Sounds Innocent Enough
Chapter 5
Not many used the staff room on the first day, so those that did were surprised to find Hera Potter already in there. She sat in a chair, fingers cradling her cheek and forehead as she stared off into space. A drink was loosely cradled in her other hand; tea, by the looks of it. She didn’t even react to them coming into the room, prompting them to believe she wasn’t handling things quite as well as they’d hoped. First days could be rough, after all. The Heads of House had decided to have a meeting with Crowley for that very reason, among other things, and had happened upon the scene before them.
“I don’t remember Severus looking quite as bad as this on his first day.” Pomona admitted, worried for the girl. “What could have happened?”
“It can’t have been that bad.” Crowley tried, strolling into the room ahead of them, and catching the girl’s attention. “What’s got you all mixed up then?”
“You’ve taught before, yeah?” Hera inquired, looking to him. “Hormonal teenagers?”
“Can’t say that I have.” Crowley admitted, because it was true enough; mostly.
“I sort of have, last year, only I guess I didn’t really notice? No one asked these kinds of questions last year.” Hera revealed, looking even more flummoxed than before. “Then again, I wasn’t a real professor before. I was leading an underground rebellion sanctioned by most of the other professors. Now that I am a professor? I didn’t think I’d get asked this stuff! I mean, yeah, I had students test me. I can deal with that. It wasn’t even from the students I’m supposed to be teaching. It was the ones my own age! This is worse than when they realized I’d been Loki.”
Crowley arched an eyebrow at that. “I’d met a bloke that went by that name once. Man after my own devious heart. No idea what happened to him though.”
“I suspect I might be able to answer that for you one day.” Hera muttered. Only then did she register the others in the room – Severus in particular – and her face got beet red as she squeaked out. “I’m sorry, Professor!”
“What could you possibly have to apologize for, Potter?” Severus inquired, flummoxed. “It’s only the first day.”
“Some of the others wanted to visit during my office hours. I allowed it because I thought they would ask normal questions. I thought it was going to be things like ‘Can we continue the D.A? How was your first day as a professor?’ Maybe even a ‘Can you help us cheat on a test later?’.” Hera rambled, now looking thoroughly embarrassed, as she looked anywhere else but at him. “I wasn’t expecting…I wasn’t…It was…”
Pomona snorted, and then lost herself to the giggles, having apparently guessed where this was going. “Was it…Was it worse than the horse question?”
“I’m sorry?” Crowley commented, because what in the alternate universe did that mean? “Horse question?”
Hera hid her face in her hand, and quickly replied. “I was asked just how well I know our resident Potions Master.”
Crowley couldn’t help the raised eyebrow and crooked grin, knowing now where this was likely about to go. Pomona’s giggling just got worse. Minerva frowned, as if waiting for the rest of it. Meanwhile, Severus Snape scowled; though that seemed to be his default setting. It seemed it was up to Crowley to get the ball rolling.
“Sounds innocent enough.” He stated, with an air of false innocence.
“You guys don’t get it! Okay? They wanted details I don’t have! To parts of his anatomy I have never seen! Why would they even ask that?” Hera blurted out, before hiding her head in her hand in embarrassment again.
“Well…Masters and Apprentices do have a storied history of shagging each other rotten.” Pomona supplied, through her giggles.
“No offence, Sir, but you’re literally old enough to be my father.” Hera declared, sounding absolutely mortified, her hand not enough of a cover to hide how red her face was getting. “You watched me grow up!”
“It’s a kink.” Crowley supplied, grinning roguishly when Minerva glared at him.
“That’s another thing! I never thought I would be traumatized by questions about fingers, and yet I have been; am still.” Hera continued. At that, Minerva lost the battle to remain composed, and made for a particular cabinet. “They want me to see if I can get him to read the potions ingredients encyclopedia! I don’t even…Why?!”
“Different kink.” He supplied helpfully. Severus then joined Minerva in whatever she’s doing over by the cabinet.
“They have met this man, have been in fear for their very lives in his classroom, and now they want to know how good a shag he is?!” Hera was set to have some kind of implosion of embarrassment, it seemed. “Do they have any idea how inappropriate that is?! And illegal! That’s so many levels of illegal!”
“They’re hormonal, and haven’t really thought that part through, Dear.” Pomona explained, amusement still in her eyes.
“I also had to listen to a part by part comparison between Professor Snape and Lockhart, while I died internally of embarrassment, because my brain short circuited and forgot I could just make them stop.” Hera added, before distractedly looking up just long enough to find Severus again. “You won, by the way.”
“Somehow, I think I could have lived without that knowledge.” Severus sighed in resignation. “I will admit, this is not something I thought to warn you of.”
“Yeah, I got to hear all about how you’ve got this Baryonic Romanesque thing going on.” She continued on, gesturing vague at him. “According to them, your voice has this sort of husky timbre to it; like chocolate on gravel. Why I needed to know this, I have no idea.”
“A sentiment I share.” Severus replied, deadpan.
“Here. You’re going to need this.” Minerva insisted, adding a generous dose of something out of a flask to Hera’s tea.
“I appreciate the sentiment, Minny, but this isn’t going to do fuck all to me.” Hera lamented, before taking a sip. “Not bad though.”
It didn’t get any better from there. Not only did Lavender and Parvati seem to have an inordinate amount of interest in a love life Hera had never pursued, many of her other year mates did as well. It got worse with each class they had with him, because the gossiping sorts seemed to all have a free period that they then used to pelt her with questions. Hera resorted to placing a barrier on her office door; no one would be able to enter unless they genuinely needed help with a class, and she wouldn’t be able to hear them should they be unable to enter but try asking their questions anyway. It helped things die down a bit, but as soon as one problem was smothered, another rose to take its place.
Thankfully, Hermione hadn’t asked the questions the others were posing to her. Hera didn’t think she could survive that embarrassment. She did catch her friend gazing at Snape in confusion and curiosity, as if Hermione were trying to puzzle out what her year mates were talking about exactly. As the girl was treating it like a bizarre science experiment, it helped Hera feel a little better about how weird this all was. At least she wasn’t alone in that regard.
“Lady Hera, just the person I was hoping to see!” She heard Slughorn genially boom, and turned away from the entrance of the Great Hall to face him. “I was hoping to catch you before dinner! What do you say to a spot of supper tonight in my rooms instead? We’re having a little party, just a few rising stars, I’ve got McLaggen coming and Zabini, the charming Melinda Bobbin — I don’t know whether you know her? Her family owns a large chain of apothecaries — and, of course, I hope very much that Miss Granger will favour me by coming too. I’m on my way to find her after I speak with you.”
“Unfortunately, I can’t…Horace.” Hera side stepped, trying to sound regretful, fumbling over the fact that she had permission to call him by his first name. “I’m overseeing a detention for Professor Snape after supper, so that he can focus on grading the last of his students essays. To hear him tell it, he’s already drowning in reams of parchment.”
“Oh dear!” Slughorn sighed, his face falling comically. “Dear, dear, I was counting on you, Lady Hera! Well, now, I’ll just have to have a word with Severus and explain the situation. I’m sure I’ll be able to persuade him to postpone things. I’ll see you later, and let you know.”
He then bustled away as if on a mission.
She sighed, shaking her head as she entered the Great Hall. It hadn’t taken the man long, that was for sure, but at least she’d dodged the party for now. Her eyes drifted to Salazar, who looked to be doing well. Hufflepuff would be good for him, she knew. Still, she found herself making her way to him before she got to the Head Table. Upon closer inspection, she found that several of the Hufflepuff’s were sporting superficial cuts and bruises.
“Are we allowed to talk about it?” Hera found herself asking. Salazar looked confused, both at her and the injuries he saw from his fellow peers. “I’ll take that as a no.”
“What are you talking about?” Salazar wondered. “If you know something-”
“Afraid I’m not allowed to talk about it. First rule and all, you realize.” Hera teased. “Don’t worry. If you haven’t figured it out yet, you will.”
She chuckled to herself as she made her way to the Head Table, and sat by Pomona.
“What was that all about?” Minerva inquired, from nearby.
“Afraid I can’t talk about it.” Hera stated with a teasing grin. “Bit of a rule.”
Pomona snorted, before she remarked. “I knew they’d let you in.”
“What are you talking about?” Hera asked, in mock offence, before grinning once more. “Of course, they let me in.”
“I’m more concerned that Horace is going to try and lure her into his little ‘Slug Club’.” Snape grumbled, from where he was on the other side of Minerva.
“Oh, he tried.” Hera confirmed with an eager nod. “I threw you under the Knight Bus, and told him that I would be supervising whatever detention you have this evening.”
“How did you know I even had a detention?” Snape posed. “I could have had the night free to do with as I liked.”
Hera didn’t even deign to honour that with a response, and only arched an eyebrow at him.
“Don’t even know why I bothered.” He huffed, shaking his head. “Bunch of your year mates thought it would be funny to test my last nerve. One of them intentionally caused a cauldron explosion. Many of them were instantly inspired to continue the destruction, aiding the creation of a cascade failure for every cauldron in the classroom. I would have been impressed with the creativity if it hadn’t also completely wrecked the room. Have fun. Come up with something inventive for their detention, and then share it with me later. I’ll need the solace.”
“I do wish you would reconsider your aversion to the point system, Hera.” Minerva tried, though from the sound of her voice she knew it was a lost cause. “I heard the strangest rumour that you’d cursed a child using only his name, as if you would do such a thing.”
Hera put on the most innocent look she could muster on such short notice, but Minerva must have seen something in it anyway.
“Hera Potter, you did not curse a child.” Minerva tried again.
“It wasn’t anything bad,” Hera assured her. “just a little something that would have him return to the class he was trying to ditch early, and only for that one class period.”
Minerva looked positively scandalized, having erroneously assumed the rumour to be wild in the extreme; and if that wasn’t the cherry on top of the whole day, she didn’t know what was.
…
This was going to get him so much detention, but he was absolutely going to do it anyway. Michael had planned for this, and at least knew that his parents had his back. He’d gone to them over the summer, and asked how one went about that sort of thing. When asked why, he’d told them. Hera Potter, with power coming off of her in green and gold flames that did not burn, had sworn that none of them were allowed to use cuss-words until they could tell her how to do exactly that. His parents had been delightfully amused by her declaration, and had then proceeded to help him find all the information needed to do just that.
Hera Potter was a professor now, which was awesome, so that made this all the better. The occasional student watched him as he walked up to the table, more so when they saw that he had a stack of papers with him. Only the first years didn’t know what he was doing, but he imagined the stories from last year would be shared around for them after this. More and more students started watching him, not discretely either, as he placed the stack of papers onto the table in front of her. Hera stopped her conversation with Professors Sprout, Snape, and McGonagall when he arrived.
“Is this what I think it is?” She asked curiously, upon seeing the papers, her face splitting with a slow grin. He nodded sharply. “What’s the plan then? You wanna do this here?”
He nodded again, grinning right along with her now.
“You’re gonna get into so much trouble for this, but not from me. You prepared for that?” She inquired. He nodded again, grinning all the wider for it, and she did the same. Snapping her fingers to cast what he believed was a wandless sonorus, she continued. “Alright then. Let’s hear it. Say it loud! Say it proud! What do you got?”
“Miss Potter, what is going on?” Professor McGonagall inquired.
Michael was tempted in that moment not to go through with his plan, but he was already committed to it, and took the deep breath regardless.
“MOTHER FUCKER!!!”
“I can’t believe he actually said that!” Ron squeaked through his laughter, tears streaming down his face, when the door to the Room of Requirement had closed. His face was red from having damn near horse laughed all the way there. “In front of the whole school, and everything!”
“Professor McGonagall was right to take all those points.” Hermione insisted. Even she had a grin on her face though.
“Doesn’t matter!” Ron declared, happily. “That kid’s gonna be a bloody legend! Dumbledore almost died coughing on a lemon drop!”
Hera burst into the room at that moment.
“Did you see the look on Minny’s face?!” Hera blurted through her laughter, even as she held a hand over her ribs. “Priceless!!!”
“I can’t believe that kid.” Draco admitted, scandalized. “The words he used after that…I’m going to have to have one of you explain some of those to me.”
“To be fair, a few of them weren’t really curse-words.” Hermione admitted, trying to sound disapproving, but failing horribly due to her smile growing a bit wider by the second. “They were just nonsensical things that could have been taken as such given how they were said.”
“For instance, any noun can become a verb if you don’t care enough.” Hera insisted, adopting her ‘teacher persona’ for the sake of humour.
“Examples in sentence form, or I don’t believe you.” Draco demanded, even as Hermione looked at her as though she’d been betrayed.
“I can sentence how I want.” Hera retorted, before sticking her tongue out and blowing a raspberry at him.
“Beautiful.” Luna hummed, grinning all the more when Hermione’s look turned to her next.
“So…I could say something like…I like to velociraptor around my house at 2am, and that make total sense to you?” Hermione asked, looking a bit afraid of the answer now. Both Hera and Luna began doing some sort of crouched down tiptoe walk around the room with their arms pulled close to their bodies, their hands just dangling at the wrist, while looking at everything as if hunting for their next meal. “Unbelievable.”
“Oh! I know one!” Ron declared, before trying to sound serious. “My headache makes me want to clothesline into a wall.”
“Don’t do that!” Hermione exclaimed, causing Hera and Luna both to pause with their arms outstretched.
“I don’t get it.” Draco admitted, now thoroughly confused. “Why do these make some semblance of sense?”
“Because brains don’t brain logically.” Luna answered with ease, before pausing for a moment to consider. “I suppose brains do brain logically, but English might not always logic englishly, and then brains are left to their own devices to logic that English.”
“I hate that I understood that.” Hermione muttered under her breath, before shaking her head and getting back to things. “So, why were we meeting in here again?”
“Snape gave me this old book of his, said it had more than potions in it; told me it was a lesson in the harm misplaced anger could do.” Hera explained, now holding up the book. “I thought we could practice some of the spells, and see what they did; not on each other, obviously, but test dummies or something.”
“Hera, if he’s talking like that, these spells are dangerous.” Hermione warned, now frowning in disapproval.
“Yes, I know.” Hera nodded to confirm. “I looked them over first. The intent of the magic in them was quite clear. I don’t understand the aversion.”
“It’s just…With Salazar…I thought…” Hermione tried and failed to put her thoughts into words.
“Oh. You thought that because he chose what he did, the danger was over.” Hera realized. Her suspicions were confirmed a moment later when Hermione nodded. “Hermione, who he was before…was never the real threat. That distinction belonged to the Death Eaters, and to the fearful public who did nothing when they were in power; nor even when they were not, content to just let things be.”
It is only then that Draco notices that his godfather had entered the room, though he couldn’t remember ever hearing the door open to let him in.
“There is always going to be a danger. There is always someone who is going to be a threat.” Hera continued, trying to explain. “If it isn’t them, it will be Loki, or Thanos, or Odin, or…a host of other beings who could and would try to take this place if given half a chance. You don’t learn to defend yourself after the fight has started. You prepare in the hopes that you never have to fight at all.”
“I’d rather choose to be peaceful.” Hermione argued, frowning now.
“That’s great. Do that. I support it whole heartedly, but you yourself just admitted that it is a choice. However, you must also acknowledge that it is one that is not always afforded to us.” Hera stated, the smile she’d worn before no longer on her face. “You cannot be peaceful unless you're capable of great violence. If you're not capable of violence, you're not peaceful, Hermione, you're harmless; an important distinction. You do not strike me as someone who is harmless, Hermione Granger. Are you?”*
Hermione hesitated, but shook her head no. She had done violent things in the past, in the defence of those she cared for. It just wasn’t something she enjoyed. She knew there were moments when Hera did enjoy inflicting violence and pain upon those she deemed deserving, and others where her friend felt great bouts of guilt for having acted in such a manner. It was an odd balancing act, but she would try. She herself had shot that space dwarf in the eye, after all,…and Zeus; perhaps it scared her because she liked violence a bit too much then, something to think about.
“There are moments, split second decisions, where it’s either you choose or it’s chosen for you.” Hera continued to explain. “I don’t want you to go looking for these moments. What I want is for you to have the tools you need should those moments occur.”
…
“Now, you’ve actually seen me perform this one on Sif. If you’re proficient, you can cast this wandless and non-verbally.” Potter stated, before demonstrating so on a training dummy. “Most who cast this just release the spell and let the victim fall, but there is a counter-spell. You should know that one before you attempt to cast the other on anything; especially anything living. It can save you a lot of pain later.”
He watched as Potter guided her shield-siblings through the steps necessary. She then cast Levicorpus on a training dummy, and letting it fall. Each of her friends would then take turns casting trying to save the training dummy before it hit the ground. None of them were doing very well, save for Lovegood. It was clear that Potter was running out of patience.
“Professor!” Potter called out, not sounding surprised by his presence. “Cast the spell on me.”
He had to silence the ensuing cacophony of objections before he could even process her words.
“I think I’m going to need you to repeat that again, Potter, because I know I did not just hear you say that.” Severus demanded.
“Why not?” Potter huffed. “You know the spell. I’m durable anyway, so it’s not like a little fall is actually going to hurt me. You can even cast a cushioning charm on the ground if you’re going to get that bent out of shape about it. This is something they need to know, something they need to be able to save others or themselves from.”
“You cast this spell on someone already?” He asked, a warning edge to his voice.
“When we were all passed out on the train, before you showed me that book.” Potter nodded. “Sif lied, and I wanted to make her stop without hurting her. I only held her up there long enough to remind her that lying the way she was so openly in front of others could get her executed if she wasn’t careful. By the laws of Ásgarðr, she could have been. I was hoping it would remind her that maybe she shouldn’t talk that way at all, but all it really ended up doing was teaching her to be more crafty about how she did it.”
“So you didn’t use it as a means to humiliate her?” Severus inquired, thoughtful now. “You didn’t…for example…pepper her with soap and scrub brushes to help her ‘clean up her act’, as it were?”
Potter looked at him, horrified for a moment, before something like recognition flitted across her eyes. “We’re going to have to have a conversation about that later, I can tell. For now, it is clear that you are not in a place to cast that spell without drawbacks. Luna?”
“I will be suitably distractable, and drop you before the spell is cast.” Lovegood promised with a smile, one which Potter returned.
“Thanks, Luna.” Potter replied, sincerely. “Cushioning charms then?”
“Already in place.”
“Alright then, let’s see if I can do this.” Potter sighed, before closing her eyes.
Suddenly she was jerked up into the air, hanging upside down, her eyes still closed. Meanwhile, her friends looked worriedly around the room for the source of the spell. He sees the wisps of magic about her, not quite the same as those he’d seen on students’ wrist the year before, and realized what she’d done. Hera Potter had managed to cast Levicorpus on herself. It was rather surreal to watch, as was her releasing the spell to the sudden shock of her friends. She landed on the ground with a soft thump, and just looked up at them with annoyance.
“You know, that was the part you were supposed to cast the spell, right?” She huffed. “Shall we try again?”
That started things anew. Potter would cast the spell on herself, and let go to see if her friends could catch her before she hit the ground. When that one was sufficiently covered, she went on to other spells he’d created, demonstrating each on a training dummy before the others attempted them. He could see how good of a teacher she was even now, how patient she was with each of them. However, all thoughts in his mind froze when he heard the next spell.
“What about this one?” Draco pondered, pointing to a page. “It says ‘for enemies’. Sectum-”
“Absolutely not!” Both Severus and Potter shouted at once.
“Draco, I don’t…” Severus tried, but failed to form the words.
“Professor, if you’ll allow me?” Potter inquired softly. He nodded sharply, unable to speak, and so she turned to Draco. “This is a spell much like crucio. It is a variant of the slicing hex, only far more insidious and destructive. Like with crucio, you have to want to hurt someone. You have to enjoy it. Righteous anger just won’t do. Unlike with crucio, however, this one lasts. It lingers long after the spell is over. If not treated, the victim eventually bleeds out. Death is the desired result, but know that is not quick. It is slow, torturous. It can take minutes, hours, or days, depending on how much vindictive hatred is put into it. It is torture purely for enjoyment and nothing else, because the victim will not survive without assistance. This is not a spell you practice, not without knowing the counter first, and definitely not before you are made to understand just what it is you want to inflict upon your enemies. Do you understand?”
Draco nodded, numbly, eyes wide as he turned to him. “Why would you create something like this?”
“I was…angry, and uncaring of the consequences.” Severus admitted with a sigh. “That is not a path I want for you, any of you.”
“This is probably a good place to stop anyway.” Potter suggested, looking to them all. “It’s not quite curfew, but it’s close enough that you might have to make a brisk walk of it.”
“It’s not like you’re going to take points from us, Professor.” Weasley teased, chuckling a little.
“She might not, but I will, Mr. Weasley.” Severus warned. The boy only half-heartedly glared at him, before they filed out of the Room of Requirement.
“We going to talk about what you said before?” Potter inquired, tilting her head as she regarded him. “That was a rather pointed example of something one could do with that spell.”
“I’d rather not, Potter.” He replied, on edge already. “I have already cleared the air with your godfather and…I still don’t understand the dynamic he and Lupin share. Do you?”
“I’m convinced they’re fuck buddies that caught feelings, but neither of them are admitting it, so who knows.” Potter shrugged. “In any case, air cleared, which is good, but…You looked like you’d seen a ghost when I pulled that stunt. Any of the other spells gonna pull on memories like that one did?”
“Not that I can recall, Potter.” He sighed, wondering – not for the first time – why he’d thought sharing the book had been a good idea, and decided to change the subject as the two of them made their own way out of the room. “So, any idea how you’ll avoid the next party Horace has?”
“I don’t suppose getting thrown into Azkaban is a viable option, is it?” Potter hazarded to ask. The look he gave her was one that quickly zapped all the hope right out of that idea, and she slumped in dejected defeat. “Oh dear.”
In the end, Hera is saved from Slughorn’s next party by the one thing she’d been dreading more. The date for the meeting with the ICW had been decided. A part of her was tempted to tell Slughorn that she couldn’t go because of having to meet with the ICW, tell the ICW that she couldn’t go because she had to go to Slughorn’s party, and then just hole up in her quarters until the weekend was over. Could she send a clone? The likelihood of that blowing up in her face was too high, she decided.
With nothing left for it, she decided that there were two people she needed to speak with before she meet with the ICW, Dumbledore and Crowley. Dumbledore, because he’d most likely know what direction the meeting was to go in. Crowley, because she’d gotten an idea of just why Chuck had thought she’d need the demon’s help. So she sent a quick note to each, asking if they could meet with her. If she was right, they had a lot to talk about.
AN: Tumblr meme post by ace-nyctophyle mentioned; any noun can become a verb if you just don't care enough
(You can't truly call yourself "peaceful" unless you are capable of great violence. If you're not capable of violence, you're not peaceful, you're harmless. important distinction) Not sure where this quote came from exactly, but I saw it as a twitter post by Stef Starkgaryen
Also, I've just had a thought. If Salazar got comfortable, how likely would he be to start using 1930s to 40s slang? That's around the time he would have been a teenager the first go round. Also, does anyone know what the British slang was at that time? Google is unhelpful