Lurking shadows
Regulus was quite literally dying of boredom, laying in the same position, glued to the hospital bed by Madam Pomfrey who had, with clear instructions, demanded for him to stay for another week. Regulus had tried to convince her that he felt fine but any time he had tried to stand up he had only been lying to himself, the exhaustion of his body pulling him back into the white crumpled up sheets. Sometimes the only things that kept him occupied was either staring at his surroundings or counting his heartbeats. Something about the rhythm soothing him.
On this particular afternoon however, Regulus is very graciously visited by his friends who, once having seen Regulus fully conscious and awake, run up to him and all huddle up next to him, hugging him so tightly that Regulus is sure that his lungs are getting crushed underneath the weight. He tries to push them off, telling them to get off, but eventually gives in and lets the hug last as long as they need it to. Dorcas hits Regulus’ shoulder hard and Regulus flinches. He’s about to curse at her when he notices her eyes, glazed with tears.
“You fucking dimwit. You scared us to death!” she accuses Regulus then goes in for another hug. Regulus this time does not push her off, however much he wants to, because he knows that his friend needs this, even though his skin tingles, his mind begging him to lose the skin to skin contact. She finally let’s go and Regulus almost sighs with relief.
“How are you feeling Reg? Would you like for me to fetch you something?” Pandora asks from behind Dorcas.
“Other than not being able to breathe I think I’ll be fine. Thank you Pandora.” Regulus half wheezes out.
“You were always so dramatic weren't you Reggie?” Evan chuckles, sitting beside him on the stool where James was sitting a few days prior. Regulus tries to block out any thoughts to do with James at this moment. Evan gives Regulus’ shoulder a squeeze and smiles at him. He moves away from the touch.
“You’re fucking lucky you’re alive or I would’ve killed you myself git.” Evan jokes and Regulus, for the first time in a long time, gives a genuine smile back, thankful for his friends. That is until he realizes that he never saw Barty amongst his friends.
“Where’s Barty?” Regulus asks. Dorcas wiping her tears away, gives a roll of her eyes. Pandora gives a solemn look and Evan bites his lip.
“What’s going on? What are you not telling me?” Regulus asks with more force now.
“Barty could not come today.” Pandora explains, her usually expressionless face, now very worried and rigid.
“Couldn’t be bothered to come any other day either apparently.” Dorcas bites out. Evan gives her a sharp look and Dorcas returns the same look back at him.
“Seriously what is going on?” Regulus asks again, his tone becoming impatient by each passing moment. Evan is the one to answer this time.
“Mate, Barty, he didn't take the news of your… state very well. Kind of shut himself out, not talking to anybody. We tried to help but he would just push us away so we stopped trying after some time.”
“How long?” is all Regulus can ask.
“What?” Evan asks back.
“How long has he been nonverbal?” Regulus clarifies.
“Well, I reckon it was since the moment we found out that you were admitted to the hospital wing. So for about a week now?”
Regulus bites his cheek from the inside and frowns. He nods, and decides that if Barty doesn’t want to see Regulus, he is not going to force him. Regulus was not one for begging.
“Well to be the bearer of good news, I heard that the halloween party is going to be attended in the gryffindor common room, hosted by a seventh year apparently.” Pandora decides to lighten up the mood by changing the subject.
“You’re still going on about that?” Regulus rolls his eyes.
“Of course I am. Why, are you interested perhaps?” Pandora asks with a very hopeful tone.
“My answer is still a no. Hasn’t changed in the last week that I have been unconscious.” Regulus gives a sarcastic smirk.
“Oh please, you practically owe it to us. Had us worried sick over you, the least you can do is attend the stupid party.” Dorcas says.
“I apologize if my impairment has been so gravely an injustice to you but my answer is not going to change because I made you feel worried.” Regulus snarks back a sarcastic reply.
“Leave it be Dorcas, he’s as stubborn as a mule, nothing can convince him.” Evan adds in from the side.
“Yes I suppose so. Certainly not the fact that Sirius and James are attending.” Pandora says with a very sly look that Regulus does not understand the meaning of. Regulus’ ears perk at the name he was so desperately trying to erase from his mind. Dorcas gives a disgruntled and disgusted groan.
“Don’t even remind me. I’m half rethinking going but the booze makes up for it.” she smiles and wiggles her eyebrows.
“Now that’s what I call a positive attitude.” Evan gives Dorcas a high five then turns at Regulus. “You could use some of it, gloomy boy.” he says and narrowly avoids a smack from Regulus.
“Don’t call me that. You know I hate it.” Regulus says.
“I know… gloomy boy.” Evan whispers closely. Regulus wriggles out of his bed and lunges at Evan. Evan starts giggling and backing away from him, almost jumping away from his seat. Regulus winces at a sharp pain on his wrists and realizes that he might have opened up a previously healed wound. He clutches at his arm.
“Are you ok Reg?” Pandora asks, the concern already creeping up her face.
“I’m fine.” Regulus hisses through his teeth because he is anything but fine. It feels like fire is coursing through his arms and he can already feel the blood soaking his hands. But he would rather die than admit weakness.
“Reggie you don’t look fine, what happened?” Dorcas asks, trying to fumble over Regulus.
“I said I’m fine.” Regulus really needs his friends to leave before they see him in this state. He tries to come up with something, anything, but the only thing his mind is preoccupied with right now is the fact that he can’t seem to feel his arms, as if they went numb all of a sudden. Shit.
Then, as if angels have come to answer his prayers, Madam Pomfrey appears behind his friends and ushers them outside, telling them that the visiting hours have passed and they can come next time, although her expression differs to beg.
“Oh come on Poms, just give us another hour, you know you want to.” Evan tries to persuade her.
“Do I? I don’t think so. Now off you go. Come on, chop chop. Don’t keep your professors waiting.” she says while quite literally pushing them out towards the door.
“We’ll be back Reggie, just hang on tight alright? We just have to find a way to convince Medusa over here.” Dorcas whispers towards Regulus and rolls her eyes.
“I heard that. Don’t waste your precious time, out you go.” Madam Pomfrey says. Regulus can only nod because he’s pretty sure he’s seeing stars again and his palm is getting red and soaked, so he shoves his arm under the blankets and keeps his vision straight with all his might.
He says his last goodbyes to his friends before the doors close behind them. Madam Pomfrey’s annoyed, yet gleeful face shifts the instant she turns towards Regulus.
“How many times have I told you not to make harsh movements? You haven't even eaten any of the food I gave you and you still-” she comes to a stop abruptly before her eyebrows crease in worry and she hurries over to Regulus.
“Heavens you look appalling.” she says in a tone that does not mean to come out as an insult.
“Thanks.” Regulus replies anyway. “Any more lovely names for me?” he adds in for good measure.
“Oh do quit your nagging.” she says in a way a caring mother would, which Regulus can only assume. “Show me your hand.” she says, reaching out her own hands and waiting. Regulus sighs heavily, hating the idea of her hands having to hold his but reveals his arm anyway, the opened wound, now bleeding severely, the blood clogging up together. She examines the hand and nods to herself, then hurriedly whips out her wand and spells out an incantation. A small flask and a bottle start to trail behind her and slowly place themselves upon the small metal table towards the front of Regulus’ bed.
She starts dabbing at the wound with what Regulus may have recognized if he wasn’t in a serious nauseating state right now. He shuts his eyes closed and feels his arms being wrapped up by new bandages. He slowly peels his eyes open and sighs in relief at the freshness of clean bandages.
“Now I do not want to hear another sound from you. Off you go to sleep I’ll wake you up for your next round of pills.” Madam Pomfrey ushers Regulus. Regulus can only roll his eyes in defiance.
“When can I finally get out of here?” he asks. Madam Pomfrey stops in her tracks and turns back at Regulus.
“When I think it fit for you to walk on your own Mr. Black. Now close your eyes and go to sleep. The faster you do the faster you get out of here.” she gives a final smile and then turns to leave the room.
Regulus grunts, annoyed and tries his best to just get this over with. Surprisingly Regulus’ body has betrayed him and is so exhausted that he hadn’t even realized it. His eyes slowly start to droop as he drifts into the comfort of black void nothing.
***
Regulus finds himself in the middle of a long corridor surrounded by countless doors that all resemble each other. He looks around to get a better sense of the place only to end up even more confused. His curiosity wins over him and he slowly approaches the door to his left. He tries at the doorknob but it seems to be locked because the door doesn't budge. He circles around and tries the door to his right. He rattles the door handle slightly but it doesn’t open. Slowly but surely he tries every single door lining up in front of him to his left and right only to be met by several locked rusty wooden plates.
“What the fuck?” he yells in frustration and slams his hand on the chipped wood. He feels a stinging in his hand and looks down to check on his palm. Surely enough there’s a splinter embedded deeply into his skin. He picks at it and slowly takes it out. Blood drips from the small wound and at this exact moment he feels a strange sense of deja vu, his heart starting to pick up its speed and his throat closing up. He instinctively looks up and sees a shadow running right at him with increasing speed. Regulus is hit with the memories of his previous dream and this time he doesn’t hesitate before running away from the figure with every bit of speed in his legs. He can hear the footsteps coming closer and closer but he doesn’t dare to look back, keeping his head straight and thoughts only on running. In the far back, he can see a shape of a door, different then the ones surrounding him as he runs forward. This door is interlaced with vines, almost covering the entirety of it. He picks his pace up and once he comes up to the door he looks for the door handle. He can hear the footsteps behind him coming dangerously close as he searches frantically, tearing at the vines and ripping the roots away. Instead of a handle he finds a small round key hole and curses at himself. He makes the mistake of looking back and flings himself on the ground before the shadowy figure lunges at Regulus. The figure recovers quickly, unlike Regulus who got jabbed into his side with a thick and sharp vine. He clutches at his side, trying to soothe the pain away. He suddenly feels something in his right pocket but before he can figure out what it is he makes the quick witted decision of rolling on the ground to his left before the figure comes flying at him once again. This time Regulus quickly picks at his pocket and takes out a golden key. He doesn’t even take a second to examine it before he runs around the figure and inserts the key into the hole, turning it and shoving the door open. When he turns back he sees the figure lunging forward at him, before Regulus closes the door with full force and hears a thump from the other side. The next few seconds he can only hear his heartbeat beating so fast he has to hold his breath to calm down. He places his hand on his chest and feels the rhythm slowly soothing his jaggedy breaths.
Why can’t I wake up? The question roams his mind as he rests his head on the wooden door. Finally, after a few minutes of gaining his breathing back, he lifts his head up and turns around. He freezes in place and shivers at the sight in front of him.
He is in Sirius’ old room.
The room looks empty and cold. The exact same way he remembers it. The chipped woods of the floor rotten away, the musky and pungent smell engulfing the space. His breathing starts to pace up and he can’t move because Regulus hates this place. He hates anything to do with the black household.
As if on cue the door to Sirius’ room opposite of Regulus swings open and slams on the wall. A young Sirius is thrown inside the room with such shear force, the bed shakes in its place. Young Sirius whimpers and clutches at his arm, limping as far away from the door as he can. The present Regulus starts to move, his feet working on their own, shuffling away from the scene until he hits a wall behind him, the door from before vanishing from view.
Another commotion in front of him snaps him from his trance and forces him to look ahead, his eyes wide and his hands trembling. A young Regulus, held by his shirt, is being dragged across the floor, his small flailing body whimpering and begging for freedom. Walburga enters through the door, holding tight onto young Regulus’ shirt with one hand and clutching her wand, pointed right at the young boy’s neck, with the other.
“Get in!” Walburga spits out and shoves young Regulus in the room, his body hitting the ground with a thump right next to Sirius. Present Regulus is pushed on the ground by an unknown force at the same time and slams the floor, palms first. When he regains his vision his hands look smaller than before and he seems to be facing the floor way closer. He looks up and sees his mother looking back at him, her face full of pure fury and disgust. Regulus wants to scream, to wake up, to hit something but all he can do is stare back at the face of his mother, because he is stuck in his young body form and so terrified.
“I have raised ungrateful children in this household it seems. All I ask of you is to behave accordingly during this nice family dinner and I am met with nothing but disappointment.” Walburga starts to howl. Sirius trembles with anger and Regulus can only cry.
“We did everything you asked of us.” Sirius chokes out, his jaw clenched. Walburga gives a harsh slap across Sirius’ face, his head whipping to the side with the intensity. Regulus flinches.
“Mother please, show mercy. We’ll do better, we have learned our lesson, we will be good.” Regulus pleases, his voice shrill and timid, too young to understand what he is saying.
“Shut up. Your idiot of a brother hasn’t learned a thing and he knows it. He prides in it, the wretch.” just then, Sirius makes the mistake of scoffing at this comment and Regulus’ eyes widen as he knows what's about to come. Walburga fumes and starts to raise her wand at Sirius.
“Do you find this amusing?” she doesn’t even hesitate before spelling out the words “Crucio!” right at Sirius. His young flail body spasms on the ground, his teeth in a tight grip as he tries to breathe. Regulus knows the feeling too well.
“Mother please, please forgive him. I will teach him, I promise, I will make sure he learns. Please let him go.” Regulus’ mouth moves for him, however much the present Regulus wants to keep quiet, he cannot because young Regulus doesn’t know when to stop speaking.
“You dare speak for him?” she turns towards Regulus. She examines him for a few seconds then cocks her head to the side. “Fine, you want to teach him a lesson? Teach him a lesson then.” she gives her final answer. Regulus freezes, confusion to the sudden change of heart very evident on his face. Walburga then raises her wand at Regulus and chants “Imperio”. Regulus suddenly feels as if all of his worries have been washed away, and nothing seems to be in the wrong. He hears his mother’s voice, commanding him to take out his wand and point it directly at his brother. His brother, whose face is of pure fear and dread. Regulus’ hand moves with such ease, it feels gratifying.
“Regulus, listen to me. Regulus you don’t want to do this please.” Sirius starts to beg, crawling on the ground, trying to back up as much as possible. Regulus smiles, and looks up at his mother.
“Now use the cruciatus curse on him.” Walburga hums sweetly. Sirius’s eyes widen and he starts shaking his head in protest, still crawling on the ground desperately. Regulus’s mouth moves for him and he casts out “Crucio”. Sirius convulses on the ground, trying to cry out but failing to make any noise other than a quiet whimper.
“Enjoy it. I’ll be back in a few hours.” Walburga’s voice comes from behind Regulus. Her footsteps slowly recede until only the two boys are left in the small, quiet room.
“Reggie, please don’t do this. You don't want to do this. Listen to me.” Sirius pleads, trembling. Regulus feels nothing but the characteristics of a vague, untraceable happiness. He stands in the middle of the room feeling immensely relaxed, not having any traces of a self-conjured thought. He looks at Sirius and nods.
“I have to do this, to teach you a lesson. I have to use the cruciatus curse on you. I will enjoy it.” He repeats after his mother in a monotone voice, almost as if he was reading it off of a piece of paper. He raises his wand again and whispers “Crucio”. Sirius grunts, his body stiffening, his arms and legs jerking at the sides, uselessly. Regulus’ body flinches on instinct but his poker face doesn’t show any emotion. He raises his wand again.
”Regulus please! Please, I beg you, please!” Sirius whimpers, snot and tears making it hard for him to speak. Regulus raises his wand at him again and flicks. This time Sirius cries out loudly, the scream piercing Regulus’ ears. He flicks his wand again. Sirius' whole body tremors and his eyes go up to his sockets, making him look possessed. He comes back to his senses and chases for air, gasping loudly. He coughs and cries out in pain.
“Reggie, please, please don’t do this. We’re brothers!” he yells out in pure anger and despair.
“I have to do this, to teach you a lesson. I have to use the cruciatus curse on you. I will en-“ Sirius whines and shakes his head.
“No, no, no, no, no, no. She can’t make you do this! Not you, anyone but you-“ his words are cut off by another curse thrown at him. His jaw clenches, the veins on his neck bulging from the shear force. Regulus only watches, with a blank mind and a stone cold face. The peace and tranquility he feels is so powerful he cannot even imagine what it was before all… this. A single tear drop slides down Regulus’ cheek, followed by a row of tears now gliding down his face. He cries but doesn’t know why.
“You always were the coward.” a whisper comes from the back of his mind. Something inside of Regulus snaps and he turns around. He looks at his hands and feet and realizes that he is back in his present body again, watching the horrid scene from before play out in front of him, his brother’s body, flail and weak on the ground and he himself, void of any kind of remorse.
“If you just could’ve fought the curse” the voice tutts in the back of his mind again. Regulus whips his head around, desperately trying to find the source of the voice.
“This is not real, this never happened. I- I don’t remember-“ Regulus tries.
”Oh it’s real alright. And a very small part of you that was not too affected by the curse does remember. But your cowardly shadows that ‘protect you’ over these memories, are trying so hard to just…” there’s a brief silence before the voice comes close to Regulus’ right ear and whispers “make them disappear”. Regulus flinches, his hand clamping his ear shut on instinct.
“No, no you’re lying, I would never do that. Sirius, he- he would’ve told me.” Regulus tries to defend himself.
“Would he? And how would you know that?” the voice asks in a playful tone.
“Because he’s… he’s my brother.” Regulus mutters out.
“No he’s not!” the voice howls, making Regulus’ ears pierce with an awful ringing sound. He grunts and drops to the ground, trying his best to clamp his ears shut. “He’s a nobody. He thinks you’re weak, and pathetic. That’s why he left you. He runs away from his problems, just like he ran away from you.”
Regulus’ hands start shaking, his breathing becoming quiverish.
“But no one can run away forever.” This voice comes from right in front of him. The “shadow-being” is exactly what the word describes. Up close it has no facial features, no skin, not even a trace of emotion. Just a black smoke of nothing. “Because I will always find you” the shadow stabs Regulus in the abdomen with nothing but smoke, but the pain is so unimaginable that Regulus can only scream.
Barty knew he was being an idiot. He knew staying away wouldn’t wash away all of his worries and… thoughts. But the curly haired boy had such an influence over him he didn’t understand his own feelings anymore. Each year Regulus and him started to get closer, and he would be an even bigger idiot if he tried denying the fact that he liked this feeling. Liked feeling something so… thrilling. He wasn’t exactly sure what made him feel this way, but he knew that Regulus was a big part of it. Or was he?
As Barty sits in their shared dorm room with Evan sitting in front him, legs crossed over his bed, he can’t help but stare at his best friend. Ever since he refused to see Regulus at the hospital wing all of his friends have been ignoring him, but the fact that Evan, one of his closest friends, was refusing to even look at his face really hurt his… pride. He stares for a few more minutes, willing the other boy to look back at him but after a few minutes of absolute silence he gets desperate.
“How long are you guys planning on ignoring me?” Barty asks. Evan doesn’t even spare a glance.
“Evan please, it’s driving me crazy. You’re practically my only friends. Dorcas gives me dirty looks anytime I try to start a conversation, Pandora runs away from me the instant she sees me and you’re practically acting like I don’t exist!” Barty sighs exasperatedly. Evan looks up at him, examining him very intensely before looking back down, going back to playing with his sheets.
“Ok, alright, I get it. I made a mistake. I didn’t visit our best friend while he was practically dying. I’m sorry ok? I just… I couldn’t.” Barty waits for a while, silently hoping Evan says something, anything. Nothing. Barty stands up and walks over to his best friend's bed, plopping down on the sheets. He leans down to look at his face.
“Please tell me what I can do to make it up to you guys. I’ll do anything.” He begs. Evan looks up at Barty and for a quick second they lock eyes. Barty swears he sees Evan’s eyes twitch, his cheeks going pink but the moment passes by quickly and his face goes back to the way it was before, indignant and betrayed. Barty sighs and gets up to leave the dorm. Right before he exits the room Evan speaks up.
“If you really want to do something about it, go and see him,” he suggests.
“What?” Barty asks.
“You said you’d do anything. So do it. Go to the hospital wing and make sure your ‘best friend’ is alive and well. It’s the least you could do.” Evan rolls his eyes and drops his head back down.
“I- I can’t” Barty stutters out. Evan scoffs and stands up. He walks over to Barty and shoves him out of the way.
“Then we’ve got nothing to talk about.” He says before leaving the room and Barty, standing alone in front of the door. Barty can only watch as his best friend disappears from view.
***
The spiraling stairs make it no easier to balance himself. The higher he goes the more he feels like he’s about to trip and fall. His breathing labors and he can hear his own heartbeat beating against his chest. His hands feel sweaty and slippery and he rethinks his decision at least five times, going back down, then back up again. It takes him a total of fifteen minutes to get to his destination and when he finally looks up he stares at the towering doors of the hospital wing.
Barty takes a deep breath, his whole body trembling before he enters in, swinging the doors open. He strides in, looking around at the other patients, some sitting upright, some laying down, staring at the ceiling. Some even have company to make them feel better. He can see the patients smiling, appreciating their friends' presence. Barty feels a pang of guilt at this. He finally comes near the curly haired boy, his eyes closed and his breathing slow and calm. He looks so peaceful and so at peace it’s… beautiful. Barty reaches down and holds out his hand to Regulus’ face. He hesitates before sliding the other boy's hair away from his eyes. He can’t help but smile at the state of tranquility. Barty’s hand reaches lower and just before he can touch Regulus’ lips the other boy’s face contorts and his eyebrow’s twitch uncomfortably. Barty stares at the boy, starting to get worried. Regulus starts to mumble incoherent words, his head jerks from side to side and his hands are in a strong lock. Barty holds his arms and starts to shake him awake.
“Reggie, Regulus wake up.” Barty words out. Regulus moans and makes a sound, almost crying out silently. Barty starts to panic and gets a hold of Regulus’ body, this time not hesitating and swinging his body forth and back.
“Regulus, wake up! Come on Regulus, come on!”
Finally Regulus springs out of bed, almost knocking Barty backwards. He holds himself steady only to realize that Regulus is screaming. His scream is so piercing and so genuine it feels like pure fear coming out of his lips.
“No, no, no, no, no, no” Regulus rocks back and forth, screaming his lungs off. Barty, utterly stunned, has no clue what to do.
”It’s my fault, It’s my fault. I had to do it. I had to teach him a lesson. It wasn’t me. It was her. Sirius please no. Sirius!” Regulus cries, yells and screeches. His screams seem never ending and so loud. Everyone’s attention is now on the howling boy who cannot stop crying. Barty can only stare, wide eyed and frozen. He tries to reach out to him just when Madam Pomfrey scurries over to them.
“What happened? What did you do?” she accuses Barty, not even giving him a chance to explain himself.
“I didn't do anything! I was just standing here and then he… he-” Barty can’t find the right words. His throat is all closed up and he instinctively crosses his arms over himself, grounding his stance.
Madam Pomfrey pushes him away and starts to hold Regulus down. Regulus starts to fight against her, pushing away, thrashing, kicking, clawing, doing anything he can to free himself from her. She then calls out to someone, ordering her to bring something. Barty isn’t sure what’s going on, he can’t hear any words coming out of Madam Pomfrey’s mouth. The next moment another nurse comes rushing, holding a needle in her hand. Madame Pomfrey, struggling to hold Regulus down, shouts something at the other nurse and the next second the nurse inserts the needle deep into Regulus’ right arm. Regulus shrieks, his tear covered face weak and fragile. His eyes slowly start to droop until he goes limp in Madam Pomfrey’s arms. She slowly lowers the other boy's body onto the bed and looks back at Barty.
“I must insist you to leave right now.” she says, her face stern.
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to I-” Barty gasps. He freezes, unable to form sentences, not even utter a simple word. Pomfrey’s features soften and she slowly approaches Barty, holding him steady.
“It’s ok my child, it’s ok, he’s ok. Here, have a seat. I’m going to check on his vitals and make sure everything is ok. You can stay here until he wakes up, how is that?” she speaks tenderly, making sure she doesn’t raise her voice too much. Barty only nods and plops down on the seat next to Regulus’s bed. He stares at the boy, as still and calm as he was before, as if none of what happened just a second ago was real. Barty promises himself that he will be here until the other boy wakes up, waiting, waiting and waiting.
Regulus’ eyes adjust to the white ceiling as he groggily wakes up. His vision is so blurry he can’t see straight at all, his surroundings swimming like a pool of water. He groans and tries to move. He grunts at the excruciating pain on his right arm, throbbing and aching. A heavy weight lifts from the side of his bed and a gasp comes out from someone’s mouth. Regulus turns his head slightly, towards the source of the voice. His vision is slowly coming back to him so he can see the characteristics of messy straw coloured hair. Regulus immediately knows who it is sitting next to him. He turns his head back, away from the figure and stares at the ceiling. There’s a slight shift to the bed and Barty opens his mouth. Before he can say something Regulus interrupts him.
“What are you doing here?” Regulus spits out. Silence. He can hear Barty fidgeting with his fingers, thinking.
“If you’ve got nothing to say you can kindly take your leave.” Regulus comments with sarcasm.
“Reggie I- I’m so sorry.” Barty finally answers. Regulus scoffs.
“Sorry for what?”
”For not being there. For not being here I mean, with you. I’m so sorry. I was a coward and I let my feelings get the best of me.” Barty tries to explain himself. Regulus gets stuck on the word feelings.
“Feelings?” He questions, turning back at Barty. Barty who looks like he said something he didn’t mean to.
“I mean- what I meant was…” Barty starts to stutter, trying his best to find the right words. After a few moments of silence Regulus asks again.
“What did you mean Barty?” Regulus asks, curiosity taking over him. Barty blinks a few times, biting his lower lip.
“I mean that I was scared, terrified of seeing my friend, my best friend, possibly on the brink of death. It was selfish of me but I didn’t want to see… that. I’m so sorry. I truly, honestly am sorry. It took all of my friends acting like I’m a ghost for me to realize that what I did was shitty. I realize that now, I do. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I promise you I will not leave your side again.” after a short pause he adds in “well except for when I need to go to classes, and lunch, and dinner, oh and breakfast.” he pauses again, searching Regulus’ face. He sighs and covers his face in his palms. “This is a very shitty apology isn’t it?”
“Indeed it is.” Regulus answers. Barty groans. Regulus scoffs.
“But for your first apology I’ll make an exception.” He adds in. Barty looks up, and after a few seconds of analyzing Regulus’ face he starts to smile.
”First of all, that was not my first apology, no need to be cocky.” Barty starts, “and secondly, I humbly apologize if my apologies did not suit your needs but your hysteria only a few hours ago still hasn’t left my mind so I blame you for my rusty words.” Regulus’ face shifts at the mention of his “hysteria”, and he stares at Barty in confusion.
“What do you mean by hysteria?” he asks. Barty’s face drops, his eyes pitying him. “Barty, what do you mean by hysteria?” Regulus asks again, this time with more urgency in his voice.
“You don’t remember?”
“What are you talking about?” Regulus raises his voice, trying to sit up straight, and almost slumping back down before Barty grabs a hold of his arm and lifts him back up into a sitting position. Regulus shoves his hands away.
“I’m sorry, just be careful, you’re still sedated” Barty explains.
“Sedated? Barty I swear if you don't start explaining what you’re talking about in five seconds, so help me I will get up from this bed and-”
“Ok, ok, just calm down, I will explain.” Barty promises. And so he does. He explains everything from how he came to see Regulus till the end where he sat down and fell asleep next to him, waiting for Regulus to wake up, missing some classes that he will definitely regret the consequences for later.
Regulus stays quiet. He stays quiet because he remembers everything, he remembers the memories he never knew he had, that he never knew existed. He remembers the smoke knife, piercing through his abdomen. He grunts in pain and clutches at his stomach, the ghost of the blade still lingering.
“Are you okay?” Barty asks, trying to hold Regulus’ hands. Regulus pushes him away, his arm hairs standing up from mere contact.
“Don’t touch me. I’m fine.” he snaps. Barty raises his arms up in surrender and backs up. After a moment of silence Barty speaks up again.
“You kept saying that it was your fault. That you had to do it. You also repeated Sirius’ name a lot. What was that about?” Barty questions him. Regulus flinches at the name of his brother.
“Since when were you such a busybody?” Regulus changes the subject. Barty smirks and leans closer.
“What, you don’t like it?” he says, his voice becoming very playful for some reason. Regulus raises his eyebrow.
“I detest it.” Regulus says. Barty takes a step closer, making Regulus scooch back towards the frame of the hospital bed.
“What are you going to do about it?” he asks, his voice a low whisper now.
“Barty what are you-” Regulus words out. Barty is so close Regulus can smell his strong cologne.
“I don’t know,” he says. Regulus holds his breath for some reason, and clamps his eyes shut together.
“Ahem.”
Barty throws himself backwards, smashing against the seat, trying his best to recompose himself. Regulus’ eyes pry open and look up at a tall and built figure.
“Potter…” Regulus mutters out.
“Am I interrupting something?” James asks.