Sirius Black is a smart boy, he has good grades at school, he always knows the answer when a teacher asks him a question, and can easily help someone with their homework, no matter the subject. But, he is stupid about one thing. More precisely, one person. Sirius is such a fool for Remus Lupin. The moment he sees him he is a goner. Sirius starts stuttering, forgetting what he was talking about and just disconnects from the world. Sirius wants to talk about Remus all day and night, every moment he can. He wants everyone to know how amazing Remus is. He wants to rant about it to every person he meets, but sadly, he can’t do that. He wants to tell Pete, but he is scared that he might accidentally tell Sirius’s secret to the whole school. He wants to tell Mary, but he’s scared that she might drop hints around the subject while Remus is with them. But most of all, he wants to tell James. He wants to tell James every little detail, from the way Remus said something in class to the color his eyes get when he walks into the sunlight. And he also knows that James would gladly let him, but Sirius isn’t sure that James might see him differently after knowing he is queer. And the 1 thing that is worse than not having Remus is Sirius and James’s friendship being ruined. So, he keeps his mouth shut, never saying a word about his feelings towards his friend. But there is an exception, because persons like Sirius have to have a person or an object to rant to, otherwise they will explode. Sirius for example has a notebook where he rants about his day and the thoughts that he never shared with his friends. And when you flick through the pages the only actual subject you will pass is about a handsome boy named Remus. This notebook is basically a long love confession letter made through years of pining. And he never plans to let anyone see this lovesick side of himself. But fate unfortunately thinks differently about that…
“Padfoot, where is the firewhiskey?” James asks when walking into their dorm, drenched from the rain.
“In my trunk, why?”
Peter walks in after him with a bouquet of wet flowers, “Because he got rejected by your baby brother.”
“Again?” Remus asks.
“Again, now pass me the fucking alcohol,” James says while standing next to Sirius’s bed.
“I told you where it lays, your heart might be broken but your body is not, take it yourself mate.”
“I hate you.” James says sulkingly.
“And I love you too, Prongsy.”
“But why are you so fucking wet? It doesn’t rain that hard,” Remus asks James.
“Because if you wait for more than 2 hours in the rain, you get wet.”
“Why did you wait 2 fucking hours?!”
Peter says, “Because Regulus ignored him for 2 hours while training and James didn’t want to leave. He said that just looking at him was already enough. But he still asked him out at the end of the training and Regulus said no, like always.”
“Yeah and now I’m in a bad mood because I was so sure he would say yes this time.”
“Why would he change his mind this time?”
“Because I fucking adored him for 2 hours in the cold rain. That is like the most romantic thing to ever exist, Pads.”
“You know what’s not romantic, being sick tomorrow because you stood in the rain way too long. Get in your bed Prongs and I’ll bring you something to warm up, alright?”
“Firewhiskey warms me up.”
“Firewhiskey makes your throat burn, that’s not the same.” Just when he said that James finds the bottle. “Mate, how gladly I do want to get absolutely wasted with you right now doesn’t change the fact that you will thank me tomorrow for not having a hangover. Don’t you dare drink it.”
“Try me.”
They are wrestling playfully while Remus and Peter are cheering them on. “Go James, go be stupid and drunk, I support you!” Remus yells.
Sirius manganese to take the bottle away from James, but while doing that they bump into Sirius’s trunk and a little notebook falls out of it.
“Oh, what’s that!” James picks it up and goes to the first page. “This notebook belongs to Sirius Black, please return it if it’s lost,” He reads.
“Prongs no, don’t read further!”
“James read the rest!” Peter screams enthusiastically.
Sirius starts chasing James through their dorm, “Prongs I’ll fucking kill you, give that right now!”
“-This notebook is full of thoughts and feelings-” James tries to read but gets cut off by a pillow flying to his head.
“James, read the rest, you idiot!” Remus says while laughing his ass off.
“12 May 1976: Honey honey, how he thrills me, a-ha, honey honey! Honey honey, nearly kill me, a-ha, honey honey!”
“He?” Remus asks. Fuck, Sirius thought, no no no this can not be happening.
“Of course the person is a he, have you seen Sirius?” James says while grinning.
“Is it that obvious?!” Sirius asks in distress.
“Have you met yourself?” Sirius makes a dive for James but right before he tackles him to the ground James throws the book to Peter. “Pete, Catch!”
Peter catches the notebook mid air and waist no time in reading it out loud, “I'd heard about you before, I wanted to know some more-”
“Pete wacht out!” Remus yells while laughing. Peter throws the book into Remus’s direction right before he gets hit with aguamenti and is dripping wet. “Remus I swear to Merlin, if you read it I’m gonna hex your dick off.”
“I’d love to see you try, sweetheart.” At that Sirius freezes and does nothing. He is just standing there with a pink glow all over his face. But that doesn’t stop Remus, “And now I know what they mean, he’s a love machine-”
Sirius is running to Remus and pushing him backwards, right into the bed. They are wrestling with each other, but Remus can still read the last sentence, “Oh, Remus Lupin makes me dizzy.”
They both freeze, Sirius right on top of Remus and everyone is holding their breath. No one dares to say a thing and even Peter and James don’t move an inch.
After the most uncomfortable 30 seconds of Sirius’s life James says, “I’m so sorry Pads I didn’t know it was so personal I never meant to do that-”
“It’s fine.” He grabs the book and storms out of the room with tears in his eyes. Everything is ruined, they know his deepest secret. They all know that he loves Remus, and the saddest thing is that Remus now knows it too. He probably hates Sirius now, and is disgusted and never wants to see him again. Fucking great.
Sirius is walking very fast down the empty halls of the castle when he hears someone yell his name. “Sirius! Sirius, hold on!” He recognises it as Moony’s voice and steps faster, needing to get away. “Padfoot, just fucking wait already!”
Sirius turns around, “Why? Why do I have to wait, Remus, give me one reason!”
“Because you just left!”
“So what?! You all know my deepest secret now, do you think I wanna stay for the humiliation too?!”
“We would never humiliate you, Sirius! We never even meant to read that, we were just trying to fuck with you but we didn’t know there would be a love confession in there!”
“Yeah well there is and you now know, so if you excuse me I’m gonna drown myself in the Black Lake, goodbye.” Sirius walks furiously further away from Remus.
A few seconds later he feels a hand on his shoulder, turning him around to face Moony, who is standing very close. “Just let me talk for one bloody second.”
Sirius blows out a deep breath and closes his eyes, “Moony don’t you get it? I don’t want you to talk because I don’t want to hear the rejection. I never wanted you to know in the first place. I’m not ready to hear that you don’t feel the same way and that we are just friends. Because I will never be able to see you as a friend. Remus, you are the love of my life and I’m not ready to hear that you don’t think of me that way. It will hurt, just thinking about that already hurts, and I don’t want my heart to be broken just yet. Please Moony.”
Sirius opens his eyes again and ready to make a run for it, but Remus grabs his wrist and cups his face, “I love you, you idiot.” Sirius didn’t even get the chance to take those beautiful words before Remus is kissing him.
Remus is kissing him.
Sirius kisses him back without thinking, it felt like muscle memory was turned on. Maybe it really was, because he feels safe and home in this moment. It is like both their souls have been wanting this since the moment they were created. And in every universe they were trying to find each other, and fortunately they did find each other in this universe, in this hallway. Sirius scratches the idea of drowning himself in the lake right out of his mind, because the only thing that he is drowning in tonight is his love for the boy that is so lovely stroking his thumb along Sirius's cheek.
They break apart and Remus wastes no time in explaining, “I love you, Sirius. I have loved you ever since you first flashed that adorably Sirius Black grin at me. I love you and over all those years I never even slightly stopped. I tried, believe me, but no matter how hard I snogged other dudes, and how many times I fucked them, my mind would always make me think of you when doing so. I love you and I had no idea how to tell you, but fortunately I didn’t really need to because you did it first. Sirius and I’m really sorry that we read your note book because it was wrong. I should have never read it and definitely not out loud and I’m so sorry. But if it makes you feel even slightly better, you make me dizzy with your love too, and I would like it very much if we could make that a regular thing without hiding it from each other.”
“...You love me?”
“I love you.”
“You really love me and you aren’t saying this as a sort of prank?”
“Sirius, that would have been the most awful prank in history, and our first year pranks exist so that says a lot.”
“You feel the same as I do?”
Remus stops cupping Sirius cheek and instead grabs his hand, Sirius’s cold gold rings on his skin. “I feel like my heart is gonna explode everytime I see you. My whole face gets red when we accidentally touch. All the words I’ve ever learned disappear when you look at me, the only thought that I can put together is that I want you to be mine so badly. I know it might be hard to take all this information in all at once, but Pads I’ll give you the reassurance everytime you ask for it.”
Sirius his response is better than words, he just snogs the fuck out of Remus. His hand on his hip, softly sliding the jumper up a bit so he can feel Remus’s warm skin. The other hand cupping Moony’s neck with the most delicate touch. Sirius only pulls out of the kiss for a few seconds so he can fastly say, “I’ll be yours. I’ll be anything you want. I’m all yours please me mine too?”
“I’m all yours, sweetheart.” Sirius smiles in satisfaction, and Remus kisses the smile, it’s way too pretty to just leave uncherished. Under his lips he feels the smile only getting bigger, and his heart grows 10 sizes when he realizes it's him that Sirius is smiling about.
“If I would have known that a notebook full of pining was all it took for you to kiss me then I would have just laid that notebook open right on your pillow years ago.”
“What can I say, I’m a big slut for bad poetry,” Remus says while grinning.
Sirius dramatically takes a step backwards, “Oh! How dare you say that my writing style is bad!”
Remus his grin is only growing further when he says, “You know what they say, bad in writing, good in bed.”
Sirius blushes from head to toe, “Literally no one says that.”
“I still hope it’s true because otherwise I’m fucked.”
“You fucking cunt,” Sirius says in the most loveliest way while kissing him again.
“And I love you too.” They both laugh against each other’s mouth, drowning in each other’s affection.