Chapter 9
It had been a week since the incident with Severus, who seemed to carry himself differently though the hallways. His nose was always in the air, and he seemed to strut more than he had before. James did everything in his power to keep Sirius from tackling him, and, furthermore, getting himself suspended as well.
Regulus hadn’t returned to school the following Friday, and word of his temporary suspension spread quickly through the school thanks to the goons Snape associates himself. When word got around to James and Sirius, the latter looked like he was going to pass out, and marched into McGonagall’s office.
“I’m more than aware of your brother’s situation, Mr. Black, but I cannot ignore school policies,” she had said, and Sirius nearly broke down right then and there. He kept mumbling about how she was going to kill him and James felt his heart break over and over again.
Yesterday was the last day of Regulus’ suspension, which meant that he would be walking in with Remus today, and that alone made James’ morning so much easier to get through. He still hadn’t asked Sirius what he and Regulus talked about in the library, but he could tell it was something important for both of them, even if neither of them want to talk about it. He had tried texting Regulus, of course, but there wasn’t an answer, which didn’t mean anything good.
James had to try his best to not think about Regulus this past week, because overthinking about someone you care for dearly being in trouble doesn’t mix well with having to save the city. The first day that Regulus didn’t show up at school, James had accidentally let seven criminals go the same night. The following days, he decided he needed to get it together, because criminals roaming free on the streets of London put more than one person in danger. It definitely proved difficult, though, and he ended up pretending that he was a completely different person whenever putting the mask on; the same way an actor prepares to go on stage, he assumes.
Currently, James and Sirius are sitting in the parking lot, parking in the spot right next to where Remus always parks. They had been doing this for a few days now, just sitting together in the lot and talking to one another before school starts. James jokes about third wheeling when Sirius goes to Remus’ side like a magnet, but he never actually feels that way. If anything, the ache in his stomach is caused by longing for the boy who he hasn’t seen in a week, and he feels somewhat like an addict having withdrawals.
“James,” Sirius says, tapping James on the shoulder to get his attention. When James looks over at him, his eyes are wide, looking past James and out of the window. James whips his head around so fast it hurts.
There he is, sitting to the right of James and looking forward with little to no emotion in his face. Because of Remus’ tinted windows, it’s hard to actually see him in any sort of detail, but James can tell something’s off. It tingles through him like his sixth sense, making the hairs on his arm stand up. Without much thought, he opens his door and exits hastily, not even turning his car off before he’s crouching down in front of a dark window.
Regulus doesn’t notice him sitting there, so he lifts a hand and knocks three times with the knuckle of his index finger, watching how the boy he’s been thinking about non-stop flinches, dark eyebrows kneading together. Then, when he makes eye contact with James, the expression on his face softens the slightest, reaching to roll the window down. Now, James can finally get a good look at him and–
Oh.
Regulus looks sickly. He’s paler than usual, which didn’t seem possible until now, and dark circles surround his eyes. His face is a little sunken, and his lips are pale and cracked, a small bruise that lines his cheekbone being the only real color in his face. There’s also a cut above his eyebrow, and suddenly James wants to pick him up and cradle him to keep him safe forever.
“Hello,” Regulus’ voice is slightly hoarse, likely from misuse, and the word comes out like a huff of air.
“Hi,” James, despite the anger churning in his stomach, smiles brightly. “Welcome back.”
“Mmm,” Regulus tilts his head to the side, dark curls bouncing a little as he does so. His lips purse slightly as he begins chewing on the inside of his cheek, grey eyes scanning over James’ face intently. His expression remains blank, almost as if he isn’t even there.
“I stopped and got you a coffee,” James keeps his voice gentle, which seems to be the wrong thing to do, because Regulus rolls his eyes before pushing himself out of the car, making sure to move James out of the way while doing so.
“Don’t baby me, Potter. I’m fine,” Regulus huffs out, turning to Remus, who’s also getting out of the car. “I’m going to go ask for all the stuff I’ve missed. I’ll see you at lunch.”
And with that, he was off–not before collecting his coffee from Sirius, of course. James was left sort of stunned, looking between Remus and Sirius, who shared the same expression as him. Slack jaws and slightly widened eyes. It shouldn’t have startled them as much as it did–Regulus had always been one to hide how he’s feeling–but seeing him say that he’s fine while looking like that just seemed like pure insanity.
Suddenly, James is feeling a pang of guilt in the lower part of his stomach, a certain thought that had been plaguing him all week making a strong reappearance in his mind. Technically, this was his fault. He could’ve been the one to hit Severus and end the conflict; he could’ve been the one to be sent home for a week, where his parents weren’t likely to do more than lecture him; he could’ve saved Regulus a week-long vacation to Hell. Whatever had happened to Regulus in that house was his fault.
“He’s just tired,” Remus tries to shrug it off, and Sirius nods in agreement, but James holds back the urge to groan in annoyance. Because, no, he’s not just tired. He’s in pain, he’s malnourished, and he’s all boxed up again all because James didn’t feel like being suspended. “He’ll be back to normal by writing club, James.”
“No, he won’t, Remus,” James ran a quick hand through his hair, feeling a sudden urge to drive home and hide in bed all day. Regulus was back to avoiding him, which means James’ life just turned back into one giant game of tag–one that he seems to always lose.
***
The timer rings through the classroom, catching everyone’s attention as the sound of bookbags unzipping fills the room instead. Regulus’ mind snaps into place and his eyes drift across the room, wanting to silently curse himself for zoning out for the entirety of the writing club–something that’s supposed to bring him comfort not even being enough to drag his mind out of its haze.
The past week was, for lack of better words, absolute shit.
First, there was the initial confrontation the day he had punched Severus. Remus dropped him off, not asking about the way his hands twitched anxiously, because the reason was obvious. He was greeted into the house by a sharp slap in the face before he could even close the front door, and since his family was so big on their rings, it had left a lingering sting along his cheekbone. That night, he was in more pain than he had been in years, then was thrown into his room without dinner. His mother slipped in a few words about him being a disgrace before locking the door.
Then, a few days later, he was laying in bed and staring at the ceiling, trying his best to ignore the feeling of his stomach being filled with nothing but tap water from his bathroom. The sound of his door opening caused him to flinch, but he didn’t move from his spot. He knew what would happen once his father was back from France, seeing as his mother felt the need to remind him from the hallway every night before she went to be. It was exactly as she promised; much worse than her own, with more hurtful words as well. By the end of it, his brain had latched onto the names more than it did the pain, and he couldn’t sleep at all that night, nor for the rest of the week.
The last day, yesterday, he was allowed out of his room, but only so he could join his parents at the dining table and watch them eat. He considered biting his own tongue off and eating it at that point, but ended up going upstairs and chugging water until he felt full instead. His mother came in that night for one last lesson, saying it was for his own good as she used his own belt against his back. Regulus, once again, was unable to sleep.
Today, waking up with his phone sitting outside of his door, and being offered breakfast by their cook, Regulus truly felt like doing nothing but hiding in his room for the rest of his life. He couldn’t eat much, his appetite completely gone despite how much he tried to force food down his throat. He was much too full after only two bites of toast.
When Remus showed up, Regulus immediately recognized something that he beyond hated to see. Pity in his best friend’s brown eyes. He tried his hardest to act completely normal when all he really wanted to do was curl up in a ball and shrivel away. He was beyond happy to see his friend again, of course, but having to go to school in his current state was not something he wanted to do. He wishes he could’ve stayed home today and recover over the weekend. If Remus notices him wince every time his back hits the seat, he doesn’t say anything. He knows.
Then, pulling up to the school parking lot was the absolute worst, because he hadn’t even realized they had parked next to James’ car. Remus had to say something before he even saw James by the window. The world seemed to flip alongside Regulus’ stomach.
A beacon of light, James was, with his soft smile and messy curls that he clearly tried to comb out but was unsuccessful. Regulus wanted to lean across the car door and hug him, a comfort he hadn’t realized he craved until the night of the party. After saying hello, Regulus just wanted to admire him. Then, a pang of hurt punched against his chest when James spoke because he could recognize any emotion in those hazel eyes. Pity.
Regulus can’t help but feel angry, because he needed James to just be his happy himself. He didn’t want sympathy or compassion, he just wanted someone to be happy, and the only someone he could always count on to be happy was James Potter. It appeared that he had even tainted that solid anchor of his life.
He didn’t mean to lash out at James, but between the constant haze in his head and the constant feeling of his stomach caving in on itself, he didn’t have the ability to hold back any sort of emotions. He thought about apologizing, then shook the feeling off as quick as it had came.
At lunch, he sat with Barty, Evan, Pandora, and Dorcas in an attempt to shield himself from the burning stares of a certain group of boys, all of which seemed to want to follow him as he walked through the halls. There was one point Barty wasn’t thinking and patted Regulus on the back. It wasn’t hard whatsoever, but it was enough to emit a pained cry from his lips. Barty apologized, but Regulus didn’t care. After that, he made his way to the bathroom and pressed a cold paper towel to the spots on his back that he could reach.
Now, as everyone around him began walking out the door, all Regulus could do was look forward, his eyes trained on nothing in particular. He had to force himself to snap back into reality once again, shaking his head a bit before grabbing his notebook–it hadn’t even been opened–and putting it carefully in his bag. As he became a bit more conscious of the world around him, the familiar burning of hazel eyes stuck to the side of his head.
He turned his attention to the staring boy, catching his eyes and raising an eyebrow with a small huff of annoyance through his nose. He couldn’t lean against the back of his chair or he would do exactly that, so he decided to cross one leg over the other instead, turning his body to fully face the boy next to him.
James only continued to stare, his jaw clenched the slightest bit, which made the line of his jaw to sharpen. Regulus would go crazy if it weren’t for the lack of feeling going on in his body at the moment. Now that he thought about it, the feeling he was currently experiencing was something of lightheadedness, but in a way you would be lightheaded during a bad high.
“What?” Regulus huffs after a few moments, tired of the eye contact and wanting nothing more than to go lay in his bed.
“You’re coming over to my house,” James states, crossing his arms. Regulus’ eyebrows furrow in confusion and his lips pull upward into a scowl.
“Why would I do that?” Regulus asks, scoffing as he turns the slightest to remove his bag from the back of his chair.
“Because we all need to talk,” James leaned forward the slightest bit, a stern look taking over his face. Oh. Regulus wasn’t all there mentally at the moment, but he could tell that seeing James all angry was certainly a sight.
“Who? Me and you?” Regulus rolled his eyes.
“Sirius, too,” James’ eyes drifted to where Regulus was holding his backpack with one hand, then back to his eyes. “We’ve really been worried sick, Reg. Sirius especially.”
“I’m fine,” Regulus lies through his teeth. He knows he’s far from fine, but confiding in someone about his home life was not something he wanted to do, especially to the person who abandoned him in it.
“Really?” James raises his eyebrows, then cocks his head toward the front of the room. “What was the prompt today?”
Regulus freezes, glancing over to the whiteboard to see what was written on it, only to be met with a blank white wall. Shit. Dorcas must have erased it before leaving. He sighs in defeat, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to give a correct answer.
“So what if I’m a little tired? Am I not allowed to be fatigued?” Regulus avoided eye contact, choosing to stare at the ground instead of the eyes that left scolding holes in his head.
“You’re coming home with me,” James nodded, as if finalizing his statement.
“I don’t think that would be a great idea, Potter,” Regulus voice came out quieter than he had intended, but his tone stayed sharp.
“It is a great idea, because we need to talk,” James’ look shrunk into one of sadness and Regulus wanted to dissolve into thin air. A look like that should never be painted onto James’ face in any situation, and the fact that it was Regulus’ fault made him feel sick.
“I need to catch my bus,” Regulus stood up, trying his best to ignore the fact that his hands were very visibly shaking. “I don’t want to talk to you or Sirius about anything. If he wanted to hear about it, then he should’ve just stuck around.”
“Reg,” James’ voice was soft but his grip was firm as he grabbed Regulus’ wrist, causing the boy to flinch much harder than he would’ve expected. James let go immediately. “I won’t force you to do anything, just let me help. Please.”
Regulus froze, blinking slowly and taking a deep breath. He needed to think rationally. If he did go to James’ house without telling his mother, she would definitely not be happy about it. He truly didn’t know if he was supposed to be around anyone right now, let alone the Potters and his brother.
But.
Didn’t he and Sirius agree to start getting along again? Didn’t Sirius say that Regulus needed to talk with James to figure everything out? He could be pulling some weird prank, though, because that would make more sense than Sirius having a random change of heart.
“I’ll tell Remus to cover for you, and you can stay the night. We’ll have banana pancakes for breakfast, yeah?” James’ calloused hand lays gently on top Regulus’ soft one, sending goosebumps to shoot up the pale boy’s arm.
“Fine.”