Every Scar Has Its Secrets

He smoked the rest of the pack before getting up, he was late, but didn't really give a shit. He can deal with detention, it wouldn't be too bad.

The greenhouse went quiet when he walked in, everyone's attention falling on him. He smelled like smoke, his hair was thrown messily into a bun held up by his wand, his tie was loose, and he missed at least half of the class. “Sorry professor.” He mumbled, taking his spot next to Remus.

“Weeks detention.” Professor Sprout said loudly, clearly confused.

“You alright?” Remus asked him, putting a hand on his arm.

“Yeah fine.”

Everyone was still staring at him. The whole situation made him want to curl up in a corner and die.

“Bastards.” He said under his breath, looking at the paper Remus was working on, his handwriting was messy and barely legible, he was shaky too, way more than normal. The paper was almost finished, identifying flowers and their uses. The same shit they've been working on since second year.

“Your brothers looking for you.” James said, not looking up.

“The hell does he want?” Sirius leaned back against the wall of the greenhouse, crossing his arms over his chest.

James shrugged and looked at him. “Didn't say anything. Just asked where you were.”

“What’d you tell him?”

“Moony told him. Said you were probably by the lake and if he couldn't find you to come back here.”

“You told him I was…” He paused, looking over at Remus. “...Moony what the fuck?”

“I told him the truth, didn't i? He seemed worried. Didn't think you’d care.” Remus put down his quill and looked at him.

“God dammit. Was it just him or were the girls wi-”

He cut him off. “Just him. He needed you for something. Sounded urgent. He looked scared. I was trying to help. Didn't think it’d be an issue.”

“No, it's fine. Sorry. I’ll go find him.”

“Mr. Black you are not to leave this room. Your detention sentence doubles if you do.” Professor sprout chimed in, bringing everyone's attention to her.

“I don’t know if you understand how my family works, with you being a half-blood hufflepuff and all that bullshit, but I'd rather not get my ass beat if this is something important involving my parents. Double my sentences if you want. Now please, kindly get the fuck out of my way so i can go find my brother.” Sirius shot back, walking out of the greenhouses.

He knows making a scene won’t change anything, and he's only proving the point he wants to get away from, but making people hate him and acting like the rest of his family is better than his mother finding out he was ignoring family things.

Regulus was walking back towards the greenhouses when Sirius found him.

“What's wrong, what do you need?” Sirius asked him as he walked up to him.

“You’re so fucking stupid Sirius. Mother’s gonna kill your ass.”

“Why? What did I do?”

“A fucking broom closet? With Remus? On the night of a full? And you thought no one would notice?” Regulus whisper yelled, walking back towards the castle. Sirius ran to catch up with him.

“Wait, you know about that? We didn't think anyone was around. And why the hell would you tell her?”

“Me and Cissa worked it out after the party. That's not the point. I didn't say shit. She wouldn't tell me who it was but it was someone from the sacred. She wants me to tell her what I know about it now and if she thinks I'm lying she's taking both of us home for a while.” He kept looking around as he was talking, making sure no one could hear them.

“Shit.” He sat down and leaned against the wall of the castle. “Shit.”

“It’ll be fine right? I’ll tell her that you guys are close but I never heard anything about you dating. She shouldnt suspect anything from that. We aren’t supposed to talk to each other. It’ll be fine.”

“Reg shut up.” Sirius snapped, not looking at Regulus.

“What? Sirius I-“

“I said shut up.” He paused, standing up and walking back to the greenhouses. “Tell her the truth. Tell her what you know. I’ll handle it from there.”

“But Sirius, she'll be mad at you.”

“I know. She’s gonna do it anyway. There's no way to get myself out of it. But I can get you out of it. Tell her the truth.”

“I…alright…be careful though?”

“Yeah. I’ll be fine.”

He walked back to the greenhouse slowly, playing with his necklace and counting his steps, avoiding eye contact when he walked back in.

“Didn’t think you were coming back.” One of the Ravenclaws laughed as he took his spot.

“Fuck off.” Sirius mumbled back, filling out the assignment and turning it in right before the period ended.

“What did Reg want?” Remus asked as they walked back to the castle.

“Don't worry about it. It’s fine. I’m bunking off the rest of the day. You coming with me?”

“Yeah. You aren’t gonna tell me are you?” He was worried. He was quiet and walking slower than normal.

“Nope. It wasn’t anything important.” He smiled, trying to make him believe him.

Lying was never something Sirius was good at. He never got away with it at home because of the legilimency, and he never learned how to be good at it with someone who isn't a legilimen. He knew Remus didn’t believe him, but if Remus knew what was going on, if he knew what Walburga was doing, he’d try to fix it. He’d try and make it better, he always said he would fix things, but with Walburga, with any of them, it wasn’t something to fix. It’s something you have to deal with. Something you learn to tune out. It was easier that way.

“Okay. Promise you’re alright though?”

“Promise. I’m fine.”

He nodded and they walked to the common room quietly, trying to avoid being seen by a teacher or anyone that would rat them out.

“We gotta stop skipping classes all the time. I know you like to piss off your mom and shit but we’re gonna fail if we keep doing this.” Remus laughed, collapsing on one of the couches.

“I think we’ll be alright. You’ll still beat everyone in everything in exams and I get closer to not being heir.” Sirius smiled, laying down on top of Remus and kissing him quickly.

“You're an asshole.”

“You like me though.”

Remus laughed again and looked over at the fireplace. “Yeah. I do. A lot.”

“Don’t get all sappy. I like pissy Remus better. He’s hotter.” Sirius said casually, laying his head down on Remus’ chest.

“I…You…Sirius what the fuck.” Remus stuttered, sitting up a little bit.

“Shut up.” Sirius rolled his eyes, kissing him and laying his head back down. “I’m tired.”

“Bitch.” Remus smiled, playing with his hair.

“Your bitch.” Sirius mumbled, squeezing Remus tighter.

“I’ll kill you.”

“I’m alright with that option.”

“God dammit. I'm never gonna win, am i?”

“Nope. I'm better.”

“I hate you.”

“Mhmm. Sure.”

Remus sighed and wrapped his arms over Sirius’ back, tracing circles on his shoulder blades until he fell asleep.

“James, I told you! Somethings going on with them!”

“Shut up about it Peter. Maybe there is, but if they don't want to tell us it's their decision. They’ll tell us when they're ready. They wouldn’t hide something that big for too long.”

This has become more common for James and Peter, yelling at each other over every little thing.

“James he hid shit about his family for fucking years.”

“Good for him? Peter the fuck do you want me to do.”

“Both of you shut the fuck up. He’s asleep.” Remus chimed in.

“But…”

“Drop it Peter.”

“Sorry.”

Sirius still pretended to be asleep. Remus would get worried about him if he knew he heard what Peter said. Remus had enough to worry about. Sirius didn't need to add to the list. He squeezed Remus a little tighter and buried his face into his shirt more than before. They were still in their uniforms, Remus’ robes draped over Sirius like a blanket.

“Is he alright?” James asked softly. Remus shook his head and played with Sirius’ hair again.

“Somethings up. He wont talk. I don't want to force it out of him but it’s scaring me.” Remus whispered back.

“Yeah. Me too. Normally he’ll at least tell me how being back at that house was, and he won't even mention that. It's like how he was at the beginning of first year.”

James was pacing. His steps were loud and Sirius could almost picture what he looked like. Running his hands through his hair, his tie loose and shirt partially unbuttoned.

“And he hasn't been eating much again.” James continued, quieting his voice even more.

“James.” Remus sighed, sliding out from underneath Sirius.

“James he’ll be okay. I’m working on it. The summer was bad. Really bad. His back was bleeding for days after we got back. He’s scared. He knows stuff. Stuff he wont talk about. I’m trying to figure it out, but I can't promise I'll get anything. I promise he’ll be okay though. I won't let him get as bad as he did.”

Remus had the kind of voice that can calm someone down instantly. Especially when he's making a promise. He speaks softly and slowly, in a way that you can tell he cares, a way you can tell he means every word he says.

“Go upstairs or go take a walk, try not to think about it too much alright? I’ll wake him up and make sure he eats something.” Remus finished, leaning against the arm of the couch.

“Alright. Thank you.” James whispered, walking upstairs.

Remus sat back down on the couch behind Sirius’ legs, rubbing circles on his shoulder.

“Dinner’s soon.” He whispered

“Fuck off.” Sirius mumbled.

Remus laughed slightly and laid back down. “You alright?”

“Yeah. Just tired.”

“Okay. I’ll wake you up for dinner then.” Remus kissed his forehead and played with his hair again as he fell back asleep.

~~~

Sirius woke up to Lily shaking him this time. “Sirius, wake up!” She said, clearly annoyed

“What?” Sirius asked her, curling up tighter.

“Remus told me to wake you up for dinner, you wouldn't wake up though.” She rolled her eyes, standing up.

“Oh…Sorry” He mumbled, sitting up and pulling Remus’ robes off of himself.

“You alright?”

“Yeah. Tell Remus I'll eat later?”

“Okay!” She smiled and left the common room as Sirius slowly made his way upstairs.