Hermione Jean Granger had some ridiculously unfortunate luck with boyfriends, for all intents and purposes she fell in love with each and everyone of them. Yet when they break up the media takes the new of said break up and runs whatever wild stories they come up with. Regardless of the reason behind the breakup and she quickly learned that regardless of her war heroine status, it’s always her fault even when it isn’t.
Tim McGraw(Matthew)
But this bad luck didn’t start when she became a war hero, it all started when she had started “dating,” or whatever an 11 year old going on twelve can call dating, her next door neighbour, Matthew. He was 13 and she was turning twelve but he said they were fine because Matthew had told her “you’re more mature for your age Hermione, you don’t play Barbie’s. You read and stuff I like that.” Their relationship started right before she had gone to Hogwarts and although he couldn’t know how she was sending him letters and didn’t know how her parents were getting them to her, he diligently wrote her, and she him.
Every week she would get a letter from him, sometimes her parents wrote as well but she was always writing to Matthew. They were dedicated for being twelve and thirteen years old, she had told him that she made two friends named Harry and Ron, he didn’t like that she didn’t have any girl friends, and he told her about his new friend named Allyson.
He had sent her music to listen to and she had tricked an older muggle-born into playing the album so she could listen to it. They wrote constantly about how much she was growing to love The Smiths. She thought things were going great until he wrote her that they couldn’t be together anymore because he liked Allyson and she was never around anyways because she was at “boarding school.”
She hoped he thought about her every time he listened to The Smiths, and she hoped Allyson hated them.
Picture to burn(Zeke)
That summer when she came home she vowed to never think of Matthew and his stupid girlfriend, but since they lived next to each other that was more difficult than she thought it was going to be.
So she started helping out at her parent’s dentistry office, that’s where she met Zeke, the thirteen year old who convinced her parents to give him a summer job at the office. With the break up with Matthew and the attention Zeke was giving her she was thriving. Or she would be if it weren’t for the accidental magic that would happen when he flirted with another girl. The first time it happened was when he took her to a movie and he spent more time talking to his friend’s girlfriend than talking to her. It sucked because this was her first real date, she wore a cute outfit and her mom had taken a picture she promised to print while they were out.
“Nothing stopping us from flirting with each other, Hermione.” His friend had said who was obviously just as upset that his girlfriend was flirting with Zeke. “He’s just lucky I won’t be telling my dad about this.” She replied. The angrier she got the more she could feel her magic crackle, she didn’t think much of it until his soda exploded right as he offered her a sip. She didn’t hear from him again until the rumour that she was so obsessed with him she got jealous and caused a scene at the cinema circled back to her.
She set his picture on fire that night as her dad threatened to run him over and her mom held her as she cried and the picture of her first date went up in flames.
Tear drops on my guitar(Dylan)
Dylan showed up at the end of the summer before her second year. She first saw him while she was at the library with her dad, and she went back everyday in July until she got the nerve to talk to him. As the month progressed she learned that even though she had the biggest crush on him, he didn’t feel the same.
She realised this as she began to give shim advice to ask out another girl. This was her first sign that boys will always be oblivious. She couldn’t even help if she was a goner, when he looked at her she was convinced she stopped breathing. She just hoped this girl knew how lucky she was.
A week later he ran up to her under their tree in front of the library chanting that their plan worked, that night she dreamt that she was on the receiving end of those flowers she helped him chose.
As august came to a close she knew she was going to Hogwarts, trunk, cat, and crush on Dylan in tow. It was hard enough that she had to explain that she was going shopping for school without exposing Diagon Alley. “Hey Dylan…” she starts. “Hey Mia! Why the long look?”
“Well, I wanted to tell you I won’t be seeing you for a while.”
“What do you mean?”
“I have to go to school in September.”
“So do I but why can’t we meet here after school?”
“I go to a boarding school.”
“Oh.. I can write?”
“You’d have to give the letter to my parents and get the responses from them.. it’s a lot of steps, the school is strict about too many homes having the address for correspondence.” She said with a shrug, “oh. Well I guess we’ll make the most of the rest of the week and I’ll see you in December?” She nodded and hugged him, “Emily’s lucky to have you.”
While she was home for the winter holiday he knocked on her door, “Dylan?” She said. “Mia, can we talk?” He looked nervous so she stepped aside so he could come in, “Why didn’t you tell me you had a crush on me?” He said, not angry just confused. “You were so taken by Emily, it seemed redundant,” she responded with a shrug. “Is it too late? For us?”
“It won’t work out, school and me not being here for two out of twelve months of a year,” she replied sadly to which he just nodded. “See you at Easter?” He asked and she smiled and said “of course.”
Dylan never showed, she spent the rest of Easter Hols with the Weasley’s.
Should’ve said no(blaise/Jonah/Dean)
Blaise Zabini was a surprise for Hermione. One week into third year she sat in the library when she heard him come a sit by her with a small smile and a blue raspberry sugar quill as an offering.
A month later they were dating. Only three people knew about it, Luna, Ginny and Daphne. She thought things were going great. They had a study group and he walked her to the tower every night, that was until two months later Daphne walked in looking paler than usual, “what’s wrong Daphne?” Luna had asked prompting all three girls to look at her and notice the absence of blaise, “Where’s blaise?” Hermione had asked resulting in a squeak from Daphne. “I have to tell you something Mia…” Daphne was the first one to call her that after Dylan. “Okay…”
“Blaise cheated on you… with Tracey Davis… he’s holding her hand and walking around the court yard with her.” She winced. “Okay..” Hermione said and let them in on a plan that resulted in her breakup from blaise.
“Hey Mia.” Blaise said brightly earning a glare from every girl at the table including Hermione herself. “Only Daphnes allowed to call me that.” She snapped. “What?” He asked, “you heard me,” she said in her best impression of Pansy Parkinson that she could muster. “How’s Tracy by the way?” Luna asked, and blaise paled “Hermione I’m so so-“
“Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”
“No, but I’m so sorry, it was a moment of weakness, she asked me!”
“Was it worth it?”
“No!”
“Then you should’ve said no.”
Her rebound ended up being a muggle named Jonas she met while home for Christmas. She thought they were perfect together, he read to her and she left the house to watch him and his friends have snowball fights. She didn’t expect them to last very long due to her having to return to Hogwarts but she didn’t expect his note in her book coming through the mail slot that said ‘we’re breaking up. Sorry. -J’
Another unexpected revelation was Dean Thomas, they had bonded over their muggle culture and upbringing, their love of music, and concern for Seamus and his accidental explosions.
What started as casual conversation over meals turned to hanging out in the common room and notes passed during and in between classes. Her crush on the only other muggle-born she knew in her year was a cliche but she couldn’t care, the only issue, she wasn’t over blaise and his betrayal. Nor was she over seeing blaise dote on Tracy, it wasn’t fair to Dean. When Dean had told her he fancied her she had turned him down, stating that maybe at another time they were meant to be but now wasn’t that time. She hoped there was a time in their lives that they cross paths, they’re still friends but they quit flirting and passing notes.
Dear John (John)
Her first real boyfriend was named John. She had met him at the bookstore and she had agreed to go on a date with him, she was fourteen, it was time she dated.
He had taken her to dinner and a movie and doted on her the way she wanted blaise to. Although she knew it’d be hard to keep her school life a secret and she knew her parents didn’t like that she was dating an older boy, she was convinced she was in love with him. That was until he started being mean.
Commenting on how often she read and getting upset anytime she had to go to “London” with her parents. She couldn’t tell him she was a witch and he didn’t understand why he couldn’t tag along to London with them.
She didn’t think this was an issue until Harry and Ron made an off hand comment about how much they missed the old her. When she brought the comment up to her parents they said that she had changed a bit since meeting John. She decided then and there she would never stay with a man who changed her.
She broke up with John that day and had to get Bill Weasley to discreetly ward her house from him knocking on her door and sitting outside until she talked to him. Boy did she regret ever meeting John.
Nothing new(viktor)
If her parents hated John being sixteen while she was fourteen they’d hate fifteen year old Hermione and eighteen year old Viktor Krum.
“He’s a bit old don’t you think?” Daphne had asked and Hermione couldn’t disagree. “Yes but I think he likes that I don’t fawn over his fame.” The only response she got was a nod and a slight shrug, she knew Daphne hated that Hermione spent more time with Viktor and his Durmstrang friends and she didn’t get it until she felt over whelmed during one of their parties on their ship and Viktor had avoided doing so much as hold her hand. The argument they had as monumental and so loud that Daphne and theo both had to throw up silencing charms, which was astonishing given that Viktor could hardly speak English.
The night of the Yule ball was supposed to be the best night of the year, her parents didn’t understand why she wasn’t coming home but stated that it just made Easter more special. It was a fantastic night until she realised that her date wasn’t really interested in her anymore but it was too late to back out now. She still felt radiant as ever and although both Ron and Viktor refused to acknowledge it Theo ensured she knew how beautiful she looked.
She wished Viktor could see it. She thought she knew everything there was to know about boys and relationships. But as she got older, she knows less now at fifteen than she knew at twelve. Daphne and Theo had snuck her into the slytherin dorms and sat with her after they had found her crying on the stairs, if anyone thought it weird no one said anything thanks to Theo glaring at them.
I can see you (Theo)
She and theo had the longest running romance she could remember, starting after Easter hols and running through their entire fifth year and almost their full sixth year.
He was wonderful and courteous and he was besotted with her. Their relationship did in fact remain a secret due to his father being an avid muggle and muggle-born hater. Theo had on many occasion try to break up with her for her safety, including when his father was seen by Harry at the graveyard that Cedric died in. She steadfastly refused his attempts and reiterated each time that her friendship with Harry is just as if not more dangerous than her dating him.
Theo had joined the DA their fifth year as well as the inquisitorial squad to keep the D.A. safe. When they learned how to cast a patronising his lynx and her otter ran around each other and like long lost friends. But when they got caught by Umbridge theo was the first one everyone blamed until they saw Marietta Edgecomb and the word sneak across her forehead, at that Theo had winked at her and laughed at how sneaky his lion was, he did help her jinx the parchment after all.
Their relationship had ended before winter hols their sixth year, someone had seen them leaving the room of requirement and steal a kiss before going their separate ways, in turn Crabbe and Goyle got told, who told Pansy, who told her parents, who told Theo’s father. When Theo got the letter from his father with simple instructions: ‘The relationship ends or you’re burnt off the tapestry.’ He had decided that she was worth it. Hermione Granger was worth losing his inheritance.
She had other plans. Refusing to be the reason he lost his home and his family she had broken up with him on the train platform in Hogsmeade. “We can still be friends I hope.” She had said and if friends was all he got then that’s what he would take.
When he got home and informed his father that he was no longer seeing her he was congratulated on seeing and fixing the error of his ways, as if he wasn’t planning on being disinherited just to be with her. His father didn’t think it was enough, he was held down by Lucius Malfoy and his father as he was branded by a half-blooded psychopath, and Draco lay unconscious next to him from trying to stop Theo from getting marked, on December twenty fifth. When he finally dragged Draco from the room still unconscious and all the way up to his bedroom in Nott manor he saw that Hermione had sent him the worst knitted hat he had ever seen with a simple note ‘Happy Christmas Theodore.’ He happily wore the hat when he walked with her to Care of Magical Creatures.
Loml(Ron)
She and ron had seemed almost inevitable. Theo wasn’t the same after Christmas and had began to push her away, she was confused until she saw the reason, he was a marked Death Eater, but like Draco was held down and forced to take the mark, she could tell he didn’t want it because she began to put muggle burn ointment on both his and Dracos arms to help combat the raised skin by the marks, since magic didn’t work on them.
Her decision to kiss Ron had been impulsive and a result of him wanting to help the house elves that didn’t want to risk their lives for Hogwarts escape, they almost all decided to stay and fight, she had watched Winky get crucioed to death by Barty Crouch Jr. while Ron and Harry held her back from taking the curse for the poor little thing. After the war she had testified for both Theo and Draco but ever the self-sacrificing weirdo, Theo distanced himself from her and walked away from her. Draco had apologised on his behalf and met Hermione once a month to help her run Flourish and Blotts and make sure the books were up to date, she didnt feel comfortable taking a government job but with the Malfoy’s help and him guilting Theo to push whatever cause Hermione felt passionate about at the time through the government house elves had protective rights and centaur land was safe from potioneers. While Draco would treat her to a celebratory dinner in the shop Theo would never show regardless of the invite. She had lost all feelings she once had for him other than friendship.
One person who couldn’t seem to get over his school days was Ron. He was mad about the testimonies so she agreed to date him so he knew it wasn’t because she was in love with Draco or Theo. A lie at the time. Eighteen year old Hermione didn’t realize she’d still be with Ron at eighteen and talking marriage at nineteen and talking about children at twenty, even though Ron had refused to propose to her. Regardless if he insisted that she was the love of his life.
They briefly broke up but got back together quickly. The only way he’d take her back was if she distanced herself from Draco, he understood and they only met when one of her ideas got put into law.
Now Hermione was twenty two and dealing with her break up from Ron, after she hadn’t been able to return her parents memories she had fallen into a depression and wouldn’t leave her flat, it only got worse when Draco informed her that Ron was telling people that she was still in Australia and that’s why no one visited her, she guessed being away in a foreign country is better than being depressed and in bed. Ron had soon broken up with her and that’s how she found herself being cradled in Dracos arms as she asked why Ron even talked about rings and cradles if he never even meant it.
So Hogwarts
Draco was the best person she could have asked to be around her, he had basically moved into her home after her breakup with Ron and soon became her roommate, he was hardly home due to his professional quidditch career but she didn’t mind since she went to his games anyways. She was never a fan but seeing her in the stands with the number seven painted on her cheek and a Falmouth Flacons jersey on with his last name on the back sent a permanent smile to his face. ‘If only it was green and had slytherin across the front.’ He joked the first time she had shown up.
He was so happy that he didn’t even fly down to meet his team when he caught the snitch he had just flown straight to her and wrapped her in his arms asking about the book shop and expressing concern when he said that Daphne had offered to run the shop on days that she came to watch his games. The mention of future games made him so giddy he almost brought her with him to the locker rooms for the after game debrief.
The first time he had asked her on a date she had thought he was joking until he saw how serious he was, he had bought her tickets to a new movie and her favorite muggle restaurant, Harry’s shock that Draco had insisted he be taught how to purchase different things she liked was so intense Draco almost took him to St. Mungos.
Four dates later Hermione was known as Draco Malfoys girlfriend and was always at his games, in an attempt to impress her regardless of her complete objection to liking anything about the game other than how his uniform fits him, he never failed to catch the snitch, leading them to the World Cup.
He never went to after parties stating that the only after party he needed was take away and a muggle movie with his witch.
At a lunch with Daphne she had stated that regardless of being twenty four she had felt like a giddy teenage girl whenever she was with him and wondered if this is how regular relationships were supposed to feel if they were to have been able to be teenagers who could have fallen in love at Hogwarts, Daphne, who was now dating Harry after he realized dating Ginny was basically a rockstar dating a groupie, knew how she felt all too well.
Another time when Harry joked with Hermione and Draco on their weekly double date, that it’s funny because their relationship has extreme “my girlfriends smarter than me.” and “I’m a nerd dating a jock.’ vibes they had simply laughed as she responded “What can I say? he knows how to ball, and I know Aristotle.”