The sun was warm as it beamed down on Sirius’s face that morning. It was warmer than usual, a welcomed surprise for what had been an otherwise rather cold and gloomy week. The sun was shining but Sirius wasn’t yet feeling energized by it. He was quite content to lay in bed all day. He didn’t get that option, though. James was awake and overly peppy this morning. Sirius got maybe twenty minutes of peace before James stripped the sheets off his bed and was forcing him up and out of bed.
Sirius felt slightly more energized by the time they’d made it down to breakfast. He fidgeted in his seat between Remus and James, his shoulder bumping against one of theirs multiple times while he picked at his eggs and potatoes.
“You look like shit” Marlene commented as she sat down across from Sirius, late to breakfast as usual.
“Princess slept in today, didn’t get time to shower.” James answered for him. He messed Sirius’s hair even more That felt kind of good, Sirius thought.
“Or put a brush through his hair?” She asked, piling six strips of bacon onto her plate.
“Have you tried getting him to comb this?” Remus replied this time.
Marlene scoffed. “I have actually. He sits beautifully for me if I offer.” Both James and Remus looked over at Sirius curiously. “We’ve got Care of Magical Creatures second. I’ll get you sorted then.” She winked at him.
Sirius smiled and nodded. “Thanks, Marls.”
“Yeah, yeah. What are friends for?”
The sun reflecting through the large windows of the room streamed across Sirius’s face and made him flush. He looked out the window as he waited for class to start. Remus was beside him. Remus always sat beside him in Care of Magical Creatures. That was, until today when Marlene came tapping on Remus’s shoulder as Lily slid into the seat behind Sirius.
“Switch with me, Lupin.”
Sirius was surprised to hear Marlene’s voice, it brought him out of his head and back into reality. Remus paused, but got up and sat in the row behind next to Lily. Marlene slid into place next to Sirius. She dug through her bag and pulled out both a soft bristled brush and one that would work through his tangles.
“You still look like shit.” She said. Sirius grinned.
“That’s what you’re here for, yeah?” Sirius leaned over and knocked his shoulder against hers. They chuckled briefly, then Sirius turned his back to her and allowed her to start in on her work.
While Marlene’s words were sharp, her touch was surprisingly soft. They were a good pair for this activity, as Sirius was rough around the edges and surprisingly tenderheaded. She had to be particularly careful today, starting in with the soft brush until he’d trust her with the other one. The soft brush was nice. It felt soft, like a hug. A tender act of care. Sirius didn’t have many opportunities for those.
It only took a few minutes before Sirius’s shoulders were slumped and relaxed. His eyes were lidded, his head moved happily wherever Marlene positioned it. If she listened closely enough, she thought she could hear him purring. Marlene looked back at Lily. They were wearing the same expression. Remus was also staring at Sirius and taking note of his reaction but his face was not the same as his friends. Remus was amazed.
“You’re not going to go sit outside just because the sun is shining!” James called after Sirius as he tried corralling him away from the courtyard after Sirius decided he was finished with his lunch.
“It’s a beautiful day outside!”
“It’s December!”
“Barely!”
James chased after him as Sirius ran down the corridors. Lily caught Marlene’s attention. They followed behind at a distance.
“Put a coat on, you’re going to catch a cold!” James shouted.
“You sound like your mother!” Sirius retorted.
“You’re insane!”
“I’m insane? You’re the one who’s personally offended I want to get some air!!”
This was a good time to intervene. The girls nodded at each other, Lily turned the corner and approached the two.
“Hey, Potter!” She added a bit of extra bounce in her step. James turned to full attention. “I hear you’re top of class in Transfiguation. Think you could help me with the homework?”
James sputtered. He hadn’t been expecting her, nor had he expected her to ask him for help. She was wicked smart. “Right now?”
“Well we do have class next hour, so I’d appreciate it.” James looked over at Sirius, then looked back over at Evans. “Stop bullying Sirius and let him be. You know you can’t control him.”
It was an enticing enough offer that James was persuaded to agree with her. He looked over to Sirius once more. Lily touched James’s shoulder.
“I’m walking this way now” She turned and walked back down the hall and away from the boys. James was no match for that.
After the two of them passed where Marlene had been keeping watch, she peeked back out and rounded the corner towards where Sirius was.
“Boo!”
Sirius jumped at the exclamation. When he turned back to her he was pouting. “What’s your problem today? People are going to start thinking we’re an item if you keep following me around like this.”
Marlene cackled as she closed the space between her and him. “No they won’t, babe.”
“Babe?”
“Babe” Marlene repeated. She looked Sirius over again and rolled her eyes. “Besides, would that even be such a bad thing? I think we’d be cute together if we were….you know. Compatible.”
Sirius laughed at that. The two of them started walking down the hall opposite of where James and Lily had left to. Marlene would try and keep Sirius from going outside if she could help it, but it wasn’t really that cold outside. James was, as always, being dramatic.
“You’ve got nice hair though. I could pull that.” Marlene tested her luck and yanked at a bit. Not hard, but hard enough that Sirius whimpered. Oh. Fuck. Marlene backed off as Sirius smacked her.
“Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with everyone today? Can’t I just get a minute alone?!”
Marlene stopped. She let Sirius take a few quick steps away from her. She held her hands up in peace. She’d tested her luck too far. He was just like she thought, but somehow also worse. The noise he’d just made worried her about how much time they had.
“Sorry, okay? I was just wondering if I could braid your hair.”
Sirius’s eyes narrowed. “Why?”
It took everything in Marlene to only shrug. She had to play this tactfully if she wanted this to be handled safely. She knew Sirius too well and cared about him too much to let this go south. “You really seemed to like when I brushed it earlier.”
Sirius had really liked that. When Marlene was nice, she was delicate and lovely. He’d never had his hair braided before, but he’d watched the girls do it on each other before. It looked like it felt nice. Sirius proceeded with caution, but he agreed to letting her braid his hair.
The two of them settled for sitting by a large drafty window at the end of one of the hallways. They talked while she carefully split Sirius’s hair down the center and worked on two tight french braids. She listened to him complain about how he felt like everybody had been too close all day. How everything was starting to feel a little bit too loud. How he didn’t understand how everyone else wasn’t so excited about this unusually warm December day. How Remus pestered him into eating lunch and it was gross anyway. How he was considering skipping dinner tonight in favor of a nap. Just tired, he argued. He never got enough sleep, Remus always threatened that it would catch up to him one day.
Marlene listened but didn’t say much. She tried her hardest not to pull his hair again, or scratch it, or do anything that could make any of his symptoms worse. She considered floating the idea of going to see Madame Pomfrey, but by the time she had finished his braids their lunch period was over and the two of them had to head to Transfiguration.
“The braids are nice.” Remus commented as Sirius slid into his spot next to his friend. Sirius’s cheeks were pink, he leaned in closer to Remus and rested his head against his shoulder.
“I’ve never had braids before. Marlene convinced me.”
“I’ll give my compliments to her, then.”
Sirius hummed. His hand slipped down underneath the table in search for Remus’s. The benefit of being left handed was that he could do that if he sat on the correct side of the other. He smiled as Remus accepted and gave his hand a squeeze. Their hands stayed entwined as class started. Sirius held his quill in his left hand and tried to take notes. He found it very hard to concentrate. Mostly, he tried to read over Remus’s shoulder at what he was writing. Even that was hard.
He did notice when Marlene got up in the middle of class, grabbed her books, and walked out. Who couldn’t notice that? She held up class, told McGonagall It’s fine, I’m fine. I just… and then bolted. Dorcas followed after her.
When class was over, it was Lily who was tapping on his shoulder. “Come on, Marlene needs you.” She sounded urgent.
“Why?” It was Remus who responded. He was still holding Sirius’s hand. He gave it a little squeeze.
“That’s not your business, Rem.” Lily glared at her friend. She wasn’t an alpha, but she wasn’t afraid to challenge Remus right now.
“But she needs Sirius?!” He was almost growling.
Lily diffused the tension by simply scoffing. “You and your mates aren’t the only ones with enchanted parchment.” Her attention then turned to Sirius. “Come on, she asked for you.”
Sirius couldn’t argue with that. He nodded at Remus to tell him it was fine and stood up to follow Lily. They were walking fast, her arm on his shoulder to guide him out the door and down the hall. Lily’s hand slipped down to hook through Sirius’s arm at the same time that another hand came from behind and did the same. Marlene was next to him. The girls had their arms hooked, Sirius had no choice but to follow them.
“Okay, seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Not us. It’s you” Marlene retorted as she strong armed Sirius into stopping his squirming.
“And not wrong with you, either. It’s perfectly natural.” Lilly added as they continued down the hall, doing their best to be inconspicuous.
“You and your friends are just slow.” Marlene again.
Sirius walked in pace with them because he felt like they’d continue on even if he did try and go dead weight. It was easier to just comply. He didn’t really feel like fighting today.
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Sirius was fucking confused.
The girls looked at each other. Their grips tightened. They both took a deep breath, but it was Marlene who delivered the news to Sirius.
“You’re going into heat.”
No. No, that’s not what was happening. Sirius didn’t want to believe it, he couldn’t. He was 16 already, he was a beta. That wasn’t the most favorable amongst his parents, but it was still acceptable. The heir being an omega? That might just be the final blow for his mother. What a disgrace.
That’s not what was happening. It had to be something else.
“No, no I’m fine!”
“Sirius, you’re like 30 minutes away from the drop.”
His throat went tight. He had no idea what Marlene was talking about. His legs felt weaker, but Lily and Marlene continued on. “…...the drop?” He was terrified.
Both the girls sighed. It was Lily who spoke up this time.
“You’ll be alright.” She promised. “but it starts as a deep hollow feeling,”
“The worst” Marlene added. Lily glared at her.
“Then, things get warm.”
“And loud, and slick, and everything smells.”
This sounded horrible, Sirius decided. He wanted nothing to do with it. Yet, despite how horribly he wanted to deny what they were telling him, he already felt hollow in a way he’d never felt before. Sirius had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep his tough guy reputation in tact and keep tears from pricking his eyes.
“I can’t be, though. I-I can’t.”
The fear was obvious, it was expected. Sirius was a late bloomer, most of his year had already presented. They’d started that like, three four years ago. Sirius was a beta. He was supposed to be a beta.
“I’m sorry.” Marlene sounded genuinely sorry for her friend.
“I’m the heir! They can’t. They won’t-” and while part of that statement felt freeing, knowing that they’d never let him be the heir now that he was an omega, not in the way that would force him to wielding power in circles he disagreed with, it was terrifying for another reason. Would they marry him off? Or would they toss him aside entirely?
“Breathe, Sirius.” Lily’s tone cut through the panic. Sirius hadn't realized how heavily he’d started breathing until then. He hadn’t realized how close to the hospital wing they were already.
“You’ll be alright, mate. Pomrfrey will make sure you’re safe and comfortable.” Marlene was being nice and reassuring, which meant Sirius must really look bad. “And you’re welcome for the braids. You’ll thank me in a few days, I promise.”
Sirius didn’t fight when he was brought to the hospital wing. He found that he was actually expected. So that’s what Marlene had been doing? Sirius felt warm and happy about that, but knowing that he’d managed to worry his friends this much had him worried now too. He couldn’t do anything about it though. Even if he tried to deny it, he was going to be staying in the hospital wing overnight for observation.
Sirius ended up needing to stay for four nights.
Just as they’d promised, Marlene and Lily were waiting for Sirius when he was discharged from the hospital wing. Much like when he’d been admitted, Sirius looked exhausted. He was freshly bathed and clothed in a clean uniform. He smiled as he greeted his friends. He gave both of them a hug, he owed them a lot for all they had done for him.
“So, obviously, the boys know.” Marlene said as they walked back towards the dorms. It was dinner time, so the halls were mostly clear.
“We’ve already given them the talk. They should be nice to you but if they cross any lines, let us know.” Lily chimed in.
Marlene interrupted, “We’ll castrate them.”
“We’re serious,”
“No, I’m Sirius” he interrupted. Marlene laughed.
“Oh, you are feeling better.”
Sirius felt better with Marlene and Lily. He felt better when around them. He was safe with them. They were better friends than he’d realized. Sirius felt himself feeling much less brave as they approached the portrait to their common room.
“We told James absolutely no party, okay? If he so much as has a party popper for you…” Lily seemed genuinely upset. He worried about what his mates actually thought. He hadn’t worried about that until now. He hadn’t really thought about much of anything recently. It was hard to think during heat.
He walked up to his dorm with as much confidence as he could muster. Despite having been stuck in bed for the past four days, Sirius was still exhausted. He hadn’t realized how horribly tiring a heat cycle was. Hopefully his friends were at dinner and he could have some time alone to himself.
Sirius was not so lucky.
“Welcome back!” James cheered as Sirius opened his dorm room door. There were no party poppers or banners, but James looked ready to party. Sirius did his best to smile at him.
“How are you feeling?” Remus asked.
“Was it painful? Do you remember it?” James pestered.
Sirius felt electricity bolt down his spine. He wasn’t prepared for so many questions. He didn’t know where to start.
“Will you need to take suppressants?” Peter chimed in.
“You’ll be staying in our dorm, right?” Remus worried.
James added in. “Did they write your parents?”
Tears pricked at Sirius’s eyes. It was too much, he didn’t know. He didn’t know what this meant or what would come. He hadn’t thought about that yet, Madame Pomfrey wouldn’t let him. He hadn't thought he’d have to think so much so soon. He couldn’t think this much. While Peter and Remus were sitting in their beds, James was standing in the center of the room.
Sirius pushed past James and threw himself into his bed. He pulled the curtains around him and did his best to forget about everything. He burrowed his way under his blankets and put his pillow over his head. He tried so hard not to cry, but these fucking hormones were ridiculous and he was overwhelmed. While he couldn’t stop himself from emoting, he did do his best to be quiet. He was too tired to think of a silencing spell.
It was several minutes of heavy silence later before Remus suggested they go grab dinner and leave Sirius to be. Sirius cried himself to sleep.
It was much darker when Sirius woke up next, he was disoriented and parched. Sirius pushed himself up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He stretched, and winced as he used muscles in ways he shouldn’t. He drew the curtain near his bed and noticed a glass of water and two chocolates sitting on his side table.
Sirius smiled. He finished the water quickly but he savored the chocolates. He usually wasn’t big on sweets, but they were his two favorites of Remus’s fancy chocolates. His fancy chocolates. Was he worrying about Sirius?
The new omega crept out of his bed and padded across the bedroom. He paused next to Remus’s bed. He took a deep breath, then reached to tap Remus’s shoulder.
“Moony, are you awake?”
Remus grumbled. It took him a few moments to rouse to consciousness, but once he realized it was Sirius who was standing over him he blinked himself awake quicker. “Hmm? Sirius? Are you alright?”
Sirius didn’t answer, not at first. Maybe it was just the sleep in his voice, but Sirius felt like he could hear concern from the other. It felt nice. Sirius had to try several times before he was able to swallow the lump in his throat but eventually he was able to speak.
“Thank you for the chocolates. And the water.”
Each moment of silence had increased Remus’s anxiety tenfold. When Sirius finally spoke, only to thank him for his sorry we were dicks gift, Remus couldn’t help but soften. He rested halfway upright on his elbow.
“Of course. I’m glad you liked them.” They sat in silence for a few more moments. Remus could feel that Sirius was holding something back, he couldn’t help but worry. He’d been nothing but worry for the past four days. “How are you feeling?”
There was that gentle concern again. Fuck. He’d been told that his hormones would be different now. That he’d be sensitive for a few days, that it would take him a while to get used to the balance. Stupid tears pricked at his eyes again. Sirius couldn’t hold them back. He sniffed, Remus sat upright. Sirius had to practice swallowing the lump in his throat down again.
“Can I stay with you tonight?” his voice cracked, he rubbed his eyes. Sirius had stayed with Remus after bad moons sometimes. After nightmares, they’d found comfort in each other too. Still, something about asking Remus this time made Sirius feel so small.
Remus’s arms were already reaching out towards him. Sirius was quick to curl up in the space Remus had made for him. His face fell into the other’s chest as he tried to stifle his sobs. Remus pulled the curtains around his bed closed to give them some privacy. He pulled the covers back over them and wrapped his arms around the Sirius. He let Sirius cry.
“It’s going to be alright.” He promised. Just like their first ever night at Hogwarts when Sirius was afraid of being sorted wrong, Remus did his best to comfort Sirius from anxieties he'd be happier to not understand. Just like that night, his heart broke for his starlight.
Lily had been the one to break the news about Sirius’s condition to him. She’d also shared some of the anxieties he had. Remus understood why Sirius was so scared, he was scared for him too. He hated to see Sirius so anxious but he was honored that Sirius had chosen him to come to.
Sirius’s arms wrapped around Remus. They gave him a tight squeeze. Sirius whimpered.
Remus’s lips pressed to the top of Sirius’s head. “Can I play with your hair?”
The sniffling paused and Remus finally got to see Sirius’s eyes. They were tear stained and puffy. Remus cradled Sirius’s cheek and wiped at the tears.
“Y-you want to play with my hair?”
Remus nodded. He gave Sirius an easy smile. “Will that make things better?”
Sirius wanted to cry again but for a much warmer reason this time. Remus not only wanted to help, but he knew how, and he asked first. He nodded, scooting closer so that he could rest his head on the other’s shoulder.
“Is this helping?” Remus whispered after several minutes of laying there, Remus’s hands massaging Sirius’s scalp.
Sirius yawned in response and nodded. Remus was so, so calming. He had no idea how he did it. He didn’t know that Remus was thinking much the same about Sirius’s presence.
Sirius was able to fall back asleep not long later. There was still so much to think and worry about in the morning but he didn’t let himself worry about it now. Remus was here, he was comfortable, and he was determined to help. Sirius trusted that no matter what happened in the future he would be alright. Remus might not be able to prevent him from what his new reality might hold, but he would always be able to play with Sirius's hair. That would always make things a bit better.