These same grey walls
“Been sitting eyes wide open behind these four walls, hoping you'd call
It's just a cruel existence like there's no point hoping at all.”
For the hundredth time in the last eleven years and 11 months, Remus Lupin sat on his bed with his head in his hands. Everything had remained the same. He was fighting the same war, shagging the same Grant, returning to the same grey walls. And most of all, his time was spent missing the same person. Sirius Black. After all those years in which Remus had believed him to be a blessing, his name had begun to feel like a curse on his tongue.
Sometimes a curse and a blessing could be the same thing he deduced, because after all that had happened, he still wished for Sirius to show up at his doorstep. Every second of time he had free, he had spent waiting for his lover to return. But he was confused with himself.
Why did he even want Sirius to reappear?
After all the crimes he had committed, would he even be able to look him in the eye?
Oh well. He quit the questioning and returned to sulking, it was somewhat easier.
A pitiful existence he was reduced to. Wallowing in a sorrow that really, had no business continuing to haunt his miserable excuse of a life. If he was being honest, he didn’t know why he held on to the idea that Sirius would appear one day, sporting a cocky grin and acting as if nothing had happened. In the fantasy he so often found himself in, Remus heard Sirius’s mellifluous voice asking
“Alright there moony?”
And oh, how mad he would be, for the insolent prat had not only murdered his best friends, but had also spent years withering away in Azkaban. Yet he was asking Remus if he was ok, like the caring bugger he was.
Of course, he knew that this would never happen.
Of course he did.