Chapter III
On the morning of December 22nd, James Potter decided to wake up his friends by screaming at the top of his lungs.
“Happy Christmas you filthy rascals!”
“It’s seven in the morning James, let me sleep.” Groaned Remus.
“It’s not even Christmas yet!” Sirius agreed.
“Yeah but we won’t actually be seeing each other for Christmas.” Said James, as if that were a reasonable explanation as to why he was screaming so early in the morning.
“If you don’t let me sleep I swear your parents are gonna miss you for Christmas.” Said Sirius with his eyes still very much closed.
“Why?”
“Cause I’m gonna murder you!” Sirius was definitely not a morning person.
“But I got you presents.” Said James, pitting his best sad puppy face.
“I want presents.” Peter nodded, and Remus threw a pillow at him.
“Ouch.” The pillow hit his face, ruffling his already messy blond hair.
“I agree with Remus.” Mumbled Sirius as he rubbed his eyes. “Shut it, Pete.”
“You two on the same team? That’s pretty much a Christmas miracle!” Cheered James.
Remus threw a second pillow at James. Now he was awake and out of pillows. Brilliant!
“Nice one, Lupin.” Compliments from Sirius? Yup, Christmas magic.
“This is the worst day ever.” Remus sat down on his bed while staring at James still half asleep. “Alright, show me the presents.”
“I got us matching sweaters!” Yeah, such a James move.
“I’m not wearing that.” Sirius stated.
“I am, it looks cosy,” Said their sandy-haired friend and took the sweater.
“Thank you for your appreciation Remus”
“Fine. Me too.” Sirius reached for the red sweater now laying on his bed. “Not in public though. We’re not in a band, James”
“We should make a band!” Said Peter excitedly.
“One loser at a time Pete!” Sirius half sung and Peter stuck his tongue out at him.
They spent the whole morning eating pastries and playing wizard’s chess. Peter turned out to be the greatest player of all time and James was a sore loser “I’m still better at quidditch than any of you will ever be” he kept saying. “Nobody cares, '' Peter answered every time. Sirius thought this was pretty much the best fake Christmas ever.
After that, they went back to their dorm and started packing. All four of them were going back home for the holidays. On the train, Pete and James, who lived in the same neighbourhood were talking about their Christmas plans and Sirius couldn’t help but to feel a little left out. Was this what being Regulus felt like?
He turned around to see Remus, who was staring dreamily at the window.
“So, what’cha gonna do for Christmas?” Sirius asked.
Remus turned around and threw him a funny look but answered his question, regardless. He was gonna spend the holidays at his grandma’s in Liverpool, he wondered how they could even go out if his mother’s health was as terrible as he claimed, but he let it go. He really didn’t fancy gettin on Lupin’s bad side at that particular moment.
The train ride was long, but at the end they made it to platform 9 ¾ and they all said goodbye before returning to their families. Sirius went first, he mentioned he didn’t want his mother to see him with them. James seemed annoyed but understanding, Remus just nodded and left without saying a thing to nobody’s surprise, but Peter, well Peter seemed sad. That hurt Sirius the most. He met his mother at the front of the train and she had them leave immediately after she made a nasty comment about the place being crowded by filthy mudbloods. He remembered how offensive the word was to his friends and how he wasn’t supposed to say it anymore. It seemed rude now, he supposed he ought to have known it before, after all, calling someone dirty just because of which family they were born into was a pretty nasty thing to do. If your parents really were to define you, he would be doomed to be as bad as his family was and Sirius really disliked that idea.
When he got back home, he practically ran to his bedroom. His mother was yet to say anything to him about the whole sorting hat situation, he almost thought it would be long forgotten, he thought maybe. Until he heard a voice coming from the entrance of his room saying “Gryffindor?!” It was the angriest he had ever seen his brother. He had a frown and he thought his nails would break the skin of his hands by how thigh he was clenching his fists.
Sirius was surprised. That was the first thing his brother had said to him and he really wasn’t expecting it. He was expecting a much warmer welcome from Reg, but since he decided to be an asshole, Sirius only said, “Yeah. Got a problem with it?”
Regulus took a step back, his lanky limbs seemed rigid and his voice thin as a single unicorn hair. “How could you?”, he squeaked.
“What do you mean? It’s not like I had a choice, Regulus!” Sirius spat.
Regulus’ voice kept loud, “Did you at least try to make it right?” he said.
“That’s not how it works, you idiot.” And well, it was true. He didn’t think the hat would’ve put him in Gryffindor if he wasn’t worthy of it. He had thought about it, severely. Of course the hat would know, that’s his job. He knew he might’ve done well in Slytherin but the hat had been more than happy to put him in Gryffindor without a second thought, that should mean something, right?
“Don’t call me that! You know I hate it when you call me that!” Regulus said, almost with tears in his eyes.
Sirius couldn’t help but to feel a little sorry for him. However, being soft on him would only make Regulus disrespect him even more. “Stop being an idiot then!” He said, finally.
His brother’s face became harsh, he almost reminded him of their father. “Mother was very angry.”
“Yeah, she made sure to let me know in her letters, alright.” Said Sirius.
“I was not to add any kind of additional stress on her” Continued Regulus.
He really didn’t know what to say, should he feel bad about it and blame himself for something beyond his control? Yeah, no. “Wow Reggie! That’s some eloquent words you’re using! Bet you think they make you look smart.” He heard himself saying in a surprisingly James-like voice.
Regulus looked disappointed, “And you’re acting as refined as those Gryffindor friends of yours.”
Sirius felt like something inside him was coming down, maybe his need for his brother’s respect, maybe he just felt like this was the first time he was really seeing Regulus. He didn't understand. His bond with his brother was strong, Regulus was supposed to be his ally, he was supposed to be his right hand. And here he was, turning against him at the first chance. Maybe Sirius understands what Remus saw in him that first day, maybe he was just seeing the messed up part of him, the one that came with being a Black. He supposed he needed to see it for himself to understand it too.
“How would you even know about my friends?” He said to Regulus.
Regulus didn’t know his friends, actually, Regulus hardly even knew any other kids their age. He was just a puppet, and their mother the puppeteer.
“I JUST DO!” He screamed at Sirius, “HOW?” Sirius screamed back.
“See you at dinner, Sirius.” He said at the end, as he walked away sniffling his tears away.
Their mother was being unusually nice to him. Maybe she had missed him, after all. “And, How was your first semester, Sirius?” She asked, taking a sip from her wine glass.
“It was good.” He said.
She smiled at him and turned down to cut her steak, “I’m sure it’s a nightmare, being in Gryffindor and all.”
“Yeah, it’s not the best but I’m doing all right.” He lied.
They were having dinner together, it was a rare occurrence, since their mother usually disliked having conversations with children, even her own sons. He felt happy about it though. He hadn’t noticed the fact that maybe he had actually missed his mother, and Kreacher’s famous steak.
“Did you make any new friends?” She asked. “No. Not really.” He lied again.
His mother seemed surprised, but she continued cutting her meat like it was just a casual question and not an important matter to her. “Oh really? Cause we were told you seemed to be very close with that Potter kid.” She said, finally looking at him.
He felt his body tense up. His mother was now staring at him. Narcissa must have told them about it, not that they even talked but surely she must have seen him around the halls with James.
“Oh yeah, we share a dorm, but that’s all.” He said. He decided right now was not the time to make her angry. She nodded and they both went back to eating their food. Regulus had been quiet the whole evening and Sirius couldn't help but to feel guilty about calling him an idiot before.
After a minute of silence, Walburga started talking again. “Being friends with Blood-Traitors and Mudbloods is not a good image, Sirius.” She said, casually mentioning it, like it was a matter of good manners at a dinner party.
“And why is that?”He asked not really thinking about it.
“Because we say so.”
“Yeah, but why?” He pushed back.
“How dare you question your mother's authority like that?” She glared at him while violently putting her fork and knife at the sides of her unfinished plate.
They were having a nice dinner and he had ruined it all, like he always did. “I’m just asking a question.” He tried to play it off as an innocent mistake, but the damage was done, and he realised it was too late to back down now.
“Regulus, go to your bedroom.” She said,
“But mum, I haven’t finished.” Regulus tried, “NOW!” She screamed.
Sirius’ hands started to feel sweaty, he didn’t want to be left alone with his mother. He had made a mistake, an honest mistake by asking a question. “No, Reggie. Stay here.” He tried, but Regulus did as their mother said and ran back to his room. “Coward.” Sirius muttered.
“Oh, coward ?” It had been a poor choice of words, cause now Walburga looked angrier, and with a forced smile she said, “And are you brave? Are you a strong, brave Gryffindor?”, dragging her words, slowly but harshly.
“No.” He said, hoping his voice wouldn’t sound shaky or afraid.
“You’ve put us all to shame!” She screamed at him, slamming her hands on the table.
Sirius did the only thing that seemed logical and yelled back at her. “What, by being in Gryffindor? That was the Sorting Hat’s choice, not mine!” He noticed he was suddenly standing up.
His mother standed up as well, and pushed her chair backwards so hard it made an awfully loud sound. “By befriending blood traitors and mudbloods by equal!” She barked at him. “You think your cousin would just stay quiet while you disgraced the name of our noble house?”
“Is it really just because I’m a Gryffindor?” He spatted at her. Now he was mad. He didn’t know who he was angry at though, so he tried to decide if he was angry at Narcissa for talking about James to his mother, at his mother for being so unfairly mean to him or at himself for having talked back and ruined his perfect evening.
“It’s not just that, Sirius.” He heard a deep voice, suddenly. His father was walking slowly towards them, snapping his fingers so Kreacher could bring him his usual evening whiskey and cigar.
“Orion, we’re so pleased you could join us after all.” Wlaburga said, suddenly backing down her voice to an innocently sweeter one.
Orion sat down and held his hand up till an empty glass magically appeared on it, as his cigar appeared on his other hand, already puffing smoke all around the room.
“Father.” Sirius acknowledged, bowing his head ever so slightly as a sign of respect.
Orion cleared his throat and took a sip from his glass, now filled with his drink. “You need to understand that our actions have consequences, son.”
“I understand-” Sirius started, “Silence.” Orion said, firmly.
He took a puff of his cigar and after a couple of seconds he started talking in a calm voice. “You carry an important name, and because of that you have to assume certain responsibilities. A role in our society if you will.” Another puff, “And we’ve been told you’ve neglected that role in the most dismissing way. The Potters are not good company nor a respectable family. And this fraternisation with the Potter boy must come to an end. Is that clear?” He smiled at him in what apparently was a reassuring gesture, although to Sirius, it felt more threatening than reassuring.
“I-” He started. “IS THAT CLEAR?!” His father exclaimed.
“Yes.”
“You’re dismissed. Go to your room.”
And with that, Sirius practically ran upstairs, ignoring Kreacher’s evil smile as he ran past the elf who was in the corridor, clearly spying on them. He didn’t even realise he was going to Regulus’ bedroom until he was at the doorframe glaring angrily at his brother.
“You’re such a coward!” He said, “I had to listen to mother!” Regulus defended himself.
“I’m never speaking to you again.” He stated, and Regulus stared at him for a moment quietly before saying: “You’ve changed. I have noticed it. In the way you speak, the way you move. They’re changing you.”
“Maybe that’s good, don’t you think?”
“Is that what you wanna be? A blood-traitor?” Regulus asked,
He thought about it for a moment. “Well, what’s so wrong with that?”
On Christmas evening, the Blacks had a big party. Walburga had been extremely excited. She had asked Sirius to behave himself and threatened to starve him if he did something she deemed unworthy of the Heir. Sirius wasn’t planning on disturbing his mother’s peace this particular evening, but if anything happened to occur, well, he’d manage.
“Regulus, you’ve grown so much!” Andromeda said in a very excited high pitched voice.
“Andromeda, what a pleasant surprise. We thought we wouldn’t see you this Christmas.” Walburga said, politely.
“She was expected to be with the family for the Holidays. isn’t that right dear?” Said Druella Black, a very elegant witch with a smug smile. It was obvious that aunt Druella was being falsely polite, but Walburga was very obviously pretending not to notice it. Sirius turned away, it was just too awkward to be in the middle of that conversation and he really wanted to have some pumpkin juice from the refreshments table.
“So, how’s Hogwarts treating you? I heard you got sorted into the wrong house.” Asked a witch with long curly luscious hair and a sharp face. Bellatrix Black, soon to be Lestrange if Rodolphus didn’t manage to run away from the country and change his identity to avoid that marriage.
“It wasn’t the wrong house. It just wasn’t Slytherin.” Sirius replied, trying to sound as unbothered as he could.
“Back when I was in school all Gryffindors were just disgustingly annoying. Guess that’s still a thing.” She said as she snatched the cup of fresh pumpkin juice Sirius had just finished serving for himself.
“Hi Bella!” came Regulus, greeting her excitedly.
“Regulus.” She smiled back at him, “I trust you’ll redeem your family’s honour next year.”
Sirius disliked Bellatrix for many reasons, but he disliked the fact that she was jealous of him the most. See, Bellatrix was supposed to be the heir of the House of Black after all their older relatives died, that if there hadn’t been a male to inherit their name. And then came Sirius, naturally, she was never quite forgiving about him being born.
“You know Bella, if you’re putting all of your hopes on Reggie here you’re gonna have to be ready for disappointment.” Sirius said.
“More disappointment?! I don’t think that’s possible.” She snorted and made a mean face to him.
“You’re disgusting.” He said.
“And you’re a loathsome little traitor with a disgustingly irritating face.” She said back.
Sirius was boiling, he didn’t know why but he suddenly screamed, in a very loud voice. “Yeah, well- well you’re a bitch!”
“What did you just call me?”
There was a gasp and then he heard his mother’s voice scolding him. “Sirius!” Walburga said. “Apologise! Now!”
“No.”
“You little piece of shit.” Muttered Bellatrix, reaching inside her robes to get her wand.
“I think Sirius here needs a break.” Said Andromeda, getting in the middle of them. “And so do you, sister.”
Bellatrix was still incredulous, “Did you hear what he just called me?” She said while clenching her teeth.
“Yeah, but he’s also twelve, let it go Bella ” Insisted Andromeda, smiling slightly at them both.
Bellatrix let out an indignant sigh and turned around violently, muttering something about wanting to murder a little kid, dramatic as ever.
“Thanks.” He said,
“Don't even mention it,” said his older cousin as they walked together to the back of the house. There was a big backyard, with a few benches to sit around. “You’re right though.”
“Huh?”
“She is a bitch.” She laughed, and dragged out a pack of muggle cigarettes. “What was that all about, anyways?” she got her wand, muttered some words and a little flame emanated from the tip, she used it to lit up the fag she was holding with her other hand. Sirius decided it was the coolest thing he had ever seen.
“Apparently I’m disgusting cause I’m not a Slytherin.” He laughed, sitting on the closest bench and moving his feet up and down. “Ha, as if that even matters.”
“It doesn’t?” Asked Andromeda.
“No, it doesn’t. People don’t go around waving their Hogwarts’ house flag everywhere they go, do they?” At least he hoped not, “So what if I didn’t want to be a stupid Slytherin? It’s not like it’s the end of the world.” He said.
“You mean like, you asked the hat to put you in Gryffindor?” Andy asked,
“What?, no.” He stopped. He didn’t mean to say it like that.
“You said you didn’t want to be in Slytherin.” She seemed to have forgotten about the cigarette she was holding and was now halfway consumed.
“Well, I didn’t.” He said, feeling suddenly ashamed. Maybe he was in the wrong. Even Andromeda had been in Slytherin, and suddenly he realised something, just because she was nice to him didn’t mean she thought being a Gryffindor was a good thing. That is until she said. “I think it’s cool you broke the tradition.”
“Really?” He looked up at her,
“Yeah, really brave. Get it? Brave.” She laughed.
“Yeah, I got it.” He cringed, “Please don’t ever make that joke again.”
“Was it that bad?” She smiled at him, half laughing already. “Yes.” He chuckled.
He felt like he could breathe once again. It had been exhausting, having to walk around knowing his family was talking about how much of a disappointment he was. It was like having a big target on his back, but right now, with Andromeda next to him, he felt lighter, like the target was suddenly gone.
“They say I’m a traitor.” He said.
“Oh really?” She seemed genuinely surprised to hear that, “Cause of your Hogwarts House? That’s crazy!” She made a dismissive sound, it wasn't as crazy in his opinion, but he decided not to say anything about it.
“No, it’s because I’m friends with James.” He explained to her
“James?” She asked.
“He’s just a kid.” He simply said.
“Hmm, why is he so important then?”
“He’s not from a good family. Or that’s what my dad says.” Sirius shrugged.
Andromeda stayed quiet for a few seconds and took a puff from her fag that was almost all the way consumed now, “The fun thing about Hogwarts is you’re allowed to do whatever you want. Your parents aren’t there, are they? How would they know who you hang around with?” She said thoughtfully.
“But Narcissa is there, and Reg will be there next year.” Sirius whined.
Andromeda let out a chuckle, “Yeah, but you managed to get sorted into a different house! Use that!”
“Andy! Are you actually encouraging me to befriend blood-traitors and muggle borns?” Sirius was certainly amused, “How scandalous!” he joked.
“If you really wanna bring disgrace to your family name, I’ll have to show you around muggle London sometime.” She smiled at him and ruffled his hair. He smiled, noticing how fresh the air felt on his face, “Yeah! I’d love to bring disgrace to my noble name.” He said as Andy shook her head in loving amusement.
“Ok. Now shut up before someone hears you and hex us both.”
The morning of December 25th had been quiet, Sirius didn’t notice how quiet until he heard Regulus’ voice at the living room. “Happy Christmas!”
“Happy Christmas, Regulus.” He answered dryly.
“Are you still mad?” Regulus asked.
“Are you still an idiot?” Sirius didn’t really wait for an answer before saying: “I thought so.”
He walked to the kitchen, ready to ask Kreacher some breakfast when he felt Regulus following him, “But it’s Christmas.” Reg’s voice said.
“Yeah I know, I said Happy Christmas didn’t I?” Sirius grabbed an apple from the counter and ordered Kreacher to make him some fresh eggs. And then he turned back to Regulus, who was still behind him, waiting to be acknowledged. “Where’s mother?” Sirius asked.
“She went out for the day.” Regulus explained.
“And why’s that?” Demanded Sirius.
“They’re having a party. At the ministry. No children.” The thing about Regulus was that he morphed into a completely different person depending on who he was trying to impress, he could be mean, sweet and all the things in between. For Sirius, that was just as amazing as their mother's ability to turn into a monster the second the doors were closed. He never quite dared to say it, but he found it somewhat scary too. One day, Regulus could try to impress the wrong people and sell him to the devil in a heartbeat, that thought was the most scary thing that had ever crossed his mind, so he pushed it away everytime, but as time passed, it became harder and harder to push away.
“Huh, sounds good to me.” Sirius sat down at the table, and Regulus sat down excitedly next to him.
“I thought that maybe, maybe you and I - we could spend the day together.” His little brother started saying, but Sirius cut him off.
“Why would I want to do that?”
Reg was disappointed and probably about to cry, “Because -” his voice trembled. But Sirius really couldn’t feel sorry for him anymore, not after those past few days. He had managed to make him feel more alone than ever, and maybe it was just ideas in his head, but Regulus seemed to had made a choice and it was time for him to make one too.
When Regulus went to Hogwarts next year, he would be sorted into Slytherin and they would be inevitably pinned against each other, it was bound to happen anyways, he was already turning on him for Merlin’s sake! Sirius didn’t want Regulus trying to ruin his happiness at school too, and as much as he missed his brother's good days, there was only room for one decision.
“Why would I want to spend the day with a snake like you?” He said, trying to hide the pain in his voice as he turned around and left the room, shattering his own heart as he heard his brother’s sniffles from behind him.