Chapter 2
The wooden chair beside my father slid open, scraping against the stone floor with a wave of his hand. “Sit,” he commanded.
I lowered myself into the chair and placed my hands on the table, tracing the grain of the wood with my right finger as I observed him and waited for him to speak. Despite his age, he still looked incredibly striking. He embodied Black elegance with his aristocratic features: a strong jawline, pointed nose, high cheekbones, and deep-set eyes. It was remarkable how all the Black men in the family shared the resemblance. Sirius and Regulus were his spitting image.
With another wave of his hand, a teacup flew from the cabinet and settled in front of my spot at the table. He filled it with tea from the pot that was still steaming. “Splash of milk?”
“Yes, please.”
He added the milk from a small creamer and pushed the cup towards me. I took a small sip and set the cup back down.
“Did Kreacher mend your wound?” I brought my hand to the small raise of skin above my eyebrow. “He did a fine job.”
“No, Father, I keep Dittany in my room.” His shoulders stiffened at my words. “Sometimes Mother disallows Kreacher to attend to me after our altercations.” He didn’t reply.
His eyes looked me over, his mind working through what he wanted to say. We sat in silence for a couple of minutes, my tea cooling. My stomach clenched in hunger, but food was the last thing on my mind now. I let my gaze drop to the table.
“You cannot stay in this house any longer.” My head snapped to attention as his words cut the silence. “I’ve made plans for you, Alex. Since your mother is losing her gods-forsaken mind, I’m afraid she’ll take things too far.”
I crossed my ankles and readjusted my sitting position in the wooden chair. I wasn’t entirely sure what he meant by too far. “I’ve survived this long,” I replied. “Waiting until my 18th birthday is nothing—it's only a few more years.”
“You shouldn’t have to survive your home, daughter.”
It felt almost comical that he finally acknowledged that Grimmauld Place was not a safe space for his children. Hadn't she and her brothers been surviving their home for as long as they could remember? It wasn’t news to any in the household that Walburga’s levels of cruelty were spiraling out of control.
“A few more years could mean the difference between life and death for you.”
I inhaled a shaky breath. “You really think she-she'd hurt me so severely that I wouldn’t survive it? Can’t you control Mother?”
“It’s not that simple.”
My grey eyes narrowed at his answer. “You’re the head of our House, Father. Can’t you, I don’t know, send her away to the continent for a bit?”
“Come, now, Alex, you know that is impossible.” Her father dared to send her an incredulous look as he ran a hand through his wavy black hair. “She’s Lady Black, need I remind you? She has responsibilities to this House. Disappearing for years would cause rumors and would weaken our House.”
“Right, that’s what’s most important. The strength of our House and appearances.” The sarcastic tone in my voice didn’t go unnoticed. “You’ll send your only daughter away instead. Not a woman who clearly has a touch of the Black family madness.”
The Black madness—a hereditary malediction that displayed itself in various ways, such as insanity, violent outbursts, loss of social filters, and paranoia. It took different forms in different people, bringing out their worst characteristics and driving them mad. The family chose to ignore the madness, sweeping the rumors under the rug. But its inevitability couldn’t be escaped as it consumed one family member every few generations. Whispers amongst pure-blood society rumored that it was due to the family’s inbreeding in attempts to keep the bloodline pure. It didn’t help that my father and mother’s marriage fueled the gossip—first cousins married to ensure the line remained strong and pure.
My father took a swig from his porcelain teacup, finishing its contents in one gulp, and set the cup gently on the kitchen table. A whiff of firewhisky hit my nose—definitely not tea. He ignored my comment on the Black madness.
“What do you know about your great-uncle, Marius Black?”
My shoulders shrugged, the only answer I felt like giving. I knew who Marius Black was. Every living member of House Black knew the story of Marius Black. He was the youngest sibling of my grandfather Pollux and great-aunts Dorea and Cassiopeia, and he was born a squib. He had been blasted off the family tapestry—as good as dead. And from the stories, my mother told us when we were little, he was killed for being an abomination to the family. Was my father hinting that my fate would be like Marius’ the longer I stayed in this house? My heart rate picked up.
“He’s alive, Alex. Your great-uncle—your mother’s uncle is alive.” He paused for a moment, letting his words sink in.
I blinked several times, shocked. I was not expecting that. Marius Black was alive? Where had he been all these years? How had he escaped the stories that my mother had told me? Was he sent to an orphanage or adopted? He obviously survived in the muggle world. The tiniest of hopes surged through me. If I had a living squib family member who had survived the muggle world, it was a good indication that I might also survive.
My father saw the grey in my eyes lighten and shook his head in discouragement. Don’t get your hopes up, he said silently in that gesture. Nothing good comes from being a squib.
“He lives in France with his muggle wife.” He didn't wait for me to answer. “They have a son and grandson around your age. All four live in a small coastal town—” That sounded nice and normal. Could I have a semblance of normal one day? Fall in love, get married, have a family? I scoffed at the thought; the concept felt foreign. I knew I was too emotionally damaged for normal. I was useless, always would be. “—I’ve contacted the family, and Marius has agreed to take you in. You’ll travel September 1st after Sirius and Regulus return to Hogwarts.”
“What... you can’t be serious, Father. Please, that’s absolutely absurd!” My voice lifted in anxiety. “Does Mother know?”
“Your mother only knows what I tell her.”
So that was a no. “She’ll hex you for going behind her back. Or worse.”
“Perhaps, but that is between her and I.”
“Until she takes it out on Sirius or Regulus.” My arms crossed protectively over my chest.
He remained silent at my last comment.
His chair screeched on the stone floor, indicating his patience was nearing its end. Pulling out a small flask from his pocket, he unscrewed the top and refilled his teacup before continuing. “Your brothers will be fine. They have magic and can defend themselves. This is for your safety, Alex.”
I let out an incredulous snort, letting the words fall out before I could keep them in. “Since when have you cared for my safety?”
The dark, dangerous warning look he sent had me clamping my mouth shut before more words rolled out. His magic vibrated with controlled restraint.
I couldn't stop the thoughts swirling in my head and felt a sense of dread settle into my stomach. How could he expect me to leave my brothers? We were each other's lifelines in this house. Walburga would only redirect her anger from me to them. All contact would be cut off once I left for the muggle world. My heart wasn’t ready to let them go. Regulus, my twin brother— it would be physically painful to be separated from him without any contact for the rest of our lives. And then there was the whole part about depending on another family, burdening people that I didn’t know. At least if I left on my terms as an adult, I wouldn’t need to rely on others.
“I won’t go, Father. I’ll take my chances here and wait until I’m an adult in the muggle world. My brothers still need me—I need them. I’ll make myself even more scarce around Mother, I promise. I’ll stick to my room, the library, and the garden. Please... don’t send me away.”
My voice took on a desperate tone. The thumping in my chest echoed in my ears as I watched him drain his second cup of firewhisky. He had to realize that I couldn’t leave. He had to consider what I desired.
“It's non-negotiable.” The finality in his voice was unsettling. “Do you realize the kindness I’m extending you by allowing you one last summer with your brothers? I am risking your well-being because I know their importance to you. Your great-uncle was willing to take you sooner, and I seriously considered it. He knows you’re not safe here, much like he wasn’t when he lived at Grimmauld. It would be in your best interest for me to send you away tomorrow without any goodbyes.” He must have seen the horror written across my face because his words softened as he spoke. “Please, you will do as I say.”
But Father—”
He cut me off, his features contorted by a pain I didn’t recognize. “No, Alexia Lyra. No. You are my only daughter—and because of that, I will not; I cannot have your death on my hands.”
The statement shocked me. I hesitated for a moment, uncertain how to respond. Subconsciously, I knew there was some level of care beneath my father’s cold and aloof demeanor, but acknowledging it threatened to overwhelm my heart.
Before I could form a rebuttal, he stood abruptly, pushing the wooden chair out from under him, and vanished the teacups and teapot with a wordless Evanesco. “Go to bed, daughter, it’s late. You have tutors early in the morning. We’ll discuss the finer details closer to the summer's end.” He squeezed my shoulder in an unusual display of affection and walked out of the kitchen.
I wanted to stand up and scream at him, to make him realize how pathetic he was for his weakness and not being able to protect his own family. However, I didn't. Instead, I sat in stunned silence, resigned to what he told me, unsure what to do.
Fresh tears slid down my face, hitting the kitchen table. How was I supposed to endure a summer at Grimmauld, knowing it was my last? I would take a thousand Cruciatus curses and stinging hexes if it meant prolonging my time with my brothers. I wasn't ready to leave my childhood home, no matter how messed up my home life was. I knew it was abusive, but emotionally, it was the only home I knew.
Eventually, exhaustion overwhelmed my body. All I wanted was to lay in bed and let the darkness consume me. I stood up and slowly pushed in the chairs under the table. Morning would come soon, and my father was right, I had tutors and studying. If these were the last few months I had in Grimmauld and with my brothers, I would make the most of it.
//
As spring turned into summer, London experienced warmer weather. June was unusually hot this year, and the cooling charm within Grimmauld’s walls couldn't alleviate the heat. It felt suffocating to stay indoors—even the usually cool library with its dark corners was too warm. So, instead, I often escaped into the shade of the backyard garden, which was nestled in the far corner of the lot. The garden was small, with several flowerbeds and a single tall maple tree with deep purple leaves. A gentle breeze always passed through the tree's branches, providing the only relief from the heat. I couldn't help but wonder if the breeze was charmed, as it seemed to be the only cool spot on the property.
Mid-June finally brought the end of the Hogwarts term. The time waiting between Easter hols and the last day of school had felt impossibly long, and my father’s news made it even longer. I wanted to write to Sirius and Regulus and tell them what had happened, but our correspondence had been suspended for some time due to my parents’ worry that their squib of a daughter would be found out. It was painful not to be able to share what was happening in my life with my brothers, but I knew eventually I would confide in them. Regulus would take one look at me, and our twin bond would tell him that something was off.
A loud crack brought me out of my thoughts as I sat under the tall maple. Kreacher slowly bowed and then spoke in his gravelly voice. “Young Mistress, your parents have left to retrieve the two young Masters from King’s Cross. Mistress wanted me to inform you that she will not tolerate any misbehaving during tonight’s welcome home dinner.”
Before I could reply, Kreacher snapped his fingers and disapparated back into the house.
My mind wandered as I stared at the open book in my lap. My fingers traced the edges of the cover. It was no use reading as a touch of anxiety coursed through me. Tonight’s dinner was a Black family tradition. It was ostentatious, with multiple courses and wine pairings that dragged on for hours. It would be silent like many dinners shared around the table, but eventually, there would be a vicious fight between Sirius and our parents, ending the dinner in scorching hexes and blood. Regulus often tried intervening, but Sirius would push him away, not wanting to drag his baby brother into the mess and ensuring that Regulus would protect me. I hated being useless, unable to defend myself or my brothers, who always protected me.
It was weird to think this would be my last welcome-home dinner. It may have been a little screwed up, but there was some relief in knowing it.
The back door slammed open, hitting the stone wall with a bang, bringing me out of my thoughts as I sat under the tall maple. The noise reverberated around the small garden, shaking the flower petals. My heart leapt in my chest—only one person in our house opened a door with such force. I shot up from my seat, carelessly tossed the book in my hands onto the marble bench, and made my way toward the house.
I found Sirius pacing around the backyard, muttering to himself. After a while, he stopped and stood tall, his school robes already disheveled and his black hair carelessly falling to his shoulders in beautiful waves. Desperation rolled off him as he kicked at something on the ground with his dragonhide boot. His shoulders slumped as he dropped to his knees and silently screamed, holding his head in his hands. He must have cast a silencing charm around himself. He was panting, his gaze looking off into the distance as his body shook with anger. My chest clenched as I carefully approached him and lowered myself to his level.
“Sirius?” Stormy eyes that matched my own lifted to my face. There was a faraway look in his gaze as if he weren’t truly seeing me. “Siri,” I called again. The effect Grimmauld and my parents had on him troubled me. I felt selfish because his return meant freedom for me but a suffocating prison for him.
He blinked several times before his eyes cleared and focused on my face. I offered a smile.
“Alex?” I nodded, brushing aside the black locks that had fallen across his face, hoping my touch would be reassuring and calming. “Sorry, I—” he looked around, confused, “—gods, this fucking house. It’s so stilting... as soon as I walked through the door. And Mother was yelling at me, and I just...” he trailed off.
“I know, trust me, I know.”
He winced at my words and dragged his hands across his face. “Right, of course. I’m such an utter arse. You’re stuck in this hellhole all the time. Merlin, I’m the worst older brother ever. How—”
I cut him off before he could continue. “Just hug me, Siri.”
Without hesitation, his long arms wrapped around my shoulders and pulled me into a tight embrace. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you, Lexi.”
His words were like a balm to my soul. “Same. I’ve missed you dreadfully.”
He kissed the top of my head and let me go. He stood up and offered me his hand. Taking it, I rose to my feet. A worried expression fell across his face as his hands squeezed my shoulders. “How are you? With no correspondence, I worry about you, Alex.” His tone morphed into one of brotherly concern.
The compulsion to tell him everything intensified, but I tampered it down. I could only relay the story once, so it had to be when he and Regulus were together.
“Where’s Regulus?” He squinted at me, annoyed that I hadn't answered the question. I shifted cautiously, avoiding his stare. “I need to discuss something urgent with you both. Something happened and—”
Sirius’ body immediately tensed. “Happened? Something happened? What do you mean happened? Did Mother hurt you?!” His voice rose with a protective edge. “I swear to Godric I will—”
“No, she didn’t. I mean, nothing out of the ordinary.” His face flushed red with anger. “I’m alright. Look, I’m standing here, not hurt. No cuts or bruises, see?” He sucked in a breath and let it out slowly as his eyes did a quick sweep over me. “Promise I’ll explain everything before dinner.” I grabbed his arm and tugged him towards the door. “Let’s just find Regulus and talk in his room.”
“Fine, it’s probably safer anyway. We don’t need Kreacher spying on us in the garden.”
“He doesn’t spy on us, Siri.”
He gave me a pointed look. “Please. There have been plenty of times where I have been caught sneaking out and reprimanded due to Kreacher’s tattling.”
We returned to the house and took the servants’ stairs to the third floor. Years ago, we discovered that our parents never used the servants’ stairwell, which meant it was the best way to avoid them. I felt the tug of my twin bond as soon as we walked down the hallway to Regulus’ room.
Sirius’s fist pounded on Regulus’ door loudly. “Reggie, you in there?”
“Don’t pound on his door, you berk,” my voice hissed out. “Are you trying to draw Mother or Father’s attention?” He shrugged sheepishly. “Reggie, I’m coming in.”
At my voice, the door unlocked and swung open on its own. Regulus was immediately under the doorframe, wrapping me up in a hug. The relief he felt at seeing me surged through our twin bond.
“Alex,” he said warmly. “Missed you.” He held me for several long moments, then pulled away. His grey eyes surveyed me much like Sirius had earlier and nodded in approval more to himself than to me or our older brother. “Just felt this dread all the way home on the Express. Something feels off. I wanted to find you right when we got home, but of course, Mother had to speak with me first.” His tone indicated his frustration.
Regulus stood several inches taller than me. He had grown over the few months since I had last seen him. His hair was shorter than Sirius’ but had the same natural wave. His full lips were in a thin line as he glanced over my shoulder at Sirius.
“Can we come in, brother? Lexi wants to talk, and I'd rather not stand in the hallway for it. It’s too hot out here in the hall.” A sigh left Sirius as he casually leaned against the wall outside of Regulus’ room.
Regulus stepped back and let us in. The door closed with a click as he drew his wand and cast a few silencing charms.
“Is that a new charm?” The wand movements differed from those I had seen him or Sirius use.
“Observant as ever.” A smile spread across my face at Regulus’ words. “A friend created a silencing charm. It’s called—” he paused and looked at Sirius “—well, it doesn’t matter what it’s called. Just know that it’s effective.”
Sirius rolled his eyes and unceremoniously dropped himself onto Regulus’ bed. Slytherin green and silver set the color scheme in the room. The setup was similar in each of our rooms, with a full-size bed, nightstand, desk, and chest of drawers. But its decorations were unique and personal. Sirius had Gryffindor colors and muggle motorcycle posters permanently charmed to his wall. Regulus' walls were clean of posters, with his Quidditch gear and various books strewn about.
“Reggie, I have no intention of stealing your secret silencing charm. After all, anything crafted by the snakes is likely imbued with Dark magic.
Regulus narrowed his gaze at him. “We can’t all be saints in Gryffindor.”
“Boys, please, let’s not get into this now.” The tone in my voice became agitated as I pinched the bridge of my nose. Their constant barbs and jabs about their Houses were exhausting. I couldn’t outright choose a side and had always remained neutral. But at this moment, Houses meant little to me. My life was altered, and I didn't want to spend the precious time that I had left meditating between my brothers.
Both Sirius and Regulus sent an apologetic look my way. Regulus moved to offer me the desk chair and then sat down next to Sirius on the bed.
After I had settled into the desk chair, I started speaking. Words poured out as I recounted the events of the previous month: the dinner and the conversation with our father that evening. I explained about Marius Black, his family, where he lived, and that he had offered to take me in. I told them about my last summer at home with them and that our father had not given me any other option. For my safety, he would make me leave.
Sirius grew more upset as I spoke. He stood up and paced the room, wearing the hardwood floor thin. He shook his head and muttered, taking out his wand and twirling it in his fingers. Regulus, however, sat frozen, his expression vacant at my words. I could tell he was occluding, trying to control his emotions. The only movement was the imperceptible twitch of his lip, which trembled slightly.
“—I don’t accept this, Lexi. This is complete shite. Father cannot make you leave our home!”
“Don’t be daft, Siri, it’s for her safety. Mother is out of control, and she will only get worse. When you and I are back at Hogwarts, and Father is tied up at the Ministry, what will happen if she’s left alone?”
I shifted uncomfortably in the chair. “You think this is a good idea, Reggie?” My heart sank at his words. He wanted me to leave.
Regulus stood up from the bed and walked to where I sat. He knelt in front of me and grabbed my hands in his. I could feel all his worry and care for me in his touch. “I don’t want you to leave, but if it keeps you safe, then yes. Merlin, if something happened to you while Siri or I was at school... I don’t want to come back from Hogwarts or receive an owl from Father with the news that you... that you died, Lexi. That’s fucked up on so many levels.” He turned to Sirius, exasperated. “You understand that, right, Siri?”
Sirius groaned in frustration. “Yes, I understand. But we can fight this! Father should be here to protect us. Surely, he can send Mother away. She’s the one we all know is the problem and bloody mad—literally.”
“He won’t. He can’t.” My voice came out strained and in a whisper. “He doesn’t love me enough, Siri. He doesn’t...” Tears I hadn’t known I had been holding back began falling. It was as if all the emotions I had kept inside for the past 14 years poured out of me. “Why doesn’t he love me? Wh-why am I not good enough to be lo-loved?” My choked sobs filled the room.
Sirius was immediately at my side, holding me in his arms. “Hey, hey, shh.” His hands gently brushed the tears away from my cheeks. His eyes caring as he spoke. “You have us, kitten.” At the use of my childhood nickname, I cried even harder. “Shh, shh, don't cry. Regulus and I aren’t going anywhere. We love you unconditionally, kitten. We’re enough. I promise we’re enough.”
Regulus sent calming emotions through the bond as he held my hands. “Father can’t prevent us from locating you after we leave Hogwarts. Once Siri graduates, we’ll bring you back home, perhaps not to Grimmauld, but to London. Staying with Marius and his family will be temporary, we promise.” He gave Sirius a meaningful yet worried look.
“Breath in for me, kitten, through your nose—good. Now, breathe out through your mouth—good.” Sirius’ hand soothingly rubbed circles on my back. After a few minutes, my breathing leveled, and my tears dried.
“What if—what if he obliviates you?” I sniffled. “Or tampers—tampers with your memories?”
It wasn’t an outlandish question. Their father was efficient, if not meticulous. If it meant altering memories, neither of his three children would put it past him.
“I have an acquaintance who can extract memories and save them in vials for the Pensieve. He's a pure-blood a few years older, so Mother or Father won't worry about me meeting with him over the summer. We'll have the memory, and then we'll write everything down on charmed paper. We won't forget you or that you were taken away from us.
“Can he be trusted? With Lexi’s secret?” Sirius apprehensively asked as he stood up and moved back to the bed. “If it got out...”
“What other option do we have, brother?” The resignation in my and Sirius’ expressions must have been enough for Regulus to put our minds at ease. “But I trust him. And you know I don’t pander my trust to just anyone.”
“Fine. But I want the vial and the paper to stay hidden with one of my friends.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Sirius.” The sneer on my twin’s face was almost violent. “Like I would trust one of your marauding friends to keep a secret like this. Alex’s life is on the line. One of them would surely fuck up.”
“Which friend?” Regulus looked surprised by my question, but Sirius smiled. “Which friend, Siri?”
“Remus. Absolutely Remus. Not that I don’t trust James or Pete, but Remus, he understands—” he chewed the inside of his cheek as he thought about his following words “—let’s say he understands life's challenges more than anyone our age should. He’ll protect whatever I give him with his entire self.”
Even though his answer was somewhat cryptic, the apprehension that I thought I’d feel was absent. Sirius talked about his friends so often that I felt like I knew them as if they were my own friends. They comforted him when he was sorted into Gryffindor, and they had formed a bond as strong as the one he shared with Regulus and me. I never resented him for his friendships—I was genuinely happy for him. As the heir to the Black family, Sirius had a lot of pressure on him, and the demands on his future felt like a cage. If his friends helped him forget about his future and enjoy some freedom before the demands became overwhelming, I wanted him to have that.
I knew he trusted his friends with his life—especially Remus. I suppose I would have to trust Remus, too, no matter how impossible that seemed. But somewhere deep in my core, I knew it wouldn’t be a mistake.
Apprehension still clouded Regulus’ features. His many run-ins with the Marauders had made him skeptical, but I knew he wouldn't argue Sirius’ request for the sake of my safety.
Kreacher popped into the bedroom, standing in the middle of the space and startling all three of us.
“Holy shite, Reggie, I thought this room was locked!” Sirius jumped from the bed and sent me an ‘I told you so’ look. “That grimy bastard was probably spying on us this entire time!”
“Sirius! Don’t call Kreacher names,” I admonished. As I stood from the chair, I rubbed my eyes, which had become puffy from crying, and tucked the stray curls that had fallen out of my loose bun behind my ears.
Kreacher sneered at Sirius. “Kreacher did no such thing. Kreacher is here to tell young Masters and Mistress that dinner is ready.”
“Thank you, Kreacher,” Regulus said. “We’ll change to our dinner robes and be down shortly.”
Sirius and I walked towards the bedroom door after Kreacher disappeared. Before we stepped out into the hallway, I paused and turned toward my brothers.
I reached out and grabbed a hold of their hands. "We’ll talk more about this later, but listen: if something goes wrong… if it’s too dangerous to come looking for me after you are out of Hogwarts, you must let me go. You can’t put your lives in danger for mine. I won’t allow it." Sirius and Regulus looked about to protest, but I shook my head and squeezed their hands. "You have to let me have this. I barely have any control over my life. I need to control this. You both have beautiful lives ahead of you—I just know it—especially once you are not under Father and Mother’s control. Only find me if it’s safe and our parents cannot upend your lives. Promise?”
Sirius shook his head in disagreement. My heart sank. “I cannot promise, kitten. But I will be careful. Our lives—” he pointed between Regulus and himself “—really are meaningless without you in it.”
“He’s right, Alex. We’ll be careful and smart about it.”
“Fine,” I managed to say, slightly annoyed.
“Fine,” Regulus agreed.
“Fine,” Sirius smirked. “We’re like that muggle book Remus goes on and on about… the Three Musketeers!” My eyebrow quirked upward. “Yeah, maybe that’s a bad analogy.”
Regulus rolled his eyes at the muggle reference, but the corners of my lips turned into my first genuine smile in a long time.