Teach Me Tonight
Jamie doesn’t call Regulus. She avoids him for nine days… and counting. Which is actually a fairly hard thing to do all things considered. She won’t hang out with the group if they’re over at Sirius’ house, so she has to skip out on watching band practice. She only goes to the diner with Effie mainly because she can’t get out of it without being suspicious, but she figures out ways to get around it. Regulus won’t talk to her when Effie is around so Jamie just makes sure she’s always glued to her side. She spends a lot of time at home. Monty stayed longer than normal, for a full week. It was actually starting out to be nice, even with wearing her old clothes. She had to re-wear a few outfits, Regulus took too much, but it was enough for no one to say anything. They sat out in the living room together, and maybe they didn’t talk but they could at least be near each other without Jamie feeling like she was being suffocated. They watched movies every night when Effie got home anyway. It was a small little glimpse of how it used to be. Breadcrumbs of it anyway.
She stays in her old clothes for a couple of days after he leaves though, if only to get people off the trail. It’s the longest she’s worn them in a while, she didn’t want anyone to start asking. She might just have to start wearing her old clothes at random times while Monty is away if only to make sure people don’t notice. If Regulus can notice with barely talking to Jamie other people must’ve started to get suspicious by now. It leaves an awful feeling sitting in her chest. It doesn’t matter. She’ll figure it out when she has to, today she’s wearing a skirt because she has to. It’s been too long she’s starting to not feel like a real person. Hell, maybe she could just keep going like that. Being fake and feeling nothing is easier than being real and feeling everything.
She hasn’t been able to get back up to Andy’s to get some of the clothes Regulus bought her. Even if she refuses to talk to him right now she still wants to wear them. Even if it’s only to spin around her room and pretend like she can always be like that. She’ll get there eventually, when she actually manages to look Regulus in the eye again after… all of that. She doesn’t like the idea of him seeing through. He’s seen everything, he knows too much. He was never meant to see her cry. He wasn’t meant to see the brokenness resting in her ribs. She wasn’t supposed to know that her Dad doesn’t love her anymore, and it’s her fault that he doesn’t. God.
A knock on her bedroom door breaks her free of her thoughts, and she pulls away from the mirror, “Come in?” She calls out. Effie always just opens it after knocking.
Andy ducks her head in, “Hey kiddo.”
“Oh, hi,” Jamie shakes her head, “What’s up?”
It’s a Saturday morning, normally one of her busiest times she should be working. She normally doesn’t have any time to step away from it, even if it’s just to eat herself. Sirius must be helping out, maybe even Regulus too. Ted can’t very well handle it on his own.
“I wanted to ask you a favor,” she comes in sitting on her desk chair. “I was gonna ask when you came to the diner but I haven’t seen you around lately.”
She shrugs, “I’ve been a little busy.”
“That’s okay,” She brushes it off, “I just needed some help with Regulus.”
Jamie straightens up, “Is he okay?”
“Yeah, he’s fine,” Andy reassures, “I was just talking to the school, and they’re telling me he needs a tutor.”
“Oh.” That… wasn’t what she expected. It’s not that Regulus isn’t smart, hell he’s smarter than Jamie. He’s constantly with a book in his back pocket, and whenever teachers actually call on him he answers without hesitation. There should be no reason why they’re asking for him to get a tutor of all things.
“Yeah, I thought so too,” Andy says.
“So you’re asking me to—“
Andy nods, “You’re the first person I thought of.”
Jamie sighs, biting her tongue, “Andy, you know Reg is like way smarter than me right?”
She shakes her head, “You’re the only person he’ll actually listen to. He needs help in everything, it’s not just because he doesn’t know it. He just refuses to open a book.”
Jamie goes quiet, it’s not like she hasn’t seen it.
Lowly Andy moves in forward, “It’s his parents' fault. They made him feel like he wouldn’t have a life outside of their plans. My parents did the same thing. He doesn’t have a direction.”
“And you think I can give him one?” Jamie questions.
“I think he’ll listen to you,” Andy clarifies. “I just need someone to get him out of the hole he’s in. Make him realize he can actually have a future now.”
Jamie doesn’t know how she feels about hearing all of this, especially since it’s not from Regulus himself. She shouldn’t know all of this, even if she could guess it from Sirius’ experience. He went through the exact same thing when he came here. Well not the exact thing it manifested differently but the root was the same. He was restless all the time, constantly getting into trouble. In his head, his life was already over none of it actually mattered. He lived so much of his life in a cage he got high off the taste of freedom. He didn’t have any direction he was just going. You can’t stop a top from spinning around. Regulus is the opposite he’s just given up. Jamie’s not sure what to do with that. Sirius just ran out of steam eventually. He realized that his life wasn’t going to suddenly end and preparing for the rest of it was probably smart. Regulus on the other hand is already out of steam.
“Isn’t Sirius the better person to deal with this?” Jamie questions, “He’s been through this.”
“Reg won’t listen to him, he’s tried,” Andy says, “He’s been trying.” She sighs, “You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. I never want to force you to do anything, but Reg likes you. You might be the only person in this town he actually likes. I know he’ll at least listen to you, maybe he won’t do whatever you tell him, but he’ll have the conversation.”
Jamie can barely hesitate, or take a pause. It’s not that she doesn’t want to help Regulus, she does, at least when they’re studying she doesn’t have to talk about her father, or think about him even. “When did you want me to start?”
Andy lets out a breath of relief, “I was thinking tonight.”
“So soon?”
“It’s for the better, believe me,” she stands up, “Now I left Ted at the diner and he’s probably worked himself up into a panic attack by now.”
Jamie laughs, “Go save him.”
Andy sends her a salute as she reaches for the door, “See you tonight.”
Then she’s gone. Just like that. Jamie falls back onto the bed, biting her cheek trying to stop herself from smiling too wide. It’s stupid. She’s the one who’s been avoiding Regulus for nine days and look at her now. She grabs the pillow from above her and presses it into her face, it’s funny she can breathe better like this than she has been this entire week.
⟡⟡⟡⟡
“And you’re sure you’re good with this?” Effie questions, circling her last fry around her plate and picking loose salt.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” Jamie looks around trying to catch a glimpse of Regulus when he comes down the stairs, but there’s been nothing.
“You’ve just been weird about being here this week,” Effie mentions.
Of course, she noticed. There’s not one thing Effie doesn’t notice. “I’m okay,” Jamie reassures her.
“Nothing happened at the bid-a-basket festival?” Effie questions.
“Nothing happened,” Jamie confirms. Well, nothing much, besides the taste of cherry and spring. It’s been bubbling in her chest since it happened but with Monty being around longer it’s been a little hard to spit it out. There hasn’t been the time, and then too long went on and it just got hard. Not that Monty would care if she was with Regulus. She’d tell him if she wasn’t so horrible with telling him anything recently.
“Alright,” Effie says, finally eating the fry, “If you’re sure.”
“I’m sure.”
“I’ll be home,” Effie gets up, grabbing her coat from behind the chair, “Don’t be home too late.”
“I promise,” Jamie says. “Three at the latest.”
“Uh huh,” Effie rolls her eyes, moving over to kiss her on the top of the head. “Call me if you need me to come up with a reason to get you out of here.”
“We’re just gonna study,” Jamie says.
Effie shakes her head, “Call me.”
Jamie sighs lightly, “I will.”
Just as she opens the door Regulus is strolling downstairs, like he timed it or something. “We don’t have to do this.”
Jamie rolls her eyes, “Go get your books.”
Regulus stares at her for a moment before he says, “You really want to study?”
“That’s what I’m here for,” Jamie says simply, tilting her head in consideration. “Aren’t I? Cause I could just go home if you didn’t want to study.”
And just like that it’s like those nine days never happened. It’s weird how that can be, between the two of them anyway. It shouldn’t be. It doesn’t seem right.
“Stay there,” Regulus mumbles before disappearing upstairs again.
She allows herself to smile softly to herself while she’s sitting there, grabbing her cooling cup of coffee to have a sip. The place is closed down, Andy left it early. Effie was the only person allowed to stay past a certain time. Mainly to keep Jamie and Regulus away from upstairs but still allow them some privacy. She’s in the back somewhere working out some of the documents or at least that’s what she says anyway. She wanted them to have enough space to actually talk because really that’s what Regulus needs not the studying. But studying is a nice base, Jamie can hide behind the books and pretend like that’s all she’s doing, and not try to break into Regulus’ mind. That sounds much more brutal than it has to be. She just wants to gently… pull out some of his thoughts, that’s all, like pieces of cotton candy from the cone.
Regulus reappears again with one single textbook and a book bag. He puts the book down on the table before taking a seat and messing with the front pocket. Before Jamie can ask what he’s trying to wrestle out of there he slides a square black box across the table.
Jamie blinks, “What is this?”
“A gift,” Regulus deadpans.
“For?”
“You.”
Jamie sends him a pointed look, “Why did you give me a gift?”
Regulus shrugs, “Wanted to.”
Jamie hums shortly, slowly picking it up and lifting the lid to reveal a gold bracelet. It’s simple, but it has little charms hanging from it. She sees the stars first, but there are suns too when she takes a closer look, “It’s beautiful,” she mumbles, looking back up, “But I don’t understand.”
“You don’t have to,” Regulus leans forward taking it from her to put it on her wrist. “You’ll just wear it because I told you to.”
Jamie doesn’t really wear a lot of jewelry, even if she loves it. She has a pretty large collection at this point. The only one she really wears is the necklace Effie gave her right after coming out. Anything else is hard to hide. “Okay,” she whispers anything, “Thank you.”
Regulus nods shortly, reaching back into the bag again he sets down a make-up bag. He doesn’t say anything, he just waits for Jamie’s response. To which she has none. She can only watch as Regulus fiddles with the zipper. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Regulus reassures, “But you never got to see yourself with it last time.”
Jamie’s eyes meet his, her gaze darting across his face. He really only has the best of intentions, “We’re supposed to be studying.”
The worried look drops from Regulus' face, with a sigh he says, “If you let me do your make-up, I’ll answer test questions while you do it.”
Jamie doesn’t hesitate, “Okay.”
It takes a little bit of time to get all situated, and apparently, he can’t answer questions while he’s setting up. It’s a load of bullshit but Jamie lets him do whatever he wants. He slides his chair closer to hers keeping her knees between his. “Okay,” Regulus sighs, “Let’s get this over with.”
Jamie shakes her head, looking down at the textbook, and flipping to the test questions from the back. She’s certain they won’t actually have to review anything, Regulus seems to know a lot, but this is a good starting point anyway. “Do you want to start with History or Shakespeare?”
“Whatever you want,” Regulus mumbles.
Jamie sighs, “You’re the one who’s supposed to be studying here.”
Regulus sets back, “Alright fine, Shakespeare.” He says, “Now can I start working on your face?”
“Be my guest.”
To be completely fair Regulus is a fine student the entire time, answering every question Jamie gives him, even the stuff Jamie is a little fuzzy on herself. It’s crazy that they’re thinking of leaving him back a year. He’s a year below her and he’s still smarter. He asks her to close her eyes halfway through, and she tries her best to still talk about school work, but it’s not exactly easy when she can’t see the text. She goes quiet after a while, and Regulus does too. With no one walking the streets, there’s not much in terms of background noise. It’s nice. To be in the haze again, and then Jamie opens her eyes again and pulls the textbook back. She goes over every subject at least a little bit, and nothing ever stumps him. He puts on the cherry lipgloss again and stares at her lips the entire time after, even when he puts all the makeup back in the bag.
“Regulus,” Jamie calls out, “Pay attention.”
“Uh-huh,” Regulus mumbles.
“What were the political ramifications of the—“Before she can finish the question Regulus is leaning forward and collecting her lips in his own. It’s soft, and sweet, it tastes like cherries and Jamie leans in too, she really can’t help herself. She lets Regulus drag her closer, as he runs his hands through her hair. It’s stupid. This is all stupid but Jamie can’t really find herself caring right now.
She's the first one to pull away, “What was that for?”
Regulus shrugs, “You’re pretty.”
She feels heat rush up her neck, she covers it up, “Oh am I?”
Regulus hums, “Very.”
This isn’t getting her anywhere. They can’t very well stay here, and the work clearly isn’t the issue. After a beat she says, “Do you wanna go get ice cream?”
Regulus hesitates, shock rolling off him, “You want to stop studying?”
“We don’t have to,” Jamie pulls the book back towards her, “We could keep studying if you—“
“No, let’s go,” Regulus cuts her off quickly, walking over from behind the counter, and stealing Andy’s keys from the kitchen. She always leaves them in the most random places and then forgets where she puts them. The town is small enough that she really doesn’t need her car much anyway. The ice cream place isn’t that far, maybe a ten-minute walk, but driving will be better. It gives them more time to talk, in a little box where Regulus can’t run away, and if he’s driving it’s not as if he can just jump out… at least not easily, or without killing Jamie in the process.
What’s the worst thing that can happen?
⟡⟡⟡⟡
“I can’t believe you got bubblegum,” Regulus scoffs, slipping back into his seat, “Out of every flavor.”
“You picked strawberry!” Jamie argues, “How is that any better?”
“What’s wrong with strawberry?” Regulus asks.
“It’s boring for one,” Jamie answers.
“Does everything have to be interesting for you?” Regulus questions.
Jamie mulls over the question for a second, “Yes, yes it does.”
“Ridiculous,” Regulus mutters, pushing the key in the ignition before pulling back the wheel one-handed. “I don’t think I can see you again.”
Jamie pouts, “You’re so mean.”
“Uh-huh,” Regulus pulls out onto the main street. There’s nothing much out here, besides some flickering lampposts and buzzing moths flying around them. The town is quiet this late at night, with the only signs of light being kitchen lights and silent dreamers. Jamie keeps her eyes on Regulus the entire time, not knowing how to turn away, wracking her brain to try to figure out exactly what to say, how to start it.
Regulus keeps his eyes straight, his focus split between the road and making sure his ice cream doesn’t drip on Andy’s seats.
“Can I ask you something?” Jamie starts.
Regulus’ gaze flickers over to her, “You can ask I might not answer.”
“You’re smarter than anyone in that school,” Jamie says and immediately Regulus turns back around with a sigh. “No, come on, you are. You can pass all those classes easily, it’s crazy that they’re talking about setting you back.”
“We don’t have to—“
“No,” Jamie cuts him off. “You’re smart, and you’re much more capable than you give yourself credit for. Why did you give up on yourself?”
Regulus clenches his jaw, “I don’t have a future here?”
Jamie hesitates, “What are you talking about?”
Regulus swallows thickly, washing it all away, “I was supposed to go into the family business.”
“You’re away from your family now.”
Regulus shrugs, “That’s all I was ever built for anyway, it’s the only thing I’m ever good for. I had personal tutors since I was five and all of them were building me for that. That life with the suits and secretaries, that’s what I was made for.”
“That’s not true,” Jamie tells him, “You can do more.”
Regulus sighs, “Jamie—“
“I mean it,” she calls out, trying to throw him a line, “You can do more.”
“Every time I ever tried to do anything else it blew up in my face,” Regulus argues, “You don’t know me that well.”
Jamie scoffs, “I know you're good enough to know you’re being stupid. You can’t just give up on—“
“Isn’t that what you’re doing?” Regulus exclaims, cutting her off. His face falls as soon as the words are out of his mouth, but what’s said is said, and what’s done is done. She feels sick. It rises in her throat, that sickness, it becomes her. “Jamie,” Regulus says quickly, trying to backtrack, “I wasn’t—“
She swallows thickly, feeling the awful sick slide down, “I’m not…” she sighs, she knows it’s a lie before she even finishes it, “I haven’t given up.”
The fog is thick, it messes with her mind, Regulus nods, “Okay.”
She looks to her hands, running the pad of her thumb across her nails, she wishes she could paint them, but she knows she can’t. Isn’t that giving up? Isn’t that what all this means? She hardly had the chance to figure out who she was and she’s already trying to change it. If she were a better person maybe she wouldn’t. Maybe if she could figure out how to stop that desperate need to please her father she could move on. Maybe if her father was a better man they wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place.
“Jamie I’m—"
“Can we keep driving for a bit?” She asks, they’re almost at the diner, just make another right and they’re there, “Just go around in circles or something.” She manages to look over at him, her eyes stinging in the low light. She’s not ready to go home. Even without Monty being home, even just the idea of him being around is too much right now. He’s never been here, not with Regulus, not like this. He’s nowhere, and everywhere and she’s so tired.
“Yeah, we can,” Regulus says slowly. “If you want.”
Jamie nods, turning back to look out the front window. Is that giving up too? Changing the subject and refusing to actually talk about it. It’s not like it’ll reveal anything more. Regulus already knows, he’s known since the beginning without Jamie even trying. Does everyone know? Does his mum know? Is Effie siding with Monty over her? Does she know and turn a blind eye instead of comforting her daughter? They drive down the street a bit more, doing circles across the diner before turning back onto the main street.
“I didn’t mean to—“
“No, it’s okay,” Jamie cuts him off, “I’m fine. “
“Jamie—“
“Reg,” Jamie ends it. “I promise I’m fine.”
Before Regulus can open his mouth to speak something runs out in the middle of the road. An animal, or something, more like a dark shadow flittering over the road. It could be a raccoon, maybe a stray cat, it’s hard to tell. The only thing that’s for certain is that Regulus swerves off the road to avoid it, it’s an instinct more than anything, driving the car forward to break through the new park bench Minnie just put in. The metal hood of the car crunches underneath them, screeching with the sound, but the aftermath is quiet and dark. With only their hurried breaths, and Jamie’s quiet whines. When she looks over Regulus’ hands are shaking at the wheel.
“You—“
“Are you okay?” He turns to her quickly, his legs trapped under the metal. “Are you hurt?”
Jamie swallows thickly, nodding quickly, “I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?”
Jamie nods, and then she tries to pull her hand away from the dashboard and fire runs down her veins. It spreads across her entire chest, “Oh fuck.”
Regulus’ eyes go wide, “What’s wrong?”
Jamie glances over at him, “My arm, it’s okay.”
Regulus rushes out of the car without another word, struggling to open the door, he throws himself out of it. He’s back to Jamie’s side of the car in record time, peeling her door open, “Come here.”
“I’m okay, Reg,” Jamie reassures him, taking his hand in her not-hurt hand, “Really it’s—“
Regulus shakes his head cutting her off as he leads her to the grass, “I’ll call an ambulance.”
“Reg,” Jamie sighs, “It’s not that bad.”
He sends her a pointed look, “You don’t know that,” his voice is thick with worry, and if it wasn’t as concerning she would find it a little adorable. In fact, she does find it cute, not that she could say that without him killing her. “It could be worse.”
“It’s just my arm,” Jamie says, cradling it to her chest.
Regulus settles, but only barely, sitting down beside her in the grass before he takes out his phone from his pocket and dials the number. There’s no stopping him and Jamie doesn’t try, even though she knows it would just be a waste of energy at this point. She could just call her mum, she’s home she’d be here in two seconds. They wouldn’t have to go through it like this, they’re really not that far from Andy’s even. They could just wait in there until the car gets here and drive that way, but tell that to Regulus.
Regulus doesn’t stay on the phone long, but he speaks quickly and lowly, his voice straining harder with each word he says. His hands are still shaking, resting in his lap. As soon as he’s off the phone Jamie takes his hand in hers, pulling them onto her lap, “It’s okay.”
Regulus shakes his head, refusing to look over at her, “I’ll make it okay.”
“It’s already okay,” Jamie reassures him. It’s not the first time she’s broken a bone, she never stopped when she was a kid. She was always running around somewhere getting in trouble, she fell from the tree in the yard of the Inn and broke her arm in three places. This really isn’t as bad, it doesn’t hurt as much at least, though that might just be the adrenaline talking it’s getting worse by the second. Not that she’s going to say anything about it, Regulus is worried enough as is.
“I’m getting you to the hospital,” Regulus says.
“You’re coming with me,” Jamie tells him.
Regulus doesn’t hesitate, “I’m not letting you go alone.”
“Good,” Jamie sighs, hesitating slightly before putting her head on his shoulder. Her eyebrows kit together with the pain, it’s just a sting. A very big sting but just a sting. She can feel Regulus’ eyes on her even after she’s closed her own. Slowly he leans forward to tuck her hair away from her face.
“Are you sure it doesn’t hurt?” Regulus asks quietly.
Jamie hums, “I’m okay.”
“Okay,” Regulus whispers, tightening his grip on her hand. The ambulance is there soon enough, and they both sit in the back, in the same position they were in the grass. It’s quieter than Jamie thought it would be, not that they need the siren on, she’s a little sleepy but she’s not going to die or anything on the way there. Someone’s talking over the radio but it’s barely there, and one of the paramedics is checking her arm out. They can’t really tell what’s happening without an X-ray but they can tell it’s broken. Regulus keeps his hand on hers the entire ride, it’s not very far, and he doesn’t let go when they make it into the hospital. His gaze darts around the place as if he’s scared someone’s gonna take her from him.
“Reg,” Jamie murmurs as they’re brought back to the room, “I’m okay.”
Regulus nods quickly, but still doesn’t let her go. He only does when she has to be brought in for X-rays, but given the option, he wouldn’t leave her side. As soon as she’s back out he’s grabbing her hand again. Once they’re brought back into one of the back rooms, they’re told to stay put for a bit until a doctor can check up on her X-rays and take care of her.
“What’s wrong?” Jamie asks as soon as the door is closed.
Regulus flashes his eyes over to her, “You’re in the hospital.”
James sighs, “Yeah I know that but you’re not normally this freaked.”
Regulus nods silently, playing with her fingers in his lap, and she lets him. She’ll let him do anything he wants. It should scare her how much. They haven’t known each other that long, but there’s this fullness in her chest when she thinks about him. There’s this blanket of safety when she’s near him. He’s safe. He knows more than everyone else in her life. He knows too much, honestly, but it’s safe. “I just don’t like hospitals, is all.”
Jamie nods, “No one does.”
Regulus smiles sadly, weakly almost, “Yeah, I guess not.”
Jamie pauses before she adds, “Do you want to talk about it?”
Regulus hesitates.
“It’s not like we don’t have the time,” Jamie goes on, “I don’t think I’m very high on their list of things to do.”
“Shouldn’t you call your mom first?” Regulus asks.
Jamie freezes, she didn’t think of her mum. That’s always the first person she thinks about. She should’ve called her while they were sitting on the grass, she could’ve taken them. She’s just sitting at home. “Yeah,” Jamie mumbles, only to hesitate, “I don’t have my phone.” She thinks she left it in the diner, or at least she hopes she did. She doesn’t particularly want to ask her Dad to buy her a new one.
Regulus’ phone is suddenly in her hands and she’s putting in the numbers. She’s never felt nervous calling her mum before, she shouldn’t be now. She knows she won’t be angry at her, it was an accident. She just hates to worry her. Regulus presses his thigh to hers while she puts the phone to her ear.
“Hello?” Effie’s voice comes in. Jamie should just be lucky Effie actually answers unknown phone numbers.
“It’s Jamie.”
Effie falters, “Oh? It didn’t show up with your name.”
“I’m calling on Reg’s phone,” Jamie explains.
“Oh okay,” Effie says, “Is everything okay?”
Jamie swallows thickly, “I need you to not freak out.”
She can practically feel Effie straighten up, “Freak out about what?”
“I need you to come pick us up.”
“Pick you up from where? What happened?” There’s so much fear in her voice, worry is spreading across her entire chest, and Jamie put it there.
She glances over at Regulus before she says, “I’m in the hospital.”
Effie is up out of her seat in two seconds, and Jamie can already hear her rushing to put on her shoes. “St. Mungos?”
“Yeah,” Jamie mumbles, “I’m okay.”
Effie ignores her, “Stay put. Don’t you dare move.”
“I don’t think they’d let me anyway,” Jamie attempts to joke.
Effie ignores her again, “Regulus is with you?”
“Yeah.”
“Keep him there,” Effie says, her car door slamming closed, “I’ll be there in twenty minutes, max, hell maybe ten.”
Jamie laughs, “I love you.”
“I love you too, kid,” Effie sighs a breath of relief, before hanging up the phone.
Silently Jamie hands back the phone, “Was she mad?” Regulus asks.
Jamie shakes her head, “Of course not.”
Regulus nods, “Good.”
Silence coats the room and settles in her chest, she can’t breathe for a second. Just a second, and then it’s gone. She knows where it came from, and she won’t ask about it, not unless Regulus wants to talk about it. She knows how Sirius is. Even as long as they’ve known each other, he still doesn’t get into all of that. All of the family stuff. He doesn’t want to, really, he jokes about it sometimes but he never gets into all of it. All Jamie knows is if it was Walburga she wouldn’t be rushing over here with a chest full of panic. The most she’d do is call someone else to do it if that.
It takes a few minutes for Regulus to speak again, when he does his words are uncertain and small, “Did Sirius ever tell you about our father.”
Jamie looks over at him, “Not much.”
All Sirius ever told her was that he was never around. He was absent most of their childhood, always throwing himself into work. It leaves a bitter taste in Jamie’s mouth now, but she doesn’t bring it up.
“The last time I saw him he was in the hospital,” Regulus tells her.
“Oh.”
“Yeah,” Regulus shakes his head. “He’s barely in his right mind now. The doctors don’t know what they’re doing, they—“ he sighs, “They keep giving him treatments that never work, and they tried to keep me from him. They did.”
Jamie’s eyebrows furrow, “Why would they?”
Regulus shrugs, “They said it was better for his progress if it was just my mother going in to see him.”
“That doesn’t make sense,” Jamie mumbles.
“That’s what Maman said,” Regulus tells her. He sounds so young when he says it. It lingers in Jamie’s chest.
Jamie goes silent. It’s not that she’s surprised. From what she knows that’s completely in character for Walburga to do. Keep Regulus away from something he desperately needs. No matter how horrible their relationship was. Jamie can understand that, needing a father who wants nothing to do with you. She doesn’t tell Regulus the doctors didn’t say anything, he probably already knows, deep down anyway. It’s no use going over it now.
“The doctors aren’t going to take me away,” Jamie promises.
Regulus nods, “Yeah,” he says distantly, “I know.”
Jamie sets her head against his shoulder, “Would you be able to see him now?”
Regulus shakes his head, “She’d never let me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Regulus murmurs. “His memory was already really bad the last time I saw him. He forgot Sirius even ran away. He was always asking after him. He probably wouldn’t recognize me anymore anyway, not that I look that different but to him I don’t know.”
Jamie can feel an endless amount of hurt pouring from his words, and all she wants to do is sew all of it shut. She wants to heal the gaping wounds and make everything right, but that’s not up to her. And fathers aren’t easily fixed like that. She knows. She’s tried. She’s still trying.
“I know he isn’t a very good man,” Regulus says. “But I don’t know.”
“I know,” James murmurs quietly, so quietly she doesn’t even want to hear herself. “I understand.”
Regulus kisses the top of her head, “I know you do.”
There’s an ache in Jamie’s chest worse than the sting from her arm. Worse than anything.
Before either of them can say anything else the door is being pushed open and Effie is running in, immediately walking over to take Jamie’s face in her hands. “You okay?”
Jamie blinks quickly, trying to destroy any trace of her thoughts from her mind. She hums, “I’m okay.” She adds, “The doctor hasn’t come in yet.”
She sighs, “Of course not, this stupid place,” she turns towards Regulus, “Did you hurt anything?”
Regulus shakes his head, “I’m okay.”
She nods, “I called Andy on the way over here, she’s stuck without a car, but I’ll drive you home after.”
“Thank you,” Regulus mumbles, a guilty look riddling his face.
“Oh, don’t worry,” Effie says quickly, “She doesn’t care about the car more than she cares about you.”
Regulus doesn’t say anything back to that, but Jamie knows what he’s thinking anyway.
Effie looks back at Jamie and her face shifts, “Are you wearing make-up?”
Jamie sits up straighter, she honestly forgot all about it with everything that’s happened. She can still feel Regulus’ hand against her face, and the feeling of him leaning in closer to get it right. She nods, “Reg did it.”
Effie turns to him again, “You did a good job, I like it.”
“Really?” Jamie questions.
“Of course,” Effie says, “You’re beautiful.”
Jamie bites back her smile, she wasn’t nervous about her reaction. Effie isn’t the person to be scared of, but still, warmth settles over her stomach. She really needed to hear it, is all. “Thank you.”
Effie laughs lightly, “You’ll keep it on for your dad to see it, right?” She questions, petting her hair, “I’m sure he’d love to see it too.”
It doesn’t stay warm for very long. The dread always finds its way back into her stomach. She freezes, not long enough for Effie to notice, but Regulus tightens his grip on her hand. “I thought he was gone for the rest of the week.”
“I called him on the drive over,” Effie says. “He’s getting on the next flight, he should be here tonight.”
“Oh,” the noise breaks through Jamie’s throat. It’s not that it’s surprising that Effie called him. It only makes sense, but still, she didn’t actually expect her dad to just drop everything to come see her. Especially with something as little as this. He would’ve before, of course, he would’ve. He would be in this hospital right now, somehow, no matter where he was. He’d be in the room right now, but not now. He has to work. He always has to work he can’t just drop everything for her. He’s probably just coming because Effie was so freaked out. That’s the only reason. That has to be it.
Regulus is about to say something before the doctor comes in. Jamie meets her eyes right before the Doctor sits in front of her to start checking out her arm. “I’m sorry” he mouths.
Jamie shakes her head.
⟡⟡⟡⟡
They drop Regulus off first.
Jamie doesn’t watch after him while he walks away but nods when he asks her to call him in the morning. It’s already really late, it took them forever to get out of the hospital, and they gave her stuff to make her all dopey. She just wants to sleep if she’s being honest, but she knows once she sees her dad it won’t be that easy.
“You okay, baby?” Effie asks as they pull up to the house.
Jamie nods, “Sleepy.”
Effie cracks a smile, “You’ll be able to sleep as soon as we get inside.”
The light in the kitchen is already on when they walk inside, and Jamie feels a war in her chest. It only gets worse when footsteps appear down the hallway.
“Monty?” Effie calls out.
“I’m here,” Monty says quickly, his eyes meeting Jamie as soon as he steps into the entryway. For the first time in months, he actually sees her. He actually wants to see her. With worry etched on his face, he grabs her to pull her into a hug, “You okay?”
She freezes, she’s not sure what to do. She knows it’s just because she’s hurt. She knows it’ll go back to how it was before as soon as this cast is off. Hell probably as soon as the morning. He’ll just go back to whatever trip he was on. “I’m okay,” she mumbles, sinking into him anyway. She can’t help it, she’s weak, and she’s missed him. She’s tired, and she just wants her dad to actually want her for once. He doesn’t let go of her right away like she’s expecting, he holds her for a beat longer instead. She aches for it. She begs for it too.
When he pulls away he looks back over at Effie, and it’s done. Just like that. “It’s just the arm?”
He could’ve asked Jamie that. She could’ve answered just as well as Effie. It doesn’t matter though, Effie is already taking him into the kitchen to talk about it more. Getting herself some coffee no matter how late it is. Jamie follows them halfway only to make it to her room before she sets herself on her bed. She should probably get changed, but she’s tired and she can barely move. Her dad saw her. He was worried. Her first thought is she should get hurt more often if only to get his attention. It scares her how badly she wants it. It scared her how many ideas came into her head before she could bring herself to stop it. It wouldn’t even work anyway, not really. No matter how many ideas she can come up with eventually he’ll get used to the routine. He wouldn’t care to join her at the hospital, he probably wouldn’t even call. It wouldn’t matter.
With a sigh, she turns to her mirror. She actually sees the make-up for the first time. It’s all smudged. She looks like a mess actually, but she loves it. She loves it a bit too much if she’s being honest. She can’t look away, not even when tears begin to form just to drag the mascara down her cheeks. She’s not even sure why she’s crying. Her arm doesn’t hurt, they gave her stuff for it, even if she really didn’t need it. She has nothing to cry about. Her Dad is home now. He saw her. He cares. She should be happy. There’s no reason for her to be crying.
She hears Effie from just outside the door and quickly she tries to brush it all away. It doesn’t really work it just makes it more smudged than it was originally. And Effie is in the doorway quicker than she can react to anyway. She tosses over some make-up wipes to land on Jamie’s lap, “You going to sleep?”
Jamie nods quickly, “Yeah I’m tired.”
Effie nods, hesitating at the door.
“I’m okay, Mum,” Jamie reassures. “It doesn’t hurt.”
She nods again, “I know.” She pauses, “You just scared me.”
“I’m sorry.”
She breaks through the room, dragging her over to kiss the top of her head, “You’re not allowed in a car ever again.”
Jamie laughs wetly, “Okay yeah.”
“I mean it,” Effie pulls away, she sighs, “I love you.”
“I love you too,” she murmurs, grabbing the wipes from the side. As Effie reaches the doorway again she calls after her, “How many times are you gonna check up on me tonight?”
Effie scoffs, “That’s funny you think I’m actually sleeping in my room tonight.”
Jamie rolls her eyes, “I’m fine!”
Effie hums, “Goodnight.”
“Night,” Jamie mumbles as she closes the door. She knows she’s not joking. She’ll be in here half the night, no matter if Monty is home or not. With a sigh she turns back to the mirror, catching one more look before she smears it all away. She almost wants to go out there and ask Monty how he thinks about it. Almost. Even if it looks like a mess.
She takes it off before she gains the courage too.