Soft droplets of rain pattered against his face, dripping down his chin and cheeks. It's crisp- cold- the harshness pricked at his skin as the water fell wherever it desired.
His vision was dark as his eyes remained closed, but he could clearly picture the blue grey sky above him, so menacing and peaceful.
Regulus was quite like a rain storm, either hated or loved. You either ran away or stayed to witness the beauty. Most people didn't like the rain- they didn't like to be wet.
His clothes were soaked, hanging off his body being weighed down to the ground as water soaked into the fabric. His shirt had shrunk slightly, leaving his stomach vulnerable to the rain.
Regulus' hair was pushed out of his eyes, sticking to his forehead and cheeks. Water droplets collected at the tips of his hair and grew until they were too heavy, dripping down Regulus' face.
The rain smell filled the air, soaking itself into the ground. Wet grass was a harsh smell- biting at your nose- but mixed with the musk of wet wood and the weak smell of mud and it was the perfect candle.
Regulus loved the way rain smelled. He loved the way it felt on his skin, like it was washing away all the bad he'd ever experienced. He loved to watch it- to watch the water paint a dewy gloss onto the world around him.
It was peaceful. No one else but Regulus, lying there in the grass. There was no sound, everything else drowned out by the pitter patter of the rain against the softening ground.
"You're going to catch a cold."
Regulus didn't need to open his eyes to know who the voice belonged to. He heard that voice everyday of his life- not just because he couldn't shut up, but because he was a frequent visitor in Regulus' nightmares.
He didn't respond, hoping the man would leave- he was good at that.
Instead footsteps approached him and he listened as the man plopped down to the ground beside him.
Regulus barely peaked one eye open to see Sirius lying beside him, staring up at the sky. The rain had just begun to soak into his clothes.
"What are you doing?" Sirius asked.
He wanted to be petty. To ignore Sirius like the man had been doing to him for years. He never cared before, so why now?
"Lying here." Regulus answered, his voice was soft and weak from lack of use.
"Why?"
Why- Where did Regulus even start. Birth, probably, where everything went downhill. Maybe it was the overbearing parents or the threat of war.
No, Regulus knew exactly what had brought him to that moment right then. Lying in the grass during a rain storm with his brother.
"I fell in love." Regulus breathed.
The rain was the only sound for a moment and then Sirius shuffled in his spot.
"Is that not something to be happy about?" Sirius asked.
Polar opposites, Regulus thought. He knew the boy would never understand, but that notion didn't calm Regulus' ache to be understood.
"No."
Regulus didn't get to fall in love. That was not his story. The novel was written, published, and signed- Regulus could not change it. His whole life was written out on the pages of a book he was not allowed to contribute to.
He was to be a good daughter. To be the best in his classes, graduate, marry a pure blood man with power, and be his obedient housewife. Love was not written into the pages.
Regulus was expected to produce heirs with a man that will probably be a distant cousin of his, but a cousin nonetheless. He was expected to play a role, the role he was born into.
He could rip out the pages, scribble on them, but the words would still be there. The pages would still exist. It was his fate. Doomed to a lifetime of watching as a background character in his own story.
"Why not?" Sirius questioned, curiously.
Regulus was tired. Too tired to snap at him. He wanted to be alone- to pretend he didn't exist and he was just a part of the earth, melting into the grass and mud until he was the ground beneath them.
"I don't get the happy ending." Regulus mumbled.
Sirius didn't respond, but he also didn't leave, remaining beside Regulus as the rain pelted down at them.
"Life is not a fairytale, there's no such thing as a happy ending", Sirius started, "We're born and then we die. What you do in the in-between will determine whether you die with regret or not."
Regulus didn't know how to run away. Everything felt so big- too big. He couldn't handle it.
"If you love him, don't let him go." Sirius went on.
Regulus loved him, but how could that ever be enough? How could Regulus be a man worthy of love? He couldn't change who he was- all the moments of his life coming together to create the person he was right then.
"I'm in love with James", Regulus spoke, "Does that change anything?"
He probably shouldn't have said anything, since it would also affect James, but there was a part of him that wanted to ruin it before it had the chance to become something beautiful.
Sirius didn't wait too long to respond, to Regulus' surprise.
"Does he love you back?"
That wasn't what Regulus was expecting. Some anger, maybe resentment. He'd always pictured a big blow out fight with screaming. This was different- confusing.
Regulus shrugged with what little energy he had, "I don't know. Maybe."
Sirius pushed himself to sit up, "Then no. If you love him, truly love him, then fuck everything else."
Regulus' felt his heart squeeze in his chest. He couldn't remember the last time he had a cordial conversation with his older brother, much less a meaningful one.
Regulus listened as the man shuffled and stood to his feet. Sirius took a step away and then paused, shoving his hands into his pockets.
"If happy endings existed, you'd be one of few people to deserve one." Sirius muttered.
The shuffling grew softer as he walked away, until his presence was gone entirely. Regulus was alone again.
Sometimes Regulus felt like he was always alone. In a room full of people, but still alone. He wanted to be seen, to be listened to, to be loved.
Regulus let the rain drown out his thoughts. Allowing the sounds to echo around inside his mind.
The rain continued to fall, cold against his cheeks. It hid the tears as they swirled together- a reminder of the warmth he had, but the cold he would always crave.
He didn't know how to be happy. How was he supposed to- in his brother's words- fuck everything else? He cared too much, too little- it weighed him down, soaked his clothes until he was heavy. Too heavy to breathe, too heavy to move.
He felt naked out there in the rain. He felt raw- like every droplet of water was his savor and his captor. It was love and hate. Bravery and fear. It was his love for James and his younger self aching for his parents to be proud of him.
He lost either way because both events defined him. Could he go on knowing James would forever be the one that got away? Could he go on knowing he was a disgrace- knowing he'd never see his family again?
Regulus wished he had a piece of what Sirius had. The ability to just walk away. Regulus couldn't- he was too deep. These were still his parents- the only parents he'd ever had.
Fear played a part too. He knew what to expect from home. He had a routine- a place he could predict. How could he leave? How could he just runaway from everything he'd ever known? The idea terrified him. There were too many unknowns- too many boxes unchecked.
Regulus rolled onto his side and forced his mind to shut off. Just one moment of peace- just one moment where all is calm.
He doesn't remember falling asleep, but when he wakes up he's warm- dry. He can feel the sun, not directly on his face, but beams across his body as they seep in.
Regulus opens his eyes and sees the dark cedar overhang, it's identical to his own, but his peripherals are filled with red, not green.
He pushed himself to sit up, the blanket slipping off his shoulders. His hand rests in the spot beside him- it's still warm, the mattress molded to the body that once laid there.
Regulus huffs, blowing the curls from his eyes. His hair is a mess, he can feel the knots and the hairs sticking up. He runs his hand through it, but it's no use. Just another thing Regulus cannot control.
His eyes fall down to his clothes- well, not his clothes, but the ones he wore. James' last name was small on the corner by his heart. It was right above his quidditch number.
The shirt was a migraine-inducing shade of red and Regulus knew the boy was probably so smug when he put Regulus in it.
Regulus hated the Gryffindor colors because they were so bright and loud- quite like James.
He was wearing James' boxers too and- Regulus pulled the blanket up to see his feet, spotting the pair of fuzzy socks keeping his toes warm.
The curtain opened quietly and James blinked as his eyes met Regulus'. A smile grew on his face.
"Good morning." James hummed, climbing back into bed beside Regulus.
James put the blanket back on Regulus' feet and pressed a kiss to his temple.
"You brought me here?" Regulus asked.
James nodded, chuckling so fondly, "You feel asleep in the rain, my love."
"And?" Regulus quizzed.
James furrowed his eyebrows.
"And I didn't want you to catch a cold?" He said, more of a question than a statement. He brought his hand to Regulus' forehead, pressing the cool back of his hand to the boy's warm head, "Are you feeling alright?"
Something tells him Sirius played a part in the whole thing, but he doesn't point it out.
Regulus gently swatted James' hand away, "I'm fine."
James brought his fingers to the corners of Regulus' mouth and forced the boy's lips up into a smile.
"You're so pretty when you smile." James hummed dreamily as he let his hands fall into his lap.
Regulus looked away, playing with his fingers. He wished he could smile more, but the action felt unnatural. Sirius had told him once that if he kept frowning, his face would stay that way and maybe that was explanation. Maybe it was a consequence of his own actions.
"Are you angry with me?" James asked, ducking his head to try to meet Regulus' eyes.
"No." Regulus muttered, sighing softly.
He didn't want to upset the man, he never wanted to upset him, but he wasn't sure how to communicate. He wasn't sure how to organize all his thoughts and feelings.
"Then what is it?" James asked, scooting closer to Regulus, "You're beginning to worry me."
Regulus looked up at James. His features were soft but filled with worry, ready to do anything to make Regulus feel better.
James had removed him from the storm and brought him somewhere warm and safe. Regulus didn't really believe in signs from the universe, but this seemed like foreshadowing.
It was like the universe was showing him what to choose. James would brighten his life- remove him from his storm and bring him somewhere safe where he can thrive.
There was still peace and quiet in the little bubble of James' bed, but the uncertainty and fear was gone. There he was seen- there he was loved.
"I think I'm in love with you." Regulus admitted, starring into James' beautiful big eyes, amplified by his glasses.
"Is that not a good thing?" James questioned.
"I'm scared." Regulus breathed shakily.
"Of what, my love?" James asked, gently cupping Regulus' face in his hands.
Regulus bit his lip, "Everything."
"You're not alone, you know. We can be scared together", James offered, "You have to be scared before you can be brave."
Regulus wanted to be brave. He wanted to get out- to leave behind the ball and chain that dragged him down.
"I want to be with you." Regulus said softly.
James caressed Regulus' cheeks with his thumbs, raising his eyebrows at the boy, "Are we not already together?"
He was teasing Regulus, but his words were full of nothing but love and affection.
"I want to spend my life with you." Regulus quipped.
James paused, but only for a split second.
He chuckled, "You're whole life? Won't you get bored of me?"
"Maybe." Regulus joked.
James leaned down to kiss Regulus. The kiss was full of love and promises. Unspoken promises to love, to keep each other, and to choose one another over all else.
Regulus melted into him, his mind silent for the moment. For once, Regulus listened to his heart.
Their hearts beat the same rhythm. The soft thumps beating against their chests as if their hearts were having a conversation. Two hearts, forever telling their love story until the very last beat.
Regulus likes the rain, but he loves the sun.