Every Scar Has Its Secrets

Sirius stood there in front of the mirror, his hair dripping onto his shoulders as he noticed every part of him he hated. Some of the thing could be covered by a quick glamor charm, others arent hidden as easily. He has going home tomorrow, the home where his real family was. He was going back to Hogwarts.

Earlier that morning, his mother laid out the dress robes he was forced to wear, his ball and chain if you will. He threw on his casual clothes that his mother would've killed him for wearing, sweats and a sweater, one of Remus's sweaters. He exited the bathroom, creeping to Reggie's room. He had not yet thought about what to say. He knocked quietly and waited for him to open the door.

"What do you want Sirius? I'm not allowed to talk to you." Regulus said coldly, standing in the doorway.

"Please Reg. I need a set of your dress robes. For tomorrow. The ones she gave me have a charm on it to keep it Slytherin colors and I can't change it." Sirius whispered back frantically. Regulus grabbed his arm and pulled him into his room.

"Do you know how much trouble you'll be in? Trying to be in public in my clothes. She's gonna fucking kill you Sirius." He whisper yelled through clenched teeth. He closed the door softly, trying not to wake their mother.

“I know. I haven’t fully thought about it, but I'll get through it. Please Regulus I cant show up on that platform in fucking green. I'll get jumped. People will talk, Reggie. She’s already sent howlers telling me to get re-sorted that the entire school heard, I can’t wear the ones I have. please.” He could feel the tears welling in his eyes, growing bloodshot, hoping Regulus didn't notice.

Regulus placed his hand on Sirius’ shoulder pity in his gray eyes. “Sirius, you can’t get re-sorted. We both know that,” he sighed “but you can't tell mother- She’ll fucking kill you. We can make it work, but I can't give you my robes, I can't risk that. I dont wanna listen to her hurting you again. I'll think of something. I'll figure it out. I promise. You have to go before you get caught.”

Sirius shook his head, his anger and fear bubbling out in harsh words. “Regulus you dont fucking understand. Its a small fucking favor, you just dont give enough of a shit to try to see where im coming from. Just give me the fucking robes. It's not that hard." His voice carried and echoed throughout the room.

“Fine. back of my closet. Just know that I'm trying to understand, as much as I can at least. And for the record, I do give a shit, I'm not gonna hate you because you're not in the same house, you've always been my brother, always will be. Be careful though, please just promise me that?..” Regulus mumbled, his face portraying pity and sympathy, trailing off at the end.

“Thanks.” Sirius affirmed quietly, walking towards the door with the dress robes, head hanging in shame from his outburst. “For the robes and the whole brother thing, i appreciate it.” His fingers played with the hem of the collar, avoiding eye contact. He left the room briefly glancing back at regulus’s malnourished form.

That night He laid on his bed staring at the ceiling for a while, replaying the conversation in his head.

Regulus said Sirius is his brother.

His brother

He didn't know how that one word could make him feel so much better.

He laid there for what felt like hours, not able to sleep. He checked the time occasionally but kept replaying Regulus’ words in his head. “Brother brother brother brother.. my brother”

“You’ve always been my brother, always will be”

With timid steps and slowed movements, he slipped on regulus’s robes, charming the tie to match his own house colors, bracing himself for his mother. Regulus was already at the table eating breakfast with his father, his mother wasn't in the room. “Good morning Sirius,” his father said with a smile.

“Morning” he mumbled, making his voice throatier, scratchy.

“Nice robes. How’d you convince your mom to let you wear that?” His father asked, sliding a plate towards him.

Sirius shook his head, breath hitching. “I didn't... Reg gave them to me last night.” He took in a deep breath. “I don’t want to risk getting in trouble for being in the wrong colors.” He pushed the plate away from him. “I'm not hungry.” He looked down at his hands, avoiding eye contact.

“Sit straight” Regulus elbowed him, straightening his posture. Walburga walked into the room, her eyes landing on Sirius.

“Qu’est-ce que vous portez?” She yelled, her voice echoing through the room.

“Robe de chambre mère, comme tu l'as demandé” Sirius said softly, changing his accent to sound more formal.

“J'ai indiqué ce que je voulais que tu portes. Va te changer. Et rends à ton frère sa robe” She sat down at the other end of the table, grabbing a copy of the daily prophet.

“Mother, this is what I want to wear. The other outfit makes me uncomfortable and I don't want to wear it on the train.” He responded timidly, not looking up. He could feel Regulus’ eyes on him. He was scared to move, waiting for the 6 words. The same 6 words that he always heard in his head every time he made a mistake.

“Meet me in the study. Now” Walburga seethed yelled, throwing the newspaper down and getting up, walking to the other room.

He knew wearing Regulus’ robes wouldn’t go well. He had prepared himself for how Walburga was going to react. But still, he walked into the study, his hands shaky behind his back. He could feel his heart beat in his head, his back hurt from standing with perfect posture all summer, and his bruised ribs from last time he was in this room weren't helping anything either. He made eye contact with his mother as she sat down at the desk.

“No child of mine will be seen in public in gryffindor dress robes. I thought I made that clear.” She twirled her wand in her left hand, the mark showing slightly under her sleeve.

“Yes ma’am.” He mumbled, looking at the ground.

“Speak clearly Sirius. And for fucks sake stand up.” She was louder than before. He straightened his back again, wincing slightly at the sharp pain in his ribs.

She muttered a spell quietly, barely moving her wand. He could feel as the curse cut through the skin on his back, making sure he didn't react.

“Go change. Now” She said through her teeth. He shook his head lightly.

“Mother please.” He raised his voice an octave without realizing it, fighting back the tears in his eyes.

“Imperio” she muttered as he felt himself be pushed out of his mind.

It's not the first time he's been under imperio, but it's a feeling he doesn't think he can ever get used to. Watching his body do things without him telling it to, and having no control, almost like watching himself through a movie screen. There's a way to fight it, he's been trying to figure out how for years, but nothing made sense. Nothing he's tried has worked.

He watched as he changed into the other robes without his permission, looking at all the cuts on his back. She hit him with lacero. He couldn't do anything about it other than hope the blood didn't show through the shirt. The belt tightened and it got harder to breathe, he tried to ignore that you could see all the bruises he’d ended up with over the summer.

He walked back downstairs and stood next to Regulus, still having no control over what’s happening.

“Regulus, don't try to talk to him. Unless you wanna get the same scars he just got” Walburga said from her spot at the table.

Regulus looked at Sirius. He was scared, the same kind of scared he was the first time Walburga hurt him.

“Regulus, look forward.” She said again, standing behind them now and apparating them to the platform.

People started staring as soon as they got to the platform. People whispering and pointing at them, more than they normally did at least. They stood there like that for what felt like years. Perfect posture, watching as people talked about them.

‘Why can’t she just let us go.’ Sirius thought, something he regretted immediately. She cursed him again, he felt his skin shred underneath the shirt as it stuck to his back from the blood.

“I expect the best behavior from both of you. Focus on your studies. Regulus he doesn’t exist to you” Walburga stated, leaving right after, lifting the curse.

Sirius stumbled back, hitting his back on the wall before sliding down to the floor, holding his knees to his chest. His back burned, he held his breath to try to make it stop hurting as bad.

“You okay?” Regulus asked quietly, standing in front of him.

Sirius nodded. “Been better, could be worse.” He replied, holding his hand out. Regulus helped him up, holding eye contact for longer than normal.

“What’s up? You're staring more than normal” Sirius smiled, walking towards his friends.

“What does it feel like?” He asked quietly, following Sirius.

“What imperio? It's kinda like watching things happen from a movie. It could be worse though. The other unforgivables hurt more, imperios just kind of annoying and coming off of it sucks ass” he pretended as if it wasn’t a big deal, however his heart pulled.

They made it over to wear Sirius’ friends, all of them staring at the two of them, confused looks on their faces.

“Reg.” Sirius said quickly. “Relax. Crouch and Rosier are over there, or you can stay with us if you want.” He turned to his friends when he was done talking, hoping that they would avoid talking about what he was wearing.

“I am relaxed, Sirius.” Regulus responded, looking around.

“Shoulders Reg. Also you're still talking really french. She's gone. She's not gonna come back. Go find your friends. I'm fine. I promise”

Regulus nodded and walked away to find Evan and Barty.