“Just one more!” James asks, as Regulus is about to leave the astronomy tower. “Please.”
“God, you are insufferable.” The younger black says, getting closer to James once again. He looks deep in James’ eyes, and he knows he truly wants it. A goodbye kiss, that’s all. Not a ‘make out’ kind of kiss, just a sad, truly loving goodbye kiss.
“I know you love me.”
“Sure.”
Regulus gets closer and closer, until he can feel James’ breath on his lips. It’s so, so calming. He misses it already, even though it’s happening now. He misses James’ arms around his waist, he misses James’ lips on his own. He misses James. Once their lips meet, it’s pure magic. As it always is. They kiss once, twice, more and more, until James stops.
“I have to sleep now. Quidditch game tomorrow.”
“Okay. Good night, James.”
“Good night, star.”
James leaves the room first, leaving Regulus on his own.
***
James went well in the game, and Gryffindor won once again. It was Gryffindor against Ravenclaw, and honestly? James was the best, as always.
Once the team is out of the locker room, Sirius starts to get ready to go back to school as well. They’re always left in the room because they chat a lot, and lose a lot of time because of it.
“Dude, how can your braids always be perfect?” James asks.
“When we were younger, Regulus would always ask me to braid his hair. I’m just good at it because of practice! Maybe I'll teach you one day.”
“Wait. Regulus had long hair?”
“...”
“How did Walburga let him have long hair? She never let YOU have long hair!”
“Just- Just ask Regulus later, okay? He’ll give a better explanation.”
“Alright.”
***
They’re in Regulus’ dorm again, since Evan and Barty went to Hogsmade. They’re on Regulus’ bed, with Regulus’ head on top of James’ chest. Regulus was reading out loud a book James can’t remember the name, but it was so boring. Once he’s over, James says:
“You know, I was talking with Sirius about how his braids are always perfect, and he told me something… weird.”
“What? He trains every night in front of the mirror so it won’t look bad in front of Lupin?” Regulus says, laughing.
“No, but he probably really does that.” They’re both laughing now. “But, it was something about you. About how you always asked him to braid your hair.”
“Oh.”
“And I got curious, because Walburga never let Sirius have long hair. And I didn’t understand why she’d let YOU have it, since you were the favorite son and all.”
“Uh, it’s- it’s complicated.” Regulus sits, looking everywhere but James.
“Sorry, am I… being too much again? Like, asking too much? I can stop and forget this. And we won’t have to talk about it ever again. Only if you wants.”
“No, no. It’s just something I don’t usually talk about with people.” He sniffs, with tears forming on his eyes. “God, it’s something I don't talk about with no one. I didn’t think I’d have to ever say these kinds of things out loud, you know? But it’s not too much. Just unexpected.”
“Okay. Take your time, love.”
Regulus’ silent for a while. Trying to hold back the tears, to find the words. Once he’s ready to talk, he sees it. The moment James will tell him he’s disgusting. The moment James will say he’s not a real boy. The moment it’s all going to break down because he was selfish.
He stopped breathing a while ago, and now, he can feel that the air is escaping. Because he’s disgusting, and nothing would want to come closer after knowing what he is. He looks down, and his hands are shaking. His eyes are full of tears, and they fall all together at the same time. James is looking at him like he’s scared. Scared of Regulus.
“...ve?” He hears James’ muffled voice. “It 's …ght. Breath with me, okay?”
James breaths, and Regulus tries to follow it.
They stay like this for at least ten minutes, until Regulus can breath on his own. And James seems sad. Sad because he had to see this. Sad because Regulus is a disaster.
“Love? What… what just happened?”
“I… I don’t know. It happens sometimes. I can’t breathe and then I’m suddenly… like this.”
“oh.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, no! Don’t be sorry. It’s nothing you can control, right? It just… happens.”
“I guess so.”
“Why didn’t you tell me about it? I could’ve helped.”
“It’s not important.”
“For me, it is.”
And god, here they’re again. They’ve had this conversation a thousand times. Regulus hides stuff from James, and James has to find out about it in a bad moment. It’s just the same as always. It’s frustrating, maybe more.
“It 's… fine.” James says, whispering. “I just wish you’d tell me the important stuff. So I wouldn’t have to find out about them. What more are you hiding?”
“I…”
“You?”
“I’m trans, James. But- I’m still the same. I’m still Regulus, and-”
“Reg.”
“I still love you, and I’m still the same person, with the same personality, just- just not what you expected. I’m still yours, I swear.”
“Reg!” James yells. “It 's fine.”
“What?”
“I don’t care.”
“Sorry, what?”
“It’s fine, really. You are you, and I love you. Independent of your body or so. You’re… the best. Really.” James gets closer, putting his hands on Regulus’ waist. “I love you because of who you are. Not because of your body. You should know that.”
“I… I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, dickhead.”
“I love you too.”
“I know.”
“Just one more kiss?”
“Of course, love."