“i’ll always be the monster that lurks on corey street, peering in the shadows rearing to pounce,” Remus paused, closing his eyes and pinching his nose bridge deep in thought, “It’s not right, Sirius, in no matter what universe I will always end up hurting you, we aren’t meant to be.”
Sirius’ face was ghostly pale, completely frozen as he stared into Remus’ eyes, tears brimming threatening to fall as he clutched the end of his shirt, like he was either about to spring onto Remus or turn away and never look back.
The first tear fell when Remus took a step back, his lips tightened into a straight line. Sirius remained frozen, though a million unasked questions cover his face.
“I’m so sorry Sirius.” Remus sounded like he was holding back tears, his voice strained, the silence was deafening as the two lovers stared at each other, their hearts pounding vigorously in their ears as it broke into thousands of pieces, shattering grotesquely onto the floor like a smashed vase.
**
Anyone else could see how desperately they needed each other, they’d been together since their 6th year in Hogwarts though they’d been pining over one another since they first laid eyes on each other, even if they didn’t know it at the time.
You see, you’d have to understand the reason this argument started in first place, is because of a very specific night where the moon was at its fullest, in all its pearlescent beauty, joining the stars in the navy sky and watching.
Watching as Remus’ body was torn to shreds as it had been for over 20 years, soaking in his heart-wrenching cries and screams whilst his bones twisted and churned uncontrollably, jaw unhinging and eyes turning a piercing shade of yellow before finally a wolf stood, a tall, bony wolf stood in all its glory encaging a broken man.
That night, as Moony ran around the dark forest, animals scampering at the sight of the beast whilst he ran with 2 others, James and Sirius, the only people who had ever stayed by him, even when he turned into the creature he despised and desperately tried to escape.
Though this night was different, different then the other 240 moons Remus had suffered throughout his life, for on the night of 11th of August 1984, Moony pounced, he dug his claws in deep and bit, drawing crimson red blood out of none other than Sirius fucking Black. The man he’d been inlove with since he was eleven.
Eventually, James managed to draw Moony away, blood dripping off his snout and onto the mossy ground, only metres apart from the black dog that lay, harbouring his breath and whining painfully as blood dripped from the gouged cut in his sable fur.
The next morning, when Remus awoke from his insufferable sleep, Sirius and James were no where to be found, though Lily sat besides him, softly tending to the small scars that littered his body, “W-where’s Pads n’ Prongs-?” Remus’ bleary voice sounded so far away in his head, his vision unfocusing frequently.
“You don’t remember?” Lily’s voice was soft, it was evident she’d been crying in the way her voice croaked ever so often whilst she spoke, “No, Lily what’s happened?!” Remus tried to lift his head up, before thumping it back down onto the forest ground, his head aching horribly.
Once his vision slowly came back to him completely, he looked at Lily’s face, her eyes were raw red and dried tears stained her face, “Last night, you erm- you attacked Sirius, he’s in St Mungo’s now, recovering.” Remus’ lips quivered, closing his eyes and covering his face with his hands.
“What did i do, Lily?” The guilt was evident in his voice, “You pounced on him and dug your claws into him, it’s quite deep but he’ll be fine, love, don’t worry.” Tears streamed down his face, guilt now fully clouding his mind.
That night, Remus went to see Sirius, guilt carried him all the way to the hospital and as he laid his eyes on his lover, his walls began to come back up, they came back up as he took the sight before him in, Sirius’ body was cadaverous, his skin pale, almost grey as if he was devoid of all colour entirely, his eyes closed over as he slept soundly.
In that moment, Remus thought he had killed his one true love, Sirius looked like a corpse due to the blood loss he had endured that night, and in that moment, Remus decided the only way to never hurt Sirius again, was to turn away and never look back.
When Sirius awoke, his smile was wide when he saw Remus, he whispered sweet words when he saw the guilt in his eyes and mannerisms, “Rem, it wasn’t your fault, love trust me it wasn’t your fault at all it wasn’t you.” His throat was croaky as he spoke, his words though, they were covered in admiration for Remus, his endless love for Remus highlighted in the words he murmured to his lover.
Two days later, Sirius was discharged and that was the day both of their worlds fell apart.
**
“Do you not love me anymore?” Sirius’ voice was hoarse, his fists that clutched his shirt had turned white, Remus eyes opened widely, his mouth moving like a fish, as if he wanted to speak but couldn’t voice it properly.
Though, in spite of this Remus took a step forward, pausing as he thought about his next move, “Oh Sirius, I love you so much but I just- I cant hurt you again, you nearly died for Christ’s sake!”
“If you love me then why are you leaving me?!” Sirius’ voice was now raised, his eyebrows furrowing as he stared at Remus.
When Remus didn’t respond, Sirius turned around and left, slamming the door with so much force the entire house rumbled harshly. Tears turned into sobs as he fell to his knees and wailed, he wailed for the loss of his lover, the man he wants to love so desperately ripped roughly away from him due to his own actions.
**
2 months later, Remus and Sirius run into each other. It’s a beautiful day during autumn, the trees have turned a gorgous colour, golden yellows, bright oranges and vivid reds overtaking the once sage green.
Usually, they’d be walking down this exact same path, Sirius would be chatting excitedly about his day and Remus would listen whilst he held his hand, warming up Sirius’ hand that was ice cold, they’d go down to the local cafe and order the exact same thing each time, a tea and hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows.
It seems the star crossed lovers lost in space, had landed on the same path at the same time, destined to carry on the tradition they had started years ago.
When Remus first saw Sirius, his eyes looked cold, they no longer had that glint of joy in his eye, when Sirius first looked at Remus, he noticed the exact same thing. The two broken lovers had found their way to each other once more, though this time they were missing a part that they so desperately yearned to have back.
For the next couple weeks, things like this kept on happening, they’d cross the same paths and every single time they’d barely acknowledge one another.
Sirius was the first person to break the ice, Remus had just gotten to his front yard, he needed to go inside and warm up after facing the bitter weather all day, though when he finally looked to his patio, he noticed a very familiar face, Sirius Orion Black.
“We need to talk.” Sirius’ voice was different from what Remus remembered, it was icy and harsh though Remus had heard him like this before, when he felt extremely guilty or upset and Remus knew not to leave him when he was so far into his head.
Remus didn’t respond, only opening his door and walking in, waiting for Sirius to walk back in before closing it, Sirius practically strutted to Remus’ couch, sitting in it with extremely straight posture, Remus could sense the uneasiness from him even if he tried to mask it.
After putting his shoes and jacket away, Remus sat on the couch opposite Sirius, facing him. “Why did you do what you did, Remus?”
“I hurt you.” Sirius’ mouth slightly opened before curling into a snarl, “Yeah you fucking did hurt me, you broke things off because you were scared, Rem, you can’t do that, I never for a second thought that you knew what you was doing that night, I knew you would never hurt me intentionally yet you still went and broke things off because you thought it was what I wanted, did you even thing to ask me?”
Remus stroked a hand through his hair, “I- I just didn’t want it to happen again, Siri you’ve got to understand I hurt you!” Sirius groaned at this, “Yes Remus you did hurt me but I didn’t want to end things, and even if it did happen again, if it happened every single full moon I’d still forgive you because i’m inlove with you Remus!!”
“You- you love me?” Remus’ eyes were wide as he stared directly at Sirius, “Of course I fucking have! I have been since i even knew what love was!!” Sirius’ hands flew up, exaggerating his sentence before covering his face with his hands and sighing loudly.
Everything was quiet for a moment before Remus spoke again, “I love you to, fuck, I love you so much Sirius, I’m so sorry I didn’t realise how much I affected you- I should’ve talked to you first.” Sirius looked up and smiled, a toothy, genuine smile before getting up and all but leaping into his lovers arms.
“I forgive you.” Sirius whispers into his ear before crashing his lips onto Remus’ cradling his head whilst Remus wraps his arms around Sirius’ back, bringing him impossibly closer.
Some people believe that destiny isn’t real, that it’s a made up concept that people follow to fill a hole in their lives, though if they knew Sirius and Remus, maybe they’d believe the two where destined to be each other, no matter what universe they would always find each other and every single time, they’d fall inlove.