Two Geese Named Peter and James
James made his feelings surrounding Sirius’ absences known. They had spent 4 hours going over the same song, an hour of which was discussing what felt like the same 6 notes. It sounded the exact same every time Sirius played it, and yet James still made them run it over and over again.
At some point, Peter had had enough, “James, I know Sirius is a whipped prick who can’t be bothered to make it to practice, but why do I have to be here to suffer the consequences of his actions?”
“Pete, if you call me a whipped prick again you’ll see where these drumsticks can go,” Sirius said as he threw one of his sticks at him. Peter exaggerated a yelp and pretended to duck as the drumstick bounced off his arm.
James rolled his eyes and huffed as Peter and Sirius chuckled at the gimmick, “This is not a punishment! Sirius really needs to get this. It’s our newest song and he’s barely played it.”
“Lord knows I’ve played it plenty now,” Sirius muttered.
“Well that’s the point, isn’t it,” James said and flashed him a grin, “Let’s take 10 and we can work on another song after.”
Peter looked like he was going to pass out, “Mate. We’ve been at it for hours.”
James looked between Peter and Sirius and sighed, “Fine. But future practices are all nonnegotiable. I’m looking at you Black, if you aren’t here I will finally find us a new drummer who’s less of a pain in my ass.”
“Jamie, we both know you can’t replace me,” Sirius said, throwing him a wink. James looked at Sirius with murder in his eyes. Sirius rolled his eyes and flopped down onto the couch, kicking up his legs, “Relax, relax, I’m kidding.”
Sirius opened his phone as James and Peter went to grab water from the fridge they had dragged into the basement when they first set it up as a practice space. He couldn’t help but smile when he saw a text from Remus.
Remus Lupin (6:48) Wanna finish Mamma Mia tonight? I can pick up takeout.
He felt his smile grow wider. God, this boy was going to be the death of him.
Sirius Black (7:08) Are we actually going to finish it tonight?
Remus Lupin (7:08) I can promise we’ll finish something tonight, whether or not it’s the movie isn’t up to me.
Sirius Black (7:09) What if I don’t dance along this time?
Remus Lupin (7:09) I don’t think I said I would mind missing the end of the movie…
Sirius Black (7:10) I like the sound of that
Sirius Black (7:10) I’ll be at yours in an hour with my tap shoes ;)
Sirius closed his phone and looked up to see James and Peter staring at him.
“What?” Sirius asked
“You look like a whipped prick,” James said with a grin on his face. Sirius threw a pillow at him.
“Hey, hey, hey. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing,” James protested, spluttering as feathers got in his mouth.
“I am,” Peter deadpanned. He caught the pillow that was flung at him by Sirius and cracked a smile. “You missed something though, Sirius,” Peter said as his smile turned devilish.
“What?” Sirius replied, confused.
“You’re out of ammunition,” he said, brandishing the pillow. Sirius’ eyes went wide as James and Peter descended on him.
~~~~~
Remus opened the door and saw Sirius leaning against the doorway. He was wearing his leather jacket and his helmet was tucked under his arm. Remus flushed at the mental image of Sirius riding his motorbike. His hair was stuck up in all directions, how did he manage to look sexier with helmet hair? Remus also noted he had feathers stuck in his hair. He reached up and pulled a feather out of Sirius’ hair, and he looked at Sirius with a question in his eyes as he held it up for the other man to see.
Sirius cracked a smile, though Remus didn’t miss how his cheeks turned slightly redder, “I got attacked by two geese named Peter and James.”
Remus raised his eyebrow, “Is that right?”
Sirius just smiled, “Mhm.” And then his lips were on Remus’s and Remus didn’t care about the geese anymore. It was soft and slow, a nice hello after a hard day. Sirius' hands clasped behind Remus’s neck, tugging him down to deepen the kiss as one of Remus’ hands snaked behind his back and pulled Sirius against him. The other hand traveled up to his hair, eliciting a soft hum of appreciation from Sirius.
Remus watched Sirius smile up at him as they pulled apart. He felt his heart melt. They were only inches apart as they stared at each other.
“I thought about you all day,” Sirius whispered, worried that if he spoke too loudly he would break the moment.
Remus smiled wider at that. “Me too,” he whispered as he cupped Sirius’ cheek with his hand. Then someone cleared their throat. They jumped apart and both reddened as their necks snapped to look towards the door. A girl with curly brown hair stood in the hallway with a box in her arms. She had pale skin and a smattering of freckles across her nose. Sirius could feel her interrogating gaze bare into him and he felt his cheeks grow redder
Remus cleared his throat as he leaned against a table near his entryway, doing his best to appear casual (and failing adorably, Sirius added in his head).
“What’s up, love?” Remus spoke.
Sirius felt gears start turning in his head. Love? She was staring Sirius down, but it seemed more curious than angry. The pet name was suspicious, although he guessed Remus could be the type to treat his friends like that. He had no real way of knowing though. Remus didn’t seem like the type to cheat, but then again what did Sirius really know about him? Sirius was debating his chances of being attacked by an angry girlfriend when she spoke again.
“Your mail came to my flat again,” she said in a huff as she marched into the room and dropped a parcel next to the door. So a neighbor, then? He heard something clang inside the parcel and Remus winced.
“Hope that wasn’t breakable,” the strange girl said with a shrug.
“Only slightly,” Remus retorted. It was quiet for a second as they stared at each other. They seemed to be communicating with their eyes. Sirius looked between them confused, Remus seemed exasperated.
“Well you’re free to leave now that you’ve dropped it off, I was kind of in the middle of something,” Remus said, staring at the girl with a challenge in his eyes.
“I can tell,” the girl said, the look in Remus’ eyes mirrored in her own. She looked over at Sirius, “I was wondering what this something’s name was actually.” Sirius smiled his signature grin at her and she returned it, but she didn’t seem all that taken up by him and was still far more interested in Remus. Sirius’ gaze traveled from the girl to Remus and he found that he was already watching Sirius with an odd look on his face. Remus looked slightly mortified and slightly homicidal, and when he turned back to look at the woman he still seemed to be waging war against her with his eyes. The woman didn’t seem fazed, still grinning smugly with a cocked eyebrow, as if daring Remus to do something.
As Sirius watched them Remus seemed to lose the battle with the mystery woman and huffed, “Sirius, this is Delilah. Delilah this is my… this is Sirius.” Sirius paused at the slip up by his name. He really didn’t want to have a conversation about what they were because he still wasn’t quite sure what he wanted them to be. He knew he couldn’t even entertain the idea until Sirius told Remus that he wasn’t out, although Remus didn’t know that. Sirius had told himself on the ride over that he would do it tonight, although Remus’ kiss had disoriented him. He silently hoped the cause for the slip up wasn’t because Remus was hoping to have that conversation tonight. He shook the thought away quickly and shoved his hand out, an unfortunate habit he had picked up from the Blacks and had never quite shook.
“Sirius, Sirius Black,” He said as he shook the woman’s hand.
“I’m Delilah, nice to meet you,” she said as she shook it in return. She gave him another grin and looked between him and Remus.
“Well I’m certain Delilah is very busy and must get back to her evening,” Remus said as he started hurrying her towards the door.
“I actually thought I would stop in for some tea,” she started and was cut off by Remus. By now she was in the hallway and Remus had his hand on the door.
“Nope, you really must be off! Glad you could stop by,” he said, and with that he slammed the door. Sirius started laughing and watched endearingly as Remus turned and leaned his back against the door, giving Sirius an exasperated look with a lopsided grin that was just so so Remus. He felt the matching grin on his own face, and it almost made Sirius forget what he was doing and kiss Remus again. Almost.
“So who was that,” Sirius questioned as his laugh died out, an air of forced causality in his voice. Remus seemed to pick up on the strained tone and frowned.
“Delilah,” Remus replied.
Sirius laughed, “Well I picked that up.” He wasn’t quite sure what he wanted from his relationship with Remus, but he knew something about the thought of Remus sleeping with Delilah didn’t sit right with him. The thought of Remus sleeping with anyone didn’t really sit right with him. He knew that was unfair but he couldn’t help it
“She’s my neighbor,” Remus said as he walked out of the doorway towards the kitchenette. Sirius followed him in and hopped up to sit on the counter as Remus started moving to make them tea.
“You seem close is all,” he said, his face falling a bit as he looked down at his feet. Remus’ hesitancy to speak about her sent an unfamiliar pang through Sirius' chest. Remus set the kettle down on the stove and turned to face him, the expression on his face softening. He walked forward until he stood between Sirius’ legs and tilted his chin up to meet his face.
“Delilah is my neighbor right now, but I’ve known her for a while. I first met her at Uni when we were 20. She walked up to me after a show and took the spliff right out of my fingers,” Remus smiled at the memory as he continued, “We reconnected when she moved into the flat down the hall and we’re good friends now. We used to hook up a little, but now it just wouldn’t feel right to be anything other than friends.”
“So you are… into women then.”
Remus cleared his throat and his voice was guarded as he spoke, “Yes, I’m bi. Is that an issue?”
“No, no, no. Not at all, we just never talked about it.”
Remus smiled, “I guess we haven’t talked about much, have we?”
Sirius grinned back at him, “I think I got too distracted by you to do much talking.”
Remus laughed and pecked Sirius’ lips before breaking away to go finish making their tea. “So let's talk, what about you?”
“You mean my sexuality,” he asked and Remus nodded. “I’m gay.”
“When did you know you weren’t just straight?”
“Ah my gay awakening,” Sirius grinned, “I was in denial about it for a while. I slept with a lot of girls back in school and convinced myself that it was supposed to feel that way. Whenever I fancied a bloke I had to do even more convincing which meant even more girls. Had everyone convinced I was a right player. I was pretty deeply in denial, I even snogged a bloke for a while and convinced myself it was just mates being mates. We snuck around for around 3 months before we got into this blow out fight about me not being able to accept myself. That’s when it seemed to click. Had a breakdown after he left me alone in a broom closet.”
Remus snorted as he dunked the tea bags into two steaming mugs. “3 months! The poor bloke.”
“Yeah well,” Sirius smiled thinking back on it. That poor Ravenclaw. He had been done with Sirius after their fight, but it had made Sirius confront a truth about himself. He had a special place in his heart for him, even if he had given him death glares in the halls every time he saw Sirius after that.
Remus turned to him and handed him a mug and they walked into the living area of Remus’ studio to settle themselves onto Remus’ sofa. Sirius took in Remus’ sweater and his soft grin as they sat together, the whole scene was very domestic. Sirius was still admiring him as Remus asked, “So I told you about Delilah, tell me about your friends.”
Sirius' face erupted in a grin, “I don’t really have friends, they’re all more like family.”
Remus smiled at Sirius but didn’t say anything, leaving room for Sirius to continue speaking.
“I met James and Pete at boarding school. I was such a posh git at the beginning, I don’t know how they could bear it.”
Remus raised his eyebrows, “You’re not not still a posh git?”
Sirius laughed and shoved his arm playfully, “You’re not wrong, but seriously my accent was dreadful and I had no clue what the real world was like.”
Remus chose to refrain from telling Sirius that his accent was still very posh. He remembered the night they met that Sirius’s accent got even worse as he got more drunk. He couldn’t help but find it attractive though, and he didn’t really want Sirius to start trying to stop it.
“Obviously boarding school wasn’t the perfect exposure to real struggle but it helped me learn without being overwhelmed. Kind of like a contained environment. I seriously have James and Peter to thank for who I am today, I wouldn’t even be alive without them,” Sirius had a faraway look in his eyes and couldn’t seem to contain his smile as he spoke about his friends. Remus never wanted him to stop talking.
Remus smiled at him. “I take it these are the geese you were talking about.”
Sirius chortled at this, “Yeah, they were being annoying and hit me with some pillows. Took me forever to get those feathers out of my hair.”
Remus laughed at the pout on Sirius’s face and placed a soft kiss on his lips. “Tell me more about them,” he said once they pulled away and Sirius’s pout had melted back into a smile.
“Well James and I were instantly close. He’s the first one I met on the train, and wherever he went I did too from that moment on. We haven’t been apart since. Peter knew James when they were kids, and I think sometimes people thought he was always a 3rd wheel to me and James which was a load of shite. James and I are close, but Peter is easy to talk to and honestly knows more about me than James. James is my brother but he just cares so much about everything, Peter is more of a girl about it. He doesn’t barge in head first wanting to fight anyone who wrongs me, he just listens. Not just for me, but everyone. James and I are loud and people tend to pay attention to us, but Peter has always been better at making meaningful connections with people and actually reading them. He saved us from some skeevy people more than a couple times.”
Remus listened closely as Sirius spoke about his friends. It seemed like he could talk about them for days, he wasn’t quite sure how they hadn’t come up yet. It was apparent that his life revolved around them, and it was beautiful the soft smile that played across his face and the way his eyes sparkled. The look of pure admiration and nostalgia… Remus wanted to watch it forever.
“So James is pretty headstrong like you then?” Remus said
Sirius laughed as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, “Yes. I mean both of us are a lot apart but together it’s like an explosion… sometimes literally. Pete always helped us get out of it though. I mean he was the only one who could talk James down from busting down my parents door when I got disowned…” Sirius trailed off and his eyes grew as he looked at Remus dumbstruck. It was clear he didn’t realize he was going to say that.
Remus set down his mug and put his hand on Sirius’s thigh, he already knew his family was a complicated topic and it was clear Sirius had not meant to tell him that. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
Sirius thought about the prospect of telling Remus. He had known he would have to do it someday if they continued whatever they were, but it felt like that story naturally led to telling Remus he wasn’t out to his friends and he never wanted to get very close to that. He still didn’t know what he wanted with Remus, but he really did need to tell Remus tonight anyway. It wouldn’t be fair to Remus to not give him time to back out before things got… well, serious. He had made a promise to himself to say something, and this was the only way he could think to start.
Sirius took a deep breath and set down his mug next to Remus’s, “No, no. We’re being honest right now and it’s a part of my story. There’s not much to it in all honesty, when I was 16 I ran away from home after my parents kicked me out. My family comes from a long line of expectations and traditions, and I was never very keen on following them. It had all built up by then, I was home for the summer holidays and Walburga, my mom, well she found uh… she found a magazine.” Sirius blushed and coughed a little before continuing on, “She wouldn’t have been happy if it was women, but the fact that it was men sent her into a rage. I’d never seen anything like it. I showed up on James' doorstep barely standing with 3 broken ribs and with whatever I had been able to shove into a backpack. I lived with James after that, I haven’t spoken to them since.”
Remus inhaled deeply, “Holy shit Sirius.”
Sirius chuckled, but it was heavy with emotion, “Yeah. I mean obviously it was a lot, but it happened so long ago.”
Remus couldn’t help but lean forward and kiss him gently, and Sirius felt his eyes start to well up with tears. As they pulled apart Remus cradled his cheek and made eye contact with him, “Sirius. You’re one of the bravest people I know.”
Sirius looked away and coughed as he quickly wiped his eyes. He was mentally kicking himself because he had started crying like a baby and he still hadn’t told Remus he wasn’t out to his friends, but the time had passed and he needed to change the topic.
“Anyway, what about your family,” Sirius spoke, picking up his mug again as a distraction and to give his hands something to do.
Remus tensed at the question and stayed quiet for a moment, but just as Sirius was about to break the silence and tell him he didn’t have to say anything, Remus started to speak.
“I know I’ve spoken about my mum a little and you heard us on the phone that one time, although I’m pretty certain you didn’t understand anything we were saying,” Sirius let out a soft chuckle at that, hearing Remus speak Welsh had been extremely attractive. As soon as he hung up the phone Sirius hadn’t let Remus get out another word before they were kissing again.
Remus smiled at Sirius before continuing on, “I love my mum more than anything, but my relationship with my dad is pretty different. I grew up bonding with him over literature and music, and I felt closer with him than with my mum for most of my childhood. I wasn’t very sporty and was a pretty sickly child, but he wasn’t much of a football dad. I won’t get too deep into it, but I told him I was dating a guy in uni and it didn’t go very well. My mum talked him down from disowning me, but I had a pretty bad Christmas holiday at home right after telling him. I haven’t gone back or spoken to him much since.”
Remus took a sip of his tea and the two sat in the weight of his words for a moment. Then Sirius doubled over laughing. Remus was extremely concerned Sirius had cracked and was having an emotional breakdown when Sirius looked up at him, “We share parental trauma, no wonder we get along!” Sirius exclaimed.
Remus was then taken up by the absurdity of it all and found him doubled over laughing right along with Sirius.
As their laughter died down and they wiped the tears out of their eyes, Sirius thought about telling Remus his secret now. But as Remus was looking at Sirius, his eyes still glistening with the tears from their laughing fit, Sirius found himself unable to say the words. Sirius never wanted to let Remus go, and he wanted to pretend like he could have him forever.
Sirius instead asked, “You said you guys met after a show. Who was playing?” The musician in Sirius was curious right away, but his curiosity about Delilah had won his attention instead. He found it was odd how red Remus turned at the question.
“Well… it was mine actually.”
Sirius gasped and nearly toppled his and Remus’ mugs out of their hands, “You play? You’re a musician!” He yelled, sitting up on his knees on Remus’ sofa.
Remus looked sheepish and smiled shyly at him, “I mean, less now but… yeah?”
Sirius groaned and slumped back down against the sofa, “dear god how could you get more perfect.”
This made Remus turn bright red, but he still smiled at Sirius’ dramatics.
“How did I not know until now?” Sirius insisted.
“I keep all of my stuff in my closet to keep my flat less cramped,” he said, rubbing his neck. Remus seemed to be split between wanting to talk about his music and wanting to divert attention away from himself.
“What do you play?” Sirius pushed, wanting to know everything.
“Bass mostly, but I play a little of everything.”
“Oh that’s so Remus of you,” Sirius said, “and I’m a drummer! I mean the bassist and the drummer always get together, that's like a law.”
“Well I only play semi professionally anymore. The dream of being a rockstar died a while ago…” and then Remus seemed to glitch as he processed what Sirius had said, “wait you said you’re a drummer?”
Sirius grinned at him and nodded, “I’m a musician, I’m in a band. It’s my full time job, I mean right now at least.”
Remus groaned and threw his face down in his hands, “Why does this always happen.”
Sirius was really, really confused, “What do you mean?”
“I’ve dated a lot of musicians. They’re always… well…,” Remus seemed slightly nervous and took a shaky breath before speaking, “They’re always arseholes.”
Sirius gasped and dramatically clutched his chest, “Oh Remus! How you wound me!”
Remus chuckled at the show and Sirius continued, “Nope, I can’t see you anymore. Remus, I'm being serious, literally.” Then Sirius legitimately started to get up and walk towards the door. Remus’ hand flew up and caught Sirius’ wrist so he could yank Sirius back down on top of him. Sirius adjusted himself so he was straddling Remus’ lap and their faces were inches from each other.
Remus whispered, “I guess you’ll just have to prove me wrong.”
Sirius grinned, “I think I can do that.” Remus reached up to capture their lips but Sirius pulled away. Sirius had had his fun, but the joking about walking away reminded him of what he needed to tell Remus. He needed to know. Even if his body screamed for him to shut up and just kiss Remus.
“I’m sorry I thought that was okay,” Remus said, nervous he had crossed a line.
Sirius chuckled a little awkwardly, “No no, that’s more than okay but it’s just… While we’re talking I need to tell you something else.”
Sirius had already backed out multiple times tonight. He needed to say it.
Remus looked curious but stayed silent so Sirius could finish his thought. “It’s been eating at me for a while now and talking about the whole awakening thing and my parents had me thinking about it. I just really feel like before we discuss labels or anything else or get anything further I owe you...” Sirius was rambling now. He was really nervous.
Remus put a hand on his chest and Sirius’ mouth snapped shut. He looked at Sirius with a concerned look on his face and said, “Sirius, what is it?”
Sirius took a breath. Before he could convince himself to back down again he blurted it out, “I’m not out to my friends. Like any of them. Not James or Pete, or anyone really. They all think I’m straight.”
Remus' jaw dropped as he struggled to process what Sirius had just said. All he could think again was “Shit, shit, shit.”