Devotion was a fickle thing.
Remus always thought he wouldn’t have to worry about where Sirius was held in retrospect. He always thought he was as loyal as a dog, in the best words to put it. Sirius molded himself into his image despite his parents and upbringing. While Sirius still had those defining Black family traits, Remus never thought he would stray from him.
Remus never thought he would find himself being woken up after the full moon to find out what Snape had found out. He never thought he’d find himself knowing that it was Sirius of all people who told Snape. Remus never thought himself to be a cruel person, and if he was, he had never wished for that tendency to be brought out in Sirius.
It had been several weeks of watching Sirius scrounge and beg. In a way that Remus didn’t think was possible, he was a Black after all, Black’s didn’t beg or cry. They simply took what they thought was theirs. A trait that Sirius was never able to knock. Remus couldn’t find a place to make the rage of betrayal run too or make the longing for his ex-lover dissipate. He was tempted to continue watching the scene play out in front of him: Sirius’ sleep-deprived eyes, skittishness, the weight loss that was becoming more obvious, the complete change in character.
He almost felt bad.
Almost.
If he didn’t have the constant thought that he was and would be no better than Greyback had James not stepped in, he may feel more bad about it.
It was bad enough that he was a monster, and now knowing that Sirius, someone he trusted more than anything in the world, thought that too, it was too much. Not to mention that the beast side of him noticed that Padfoot wasn’t around, and it showed on his body.
James and Peter brought that fact up after the last moon when ‘Moony’ decided he needed to ram into everything while calling out for his canine companion. It wasn’t until James and Peter brought up their concern about Sirius and where he would go for winter break that Remus finally conceded to forgiving the boy.
Devotion was a fickle thing, indeed.
He caught Sirius a day or so after he gave in to the idea of forgiveness. Convincing James and Peter that they didn't need to be there for the conversation took a lot of work. It wasn’t impossible, though. James was practicing for the next quidditch against Slytherin, and Peter was at Hogsmeade with Marlene grabbing sweets and getting butterbeer. Sirius was huddled with an open book, a sight that he wasn’t used to. Sirius usually had to be forced to study or do his homework. Remus knew the boy didn’t need to study; Sirius was the type of person to get perfect scores without trying.
Sirius looked up, hearing someone enter the room, and froze like a deer in headlights when he saw Remus closing the door. Remus had yet to be left in the same room with Sirius unattended. He wasn’t to pull his ears to hear Sirius’ breathing or the flutter in the boys’ chest when there was nothing to distract him. He often thought the intensity of his hearing was a gift. Once in a room, Remus was able to pick Sirius out of a crowd. Now the enhanced hearing was just another curse.
Remus thought about his next moves. Remus is debating having this conversion now in general. He was already having a rough day, and he wasn’t sure this was going to make it any better. He used to not even question having a conversation with Sirius. He used to be able to just go into his bed and cuddle up until all his bad thoughts went away. Suddenly, that’s all he wanted—to have Sirius in his orbit again, back in his arms, letting the world around them crumble like nothing even mattered. He watched Sirius start packing his stuff up.
“I’ll go,” Sirius said finally.
“No,” Remus almost choked out. Sirius paused, watching as Remus kicked his shoes off and threw his book on his bed. Remus could feel his own heart pounding, deciding if this was happening. Sirius was going to be wrapped in his arms. It wasn’t for Sirius; it was for him. He wanted -needed- it that way.
“Mo- Remus. Really, I can go.” Sirius sputtered out, packing more of his stuff into his bag. Remus couldn’t help himself when he grabbed Sirius’ bag and practically threw it across the room. It was ridiculous. Remus finally wanted him here, and now he wanted to leave. It didn’t make sense. He watched Sirius flinch slightly as the bag landed with a thud, and Sirius looked up at Remus with this facial expression that made Remus want to cry even more now. “R-Remus? I’m sorry. I didn’t know you’d be back now. I’m sorry. I’ll go.”
“Shut up,” was all Remus could manage as he pulled Sirius forward, some by the shirt, and put himself behind Sirius, wrapping his arms around him once settled. “Please. Just shut up.” He croaked out into his neck.
It took several minutes of pure shock before Sirius found himself fully relaxing into Moony’s arms. Gripping onto the sleeves of Remus’ sweater. He wondered if he was hallucinating. A brief moment of peace in a dream before finally being forced to wake up to a nightmare. He wasn’t sure this wasn’t a hallucination the longer Remus sat behind him, holding onto Sirius like he was the last bit of chocolate in his never-ending stash. Merlin knows how long Sirius wished for his Moony to hold him again as if he mattered.
Sirius knew that there would be bruising on him with the way Moony was gripping him tight, but he couldn’t seem to find it in himself to care about that. He just laid there limp in Remus’ arm, tears begging to fall.
"Why'd you do it, pads?” Remus whimpered into his neck. The breath that Sirius let out was shaky as he gripped Remus harder. Hearing the nickname he hadn’t heard in what felt like years out of Remus’ mouth.
“I...I didn’t-..” Sirius paused, trying to find the words. After a moment, all he could let out was a small “Regulus.” Remus pulled his face out of Sirius’s neck. His hand travels up to grip Sirius’ chin and make him look Remus in the eyes. Sirius looked all over the werewolf’s face. He never thought that the hard, cold eyes would ever be the ones being used on him. Yet those were the ones being used on him for the last couple of months. Right now, though, those weren’t being used to look at him, and he was grateful for it.
“What about Regulus?” Remus’ thumb danced across his cheekbone.
Sirius leaned into the touch before taking in a deep breath and trying again: ”Snape already knew you were a werewolf. He just wanted hard proof of that fact. I wasn’t going to say anything. Remus, honest, I wasn’t.” Sirius searched Remus’ face once again before closing his eyes. “He wanted to know where you transformed, and I played stupid. Then he brought up Regulus and said, It would be a shame if it got out that my parents were abusive.” Sirius opens his eyes to look back at his Moony. “My parents would have killed Reggie, hurt him, or sent him away.” Remus nodded in understanding before looking away. Sirius turned in Remus’ arms, hesitantly cupping his face in his hand and making Remus look at him. While the other hand gripped his shoulder. “I… I wasn’t thinking... I didn’t think he’d go there during the full, and I didn’t even think to obliviate him until after he’d already left.” Sirius didn’t realize tears had left his eyes until Remus wiped away some of them.
“You broke my trust, pads.” Remus started. “I get it. I do... Or maybe I don’t. He’s your brother. All I have is you guys.” Remus, too, had hot, wet tears streaming down his face.
“I know... I know. I know. I'm sorry.” Sirius felt like someone was stepping on his chest. Both hands are now cupping Remus’ face. His beautiful, constellated face is full of freckles and scars. Sirius spent too many nights and days memorizing his captivating, flawless face. Remus might have had trouble looking at himself, but Sirius didn’t. Sirius thought his entire being was divine and sacred. It took the breath out of his lungs most days and gave him air when there was none left. “I’ll spend the rest of forever trying to make it up to you. I’m a stupid, idiotic asshole. Who doesn’t deserve the same air as you. I know I don’t deserve to be forgiven-” Sirius was stopped.
“I forgive you” Remus spoke pushing hair out of Sirius' face. That made Sirius choke on a sob.
“Please don’t… I don’t deserve it. Please..” Sirius begged. Remus scoffed at the audacity.
“That's not for you to decide. I wanted space, and you gave it to me.” Sirius shook his head, pulling away.
“I don’t-” Sirius didn’t finish his sentence as Remus pulled him back into his arms. Holding onto the boy tightly.
“I’m not forgetting... You fucked up... Baddly… You’ve got a lot of ground to recover and fix. You can’t do that if I’m not open to it, right?” Sirius nodded into his chest. “I’m open to it now. Okay?” Sirius mumbled a soft Okay. There was a pause between the sniffles and tears. “And we're going to get Regulus out of that fucking house too,” Remus promised more to himself than Sirius.
Sirius shook his head and cried harder. “He’s not going to want to leave.” Remus wiped his tears with the sleeves of his sweater.
“Then it’s a good thing I’m not against kidnapping.” Sirius chuckled at that and held harder onto Remus.
Remus wasn’t sure how long they stayed in each other's arms, but he was sure Sirius cried himself to sleep. He tried getting Sirius to calm down, not wanting to make himself sick but Sirius just kept crying. Remus' sweater had slouchy wets spot from his and Sirius' tears. He knew he should get up change and shower to get ready for dinner after missing lunch, but then Remus would look down at Sirius and thought a couple more minutes wouldn't hurt. Remus wasn’t exactly in the mood to move away from his star. Eventually, James and Peter came back into the dorm rather cautiously.
“He’s not dead. Is he?” Pete questioned him, which made James slap him upside the head. “Ow! It was a reasonable question!” Remus rolled his eyes and wiped the tear crust from his eyes as Pete hit Prongs back.
“If Padfoot was dead, Do you honestly think Remus would still be holding a dead body?” James hit Wormy in the same spot as before.
“You never know, maybe Moony is into some weird stuff.” Remus practically choked out a laugh.
“I'm sorry to tell you, Pete, while I might be into weird stuff. Necrophilia is nowhere near that list.” Remus rubbed small circles onto Sirius’ back.
“Oh! Gross Remus.” Peter faked a gag. “Maybe don’t talk about shagging while I’m here. Thank you very much.” Peter did a shiver of disgust.
“You brought it up!” Remus groaned more loudly than he meant to making Sirius wake up some. Sirius rubbed his face and grumbled looking at Peter and James before, dramatically stuffing his face back into Remus’ chest. A small oof left Remus before he couldn’t help but laugh. Sirius didn’t enjoy being woken up that much hadn’t changed in the past couple of months.
“Sooo..” James started. “Are you guys good now or?” James looked at Remus with vigor. Remus nodded in response. “Good...Good..good.” James nodded and said more to himself. “That's great though cause Pete and I one hundred percent don’t want to wake sleeping beauty for dinner.”
Remus groaned, ”No!”
James smiled, ”That's all you mate, BYE!” Grabbing Peter and booking it out the door.
There was a moment of silence before Remus sighed and pushed Sirius' out of his face.
"You guys are pricks. I'm not sleeping beauty..If anything that's you or wormy." Remus rolled his eyes at the statement.
"Oh sure! Cause you're such a sweety if you don't get your minimum of 9 hours." Remus retorted sarcastically. Sirius whined and covered his face with his hands.
"That's normal, you people don't sleep. You go into comas. Your new name should be Remus-sleep for 30 hours straight-Lupin. At least mine is average time" Remus chuckled as he played with Sirius' hair before tugging it lightly. He listened as Sirius' breath hitched in response.
"C'mon get up. You need food." Sirius shook his head. "Don't shake your head at me. Up."
"You're so warm though."
"The faster we get there and eat the faster we'll be back." Remus stated.
"I can come back?" Sirius questioned looking at Remus' face with what would be considered puppy eyes.
"Yes but if you make me miss dinner then no," Sirius finally sat up at that.
"Promise?"
"Promise."