. You don’t get to discredit his hard work just because he has famous parents. If anything, I’d argue that having famous parents made his life harder. All the expectations, the pressure and everything. So quit being a dick and be happy for him.” He snapped because the last statement had hit a bit too close to home for him. Yes, he had had advantages being a Black, but no one ever mentioned the hardships and the stress of the name.
“Woah, harsh Black.” Mary said. He half-regretted his choice of words, but Peter needed to understand.
“He’s right though, I saw Potter working all throughout the afternoon while you were whining about how hard this was. Surgery is not for the weak as he said, so either suck it up or pack your things.” McKinnon added, she was really cool Sirius thought. She was always direct and honest, no matter if it hurt people’s feelings.
“Yeah but he could’ve been a bit nicer, Sirius, don’t forget that we’re all on the same boat so you should treat Peter with the same respect you have for James.” Mary retorted.
“Yeah whatever, sorry Pete.”
“It’s fine, I’ll work harder next time. Oh it’s starting!”
They all turned their heads towards the OR as Moony entered with his gown, gloves and mask. He still looked really attractive, Sirius thought. As if hearing his thoughts, Remus looked up and stared right into Sirius’ eyes, which made him gulp. He decided to look away and turned his head towards James instead. He had also scrubbed up and was smiling nervously.
“It’s a beautiful day to save lives!” He announced and held up two thumbs up which made the whole gallery as well as the OR burst into laughter.
“That’s good, you should announce that every time you go into surgery, like a good luck charm.” Remus said as he checked to see if the scalp was well-prepared. The surgery started not long after that, Remus opened up the scalp and exposed the brain. The way he moved in the OR was amazing, he moved as if he knew he belonged there. He was truly eye-catching, moving with ease. His movements clean and precise, he understood now why everyone respected him so much. He truly was the best.
“I thought Doctor Lupin was in ortho?” He heard someone say at the back. Huh, if he was in orthopedic surgery, why was he currently operating on Vance’s brain?
“Apparently, he got really good at ortho but the hospital needed a neurosurgeon so he switched to neuro instead. Although if the on-call ortho surgeon isn’t here, he can easily just jump into a surgery.” Someone else replied. Holy shit, Moony was a prodigy, mastering not one, but two surgical specialties? Did he do anything other than work? Did he even enjoy neuro? Sirius suddenly felt bad for him, seeing his own reflection in the hard-working surgeon. He didn’t really get to choose what he wanted to do, he was a slave to the hospital, just like how Sirius was a slave to his parents.
“James, do you see the aneurysm here?” Remus asked as he pointed to it with a scalpel.
“Wow, that’s tiny. She’s been suffering because of this tiny thing? That sucks.” He replied.
“Yeah James, as you said, it sucks. So, shall we get onto removing it? Do you want to do the honour or should I?”
“Really? But I’m just an intern? What if I mess it up?”
“Don’t worry, you’re just doing a small part and I’ll guide you through it. This is a teaching hospital, so I’m just doing my job.” Sirius saw the way his smile strained at the last part of the sentence. Did Remus not like his job? He really was more interesting than he let on, which made Sirius want to know everything about him. James proceeded to do exactly as Remus said and then Moony took over and finished up the procedure. The surgery finished without any major complications after a few hours, they all left the gallery and headed towards their lockers. When Sirius arrived, James was already there, changing from his surgical attire to his normal clothes.
“Mate, your boyfriend is amazing!” He whispered.
“He’s not my boyfriend, but yeah I can’t deny that he’s really impressive.” Sirius replied, putting his band tee back on.
“It felt amazing, like I actually did something to help with the surgery! It’s so much better than med school! It’s so exhilarating! I love surgery so much!” He exclaimed while putting on his red converse. James waited until Sirius finished putting his docs to walk out with him. When they arrived at the parking lot, James asked, “I know we’ve practically spent the whole day together, but do you want to go get a drink at the bar next to the hospital?” Sirius was really battered and just wanted to go to sleep but he agreed because he also really needed a drink after this hectic day. They walked to the bar as it was a simple five minute walk from the hospital and sat at the bar. Sirius ordered a shot of tequila and James ordered a pint. They kept talking about James’ surgery until someone sat next to Sirius. “Well, that’s my cue to leave, here I’ve put my number in your phone so text me if you need anything! See you tomorrow!” He then left and Sirius, confused, turned to his side and was not prepared for the sight. Moony was dressed in casual clothes, an oversized sweater, oversized jeans and converse. He had put his jewellery back on, he had rings, necklaces and earrings. He was truly mesmerising.
“Hey, stranger, long day?” He smirked with that Moony smirk.
“Yeah, it was.” He replied, trying to keep his attraction out of his voice.
“So, you doing anything later?” He asked, putting his hand on one of Sirius’ thighs. Just the simple gesture made Sirius incredibly flustered, get it together Black, he thought, he’s your boss, this can’t happen. He tried to think of anything other than the hand on his thigh tracing shapes on his thigh.
“No, but that’s not an invitation for you to come over. This can’t happen.”
“Aw, really? But we had so much fun last time.” He mock pouted. God, any expression on him looked attractive, this was going to be incredibly difficult. Then again, he thought of him and James’ conversation. Could they give this a try?
“I don’t date. I’m not relationship material, so if you’re looking for that, you won’t find it here.”
“That’s fine. I’m not looking for anything serious either.”
“Well, I’m something sirius.” He slipped out, shit, the shot was already making him too honest. That joke was not meant to come out this soon, it was reserved for people who knew him, hell, he hadn’t made this joke to James yet. Moony burst out laughing. The joke wasn’t that funny, his sense of humour must be shit, he thought, but still smiled because Moony’s smile was also infuriatingly attractive. It was eye-catching but not in the bright way that James’ was. It was softer and deeper and much more interesting to Sirius. Maybe this could start out as something casual and turn into something more sirius (oops he had drank another shot in between James leaving and Moony sitting next to him) and he maybe wouldn’t mind that.
“Yeah you’re something alright. So, what do you say?”
“Fine, but we’re sleeping early tonight. I can’t afford to have Potter winning again tomorrow.”
“Yeah yeah, okay, we’ll sleep.” He winked as they paid for their drinks and headed towards their vehicles. Thankfully, Remus hadn’t drank anything alcoholic so he could drive. Sirius left his bike and climbed into Remus’ car and they drove to his house. They arrived at Sirius’ house and both drank a glass of wine. Sirius felt happily tipsy, not too drunk to not control his actions, but still drunk enough to feel lighter than usual.
“What are you doing?” Sirius asked as Remus carried him to bed.
“We’re sleeping, aren’t we?” He asked as he helped Sirius out of his clothes and out of his own. Sirius felt confused as they brushed their teeth, lending a spare unused toothbrush to Remus. They washed up and started walking to the direction of the bed.
“Yeah, but don’t you want to do anything else? I could give you a handy or a blowie if you want.” He said, trying not to show that he wasn’t really up for it.
“Trust me, I’d love for nothing more than to spend the night making you scream my name and pleasuring you but we are both way too tired for it, and I don’t expect you to do anything.”
“You don’t want anything? But then, why did you come?”
“Sirius, we might not be in a relationship but I do still want to spend time with you, other than sexually.” That made something in his chest warm up but he couldn’t tell if he was simply tipsy or if it was something else.
“Really?” He asked as Remus settled in next to him under the covers.
“Yes really, now go to sleep.” He said, pressing a kiss to Remus’ mouth, this all felt terribly domestic to Sirius but he shoved those fears down and enjoyed the moment. He felt himself smile against Remus’ lips.
“I don’t really remember how we slept the first night, do you want to be the big or small spoon?” Remus asked and Sirius realised he had never really been asked that question. Most of his hookups didn’t stay the night, and if they did, there was never cuddling.
“I don’t really know. I’ve never cuddled before.” This made Remus’ eyes go wide but he didn’t comment. Instead, he held Sirius and then turned around and placed Sirius’ hands around him. Sirius felt confused but thoroughly liked both positions.
“Which one did you prefer?” He asked, a yawn threatening to slip out.
“I didn’t really mind either, whatever you prefer.”
“Okay, how about tonight I hold you and tomorrow we switch.” He nodded and tried not to show his excitement over Remus’ use of “tomorrow”. They’d do this tomorrow again! Sirius felt giddy. Even though he had told Remus that a relationship was off the table, he started to think that maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world? They’d have to get to know each other better first though, although Sirius didn’t think there’d be anything he could learn about Remus that would make him repulsive to Sirius. God, he was whipped, he blamed it on the alcohol. He felt his eyes closing slowly as Remus’ breaths evened out on his neck. He fell into a comfortable sleep shortly after that.