The Age Old Curse
My heart aches inside my chest as my feet drudge through the mud. It’s
hard to walk in the rain but I don’t really care. I just want to be home. THe rain beats down hard on my head and blurs my vision. It’s definitely the rain that’s making it hard to see.
There’s a persistent ache in my chest and I can’t seem to shake the feeling that I’m making the wrong choice. But it doesn’t matter. I only care about getting home. And not the farm, home. I miss magic, I miss the Wizarding World. I miss Malfoy Manor, and I miss being a real wizard. I know that Theo wants to go home too and I can’t blame him. Everything with Sebastian really fucked him up, and the same thing is happening to me and Iris.
Great, we can wallow in stupid misery together. I get back to the farm after like an hour of walking in the dark and rain. I’m shivering and freezing, cursing the goddamn weather. Theo doesn’t even ask when I climb into the loft dripping wet. He just rolls over in bed and goes back to sleep. What a great friend.
That night, I lie awake, thinking over where everything went wrong. Why the fuck did she have to bring up my parents? I didn’t wanna talk about that, and still don’t. Especially not with her. She was raised by someone kind and caring. And I was raised by… monsters. And it shows. How could I sit there and talk to her about my family and the horrific ways I was brought up while she had bared her soul to me about her amazing and brave mother? A part of me bubbled with secret jealousy too. Her mother had seemed to care, seemed to have genuinely wanted the best for her children and done everything and anything she could to achieve that.
If I was to talk to her about my parents who raised me to spit on people like her, she would never look at me the same. It was better this way.
At least that is what I told myself as I rolled over in bed and tried to sleep, despite the heavy feeling on my chest, like I’d just lost something of great value. Perhaps I had.
The week drags by in a blur of rain, work, and sleep. It seems the weather is reflecting Theo and I’s bad moods, and continues to rain for the rest of the week. It does mean we get a slight break from some of the chores however. This is a welcome change, but soon enough Emily puts us to work inside the barn, cleaning. We attempt to rid the stalls of cobwebs and work on cleaning all of the water buckets. For two days, we are tasked with cleaning all of the riding equipment. The smell of leather cleaner is strong and pungent as we work in silence. Iris has been avoiding me completely, something I’m simultaneously grateful for and regretful of. I should probably apologise to her but I don’t know how. She is the kindest, sweetest person that I know. And I am… me.
Theo and I work in silence as I continue to ponder exactly how bad I fucked up. I can’t lie, I miss Iris. I miss our talks, sharing our magical knowledge and learning about her life. I miss when she would giggle at a poorly attempted joke from me, or when I didn’t know how to do something properly, and she would march over and instruct me, showing me how with her own hands. My mind wanders to her hands, small but strong. I imagine them sliding into my hair, tugging at my head, and tracing my face. A flicker of anger sparks in my stomach, at myself, for pushing that away.
I know Iris means well. She’s the fucking woman that took a chance on two ex-Death Eaters for fuck’s sake. I know better than to think she would have judged me. And I definitely should have known better than to be so cruel to her. I hang my head, my hand dropping to my side. Theo barely glances up from the saddle he is cleaning. His mood has been just as foul as mine; if not worse. Sebastian has not even shown up to work for several days. Theo has been acting like he would rather be anywhere else than near Sebastian, but now that he is not here, Theo is more depressed than ever. He barely eats (which is very rare for Theo), and he spends any time he isn’t doing chores in bed, or sitting by the bonfire pit. I can tell that Theo is struggling and I want to be there for him. But I am barely keeping myself together, so all I can offer him is an accomplice in his misery. We continue to clean in silence, the unspoken truth between us hanging heavily in the air.
I miss Iris. He misses Sebastian. We’re lonely. Neither of us will say this out loud of course. That doesn’t make it any less true. Iris’s outfits and bright blue eyes were the best part of my day, as pathetic as that sounds. She brought a kind of light to the situation we’re in and now I find myself in the dark, missing her warmth more than ever. I’m pulled back to a particular memory of her holding the big chicken- Milo- in her arms.
“She’s not scary, she won’t bite!”
“Yeah, I don’t know,” I mused. “I just don’t think it likes me.”
“Well maybe if you made a bit more of an effort with her, she would get more used to you. Here, why don’t you hold her?” Iris asked, shifting the chicken in her arms.
“What?? Are you insane? Fuck no I’m not holding that!”
“Draco it’s fine, she won’t hurt you-”
“Uh uh, fuck that,” I rushed out, scrambling back a few steps. She laughed and my eyebrows furrowed in indignation. “Are you laughing at me right now?”
“Yes, look at this!” she giggled. “The great Draco Malfoy, brought down by a chicken!” She doubled over laughing, still clutching the cursed bird. I felt a flicker of pride roar in my chest at her words.
“Fine, fine give it here-” I started, walking towards her and holding out my arms. But as I approached, the chicken began shrieking and flapping its enormous wings, sending feathers everywhere.
“NOPE, NOPE FUCK THAT!” I scream, running as fast as I can away from Iris and speeding out of the chicken run. Her peals of laughter accompanied me the whole day, along with some light teasing and giggling. I pretended to be outraged, but really I was just mesmerised by her smile. I was glad that I could make her smile.
I’m brought back to reality with a crash as I realise that I miss her smiles. And the last time I spoke to her, I made her cry. I close my eyes while that realisation brings me physical pain, my chest hurting from the weight of my actions. I need to find a way to make it up to her and apologise, because what I did was fucking shitty. Unfortunately, that requires being vulnerable and opening up, something I am not looking forward to. But I know I have to, I just need to find the right time.
The moon reflects softly off of the water, only sparse ripples disrupting the image every now and then. I sit on the bank, my arms wrapped around my knees as I stare at the water. In my head, I see the magic that she did to show me the stars. I still think that might have been the most impressive magic I’ve ever seen; bringing together the magic of wizards and the magic of the world. I twiddle my fingers, wishing I had my wand to practise the spell. I want to know how to do that, perhaps it could help with the grand apology I came out here to plan. Theo was dead asleep when I left, so I have all night to sit out here and think of a way to get Iris back.
Not that I had her before, but just to get back to where we were. It has been nearly two months into this punishment and she and I are finally getting somewhere. I tuck my chin on top of my knees and sigh deeply. The night is silent, disturbed only by the chirp of the crickets. I don’t know Iris well enough to know what kind of grand gesture she would most appreciate. But I know that she loves animals and the memory of her mother. My brain reels, thinking about purchasing her a chicken or something to name after her mother. Would that be going too far? Would she be more upset with me? My head spins as I get lost in my thoughts, weighing the pros and the cons of this idea.
The silence is broken by the snap of a branch incredibly close to me. I jump up, my heart racing. I remind myself that it could just be a wild animal, but my years in the war have taught me never to be caught off guard. I don’t have my wand, but I have myself. I cautiously approach the source of the noise, my hands raised. If I have to defend myself against a wizard, I probably won’t last long. But I would not be a Malfoy if I did not go down fighting. The sound is coming from the other side of the willow tree leaves and I approach quietly. I plan to jump through the leaves and catch them by surprise. I leap quickly through the leaves, tearing the dense branch aside.
Iris whips around in shock, dropping the bouquet of flowers she was holding. She lets out a quick scream before she realises it’s me, and then she rolls her eyes.
“Merlin's pants you scared the shit out of me Draco!” she cries reproachfully. “What are you doing sneaking around here late at night?”
“ME??” I ask, incensed. “You’re the one who walked over here and snuck into the tree!” My heart rate begins to return to normal and I survey her, my eyes roaming over her pretty white nightdress.
“I live here,” she says, crossing her arms. “I am allowed to be wherever I want, whenever I want.”
“What are the flowers for?” I ask. She bends to pick up the bouquet of daisies at my words.
“None of your business,” she replies flatly. I smirk.
“Fine, I’ll just sit here shall I?” I make my way over to the bench and sit on it. Her eyes flash with irritation and she steps towards me.
“Get off.”
“No,” I reply firmly.
“Ugh why do you have to be SUCH an arse?” she cries exasperatedly.
“Iris,” I stand quickly. This wasn’t how I wanted to do this, but it will do. “Iris I am so sorry for what I said at the bar, I cannot apologise enough. I was out of line, but most importantly, I was scared.” I take a deep breath and gauge her facial expression before continuing. “I was afraid that you would judge me for my past, something in its own that I must apologise for as well. I know that you don’t hold that against me, and I am eternally grateful for that. My parents are… well a touchy subject. Irregardless, what I said to you was cruel and unkind and it should never have happened. I was a dick and it’s a habit I have to kick. I have been wracking my brains trying to come up with an adequate apology to express how fucking sorry I am. Please, please tell me what I can do to earn your forgiveness.”
I feel tears springing to my eyes but I push them down. I have known Iris for barely two months, why am I so emotional over this? But they threaten to fall when my shameful gaze meets Iris’s and I see tears spilling down her own cheeks.
She takes a step closer to me, her eyes wide.
“Draco… that was… I forgive you.”
“You do??” I ask, stunned. I wasn’t expecting it to go so smoothly.
“You speak like poetry,” she says quietly, staring intensely into my eyes. “No one has ever spoken to me like that before.”
“You really mean it? You forgive me?” I ask, shaking my head slightly.
“Yes,” she says simply. Another tear drops from her eye and I fight the urge to step forward and wipe it from her face.
“I missed you,” is all I say, my tone soft.
“I missed you too.”
She flings herself forward, her arms opening for a hug. But in her haste, she loses her balance and instead, topples into me. I grab onto her as I struggle to keep us both upright, my hands gripping her waist and shoulders. Her person presses into me and I quickly adjust us so that she’s standing directly in front of me. I look down to make sure she’s alright and am met by her wide eyed gaze, her face closer than it’s ever been. Her bright blue eyes search mine, and I see her plump lips part in surprise as she takes in how close we are as well.
And then her hands, the ones I daydreamed about, raise to my face. Her thumb strokes softly over my skin and I can’t help but lean into the touch. My eyes flutter closed as she rubs her thumb back and forth over my cheek. She lets out a soft, contented sigh and I feel it on my lips. My eyes snap open and drop to her mouth, inches from mine. I could just lean forward and touch my lips to hers. My chest buzzes with attraction, with need. Her chest rises and falls with her breathing, my hands still planted on her waist.
A large croak from a frog breaks our trance. In fact, the sound startles us both and she jumps out of my arms while I turn my head quickly towards the sound. The spell of the moment is broken and now my anxiety rushes in. What was that? Were we going to kiss? Did she want me to kiss her? Was she mad that I didn’t kiss her? And we just got to being friends, was now really the best time to explore this?
“I’m gonna.. I’m gonna go,” I say lamely. She turns back towards me, smiling. She doesn’t look angry at least.
“Okay, goodnight Draco.”
Hearing her say my name again feels like medicine on an open wound. I grin, and quickly depart, feeling myself blushing all over. I’m determined not to embarrass myself anymore tonight, so I don’t look back as I walk away from the biggest temptation I’ve ever felt in my entire life.
I softly push open the barn door and quietly walk in. All of the lights are off and the darkness surrounds me. I try my best to be stealthy as I hurry up the stairs and slowly push open the door at the top. The wood creaks slightly and I curse under my breath. I really don’t want to wake up Theo and have to explain where I’ve been, especially knowing the state he is in. I inch the door open further and slide into the pitch black room. I am so focused on making my way to my bed with no noise, I don’t notice the absence of Theo’s usual deep, heavy breaths. That is until I reach my bed and glance over at his to make sure he is still asleep.
Theo’s bed is completely empty. I reel back, shocked. What the fuck? Where is he?
Just as my mind reels, the door opens. Light peeks through the crack and I turn to see Theo frozen on the spot, his eyes connecting with mine. He looks flushed and sweaty, and his eyes dart to my shoes, still on my feet.
I move first, sitting down on the bed to remove my shoes. Theo follows suit, setting down a lit lantern on the bedside table.
“Um, where were you?” I ask, eyeing him curiously.
“On a run. Where were you?” he fires back.
“On a run,” I answer. Our eyes don’t meet as we both swing our legs into bed. I have a sneaking suspicion that Theo is not telling the truth, probably due to the fact that I’m not being honest either.
Perhaps he even knows it too. But we don’t acknowledge it, instead, Theo just says, “Goodnight,” and we lay in our beds, silent.
He reaches over and extinguishes the lantern, plunging both us liars into darkness.